March 2008

skiingI got off the lift and looked down the ski slope. It seemed steep and hostile. I’ve skied that trail before, but yesterday morning I was cold and tired and the snow under my skis felt icy. I was scared.

I told myself “this is too hard. I can’t do this.” Hesitantly, I started skiing. I skied badly, barely making it to the bottom of the hill without crashing.

Later that day, I had a lesson with my ski instructor, Paul. Paul happens to work as a clinical psychologist during the week, which is perfect for me, since I obviously have issues. So Paul and I went back to the same slope. The slope seemed as hostile as before.

Paul taught me a new skiing technique that I found quite helpful, but he did something much more important than that: he showed me the power of positive thinking. Paul told me I am a good skier. He said that it’s all in my head. That our brain can play tricks on us and cause us to perceive things in a way that has nothing to do with reality.

So, someone on the outside might look at me and think, “she’s a great skier. I wish I could ski like her” while at the same time I am thinking (or in my case, whining to my poor husband) “I am a terrible, pathetic skier. I shouldn’t be skiing at all.”

Paul patiently coached me to tell myself that I am a good skier. We used phrases like “I am in control,” “I am relaxed and fluid,” and “I can do this.”

It worked. Telling myself over and over again “I can do this” made me feel that I actually can. I conquered that slope effortlessly. Yes, I learned new techniques too, but I believe the most important part was the positive self-talk. I came back to the same trail later that day, without Paul. I got off the lift, looked down at the mountain, took a deep breath and told myself “I can do this.” And I did. It was one of my best skiing experiences ever.

Obviously, the power of positive thinking applies for areas other than skiing. Whatever challenges we face, we have a much better chance at succeeding if we believe in ourselves. It is also obvious that positive attitude will not be very helpful if we don’t have the basic skills for accomplishing something. I couldn’t ski that trail successfully if I didn’t know how to ski. But once we do have the ability to perform a difficult task, that task will go much smoother if we look at what needs to be done, tell ourselves “I can do this,” and dive right in.

Photo by Chaval Brasil

Yes, you can find cheap little black dresses that are affordable, yet flattering. Scroll down for my recommendations.

It’s cliché but it’s true: the little black dress works for almost anything, including the office (paired with a jacket), a cocktail party or a night out on the town.

You can dress it up or down with the right accessories (funky shoes and costume jewelry for a younger, more casual look; pumps and conservative jewelry for a more elegant look).

If it’s cold, you can throw a shawl over it. It’s an easy, effortless way to make sure you are never over or under-dressed.

A great little black dress doesn’t have to cost a fortune. In fact, I prefer cheap little black dresses. It’s fairly easy to look great if you pay a fortune. The trick is to look fabulous even though you spent very little. There’s an art to dressing well on a budget.

The three little black dresses shown below are gorgeous, timeless and very reasonably priced.

Isaac Mizrahi for Target Embroidered Lace Dress ($20, hand wash, sizes small to xx-large) is classic, feminine, glamorous and very flattering for any figure. It’s fitted and has wide straps and cross-over V-neck that tastefully play up the bust.

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Newport News’ Shape Control Dress ($59, hand wash) has a built-in power-mesh panty that controls the tummy and lifts the rear, and a shelf bra that supports the bust.

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This Flutter Sleeve Dress ($49.50) is perfect for the office when paired with a simple necklace and a pair of black pumps. At night, add several long necklaces and platform shoes or knee-high boots for a fresh, modern look. The full (but not too full) skirt and plunging neckline draw attention to the bust and are very forgiving if you have curvy thighs.

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An easy alternative to the little black dress is a black skirt.

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A skirt is somewhat more versatile than a dress because you can change the look by pairing it with different tops. A blouse, or a silk sleeveless top with a jacket for the office; a fitted v-neck top with a pendant necklace for going out. A-line skirts are flattering to most figures. Pencil skirts look best on thin women.

jumping-through-hoopsI’m on the phone with French Laundry – the best restaurant in Napa Valley and the only one in the Bay Area of California that managed to get 3 Michelin stars.

I am trying to make a dinner reservation for three weeks from today. The polite reservationist seems to chuckle a little at my request before she politely says, “I’m sorry, we are fully booked for that night”. I try the following night. No. Maybe lunch on that weekend? She coldly assures me that the French Laundry is fully booked, for lunch and dinner, throughout the next two months. “Would you like to get on our waiting list?”

I research a little and find out that to get a table at the French Laundry, you would need to make a reservation two months in advance and even then chances are you won’t get through to a reservationist in time to place your reservation (“you want a table at 6:30pm? Sorry, all we have left for that night is 9pm). I also learn that when the French Laundry was still accepting walk-in reservations, people actually drove 60 miles to the restaurant just to make a reservation.

Is it really worth it? Is the experience THAT good? I’ve eaten at great restaurants before, including 3 Michelin stars restaurants in France. I regularly dine at the very upscale Gary Danko in San Francisco (only 1 Michelin star, which amazed many patrons) and willingly jump through their reservation hoops, a pre-requisite to get a table there. But last time we went to Danko, my first course was a little too salty and the service, though attentive and polite, was a little rushed.

Frustrated with my French Laundry experience, I logged on to Opentable and found out that there are quite a few highly rated restaurants in Napa Valley that accept online reservations. Booking a table at one of those restaurants is a simple, straightforward process.

So for our next Napa getaway, I am going with a few of those. I heard someone say once that it’s better to dine at a 2-star restaurant on its way up than at a 3-star restaurant on its way down. For now, I am sticking with the talented chefs that are still working their way to the top.

Photo by katie cowden

vintage-tv-adIn this modern world, teaching kids about advertising is just as important as teaching them about money. It’s a valuable life lesson they need to learn, and the sooner, the better.

When my daughter saw a “Blendy Pens” commercial on TV, she was fascinated. She’s been mentioning the pens almost every single day since.

I was surprised at the power that those commercials had over her. As Lisa Tiffin writes on How To Get Rich Slowly, “while I had been dismissing commercial-watching as a mildly amusing pastime, marketers were subtly invading my home and impressing their values on my captivated and trusting children.”

A quick online research seemed to suggest that Blendy Pens may perform well in the commercial but not so well in real life. But since it was so important to her, I decided to buy the smallest set available and take this opportunity to teach my daughters about advertising.

As expected, the pens were difficult to operate, the colors didn’t blend very well and my daughter quickly lost interest in the new toy.

I thought this was a great opportunity to teach my kids about advertising. So we talked. We talked about how ads present products and services in a way that makes us want to buy them, even if we don’t really need them. We talked about the gap between a product’s performance in a commercial and the actual value that it brings you once you own it. We talked about how companies need money – our money – in order to grow. We also talked about consumerism – equating personal happiness with purchasing material possessions.

I like the way Amy from Crunchy Domestic Goddess put it in her post on freeganism – an anti-consumerism lifestyle: “what and how much do we really need to live? What void are we trying to fill as we consume and consume? Will we ever be happy?”

The Blendy Pens lesson turned out to be a valuable one. My daughters are learning to question what they see on TV. They know to be skeptical of ads and to ask themselves “is this really as good as it seems?”

The added bonus: by teaching my kids about advertising, I am re-enforcing these values in me.

Photo by Pink Ponk

woman-lifting-weightsWhen looking for summer camps or after-school activities for your daughters, consider some of the girl-empowering options out there.

Although engaging young girls in sports in general gives an important boost to their self-esteem, there are a few programs that specifically aim at making girls feel good about themselves.

A few that I like:

Rock’n’Roll Camp for Girls is a 501(c)3 non-profit that builds girls’ self-esteem through music creation and performance.

Girls on the Run is a non-profit prevention program that encourages preteen girls to develop self-respect and healthy lifestyles through running.

Empower Girls is a California-based non-profit organization with workshops on self-image for girls and women.

KidPower: though not specific to girls, this self-defense program teaches people of all ages and abilities to use their power to stay safe, act wisely, and believe in themselves.

You may also want to go with your daughter to watch the movie Girls Rock that opened in theaters yesterday, where, according to reviews, “What happens to the girls as they are given a temporary reprieve from being sexualized, analyzed and pressured to conform is truly revolutionary.”

Photo by impactmatt

international-womens-dayToday, International Women’s Day, I am thankful to all the brave women who fought so hard over the years to give women basic human and civil rights.

Today I am amazed to think that national women’s suffrage in the United States did not exist until 1920; that abortion was only legalized in 1973; and that women had to fight hard to gradually obtain the rights to higher education, to own property and to initiate divorce proceedings.

Today I am also reminded that at a UN Conference in 2001 it was stated that “in the world as a whole, women comprise 51 percent of the population, do 66 percent of the work, receive 10 percent of the income and own less than one percent of the property”.

Obviously, we still have a long way to go.

Photo by huxleyesque

Sephora no noDoes “Sephora No No” actually work?

Removing unwanted hair permanently is time-consuming and expensive. The results – even with laser – are not always as smooth or as permanent as one would hope.

So I was intrigued when a friend told me about the Sephora No!No! hair removal system.

My friend was thrilled with her results. A former daily shaver with almost-immediate stubble, she is now down to using the No No Hair Removal System once a week and feels that the amount of hair on her legs has been significantly reduced and that it grows back more slowly than before. She feels that she’s on her way to getting rid of the hair – permanently.

According to the manufacturer, Sephora No No allows you to “achieve hair density reduction at home, with no mess, no cuts, no burns, and no noise”. It is an “adaptation of professional hair removal technology into a home use product.”

A clinical study that I found online states that “The efficacy and safety of the no!no! Thermicon device for hair removal of the legs appear to be comparable to those of laser devices,” but since I wasn’t willing to pay for the full article, it’s unclear who paid for that study.

If you’ve tried removing unwanted hair with the Sephora No No hair removal system, I would love to read about it in the comments.