Cooking class…egads. Verad, surely I don’t need to be tortured to make friends. I’ll do almost anything to get out of cooking, and my boys are better cooks because of it!

I know what you are saying though. I occassionally try these things….classes, volunteer groups, etc… Nothing has stuck or proven worth the drive.

These days I’m Facebook friends with one of my original online friends, and another is still in my AIM buddy list, but I know that I don’t really know these people. We have, I think, generally kind regard for each other, but we rarely talk anymore.

The most social thing I do on the internet with people I don’t know in the physical world is comment on blog posts. But I’m quite a nomad in this respect, and form no lasting bonds. My favorite thing to do is collaborate briefly with others who have unusual senses of humor to have some laughs. But when I get too “in” to in-jokes… I get weirded out.

I’m thinking that there must be a way for you to create a richer social life. Join a local book club? Take a cooking class?

But you know what? Six years ago, I met my older gentleman friend online. Instead of a life saving friendship, I fell in love. (Well not really love….more of a pathetic, desperate junior high kind of thing.) He monpolized my thoughts and my computer time. I checked my emails and IM every time I walked past the PC. I rushed home from the little odd jobs I worked around the boys’ schedules anticipating his messages. I stopped going out and even found excuses not to take work assignments on days and times I knew he’d be online. I became more isolated from my family and could have cared less aout my neighbors and coworkers, who I always found to be dreary country folk anyway.

That’s the down side I guess. The up side is that he was the one person to whom I could tell everything. In just a few months of writing, I knew more about him,and felt closer on a day to day basis, than I have ever felt with my husband, or any other person. What is it about writing that is so much more revealing than a regular conversation?

At any rate, six years of self imposed isolation is difficult to overcome, especially when it is compounded by an additional 13 years of motherhood isolation. Nineteen years total. Yep. That’s how long I have been alone and overwhelmed with 4 boys in the middle of nowhere. I am a type B introvert to begin with, so I am not out there aggressively seeking a life, a job. I am not really comfortable with a lot of people, but I do miss having one or two friends from college, or the work place.

The internet is a mixed blessing for me. Sometimes I am so jealous of the lives you all lead, I can hardly stand to read. Sometimes not having someone to go out for coffee with right here and now is heartbreaking. But sometimes the lonliness is so overbearing that if I didn’t have a few internet connections and a few new ideas to kick around in my head, I would die or go insane (drama…makes me smile).

I do enjoy your blog Vered, and the links you provide.

Thank you.