Why Won’t You Post Photos of Your Kids?

Posted May 9th, 2008 by MomGrind

I don’t know. I might, at some future point. But right now, I am still hesitant about exposing too much of my children’s lives.

It’s not safety that I’m concerned about. The potential exposure to non-local lunatics does not endanger children, in my opinion. I worry because my kids have no control over this exposure. Even if I asked their permission to write about them, and post their pictures on my website, and they gave it to me, would that permission really count? They are 6 and 8. They are loyal and loving and eager to please. They are not in a position to truly be aware of, and consider, all the pros and cons of online exposure.

Am I compromising my integrity as a mommyblogger when I don’t share my kids with you? Possibly. Probably. Can I still call myself a mommyblogger? Wait a minute. Maybe I can’t. Maybe I am not a mommyblogger after all. And yes, I WANT to be a mommyblogger. While others may cringe at that title, I consider it a badge of honor.

Dooce feels that although her daughter Leta will resent her in the future for exposing her on her website, it is important to share Leta with her readers because of “the good that can come from being open and honest about what it’s like to be your mother, the good for you, the good for me, and the good for other women who read what I write here and walk away feeling less alone.”

Her Bad Mother says, “I post her picture, and I seek out pictures of other children, because these photographs establish a relationship… the exposure is necessary to connection… I would lose something, we would lose something, if I kept myself and my daughter behind our fences, concealed from view.”

I love reading other mommyblogs. I love reading about other moms’ struggles and dilemmas, about their constant guilt and about those priceless moments of happiness that make it all worth it. I love seeing photos of those innocent, precious children. Dooce is right: it makes me feel less alone. Her Bad Mother is right too: it builds a connection. I love it when other moms (and dads) share their lives with me.

When Kelly of She-Power posted a photo of her kid, it made me feel a connection to her that I haven’t felt before, and I immediately subscribed to her (awesome, by the way) blog. When Chris of Wat da Wat? shared his daughters’ struggles (with her permission), my heart went out to him and to his family. When Smiling Mom wrote about her daughter’s illness, it just broke my heart to see a photo of that little girl lying listless on the sofa. I was grateful to Smiling Mom for sharing her life with me, with us. When Kelly of Don Mills Diva posted a photo of her son to illustrate why she is now focused on his appearance rather than on her own, I felt that posting that image was important. It made you GET what she was saying.

But over here, in my own little piece of bloggyland, I am quite reserved.

Of course, it is almost impossible to publish a personal blog and avoid sharing something about your kids. Even when I comment on other blogs, I share stuff - my own experiences as a mother. It is important. It is part of the conversation, of the connection. Over here, I probably share more than I ever intended to share, but right now I don’t say much about my kids, and I don’t post their pictures.

Since this is a fairly new blog, and since I am still evolving as a blogger, I don’t know what the future holds. I suspect it holds more sharing. Does it hold posting photos of my kids? I wouldn’t rule it out completely. But right now, it’s where I draw that shaky line of privacy.

17 Responses to: “Why Won’t You Post Photos of Your Kids?”

phyllis responds:
Posted: May 9th, 2008 at 4:15 am →

i think you can share your kids without sharing their photos. lots of “mombloggers” do…i don’t think it’s about integrity, i think it’s about personal choice and making sure you can sleep at night with the choices you make…
Smiling Mom responds:
Posted: May 9th, 2008 at 7:37 am →

You sound like a mom!! Protect your kids at all costs, in any way you feel necessary. As a mom I’ve found that I’m usually most afraid of the unknown, the ‘what ifs’.

Great post.

-Smiling Mom
Jill responds:
Posted: May 9th, 2008 at 7:58 am →

I think you should do what feels right to you, without explaining or apologizing. Maybe you’re a womanblogger and not a mommyblogger - so what. And if your blog evolves and you feel more comfortable discussing your smart, talented, beautiful daughters and showing them off - well then do that, but again, without apologizing.
hank responds:
Posted: May 9th, 2008 at 9:10 am →

Kinda the same scenario I am in with my identity. It’s nice to be anon sometimes, but it might fit in your realm of just MomGrind. Maybe create them avatars to use!
Computer Addict responds:
Posted: May 9th, 2008 at 9:40 am →

I wouldn’t share their photos, but I see no problem with writing about them. We do so much that involves our kids without asking them, and rightly so, since we know better.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: May 9th, 2008 at 1:21 pm →

I agree with Phyllis and Computer Addict that sharing the kids without sharing their photos might be a good way for me to ease into blogging more about my life.

@ Smiling Mom: yes, there’s a fear. I’m just not sure it’s justified.

@ Jill: but I like to please.

@ hank: I am still hoping to somehow entice you to reveal more about yourself, including a photo…
Marelisa responds:
Posted: May 9th, 2008 at 6:36 pm →

Vered: Only you know what’s right for you and your children. I think most people are so focused on the outer world that they lose touch with themselves, with their inner voice. Plus, although they say that a picture is worth more than a thousand words, the best writers can paint beautiful pictures with their words, so they don’t need to provide images. Have a nice weekend, Marelisa
Shilpan | successsoul.com responds:
Posted: May 9th, 2008 at 7:12 pm →

Vered -

You do not need to share pictures of your children. You words speak louder than picture. You are clearly conveying message to your readers and from my own experience, I do not feel that not posting picture has any bearing on me as your loyal reader.

Shilpan
Evelyn Lim | Attraction Mind Map responds:
Posted: May 9th, 2008 at 7:37 pm →

Hello Vered, your post is certainly timely. I’ve been thinking about the same issues too.

As a blogger of self help articles and sharing about my experiences with my kids, I also resist the idea of posting their photos so freely i.e. until my last post because of the nature of the topic (click link to my site if you wish). While I write about them freely, I prefer not to publish their photos especially those that are taken in awkward manner.

Yes…like you, I love it when other mom bloggers share theirs. Seeing a site filled with pictures of kids makes me smile

I guess, in the end, it is most important to do what you feel comfortable with. Maybe there’ll come a time when you find it necessary to, because of your article’s topic.

Thanks for introducing me to other mom blogs!
Evelyn
MomGrind responds:
Posted: May 9th, 2008 at 8:42 pm →

@ Marelisa: thank you for the encouraging words.

@ Shilpan: I absolutely love having you as a loyal reader.

@ Evelyn Lim: “I guess, in the end, it is most important to do what you feel comfortable with. Maybe there’ll come a time when you find it necessary to, because of your article’s topic.” Completely agree.
Kelly@SHE-POWER responds:
Posted: May 10th, 2008 at 4:18 am →

Personally I am sick of thinking “what kind of blogger am I?” Who cares whether you’re a mommy blogger or a chick blogger or a parenting blogger. I still think loyal readers come from people connecting with you as an individual, and if you write true to you and stick with it your blog will grow nicely.

Now, as for your kids and photos, I think you are completely doing the right thing because you are following your instincts. It doesn’t feel right to blog about the kids or post photos so you shouldn’t! I don’t really think there is a right or wrong way here, it’s a decision that’s as personal as the act of parenting itself.

I post the odd photo but don’t use real names and I don’t give many details out about my son. That feels okay for me. My son is only 4 and changes constantly so I don’t see the odd image as a problem. I’m not even sure why I don’t use his name, maybe that’s safety, I don’t know. My husband and son do have different names to mine so they do have a reasonable level of privacy with my blog (I have okayed everything personal I have ever written with my husband). But mostly I just use my gut and I think if you follow yours then you’ll be fine. And this blog is good reading whatever you’re doing so keep it up.

Kelly
Chris responds:
Posted: May 10th, 2008 at 9:53 pm →

I’m fortunate that my children are very supportive about my blog (my number one fans). We do have an agreement that whenever I am going to post something very personal about them that I will ask for their permission first and that if I post something that they don’t like, I will take the post down.

While I’m the main writer, editor and final decision of Wat Da Wat? I don’t have sole ownership. I long with my children and wife own my blog together because I have always maintained that what’s mine is there’s.

I’ve also been following the issue with regards to mommy bloggers blogging about their children. My take on this is that those who left negative comments regarding this issue are not really part of the community anyway, they are just passers by. The true members of the blogging community are usually understanding and kind because they know what’s going on.

So, that being said, don’t sweat it and HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY to all the mommy bloggers out there.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: May 10th, 2008 at 11:23 pm →

@ Kelly: Thank you for your encouraging words. I do doubt myself, a lot (isn’t that a favorite female pastime?). Maybe I should learn to just follow my gut, like you do.
“I don’t really think there is a right or wrong way here, it’s a decision that’s as personal as the act of parenting itself” – I completely agree.

@ Chris: I think it’s great that you are making your family a part of your blog.
I agree that the negative comments were made by people outside of the blogging community. There seems to be a double standard: after the infamous Dooce interview on the Today Show, many bloggers pointed out that Kathie Lee Gifford raised the question of exposing one’s kids in a blog, when she never hesitated to expose her own kids on national television.
My Name Is Vered, And I’m a Mommyblogger Wannabe - MomGrind responds:
Posted: May 12th, 2008 at 4:04 am →

[…] Friday’s little discussion, it occurred to me that just like Denise, I love mommybloggers, and want to be a mommyblogger, but […]
Bonnie responds:
Posted: May 12th, 2008 at 9:26 am →

I have been thinking about the same question. At first, I didn’t mind posting his pics. But, as readership increases, I seem to keep rethinking it to ask myself if I still want to do it. I’m not sure. But your post made me think about it even more! Thanks for a great post!
c gonzales responds:
Posted: May 14th, 2008 at 1:32 am →

This was a dilemma when I started blogging. But after awhile, I decided to post her photos. I still don’t know if I did the right thing. You don’t have to do it if you’re not comfortable. You can still talk about your kids and not share their photos.
Sarah responds:
Posted: May 30th, 2008 at 5:24 pm →

I am totally where you’re at. I used to blog a personal blog and I did occasionally post photos of my kids there. I plan to relaunch that one again soon, but my gut tells me not reveal too much about my kids - esp photos, and I always go with my gut, so…

Great post, Vered! I am liking your blog.

MomGrind
Why Won’t You Post Photos of Your Kids?