Sexism, Facebook Edition: Is This Image Truly Harmless?
This lovely graffiti was forwarded to my Facebook account countless times. I deleted most of them. It’s one of several notorious Facebook chain letters and spam messages that just keep endlessly circulating in that contained little universe.
When a guy spams his entire friend list with this, I can take it as another proof that men are childish.
But when a woman hits forward, instead of deleting something like this right away, it makes me a little sad, and it also makes me wonder, what causes women to accept an image like this as entertaining, or worth sharing, or even remotely acceptable.
A female friend told me yesterday, when we talked about it, that feminism apparently caused me to entirely lose my sense of humor. She thinks it’s a harmless, entertaining image and can’t see what’s so wrong with forwarding it. I think it’s sexist, demeaning and offensive. I have yet to see a similar graffiti, portraying a man in a comparable position, being mass-forwarded to thousands of Facebook accounts.
What do you think? Have I lost my sense of humor? Is this completely harmless?
Filed under Women & Feminism —
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phyllis responds:
Posted: May 16th, 2008 at 6:03 am →
it really bugs me when people tell me that feminists can’t have a sense of humor.
that is definitely inappropriate, it has no humor. why does this garbage continue to float around with otherwise relatively intelligent people?! i just don’t get it.
Suzie responds:
Posted: May 16th, 2008 at 6:09 am →
How annoying
Chris responds:
Posted: May 16th, 2008 at 7:01 am →
This is not about having a sense of humor, this is about having sense. Let’s just hope that whom ever started this doesn’t have or won’t have a daughter because what goes around comes around.
Jill responds:
Posted: May 16th, 2008 at 7:41 am →
Curious to know which female friend was OK with this.
Carla Alvarez responds:
Posted: May 16th, 2008 at 7:56 am →
The fact that men think it is acceptable is proof that they have been conditioned to devalue women.
The fact that women think it is okay is proof that we have been conditioned to devalue ourselves.
If that was a picture of a child, would they still have the same opinion? Demeaning is demeaning no matter who the actions are regarding.
I had one person put a picture like that on my wall. I removed the picture from my wall and the person from my friend list.
Ann responds:
Posted: May 16th, 2008 at 12:26 pm →
There’s nothing funny about the image, so where does humor come into it?
MomGrind responds:
Posted: May 16th, 2008 at 1:10 pm →
@ phyllis: I don’t get it either. And so many people forward it – it’s amazing.
@ Chris: I often wonder how these men manage to hold on to that dichotomy between their mothers, and daughters, and possibly wives, and women in general.
@ Jill: I emailed you.
@ Carla: this is very true. I didn’t go as far as removing them from my friends list, but I was annoyed with them for not THINKING before they hit forward.
@ Ann: I agree!
Evelyn Lim | Attraction Mind Map responds:
Posted: May 16th, 2008 at 10:40 pm →
I hope I am not one of those who have hit the button “send” (in which case, it would have been made by accident) because I totally agree with what you say. It’s not about losing sense of humor. There is tasteful humor and those that are not. You don’t want to promote those that can be potentially offensive. I’d be appalled if my kids forward these kind of images.
Go ahead and trash these images!
Evelyn
Tim Brownson responds:
Posted: May 17th, 2008 at 7:21 am →
I feel compelled to offer a guys perspective because it’s a bit one-sided otherwise.
Firstly, let me say I am 100% in favor of equality in every shape and form, be it for women, older people, handicapped people (physically and mentally), kids and even the French. As far as I’m concerned nobody is better, nobody is worse, we’re just all unique.
Is the cartoon above funny? Well it didn’t make me laugh, but then again I have a very weird sense of humor and some stuff like that goes over my head completely.
There is one main issue that I will fight tooth and nail here and it’s this. Nothing is offensive, nothing is demeaning and nothing is disgusting unless you allow it to be. To take offense is a personal choice because by definition, if another person doesn’t take offense then it can’t be the event itself that causes it.
Too many people (and I’m not meaning anybody here) walk around looking to be offended and outraged. Good for them because they’ll never be disappointed as there’s always something to be outraged about. Ok, so they may miss all the good stuff whilst they’re stuck in that state, but as long as they are righting the world, a world purely based on thier values I may add, then that’s fine.
As an addendum to that. I have recently written a free e-book based on beliefs and values. It took me 3 weeks to write and it has some of the best stuff I do with clients in it. Best of all, it’s FREE. You’d think that would be ok for people. I have a very tongue in cheek style of writing and on the download landing page made this comment:
“My style of writing is light-hearted, so if you like to stroke your chin a lot and think laughter is for fools then stop reading now and go and buy yourself a copy of James Joyce’s ‘Ulysses’. That will keep you busy for a month or two.”
I had an abusive e-mail from one lady telling me that I was ’snarky’ (whatever that means) and a complete turn off and another from a guy that told me Ulysses was a very funny book and I should go and read it So what? I was just trying to make sure people understood it wasn’t written in an academic style. Ok, maybe I didn’t word it well, but c’mon, was that really enough to fire off an e-mail of annoyance?
This has been a bit of a ramble, but I’d just say delete the crap, move on and save any real indignation for stuff you can influence not morons that write/draw stuff like that.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: May 17th, 2008 at 8:05 am →
@ Evelyn: I’m sure many forwarded this without giving it much thought… just because it says to forward and they were curious to see what happens.
@ Tim: it’s good to have a guy’s perspective, and especially a unique one like yours. I get what you say about walking around looking to be offended. I like to think that normally I don’t do that. But feminism is a big issue for me, and I do think that in a patriarchal society, there are plenty of offensive messages, whether you’re actively looking for them or not. Good luck with the e-book and with the business. I really like your snarky style.
Cat Osbourne responds:
Posted: May 17th, 2008 at 9:01 am →
I can’t find the words for this. Feminism brought us so far, but at the same time, getting our “panties” in a wad over every little thing puts us right back at the beginning. We kill immature ideas like the ones in the illustration with education, not outrage. Sure, be mad at it…but what does it really accomplish in the end? Things like this, I brush off and explain to my oldest son how it is simply childish humor and that people will get mad at anything. They really get mad if they can hide behind the anonymity of the computer or newspaper…
My name is Amanda Swenson. I live in Cochran, GA. Cat is a pseudonym I use to register for stuff until I’m sure I like it enough to drop it. I am no longer anonymous because I’m not afraid.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: May 17th, 2008 at 9:11 am →
@ Cat: Very nice to meet you, Amanda.
You know, I have two girls, ages 6 and 8. They saw this image on my Facebook page and asked me about it. This is what prompted this post. They wanted to know what the woman in the image was doing and why is she naked. What do I tell them? I chose to tell them it’s just a “grownup joke”, and that got me thinking about whether it IS just a joke that I can brush off, or whether it’s something more serious than that.
Marelisa responds:
Posted: May 17th, 2008 at 10:32 am →
I think the cartoon is stupid and childish, but I agree with Tim that nothing is demeaning unless you allow it to be. I got not one, but two comments on my blog (both from the same person), saying some really awful things about my last post and about me (and using a lot of the “f” word). I immediately got an image in my head of what the person who posted those comments must be like, and I actually felt sorry for them. Then I just deleted the comments.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: May 18th, 2008 at 9:51 am →
@ Marelisa: Wow. I need to find a way to turn this comment of yours into a post. It is so inspiring to me. I moderate all first-time commentators and have a blacklist of words that, when appear in a comment, the comment is blocked. That helps with comments. But I did receive a couple of bad emails so far, and I must admit I am having a hard time with those. I LOVE the way you are dealing with it, and I must say - I can’t believe that anyone could say anything negative about your last post. I consider it a masterpiece.
Robin responds:
Posted: May 19th, 2008 at 12:10 am →
I don’t think it’s harmless.
Facebook can make it really hard to know what’s going on. My partner received some tasteless thing or other and before he knew it he had forwarded it to everyone in his group - and then he wrote to them all to tell them it was an accident. He was pretty annoyed.
Blogging: Not All Comments Are Welcome - MomGrind responds:
Posted: May 19th, 2008 at 4:10 am →
[…] to always agree with me. As long as the tone is respecting, and no personal attacks are made, comments that challenge me to re-think what I said, and commentators like Amanda (Cat), Tim and Marelisa, who are not afraid to […]
MomGrind responds:
Posted: May 19th, 2008 at 7:48 am →
@ Robin: I agree. It’s a big problem over at Facebook - some applications make you spam your entire friends list without even realizing it.
magpie responds:
Posted: May 19th, 2008 at 3:58 pm →
Not harmless at all.
Michelle responds:
Posted: May 20th, 2008 at 8:34 am →
I hate getting those funwall spam forwards too! Whether it’s offensive or not it’s just unnecessary garbage. It’s like, we have this amazing technology that connects us to people around the globe and we use it for what? Fart jokes and naked lady drawings. Sweet.
Bruce Bullis responds:
Posted: May 20th, 2008 at 9:32 am →
When a guy spams his entire friend list with this, I can take it as another proof that men are childish.
When a woman makes sweeping generalizations about half the human race, I can take that as another proof that women are no better than men.
Sexism works both ways. Don’t like it? Don’t do it.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: May 20th, 2008 at 10:06 am →
@ Bruce: I like your username.
You do have a point. And it is actually my opinion that women are not better than men, just different. However, historically and statistically, don’t you think that women are the “half the human race” that tends to be abused, silenced and USED?
Robin responds:
Posted: May 23rd, 2008 at 12:28 am →
Hi Vered - I remembered just after I posted the comment a few comments above that it was actually that same image that my partner got and sent on without realizing it at first.
kris responds:
Posted: May 23rd, 2008 at 6:34 pm →
I think that being a ‘feminist’ is just a state of mind as anything else is. Anyone can take offense against this if they let themselves, just as Christians take offense from someone cursing ‘Jesus Christ!’ In my opinion this is just a bad drawing, and thats it. I didnt even think further into it than that until I read on and saw it was apparently a hot topic. Yes, some girls choose to be hookers, but everyone knows that one image doesnt portray all girls. I’m not like that and I am sure the majority of girls arent. And yes there are not as much images of men as there are of females doing stuff like this but lets face it, females have a much more beautiful body then men do with much more curves and such…and thats coming from a girl. So anyways to answer your question yes I think your being too serious about this image. Look at it for what it is, spam. Lets move on.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: May 23rd, 2008 at 7:14 pm →
@ Robin: well… it was an accident.
@ kris: “Look at it for what it is, spam. Lets move on.” Agreed.