Please Don’t Call Me “Anorexic”
Photo credit: bloomsberries
I was seriously dismayed last night, when a waitress told me with a smile, “you should order dessert, sweetie. You look like an anorexic“.
This is not the first time someone has referred to me as an anorexic, and frankly, I am fed up with that.
You see, this poor woman is anorexic:
Photo credit: Alexialscariot
This woman (yes, that would be me) is very thin, which is different than, and NOT interchangeable with, anorexic:
I don’t mind people telling me I’m “too thin”, although my doctor weighs me in annually and I am NOT medically underweight (my BMI is 19 which is in the normal range, and especially so since I have a small frame). I freely admit that forgetting to eat when I’m busy, and losing my appetite when I’m stressed, are not the best habits, but I am working on that. Whatever issues well-meaning people have with my weight, I DO mind being called anorexic.
Anorexia Nervosa is a serious, life-threatening mental illness. Slapping the label “anorexic” on all thin women is a serious disservice to anorexics because it dilutes the meaning of the term and makes people think that anorexics are just excessively thin. That all they need is to eat more, and all will be well. They are not, and they cannot. Anorexics are SICK, and in most cases, they need professional help in order to get better.
As for the fashion model in the photo, it seems obvious that she is keeping her weight artificially low, and who knows how exactly she does that. The average runway model is estimated to be 5 feet 9 inches tall and to weigh in at 110 lbs., resulting in a BMI of just 16, which is considered severely underweight. I am in full support of banning underweight models from fashion shows and am outraged by the fashion industry’s promotion of emaciated models as beauty ideals. But while this woman probably suffers from some kind of disordered eating, can we automatically label her as “anorexic”? I would be very careful with that.
The waitress was friendly and well-meaning. She did a great job serving us and received a generous tip. But by making such light use of such a serious word, she insulted not only me, but every woman who struggles with one of the most serious, dangerous eating disorders known.
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Jill responds:
Posted: May 27th, 2008 at 6:18 am →
There’s a big difference between the way you look and the way that model look. I’m not sure I would be careful not to call HER anorexic.
JEMi | Tips for Life, Love, You responds:
Posted: May 27th, 2008 at 6:22 am →
You are beautiful you know that? You knew that
I’m saying it anyway.
Sometimes people say things without thinking.. they mean well but.. yeaaahh
Like this one time.. I must have been 45 lbs lighter than I am not and yet on the lunch line and the hospital I was interning at, the cashier said excitedly “Are you PREGNANT! You have that glow! You look it! Even your nose!”
I could have been mortified. I didn’t have a pouch - not that I knew of. She meant well- she was warm and glowing with happiness. Until I told her I wasnt.
NOT the same thing of course but I know where you’re coming from. And yes that isn’t a term to slap on people..
I dont think its appropriate as a stranger to make such an unsolicited comment even IF the person is anorexic.
Thats like when people say “You’ve gained weight” as though you gave your own eyes away for Christmas.
Suzie responds:
Posted: May 27th, 2008 at 6:44 am →
It is a terrible desease. I hope you didn’t let that get you down and had a nice meal. People talk a lot without thinking.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: May 27th, 2008 at 7:30 am →
@ Jill: yes, there’s a difference, and many models suffer from eating disorders, but I still think it’s a mistake to automatically label all models as anorexics.
@ JEMi: beautiful is a strong word… but thank you. You are too, but you already know that.
People do blurt out stuff without thinking. Your story is quite amazing. I’m sure you were both mortified!
@ Suzie: you know, when she said that, it just felt like a slap on the face. I was shocked. And she had no idea she made me feel that way. But we did have a nice dinner, and a good weekend.
jodifur responds:
Posted: May 27th, 2008 at 8:40 am →
wow, I could not agree with more.
Thanks for your comment on jodifur!
zoe responds:
Posted: May 27th, 2008 at 8:50 am →
Boy am I with you on this issue. I think so many people are obsessed with weight loss and becoming thin they don’t consider that they are insulting you by pointing out your thinness. It would be nice if people realzed that there are a range of body shapes and sized and range of healthy weight. I think some people are blinded by their own struggle with weight that they forget there are people in this world who are just naturally thin.
What also bothers me, is being made to feel guilty for being thin. I guess people think it’s a compliment to say, “god I hate skinny people like you…” My genetic make up is no more my fault than their’s is. I’m sorry that I am naturally thin, I wish everyone who wanted to be was. And it is not to say that I don’t understand the issues of body image and the pain surrounding it. I live with someone who struggles constantly, and it makes me so sad to see that she doesn’t see how beautiful she is just they way she is.
Chris responds:
Posted: May 27th, 2008 at 9:32 am →
Well, this is pretty much a testament to our societies focus on the extremes. You’re either fat or anorexic. You’re smart or dumb. You’re conservative or liberal. We tend to forget that a lot of people fall in the middle.
BTW! You’re HOT!
Pinay Jade responds:
Posted: May 27th, 2008 at 10:20 am →
People nowadays are getting more insensitive….Sometimes people just say anything to sell.
Grrr!!!
theramblinghousewife responds:
Posted: May 27th, 2008 at 11:14 am →
I feel bad for really thin people because there is a double-standard.
(O.K.–I don’t feel all that bad for thin people, because I REALLY wish I were thin! :).)
But . . .You would never walk up to a heavy person and say . ..”You know, you really shouldn’t order dessert, because you’re too big.”
Complete and total double-standard.
Claire responds:
Posted: May 27th, 2008 at 11:41 am →
I think another major problem with the “you look anorexic” comments is that they reinforce the idea that eating disorders are visible, when most people who suffer from disordered eating and full-blown eating disorders do not necessarily experience the dramatic weight loss that severe anorexics do. When eating disorders are covered in the media, we usually get pictures of extremely emaciated women, but the truth is that eating disorders come in all shapes and sizes. Bulimics are often normal weight and binge eaters are often overweight. The bottom line is that a person’s size may are may not be a surface sign of an eating disorder, but eating disorders are not really about food and weight anyway. As Vered pointed out, they are complex psychological illnesses with complex causes. We can’t tell what someone is experiencing just by sizing her/him up.
phyllis responds:
Posted: May 27th, 2008 at 11:58 am →
this is an excellent post and an excellent reminder to be careful about what we say and how we “diagnose” ourselves and others, especially complete strangers! (and so often we mis- or over-use terms like “anorexic” “obsessed” etc…these are real and very scary diagnoses that we often make light of by overusing the terms, don’t you think?)
YOU are gorgeous!
phain responds:
Posted: May 27th, 2008 at 12:39 pm →
there was a time (definatley.not.now) that i was the thin woman everyone wanted to shove in front of a plate of cheeseburgers. and it ticked me off to no end that people were all sorts of concerned with my weight and health. i once went off on this one lady (not a stranger btw) when she expressed her “concern.” i asked her, “where was your concern when i weighed over 200 lbs? why were you not coming up to me THEN to say ‘phain we’re worried that you’re gaining too much weight’ when now you have no problems telling me how concerned you are that i’ve lost that weight?” it’s a complete double standard - it’s much easier to tell someone they are too thin - not so easy to tell someone they are too fat.
lizriz responds:
Posted: May 27th, 2008 at 12:48 pm →
Seriously, how rude!
MomGrind responds:
Posted: May 27th, 2008 at 12:50 pm →
@ zoe: You know, I expected to receive very few comments on this post. It seems like most people around me struggle to lose weight, so I figured people would read this and go “ha? I have nothing to say to her, she’s a lunatic, how can she complain about being thin”. I’m really grateful that people are responding, and I’m especially grateful that you get it. The reality is, when you’re thin, you DO get criticized, and it IS difficult to get all those negative comments.
I think what I would really want is for everyone to just accept themselves as they are. Assuming a person is not dangerously underweight or overweight, we are all beautiful – all shapes and sizes. “it makes me so sad to see that she doesn’t see how beautiful she is just they way she is.” – so many of my real life friends are going through the same thing, and they are all so BEAUTIFUL, yet they hate themselves in a way that is sometimes really scary.
@ Chris: I agree about society’s tendency to focus on extremes and ignore everything in the middle. But I guess “normal” or “average” is not as interesting. Shrug. And Chris! You totally made me BLUSH! It’s a very good thing I can safely hide behind my computer screen.
@ Pinay Jade: I know. She was just trying to sell me dessert. She wasn’t really thinking about the way her little sales pitch came across.
@ Rambling Housewife: I’m so glad you found me, because now I found you and your blog. You write beautifully. “You would never walk up to a heavy person and say…”You know, you really shouldn’t order dessert, because you’re too big”. EXACTLY!!!!
@ Claire: thank you for pointing this out. I wasn’t aware that you can’t really tell by looking at a person if they have an eating disorder, but of course, you can’t.
@ phyllis: exactly – it really irked me that she took the freedom to diagnose me, a complete stranger. And what if I HAD an eating disorder? That would make me feel even worse. She had no right to do that. And… thank you. I’ve been getting the “too skinny” comments quite often lately, even though I don’t think I’ve lost any weight. It’s difficult to feel good about yourself when people keep criticizing you.
@ phain: “it’s much easier to tell someone they are too thin - not so easy to tell someone they are too fat”. I think it’s very true. People need to realize that when a thin person gets constant “you’re too thin” comments, it is just as bad for a person’s self esteem as those “you’re too fat” messages that are usually left unsaid.
@ Liz: You know what? You’re right. It was just plain RUDE.
Sara responds:
Posted: May 27th, 2008 at 1:09 pm →
Ditto a million times over. I used to get that a lot. It was always disturbing to see anorexia so minimized, as you discussed. It was also disconcerting having strangers imply that I have a disorder and assume that I was thin because I made terrible eating decisions. It made me really defensive and it was annoying to feel judged regarding my body.
And hey, thanks for Stumbling my post about my beloved dog! (I finally realized what that little conversation bubble button did. Took me long enough…)
Becky responds:
Posted: May 27th, 2008 at 1:15 pm →
That’s pretty horrifying that someone would call you that. I mean, would you yell at an obviously overweight person who ordered a double cheeseburger? *I* wouldn’t.
That said, I’ve gotten flack for calling myself OCD about certain things, like I’m flinging that term around with abandon and mocking people with it. Which you know I don’t do.
People never cease to amaze me.
Stephanie responds:
Posted: May 27th, 2008 at 2:20 pm →
I used to get that all the time in college. My coworkers used to threaten to force feed me 1000 calorie shakes. I didn’t find it all that amusing.
These days I’m not quite that thin, but still in good shape. Having babies does that to a body. I’d still be annoyed to get either the fat or the anorexic label. I’m healthy, folks. Not a model who needs to keep things perfect, but an active mom.
Too many strangers are much too presumptuous.
Ann responds:
Posted: May 27th, 2008 at 4:03 pm →
Vered, her comment is inappropriate on so many levels, it’s hard to know where to start.
But many people seem to think it’s okay to touch you when you’re pregnant, ask you if your children are adopted or even worse, “where did you get them?” in front of the kids, etc. etc.
I wanted to let you and your readers know about an organization called National Eating Disorders Association (www.NationalEatingDisorders.org) and this month’s newsletter talks about men and eating disorders - very interesting.
Ann
MomGrind responds:
Posted: May 27th, 2008 at 4:52 pm →
@ Sara: “it was annoying to feel judged regarding my body.” – this is exactly how I feel. Was happy to stumble – it was a great post.
@ Becky: “I mean, would you yell at an obviously overweight person who ordered a double cheeseburger? *I* wouldn’t.” I like to think that I wouldn’t either!
@ Stephanie: “I’m healthy, folks. Not a model who needs to keep things perfect, but an active mom.” I LOVE this attitude.
@ Ann: thank you very much. I wasn’t familiar with that organization.
Zandria responds:
Posted: May 27th, 2008 at 6:20 pm →
You’re absolutely right about this, Vered. It’s nobody’s business if you’re thin, and random waitresses shouldn’t be going around accusing you of being anorexic. She wouldn’t tell an overweight woman NOT to order the dessert, would she? I think not…
Marelisa responds:
Posted: May 27th, 2008 at 7:53 pm →
I think you look fit, actually. What amazes me is how much everyone is into everybody else’s business. If you had a mental disease that made you starve yourself, would a waitress you’ve never seen before in your life be able to convince you to eat something fattening? I think people should take a stand and not buy clothes by designers that force their models to be so thin that they literally die (there were a few cases of models dying last years), but if I saw a woman who was stick thin I would never walk up and say something rude to her.
Shilpan | successsoul.com responds:
Posted: May 27th, 2008 at 8:36 pm →
Vered -
I agree with Chris that in our society, we tend to put everything in two buckets - right and left.
It is crazy to even think remotely about think = anorexic. Also, I tend to look for verbal blunders and she made another blunder by saying “sweetie” to you. That is very mean.
I’d say that you have a big heart. Please forgive her..
Shilpan
Andre Kibbe responds:
Posted: May 27th, 2008 at 11:43 pm →
Using a word like “anorexic” to describe someone not pathologically thin seems to reflect a larger problem with society’s looseness with language. Possibly because we’re influenced by the dynamics that drive the language of advertising, moderate adjectives and adverbs are unfashionable. Something is no longer good, it’s awesome. The affirmative answer to a yes/no question is absolutely. A certain purveyor of coffee terms its small- and medium-size drinks tall and grande.
Unfortunately the competitive streak isn’t limited to language. If thin models are beautiful, thinner models must be more beautiful — an escalation that will likely end in “anorexic” losing its pejorative connotation. Let’s hope with never hear “anorexia is cool.”
Robin responds:
Posted: May 28th, 2008 at 12:27 am →
Good heavens - what a weird thing for the waitress to say (maybe she’s jealous?), and what strange photos (except for you, of course!) I think your points are all great, Vered (and thanks for leaving such a lovely comment on my blog!) - Robin
Mindy responds:
Posted: May 28th, 2008 at 3:24 am →
Oy. I hate it when strangers feel the need to comment on a person’s looks. Unfortunately, we fatties DO get the nasty remarks, or diet soda replaced for regular soda, things like that — or getting nasty things said to us when we walk by. I’m sure your waitress didn’t mean anything by it, but that was really a thoughtless comment. When I saw your picture, I figured you were naturally thin. Lots of people are naturally thin, and I wish people would get that. I also wish that some of my fellow *ahem* women of large proportion
would realize that trying to make thin people the enemy isn’t right. We all have our issues. People my size (16/18) sometimes assume that thin people have it all easy and have no issues with their bodies or don’t get nasty comments. It’s just not true. I know other thin people who have gotten the “anorexic” comment, and I know many who see flaws on their bodies.
Sorry for the ramble. I just wish we could all accept our bodies and each other for what we are, rather than throwing out those little digs at people about being anorexic or assuming they eat six rotisserie chickens a day. Ha! Saw that bit about the chickens in a blog somewhere. It’s amazing how much work I can get done in a day while eating six chickens each day. My grocery bill is enormous!
Evelyn Lim | Attraction Mind Map responds:
Posted: May 28th, 2008 at 6:10 am →
Hello Vered,
You do look somewhat thin but from what you say, far from being anorexic. Anorexia is about the state of mind and you will know if you are mentally sick or not. Not feeling hungry when there is too much to do is perfectly normal. For most parts of my life, I have been underweight too. But I know for sure that I have never had anorexia.
In my opinion, you look GREAT!
Evelyn
Don Mills Diva responds:
Posted: May 28th, 2008 at 8:15 am →
I don’t blame you for being upset and I think you were way more charitable with the waitress than I would have been. First of all - don’t call me sweetie and second…well you covered second…
ironman responds:
Posted: May 28th, 2008 at 8:39 am →
You are a beautiful woman. She was out of line. Was she overweight?
Must feel good to have all of us come over here and tell you how great you look.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: May 28th, 2008 at 9:04 am →
@ Zandria: “She wouldn’t tell an overweight woman NOT to order the dessert, would she? I think not”. Exactly!
@ Marelisa: I’ve been thinking a lot about what I can do to make a change. I do buy designer stuff sometimes. When the waitress incident happened, I just knew I had to blog about it. It’s one way to help raise awareness.
@ Shilpan: it didn’t even occur to me that she shouldn’t have said “sweetie”. You are right: she was just being mean. I did forgive…
@ Andre: I love your comments. You always make me think. Agree on society’s looseness with language – haven’t thought about it – I do use “awesome” and “great” a lot! Also “you can never be too rich or too thin” – that’s a dangerous way of thinking.
@ Robin: the photo of the anorexic woman – I wasn’t sure if I wanted to put it up here, but I needed to make a point. It’s horrible. I wonder if she is still alive.
@ Mindy: oh, trust me, thin people have issues. I have issues, for sure.
six rotisserie chickens a day? People say the weirdest things.
@ Evelyn: thank you.
A friend who read this post yesterday called me to say, that while I sometimes forget to eat, I never forget to exercise. She thinks I need to pay more attention to how much I eat when I’m stressed. I normally eat quite a lot without gaining weight b/c I have a lot of muscle, but when life becomes stressful, I do tend to lose my appetite. I can’t argue with what she said – it’s true – but again, this is very different than being accused of having a deadly eating disorder.
@ Don Mills Diva: yes, calling me “sweetie”… I didn’t even realize she did that, or how offensive it was – I was completely focused on her labeling me anorexic.
@ ironman: I don’t think she was overweight. I don’t know. She looked normal. I wasn’t really paying attention to how she looked.
You know, my husband teased me endlessly yesterday about how everyone is saying that I look good and how the entire purpose of this post was to get you guys to say that about me. I actually thought about it, and came to the conclusion that yes, part of me was just plain hurt by being labeled anorexic and yes, I wanted to be reassured that I don’t look that bad. But the main reason I posted this was that I felt attacked by that waitress and just needed to talk about it over here. It helped to talk about it, and it really helped to get your perspective on it.
CharlesP responds:
Posted: May 28th, 2008 at 9:21 am →
New here, found you via one of your comments on zenhabits.
OK, playing devils advocate here, though the thesis statement of “show discretion when labeling” (and its corollary “don’t water down a diagnosis by trivializing it”) is certainly one with which I agree.
A few points for the sake of a good discussion:
A) In a large percentage of the times this waitress has used this line the person is more likely to be flattered that somebody thinks they’re thin, than they are offended that somebody thinks they look too thin. Flattering your customers, however ineptly, is probably a good way to increase your tips and job security as a waitress.
B) The waitress in question did say you “look like an anorexic” and didn’t in fact accuse you of being one. This is a fine point, but if we are going to complain about an imprecise use of the language it would behoove the discussion if the language was being precisely interpreted. After a couple cups of coffee coupled with my “talking with my hands” propensity it would be an accurate description that I “look like a lunatic”, even if I’m not one (which may or may not be up for debate). I have a default stern looking face, and it would probably not be unreasonable for a waitress to say “you look tense, why don’t I bring you a glass of wine”, even if I’m not tense. Our brains are wired to make comparisons and judgments based on those and this could be all the waitress was doing.
C) It could also have been a slip on her part, as she may have had an eating disorder at some point and sees your thinness and associates that with anorexia. I know people now who would take “you look anorexic” as a compliment due to their past struggles with food. I’ve also had friends with eating disorders who were about your size at the time, so saying you “look like an anorexic” may also have just been a comparison to her experience. (I think I just made the same point in B & C… hmmm).
D) pop-culture-ification (how’s that for a made up word from the guy just talking about precise language?) to mental/medical conditions is certainly not limited to anorexia. How many times do we talk about people being OCD, or ADD, or Aspergers (this may have something to do with working in IT and the circle of my nerdy acquaintance, but I think it’s fairly universal) without it being a valid clinical diagnosis? (Though I won’t get into how many of those are IMHO somewhat making a “condition” out of what in previous decades would’ve been a “personality.”) I’m not sure what the long term effect of these things are, except maybe for the medical profession to come up with new terms for diagnosis to overcome this “weakening.”
E) I’ve largely run out of points, but I will say that as somebody who was 6′2″+ and 145lbs at one point (in high-school, and 155 or so in my early 20s) that even as a guy I got the anorexia comments. Of course this weekend when I ran into a friend I hadn’t seen in 6-7 years (and 60 lbs (on me)) his first comment was “You’ve put on a LOT of WEIGHT!”, which is certainly true (I’m at about 240 now)… so the anorexia comments won’t be an issue for me anymore.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: May 28th, 2008 at 3:29 pm →
@ Charles: wow. I think you take me more seriously than I take myself. Thank you so much for your visit. To your points:
A) “the person is more likely to be flattered that somebody thinks they’re thin” – see, I disagree with you here. When people keep telling you that you are too thin, it doesn’t feel like a compliment anymore.
B) OK, I agree with this one.
C) “ I’ve also had friends with eating disorders who were about your size at the time” – I’ll refer to Claire, who pointed out that in most cases you can’t tell if a person has an eating disorder by looking at them.
D) pop-culture-ification to mental/medical conditions is certainly not limited to anorexia. This is true. I have a friend who refers to herself as having OCD, although she is likely very normal and certainly was never formally diagnosed. “Though I won’t get into how many of those are IMHO somewhat making a “condition” out of what in previous decades would’ve been a “personality” – completely agree.
E) “even as a guy I got the anorexia comments” – I’m sure guys get those too, although I am willing to bet that no one EVER called you “sweetie”.
Lia responds:
Posted: May 29th, 2008 at 10:44 pm →
I will admit that I have said something like that to a friend that is so skinny. I guess I never really thought about how it would hurt to the core. Food for thought.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: May 30th, 2008 at 10:11 am →
Thanks Lia. I know you meant well, and that you never meant to hurt your friend.
Abundance Blog at » Blog Archive » Share the Love Friday at Marelisa Online - Abundance Blog responds:
Posted: May 30th, 2008 at 3:24 pm →
[…] across even on a computer monitor, talks about how quick people are to label others in her post “Please Use Discretion When Slapping the Word Anorexic on Someone” at […]
Emily responds:
Posted: May 30th, 2008 at 6:11 pm →
Great post. I was anorexic for years so I am very sensitive to the topic. I am also, currently, 5′11″ tall and 117 lbs. While many may think I am “too thin”, I eat healthy and am nowhere near anorexic, seeing as I know what anorexic is. I don’t starve myself and try to burn off the 300 calories I ate today. I enjoy food, I eat well, and am genetically thin, just as I was before I was anorexic. It isn’t about weight, size or anything other than control and mental illness when you are anorexic so I know how offensive it is to be called it. I get told today to “eat a big mac” and find even that offensive, as if it is okay to tell someone they are thin while you’d never walk around and tell someone overweight to “eat more salad”. Anyway, I am rambling. Thank you for putting this out there and making it a topic of discussion so others can try to understand what it’s like to be thin and ridiculed for it when that thin is perfectly healthy.
J.D. Meier responds:
Posted: May 30th, 2008 at 10:31 pm →
I’m glad she was friendly and well meaning. Good service is hard to find.
I think unsolicited advice has a low success rate to begin with. I bet insults have an even lower batting average.
CharlesP responds:
Posted: May 31st, 2008 at 6:01 am →
Re Re to you responses to my points
A) I was thinking along the lines of statistically speaking most of her customers wouldn’t actually BE very thin and get it a lot already. So if she uses it regularly on most “not obese” customers it would usually be “flattering”…
C) No you certainly can’t, but we do tend to classify people based on experience and stereotypes. So when Anorexia is brought up in the news the examples you usually see are those who have gotten so thin as to be dangerous (Karen Carpenter, etc), so it’s an “understandable” stereotype of “anorexic = very thin” even if “very thin != anorexic” (!= being programmer for “does not equal”)
E) Actually… living in the south a large percentage of waitresses refer to everybody as “sweetie” or “honey”
MomGrind responds:
Posted: May 31st, 2008 at 12:05 pm →
@ Emily: “I enjoy food, I eat well, and am genetically thin, just as I was before I was anorexic. It isn’t about weight, size or anything other than control and mental illness when you are anorexic”. I don’t have anything to add. You said it SO WELL.
@ J.D.: lol @ “I think unsolicited advice has a low success rate to begin with. I bet insults have an even lower batting average” and I absolutely agree.
@ Charles: that’s part of the southern charm… but addressing people this way is very rare here in Northern California.
Kelly@SHE-POWER responds:
Posted: June 1st, 2008 at 9:47 am →
Hi Vered
Have a spot of of wi-fi access so thought I’d say a quick hello and comment on this post. It really annoys me that anyone feels it is appropriate to comment on the way people look, let alone label them as suffering from a serious disease. The word “anorexia” is definitely too tossed around nowadays and I think many people don’t get what it is about. It’s psychological more than physical and unless you treat the mind and emotions that make someone control their intake of food to this extreme they cannot be helped. I had a close friend at school who was anorexic and was hospitalized right at the time she was supposed to be doing her final exams and celebrating at her school formal. I was always amazed at the time that so many kids in our year said, “Well, she’s kinda thin, but hardly anorexic looking. Ive seen thinner.” If she’d heard that it would have been the end of her - she wouldn’t have ever eaten again!
I agree completely with Chris and some others here that women come in all shapes and sizes and we are all good enough and we all deserve the right to live without people commenting on our bodies. It just perpetuates this idea that a woman’s worth is what she looks like, and it’s complete and utter bullshit.
By the way, you appear to be thin with boobs so I am green with envy about now. Mostly I’m content to be a curvy chick, but I would love to be naturally skinny just for a week, so I would know what it’s like. I’d also like to know what it feel like to be sort and petite. I guess it’s that grass is always greener syndrome.
Hasta luego mi amiga
Kelly x
Kelly@SHE-POWERs last blog post..Lessons Learned on the Way to Barcelona
MomGrind responds:
Posted: June 1st, 2008 at 10:09 am →
Kelly! It is SO NICE of you to stop by! You just made my day, you know?
I hope you’re having an AMAZING time in Spain.
“It just perpetuates this idea that a woman’s worth is what she looks like, and it’s complete and utter bullshit.” - this is a HUGE problem. I don’t know what will make it stop. Women have come SO FAR, yet are still judged primarily by how they look.
Had to laugh at “thin with boobs” - I always felt too small in that respect, and envied women who are well endowed
but I am learning to accept myself as I am - that is, until someone comes and throws the word anorexic at me.
MizFit responds:
Posted: June 2nd, 2008 at 9:12 am →
that SLAM you heard was my JAW DROPPING that someone would say that…
MizFit’s last blog post..Monday Facetime
Trisha responds:
Posted: June 8th, 2008 at 7:20 pm →
That’s happened to me too - many times! I’ve always just been thin. It is irritating the things that people think is ok to say about your body if you are thin.
Trisha’s last blog post..Friday Favorites Part 2
hyrcan responds:
Posted: June 10th, 2008 at 7:31 am →
Having a very close friend who suffered from (and still struggles with) Anorexia Nervosa I couldn’t agree more.
The fashion and mass media incessant use of super thin (whatever the reason) models and nearly out right bashing of women who aren’t make me sick. Though I’m not sure which makes me more depressed, what they do to body image to sell a product or the fact that we buy it.
Live healthy and love your body the way it is.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: June 25th, 2008 at 1:13 pm →
@ MizFit: I know… amazing, isn’t it?
@ Trisha: I can relate!
@ hyrcan: “Live healthy and love your body the way it is.” Amen to that.
Someone responds:
Posted: June 25th, 2008 at 2:13 pm →
Good points– just be aware that those photos are photoshopped, and the models aren’t *nearly* as skeletal as they look. (I saw an article on it– it was a photo exhibit to comment on unhealthily thin models via exaggerating the photographs. The article included the non-photoshopped versions: the models are thin, but not to the point of having visually protruding bones/veins.) Just FYI
MomGrind responds:
Posted: June 26th, 2008 at 9:20 am →
@ Someone: Yes, I read somewhere that people do that. I wonder of the model in this photo is retouched too. Thank you for your comment!
Stassja responds:
Posted: September 14th, 2008 at 9:40 am →
I know this is an older post, but I just stumbled onto it and wanted to say thank you! I’ve got about the same body shape you do, and I’ve had well meaning friends call me (and others about as slim as I) “anorexic”. It really bothered me, because 1. I’m not and 2. I’m really not that worried about my weight even if I were to gain a few pounds. In fact, there were times when I wished I could have a little more meat on me, because I would like to have a little more shape in the hip/boob area. But my metabolism says otherwise!
One of my closest friends even went behind my back to tell my mother I was bulimic, all because she had observed me taking a long bathroom break in between college classes. I worked after school, and although SHE is one of those that can “never poop in a public restroom!!!” I had to go somewhere! It was pretty hurtful to me, and as you mentioned does a disservice to those that really DO have eating disorders.
Stassja’s last blog post..EPIC STORM
MomGrind responds:
Posted: September 14th, 2008 at 6:25 pm →
@ Stassja: I’m glad you get it. Not many people do. I think that friends often think they are helping us - they don’t mean to hurt us. But they do.
Lilith responds:
Posted: September 24th, 2008 at 7:35 pm →
You are not anorexic you are slender. It’s just another body type among millions. You look healthy. Especially in comparison with the poor woman in the picture.
Anorexics tend to have no muscle tone because they have lost lean muscle mass along with the natural fat layer beneath the skin ( The woman in the picture has had breast augmentation, The breasts shrink and sag when a woman starves.). The anorexic fears food, and may even exercise to the point of injury. The anorexic usually has dry skin and brittle hair. The anorexic may also suffer heart problems, and other problems related to electrolite imbalance. Anorexics have trouble regulating body temperature due to the lack of an insulating fat layer. The anorexic suffers from disturbed body image. (Disturbed body image is a nursing diagosis by the way.) No matter how much weight they lose, They see them selves as over weight. Any one who tries to tell them different is looked upon with suspicion.
I’m sorry to see that you were misdiagnosed by a well meaning but clueless individual.
You have a lovely smile.
Sincerely,
Lilith
MomGrind responds:
Posted: September 24th, 2008 at 8:10 pm →
Thank you Lilith. Anorexia is a terrible disease. I don’t know why people started using the term to describe thinness. They are not the same.
Baldi responds:
Posted: October 1st, 2008 at 10:48 pm →
17 years ago I was hounded about being underweight. Now I am hounded about being overweight. I am just …. hounded.
Trace responds:
Posted: October 5th, 2008 at 2:43 pm →
I am not surprised someone would say something like this, though it is sad. I actually have struggled with Bulimia for many years, and have hid it from almost everyone except my family and my counselor. I am of quite average size and I exercise regularly. Few people understand the complexities of eating disorders. Unfortunately, many people discuss the disease openly in front of me, with their naive comments and “extensive knowledge” of the disorder. I was actually in a graduate class recently when a girl informed the crowd that “all girls with Bulimia grow mustaches!” The most humiliating experience I had, was when a doctor, during a new patient interview, found that I had struggled with bulimia, he responded “Why?! That is such a disgusting habit!” He didn’t pass the interview.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: October 5th, 2008 at 5:59 pm →
@ baldi: I wish people would just leave each other alone.
@ Tracey: Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I can’t believe the doctor said it was a disgusting habit! It’s not disgusting, and it’s not a habit. It’s a disease.
Baldi responds:
Posted: October 6th, 2008 at 9:03 am →
hehe, I wish people would leave me alone with a nice pizza with all the toppings
Nurit responds:
Posted: October 6th, 2008 at 10:10 am →
I think it’s one thing to be thin, and it is another thing to show “models” who are to thin and making poeple, especially young girls, believe it is normal, and they should, look like that.
I don’t it that people are making money either frombeing such a bad “model” and from adrevtising it.
This is not good role modeling.
Maybe they should find a differnet name for it instead of “model”. i don’t have any good word for it at the monent…
hmm, but a quick look in the synonym feature on Word suggest “mold”, mock-up (which is also “fake”)
Nurit’s last blog post..Try something new: Acorn squash
MomGrind responds:
Posted: October 6th, 2008 at 10:11 am →
@ Nurit: “but a quick look in the synonym feature on Word suggest “mold”, mock-up (which is also “fake”)”. Interesting!
D responds:
Posted: October 6th, 2008 at 3:25 pm →
I agree with you wholeheartedly on this one, Vered. Anorexia’s a bad, bad thing. Everybody has neuroses, but not everyone’s neuroses can potentially kill them.
That said, a lot of people make jokes about anorexia, and they can be funny (in the right company, jokes about lots of things that can kill you, like AIDS, can be funny). Most people aren’t consciously being callous when they do it.
With regard to the fashion model pictured, I’d be careful about calling her anorexic too. I think bulimia is the more prevalent eating disorder/ weight management neurosis among the fashion class.
The good thing, as someone pointed out, is that when someone makes a comment like the one the waitress made to you, it shows that there is societal awareness of anorexia. I fully support people who want to take care of their bodies in a healthy manner. Appearance can be a motivating factor, but health should come first.
Restaurant Portion Control | responds:
Posted: December 7th, 2008 at 9:57 pm →
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