I Hated Being A Lawyer
Photo credit: umjanedoan
Being a lawyer is highly stressful. Anyone who chooses this career needs to realize that the entire legal system is based on adversity. Negotiations, court appearances, and dealing with clients and with other attorneys are often very bitter. These interactions require you to be tough, emotionally detached and sometimes even heartless. It’s not fun. It’s not glamorous. It’s ugly.
The stress has a lot to do with the fact that almost everything you do is urgent and has a serious financial implication. It’s like being a doctor (only being a doctor is even worse): if you mess up a contract, or if you mess up in court, there are going to be major implications for your client.
While studying law is interesting, practicing law is boring, repetitive and done in a highly negative environment. You basically spend most of your days writing threatening letters to others or answering threatening letters others have sent you, arguing your case against others in court, or making sure your client is well represented in negotiations and in their final outcome: contracts. Surrounded by all this adversity and negativity, you have to become highly aggressive, or you’re eaten alive by other lawyers. Did I mention being a lawyer is stressful?
Another thing I HATED is all the paperwork. The legal system still requires paper proof in many cases, so you have to keep everything and have it neatly filed away. Paperless? Green? Ha. Good one. Not in a law firm. Lawyers keep copies of every correspondence, every document, and yes - we also have to keep electronic copies of stuff. I haven’t worked as a lawyer for ten years, but I’m still in the habit of copying myself on unnecessary emails, “just in case.” Oh, and don’t get me started on all the READING of super boring material that you have to do as a lawyer. The photo above says it all.
Being a lawyer affects your relationships and your personality. You become more aggressive, impatient, cynical. I used to be a divorce attorney and after everything that I’ve seen, I have this cynicism that I hate but can’t seem to shake off about love and relationships. I simply can’t believe anymore in love the way I believed in it before I saw how even the greatest love can turn into pure, bubbling, toxic, relentless HATE.
The good news is, if you really want to, you can get out while you still have some semblance of humanity. Of course, this would depend on your financial situation. If you have 3 kids in private school, a hefty mortgage and no savings, changing careers may not be the best idea. But if you have a little more freedom, you should know that changing careers IS a real possibility. I have done it. I am now a writer, and although I make a fraction of what I used to make as an attorney, my quality of life is so much better now, that it’s absolutely worth it.
One of the biggest emotional obstacles to making this career change is a sense of obligation. Your legal career probably cost a fortune. You also invested a lot of time in it. You need to shake the guilt off. I don’t feel guilty anymore about “throwing away my higher education” because I feel that education always stays with you and enriches your life, even if you don’t use it in the traditional sense.
Try these excellent resources for starting your own business, for overcoming that negative voice in your head that says “I can’t”, for transitioning your career into the freedom of self-employment, and for finding freelance writing work.
I would be very interested to hear in the comments about a challenging situation in YOUR life that you managed to turn into a blessing.
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Avital responds:
Posted: July 25th, 2008 at 4:13 am →
I have already told you once that I had the exact same experience. From a miserable lawyer (albeit a successful one) to a happy foreigner
Scott McIntyre responds:
Posted: July 25th, 2008 at 4:39 am →
So you were an attorney, Vered? Well, that explains your comprehensive ‘Legal’ page!
Thank you for sharing some of your journey towards personal growth and fulfilment. You certainly sound as if you have travelled far- in more ways than one.
My own challenging situation happened when I was 13 years old.
One evening, I started to develop severe pains in my stomach. Over a few hours, the pain worsened. To cut a long story short, 36 hours later- after a misdiagnosis by the local Doctor- I was rushed to Hospital with peritonitis (a burst appendix).
The Doctors performed emergency surgery on me, and told my parents that had I been delayed for another 2 hours, the poison would have been too far spread throughout my body to have been inoperable. Basically, for the want of 120 minutes, I would have been dead.
I had a difficult and long recovery which, as a 13 year old, was quite difficult to deal with.
However, it taught me the powerful lesson that life is ultra precious and needs to be lived to its fullest potential.
This is my driving aim in life- to live it as much as possible. That, to me, is a blessing
RJ responds:
Posted: July 25th, 2008 at 4:49 am →
“It is never too late to do something else, you can re-invent yourself as many times as you want.”
My parents told me when I professed my profound dislike for my chosen career at the time in IT. Since then I’ve gone back to school and went into another field, and it’s the happiest I’ve ever been. Having said that, I know that I can always do something else in a few years if this career starts sucking monkey butt too ^_^
Suzie responds:
Posted: July 25th, 2008 at 6:14 am →
Its so important to do what is right for you in life. Life’s too short to go around hating what you do. I mean we spend most of our lives at work right? No education is ever wasted. So good for you for taking a chance and making a change.
David "CrazyKinux" Perry responds:
Posted: July 25th, 2008 at 6:16 am →
In late March I was laid-off. Most people would have seen this as a catastrophe, but I chose otherwise. Let me explain.
In January of this year, my wife returned to work after a year at home on maternity leave. At the time I was struggling with an insane workload, schedule, commute time (3 hours a day) and a lot of work-related stress. On top of that, my wife would have to rush home every day after work, hopping on a downtown bus, then a commute on the inner-city train, then driving to the daycare to pick up our daughter in time for dinner. Let’s just say that things weren’t going as best as they could.
So when I became a laid-off-dad, certain opportunities presented themselves to us. After some discussion with my better-half, it was agreed that I would take a few months off, before getting back on the market in early fall.
So now morning weekdays are much more enjoyable. After making breakfast for both, I drop my wife at the train station, drop off my daughter at day care, then head home to do chores. Let me tell you, this doesn’t feels as though I’m unemployed. Au contraire! It’s just that the pay is lousy! Later in the day, I’ll pick up my daughter at daycare, play with her back home or at the park, get dinner ready, then back to the train station to pick up my wife.
Let’s just say that the stress level is way down! And I get to spend a lot more time with my daughter.
I’m a very happy dad!!
Dot H. responds:
Posted: July 25th, 2008 at 6:23 am →
What am I going to do with all these f*cking lemons???
Max Forlani responds:
Posted: July 25th, 2008 at 6:46 am →
Hi Vered,
I had a more or less similar experience. After graduating from university, I landed several jobs, ranging from teaching to working over six years as a web developer. Having a 9-5 job and being single at the time, I had plenty of time to spare and became heavily engaged in volunteer work at a tennis club.
I had a financially very comfortable life, yet was missing something. Love, for sure, but challenges as well. My life felt a bit like Bill Murray’s in Groundhog Day.
That’s when I decided to move to Istanbul to pursue a newly-found love over the internet. As it happens, I have been writing the story in detail for the past month on my new blog The Forlanis (forlanis.istanbultrails.com).
I’m now still living in Istanbul, living a much more difficult but much fuller life, providing me with a lot of satisfaction. I guess sometimes, you just have to follow your heart, how crazy it me seem.
Cheers,
Max
Al at 7P responds:
Posted: July 25th, 2008 at 7:09 am →
There’s only been a handful of stories shared so far, but I’ve been impressed by them.
I can’t say that I personally had a lot of lemons happen to me, but a lot has happened to my family. I think that’s why my family is pretty close - we were each other’s support group. Stronger family bond would be my lemonade then.
Turning lemonade into lemons - that’s a good one!
Hunter Nuttall responds:
Posted: July 25th, 2008 at 7:19 am →
Vered, I’m so glad you had the guts to change course. I don’t think there’s any question at all that you made the right move by leaving Dewey, Cheatem & Howe.
I’m currently trying to get laid off from my sinking ship company. I don’t have a story yet, but I probably will at some point.
Joel Falconer responds:
Posted: July 25th, 2008 at 7:19 am →
I’ve had a lot of these. Some of the best examples I can’t tell you because that would infringe on the privacy of those who dealt the lemons and were later forgiven.
When I was 16, my then-girlfriend became pregnant. As you can imagine, that’s daunting and scary enough as it is, and to make it worse, my family was very religious. So, of course, my family’s ill-chosen church fiend friends thought we were Satan’s spawn and all that, and you have no idea how many times I learned that apparently, our lives were over and we were now royally screwed. According to most people, not only would we never make any decent money because we’d be uneducated McDonald’s cashiers, our new family wouldn’t last until the end of the pregnancy.
The reason I love this story is because it ends like this: we’re still together, married, and happy, and another kid is on the way. We have more education between us than the ten or twenty of these sick freaks that we endured put together, and I earn in a day at home what they make in a week of hard labor.
I don’t say any of that to boast, and I’m typically a very humble guy and like to keep private details private, so be assured I’m not here to say “I’m educated and well-off and the churchies aren’t.” But what I’m saying is not only can you make lemonade from your lemons, you can do it even better when nobody thinks you can.
Kelly@SHE-POWER responds:
Posted: July 25th, 2008 at 7:22 am →
I’m not sure what to write for this because I have an unfortunately wide repertoire to choose from. In my first 20 years I was given a lot of stinking, rotting lemons and so the fact that my life now closely resembles lemonade is an achievement in itself.
I’ll choose something light for the sake of not sounding like a bad soap opera and say that I moved ALOT as a kid. My parents were regular nomadic hippies, always searching for something and dragging us kids along for the ride. I changed schools 14 or 15 times and I have lived in over 40 houses in my almost 37 years. Constantly adjusting to a new environment (not always safe) and being the new kid in school means you spend your childhood either becoming a friendless outsider or an over compensating people pleaser. I was the latter and to some extent, I still deal with the downsides of that today.
But the upside of these experiences are that I have lived amongst many different types of people. I know that my reality is not everyone’s. I know how privileged I am to have love, education, intelligence and a strong, never say die personality. Other people who have seen what I have seen and gone through what I have do not always fare as well.
Being the outsider has made me empathetic and open minded and adjustable to change. It meant I started on a spiritual journey (I thought there has to be more than this shitty reality) in my teens and I learned early in life that I must take responsibilty for myself. I embrace change and am comfortable taking risks, I can make friends with almost anyone and I do not take life for granted. A hard childhood can be your friend in adulthood. You just have to survive it first.
Kelly
Ann at One Bag Nation responds:
Posted: July 25th, 2008 at 8:07 am →
Hi Vered;
I went to an “elite” women’s college where the pressure was enormous. Many of the students go on to law school (not me!), but when I went back for a reunion several years ago, I couldn’t believe how many of them were miserable! I think sometimes we get on the treadmill and suddenly we want off!
A friend of mine left law a few years ago and now works in Afghanistan bringing education to girls there; she’s definitely making lemonade - and not just for herself!
hank responds:
Posted: July 25th, 2008 at 8:30 am →
Hey Vered - thanks for digging in on the meme setup - it is interesting to see everyones different points of view and challenges they’ve had. What I’ve found with the meme is that everyone enjoys talking about “the time” because it shows to them and everyone that they were able to persevere through it all!
Don Mills Diva responds:
Posted: July 25th, 2008 at 8:47 am →
It’s obviously a huge cliche but higher education is never wasted, even if you never work in the field you study. There is a discipline that you learn earning a degree that is important no matter what you do…
Natural responds:
Posted: July 25th, 2008 at 9:04 am →
well i work for lawyers, so i can understand how the life got sucked out of you. i’m still waiting on that challenging situation in my life to turn into lemon-aid or maybe everyday is such a challenge that it’s the norm for me.
i do anticipate getting fired or laid off and then that forcing me to do something i’ve always wanted to do full-time, write.
Tim Brownson responds:
Posted: July 25th, 2008 at 9:18 am →
Well as RJ so eloquently put it, my job sniffed monkey butt too. In fact it sniffed lots of monkeys butts, a couple of chimpanzees and a warthogs too.
I earned lots of money and had lots of grief to go with it. Then I found out about life coaching and I was mentally gone from that day.
Now I earn a fraction of the money, but have a fraction of the grief and 100x the happiness. That sounds like a great deal to me.
Tim Brownson’s last blog post..Why People Are Unhappy
Sarah responds:
Posted: July 25th, 2008 at 9:34 am →
HI Vered,
I had a different type of experience. My training is as a concert pianist but most concert pianists make their living teaching, and I did not think I wanted to spend my life teaching piano.
So instead I got married and had 3 kids and am now a stay home mom.
No regrets here, but sometimes I wish I’d kept up my playing better. I’m starting to work more on it now and have thrown around the idea of entering the Van Cliburn amateur competition, but I have to be 35 before I can do that. It gives me a goal to work toward though!
In the meantime, I consider my job as Mom, wife and homeschooler to be the most important of my life, and I can’t imagine giving any of this up for a different career. I am blessed though, in that my DH’s job is such that I CAN do what I do.
Sarah’s last blog post..The King of Fruit - A Love Story.
Becky responds:
Posted: July 25th, 2008 at 9:54 am →
Oh man, sister, there are too many to count. I may not come across on my blog as such, but I’m a pretty cheerful person. Let’s see…
I’m trying to think of the omnipresent nausea as a gift for not packing on the pounds with this pregnancy. Sadly, I’m still packing on the pounds, but oh well.
Becky’s last blog post..Aunt Becky’s Electra Complex
MomGrind responds:
Posted: July 25th, 2008 at 10:38 am →
Wow. Thank you so much for your thoughtful responses. I love reading your stories.
@ Avital: Glad you’re happier now.
@ Scott: Wow! That’s an amazing story! I can’t imagine how hard it must have been, at an age that is challenging even without being very ill. It’s wonderful that you gained the understanding of how precious and fragile life is. To many people, it doesn’t come until a much later age.
@ RJ: as Tim observed, how eloquent.
It’s great to know that you can always change direction and pursue something that makes you happy.
@ Suzie: It’s true. Many people have no choice, but if you do have a choice – it just doesn’t make sense to keep doing something that you hate doing, day after day.
@ David: It’s wonderful that you are using this as an opportunity to be a stay at home dad for a while and spend time with your family. These few months won’t change a thing as far as your career goes… but for your daughter, they are priceless.
@ Dot H.: Well, knowing some of your struggles, I think you ARE doing the best that you can under the circumstances.
@ Max: Wow. That’s a big change. You are a brave person!
I have a question: I visited your site, but the last post seems to be from November 2006?
@ Al: Strong family bonds are definitely a great outcome to difficult times!
@ Hunter: lol at Dewey, Cheatem & Howe. Also at trying to get laid off… good luck with that!
@ Joel: I’m really inspired by your story. You have every right to be proud of your accomplishments. It’s amazing how quick people are to label someone as a loser. It must be a great pleasure to prove them wrong.
@ Kelly: I admire you more than ever now! I agree that once you survive a tough childhood, it can build a strong, resilient character. It’s sad that so many people don’t survive a difficult childhood and are damaged forever. It’s great that you did survive it. You are a beautiful person, inside and out. I am curious to know how is your relationship with your parents now?
@ Ann: It’s true. Whether you call it the rat race, or the treadmill… we are conditioned to want to join it, but many of us are miserable while we’re on it.
@ hank: It’s true. Once you’ve survived a tough experience, you are proud that you have and happy to share it.
@ Don Mills Diva: I agree. Plus, working as an attorney and being surrounded by attorneys teaches you A LOT about human nature. I will never forget the lessons I’ve learned, even though I sometimes mourn losing my naivete.
@ Natural: “i do anticipate getting fired or laid off and then that forcing me to do something i’ve always wanted to do full-time, write.” – You almost sound like you WANT it to happen!
@ Tim: It IS a great deal. Your life story is one of the most inspiring life stories I know. Can you imagine still being in the same place you were a few years ago? You would have been so miserable.
@ Sarah: You ARE blessed that you have a choice. I think this is a big issue for many stay at home moms. As long as the kids are very young, we are too busy to even think about ourselves, but once your youngest turns four or so, there IS often the issue of “what next?”
@ Becky: What a positive spin on one of pregnancy’s most annoying side effects.
When I was pregnant, I found that it really helped to eat a small meal every couple of hours. So definitely, the nausea is not there to make us not eat… I believe it’s there to make sure we choose our food carefully, and eat often!
MizFit responds:
Posted: July 25th, 2008 at 12:01 pm →
thanks so much for sharing this!
perhaps because Im a newish reader I had no idea you were a recovering lawyer (rimshot! actually NOT. my husband is an atty in house but my best friend is a lawyer by education, not using and loves that joke :)).
so trite but so true that you are always using your (ones) education no matter what you do.
love,
the english lit undergrad and masters in counseling
MizFit’s last blog post..Link Love. Subtitle: Im gunning for an award with regards to my creative post titles.
Marelisa responds:
Posted: July 25th, 2008 at 12:20 pm →
I enjoyed working as a labor attorney for the Panama Canal Commission, but then when the canal transferred over to the Republic of Panama everything changed. For starters, the General Attorney changed and the new one was the boss from hell. I ended up leaving. How did I turn lemons into lemonade? Well, I know that job bolstered my self-confidence (I was really good at it) and my ability to get things done. On the other hand, I put in a lot more hours than I should have, and I’ll never get those hours back. I guess the lemonade is still a little bit bitter, but I’m working on making it sweeter.
Ellen Wilson responds:
Posted: July 25th, 2008 at 12:55 pm →
Vered,
Happiness is the main ingredient in our life recipes. Okay, that’s corny, but maybe I’m still unconsciously on the goat heads.
I used to berate myself for not “properly” using my education with my two degrees. I have always wanted to do what I’m doing now with freelance writing and photography and I have desperately tried to mix two jobs at once. Well, you can guess what suffered, the writing and photography of course.
I’m not making tons of money right now, but I’m not dealing with tons of stress either. I’m starting to feel much more centered and balanced.
Cheers to you and the balanced life!
Ellen
Ellen Wilson’s last blog post..Interpreting Art
Ellen Wilson responds:
Posted: July 25th, 2008 at 12:57 pm →
Interesting comments. I wish I had time to read them all. But this is the downside of freelancing, you have to pull yourself back when things need to get done!
E
Ellen Wilson’s last blog post..Interpreting Art
The Financial Philosopher responds:
Posted: July 25th, 2008 at 1:13 pm →
Vered:
I have learned, both personally and professionally, that the discovery of “who we are” is often a process of discovering “who we are not.” This discovery process requires that we recognize and embrace the tragedies as well as the triumphs as learning experiences and as opportunities to grow…
Without this knowledge and wisdom, I would have never started my own business and would likely be less of a father to my two young children…
“You are led through your lifetime by the inner learning creature, the playful spiritual being that is your real self. Don’t turn away from possible futures before you’re certain you don’t have anything to learn from them.” ~ Richard Bach
Thanks for the post…
Kent (The Financial Philosopher)
The Financial Philosopher’s last blog post..Dying to Live: Thank You, Randy Pausch
Writer Dad responds:
Posted: July 25th, 2008 at 1:50 pm →
Hi Vered,
I thought I posted earlier, but I must not have hit send. I’m sorry if I’m being dim, and simply missing the comment. I don’t mean to repeat myself. Anyway, my wife and I are two sides of a coin. She spent her twenties in school, accumulating degrees. I skipped college because I thought the whole enterprise sounded rather dull. In fact, I left high school my junior year after I got in an argument with my guidance councilor (true and hilarious story). It was my ultimate revenge on the school system that I married the best teacher I ever met, and took her with me. Three years ago, we each left our jobs and opened up a preschool of our own, so that we could be with our children as much as possible while they were still to little to think we were smothering them. Everyone in her district told her she was crazy; the place I worked said they’d hold my spot. I said don’t bother, and we’ve never been happier.
Urban Panther responds:
Posted: July 25th, 2008 at 2:23 pm →
This is a tough one to answer because 99.9% of the time, I don’t see lemons as lemons. Sure, a situation might not be a pleasant one , but I add it to my growth and learning experiences. Don’t get me wrong, I’m no Pollyanna, but I never really dwell on the negative aspect. I think it’s because negativity requires a lot of effort, and I am way too lazy for that. Thinking..thinking..nope, did a quick scan of my past and all I could come up with is that each experience in my life (good and bad) has simply led me to where I am now. And where I am now isn’t lemonade. It’s a chocolate martini!
Urban Panther’s last blog post..I just don’t get it
Barbara Swafford responds:
Posted: July 25th, 2008 at 2:56 pm →
Good for you Vered, you sound so happy with your life as it is now.
Once when our business was slow, due to the economy, we diversified by adding more to our list of services. By doing so, we made it through the tough times. Keeping our eyes open to opportunities is what saved us.
Barbara Swafford’s last blog post..Free ‘n Easy Friday Finds - Blog Protection
Sara at On Simplicilty responds:
Posted: July 25th, 2008 at 3:29 pm →
I’m kinda with Urban Panther on this one. I’ve been quite lucky in life and would hesitate to call anything that’s happened to me a lemon. The worst that happened was a layoff, but it was the perfect push to bail from a culture that wasn’t a fit for me anymore–and get severance for it in the process. However, I did do what many others have mentioned: got a postgrad degree in a career I bailed out of within a year.
I wouldn’t call that year wasted. I learned a heck of a lot and also got to experience more of the college camaradie than I did all four years at a university. The lemonade of the situation is that I learned some limits, and I found another reason to adore my parents. They never said boo about it, and supported my decision to change careers completely, even though the schooling was largely on their dime.
Sara at On Simplicilty’s last blog post..Three Things You’re Good At
Sterling responds:
Posted: July 25th, 2008 at 3:37 pm →
Hi Vered, I love the message of changing career to live a fuller lifestyle. 7 years ago I had a similar experience and felt that working in corporate environments was sucking the life out of me. Life definitely has been much fuller and more rewarding since I went self-employed.
Not only has your higher education proven valuable at your current job, but it’s helped you develop an impressive Terms of Use that sparked a discussion on Barbara’s Blogging Without A Blog.
Sterling’s last blog post..The #1 Problem With Small Business Websites
Ricardo Bueno responds:
Posted: July 25th, 2008 at 3:53 pm →
Heck, I’d rather do something I enjoy and live happily than live a life of stress and being depressed…
I say good for you! Oh, and I happen to think that no education is a wasted education.
Shilpan | successsoul.com responds:
Posted: July 25th, 2008 at 4:58 pm →
Vered -
I also never enjoyed being an Engineer. I was raised in a culture that created so many miserable engineers including me. I’m happy to realize that and get out of that societal suicide.
Shilpan
Bamboo Forest responds:
Posted: July 25th, 2008 at 5:29 pm →
I can’t speak of anything specifically. There are many, as with everyone. However, there is a truth… A challenging situation can make us bitter or better. The choice is always ours. And how we apply ourselves in the midst of it - is what decides the outcome.
Bamboo Forest’s last blog post..7 Ways You can Become Rich
MomGrind responds:
Posted: July 25th, 2008 at 10:41 pm →
@ MizFit: I AM a recovering lawyer and proud of that.
@ Marelisa: Ah, the boss from hell… I had one of those too.
@ Ellen: Just like Tim, you may not make as much money as before, but less stress is worth so much more than money. Stress can literally kill you.
@ The Financial Philosopher: “the discovery of “who we are” is often a process of discovering “who we are not.” SO TRUE.
@ Writer Dad: I am so happy for you! Thank you so much for sharing your story.
@ Urban Panther: Mmm chocolate martini. Your attitude is very healthy. The more I know you, the more I like you!
@ Barbara: “Keeping our eyes open to opportunities is what saved us.” – sounds like a very smart strategy!
@ Sara: It’s wonderful that your parents were so supportive.
@ Sterling: Thank you for making mew go back to Barbara’s blog! I had no idea! I FINALLY answered Scott’s question. Blush.
@ Ricardo: “no education is a wasted education.” – I do agree.
@ Shilpan: I was really touched by your life story as told to Hunter. I am glad you found your own path.
@ Bamboo Forest: “A challenging situation can make us bitter or better.” – I like that!
Linda Abbit responds:
Posted: July 26th, 2008 at 12:17 am →
I’m a late comer today, but want to applaud you, Vered, for making life changes to have a fulfilled life.
I have two degrees in Education that I never really used to the utmost, but no regrets there. Sometimes I’d like to go back to college full time, not realizing how good I had it then. But that’s another topic!
Being a stay-at-home Mom is the best, yet most challenging, job I’ve ever had and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
As for lemonades in my life, the only big one was being diagnosed with breast cancer when Robbie was in 1st grade. Happy outcome — I’ve been cancer free for over 12 years now. Many people said to me that I was so “courageous,” but I never saw myself as doing anything other than making lemonade. The biggest lesson I learned is that life’s short, so live each day as if it’s your birthday! L’chaim!
Linda Abbit’s last blog post..A Big Welcome to All My Visitors!
Evelyn Lim | Attraction Mind Map responds:
Posted: July 26th, 2008 at 12:39 am →
So many stories here; and all of them inspirational!
I gave up a cushy banking job that paid part of my car, club memberships and vacations (yes!….holidays) to become a homemaker. My husband and I decided that one parent needed to stay home for my girls.
Then some years after I quit my job, my husband himself got tired of his. He gave up a potentially seven figure sum from his old firm, to start from scratch a company. It was no man’s land! No one had a similar set up. It was tough going initially but I’m glad to say that we’ve turned the corner.
If I had not quit, I would not have gotten bored and stumbled upon blogging and having my own business. I realise that there is much more to life than just a job! I am definitely much happier! And so is my husband!
Evelyn
Evelyn Lim | Attraction Mind Map’s last blog post..How To Do Pendulum Dowsing
Davina responds:
Posted: July 26th, 2008 at 12:19 pm →
Hi Vered. You sound pumped! Must have been a good decision you made all those years ago huh?
My current jobless situation and business development is a lemon that I’m tasting, and I haven’t been able to find the sugar yet to make the lemonade. Maybe I should re-read your previous post
Twelve years ago, it was a different story…
I was laid off from my job at a publishing company in Toronto due to a merger. The “new” company offered me a job which I turned down. I took my severance, bought a computer and started freelancing. My salary tripled and I had a blast!
Davina’s last blog post..Core Value Statements
Cath Lawson responds:
Posted: July 26th, 2008 at 6:54 pm →
Hi Vered - I came over here earlier in the day and you hadn’t posted. And now this huge thread of stories is here. It’s probably because I’m on GMT - I’m always late to the party.
There’s so many interesting stories on here - and so many of you seem to have taken salary cuts yet you’re much happier. It’s interesting how you mentioned feeling guilty. I guess a lot of people stay in an unhappy situation because of guilt. But it’s great that you no longer feel guilty.
Really - I don’t have an interesting story of dramatic changes. I’ve always had a good idea of what I wanted to do but I had certain relatives who put me down - a lot. In short, I had the confidence of a gnat. To cut a long story short, until recently, I did what other people wanted me to do, rather than what I wanted to do. I guess a big turning point for me came in Autumn 2004 when I finally plucked up the courage to kick my ex husband out.
And most recently, I liquidated a business that wasn’t working for me. I guess I finally realised that it was possible to have the freedom to go out and achieve what I wanted - if I made that freedom for myself. What helped most was the inspiration I drew from all you awesome people in the blogosphere and the soul reading Akemi did for me.
By the way Vered - were you actually born in Israel, or did you move there from somewhere else?
Dot H. responds:
Posted: July 26th, 2008 at 8:08 pm →
I don’t have any lemons in my career any more. After i dropped out of a Ph.D. program, I became a medical secretary and then a legal secretary, or as I referred to it, “just a secretary.” After 17 years as a legal secretary, I was able to move into software support (within a law firm) and eventually to my goal of programming, which I thought would get me more respect. I worked in IT for a total of six years before I was laid off after the dot.coms failed and jobs dried up. I decided to stop pursuing database programming and go back to looking for a legal secretary job.
Once I was a legal secretary again, about 5-1/2 years ago, I found I actually preferred it. And it wasn’t until just recently that I was able to put into words why I preferred it and why I dropped out of the Ph.D. program — it was because I hated selling my brain (prostituting it as my friend Gregory calls it). I wanted to have the time to think my own thoughts, and not have to force myself to come up with ideas for things I didn’t necessarily support or care about. Secretarial work requires thought and can involve as much responsibility as one wants to take on, but there are also the mindless, repetitive tasks, like labeling and stuffing envelopes, that allow the brain to wander where it will.
I’ve always wanted to be a writer, but for a long time didn’t have the courage to pursue it, and now that I have several incurable (so far) illnesses, I’m grateful for the health benefits I have. I’m unable to start my own business because stress makes me sicker. I’ve gradually steered myself away from the more stressful areas of secretarial work such as those with heavy overtime. Now at least I have the freedom to compose articles in my head while doing mindless tasks, rather than trying to figure out which punctuation mark is missing from my code, making the database interface malfunction.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: July 26th, 2008 at 9:20 pm →
@ Linda: You ARE courageous. I am so glad you recovered. A friend of mine had lymphoma and she too talks about learning to appreciate life more than before her illness.
@ Evelyn: I am so glad this is working out for you. It is wonderful that you were both able to leave the rat race in order to do something that you love.
@ Davina: You should probably hang in there and give it some time. I really hope things work out for you.
@ Cath: Glad you got rid of your ex. Toxic relationships are one of the worst things that can happen to a person.
I was born in Israel, to a Dutch-born dad and an Israeli mom. Hence my Israeli first name, my Dutch last name, and my accent that is not native American, but is more European than Israeli.
@ Dot H.: My mom worked as a banker for years. She is now retired. Her career was always high-sress. She used to talk a lot about her dream of quitting her job and working part-time on something that would not require so much brain effort. She never did it though.
Haveil Havalim #175 — Through the Eyes of Frume Sarah « Frume Sarah’s World responds:
Posted: July 27th, 2008 at 12:43 am →
[…] how a location change made a positive impact on Vered’s […]
Alik | PracticeThis.com responds:
Posted: July 27th, 2008 at 3:25 am →
Claim your life back, no matter what.
Great move, Vered, and very inspiring too.
Thanks for sharing this great story.
Alik | PracticeThis.com’s last blog post..Kaizen – Continuous Improvement The Japanese Way
San Diego Momma responds:
Posted: July 27th, 2008 at 9:19 am →
Great story, Vered. I’d love to hear more about your history.
As for me, I’m a lot like She-Power. I moved around at least once a year as a child, and constantly found myself in new cities, at new schools, with new friends.
Luckily, this all resulted in making me a more open, flexible, tolerant person and for that I’m thankful.
I wouldn’t change all that moving for the world.
More recently, I quit my job as a communications director for a non-profit and began to work from home as a freelancer. It took a lot of getting used to, and the drop in income was difficult, but I’ve learned a lot about myself in the process and started my blog, which has quite literally saved me creatively.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: July 27th, 2008 at 10:56 pm →
@ Alik: Thank you!
@ San Diego Momma: “I wouldn’t change all that moving for the world.” Interesting! So you really do feel it made you a better person.
Zandria responds:
Posted: July 29th, 2008 at 8:23 pm →
I didn’t know you were an attorney in Israel! Wow. I’m so glad you made the decision that was right for you and that you’re so much happier now.
On Simplicity » Blog Archive » Weekly Links: Dog Hair Edition responds:
Posted: July 31st, 2008 at 2:00 am →
[…] at MomGrind stirred up a fantastic discussion of work-life balance with Being a Lawyer Was Sucking the Life out of Me. Read through the comments on this one; many readers opened up about career mistakes and career […]
Marc responds:
Posted: July 31st, 2008 at 8:12 am →
I think working with lawyers is sucking the life out of me…. …just kidding
Marc’s last blog post..Stevens, Ted- (R - AK) Senate: Indicted on False Statement Charges
Laurie | Express Yourself to Success responds:
Posted: August 1st, 2008 at 2:53 am →
What a great conversation!
I’ve had my share of lemons, but they were my fault - I planted the tree. So, like everyone else, I learned from them and tried to make lemonade, although some batches were more sour than others. Then again, they make the best stories, right? But I don’t have the courage to post them online yet…
I’ve enjoyed reading your post and the great comments.
Laurie | Express Yourself to Success’s last blog post..Say No Series - Post II: The Making of No
MomGrind responds:
Posted: August 4th, 2008 at 9:50 pm →
@ Zan: Now you know.
@ Marc: I can relate!
@ Laurie: “But I don’t have the courage to post them online yet…” Let me know when you do - I love a good story.
Nine To Five | responds:
Posted: November 12th, 2008 at 1:02 am →
[…] Reading from MomGrind: Being A Lawyer Was Sucking The Life Out Of Me Will Blogging Make You […]
The Number One Dream Killer: Doing What Works | Illuminated Mind responds:
Posted: November 12th, 2008 at 4:42 pm →
[…] Being a Lawyer Was Sucking the Life Out of Me - MomGrind.com […]
Elli responds:
Posted: November 16th, 2008 at 3:19 pm →
I used to study law for two semesters. One really. After that I had already decided it was not for me. I was spending all my study time on the one Yiddish course I took by the side and thus I used the second semester to travel to Israel, came back and took up Philosophy. Still, I don’t think working in the lawyer business is a guarantee for unhappiness, if you’re made for it. Is there something specific we’re made for or are there several choices that fit us equally well? I don’t know, fact is, being a blogger suits you incredibly well, Vered!
MomGrind responds:
Posted: November 16th, 2008 at 3:32 pm →
@ Elli: Thank you.
I agree that you can thrive as a lawyer if you have the right personality. It didn’t work for me - but it can certainly work for others.
Associating freely while being overcome by late-night drowsiness | elli (me) responds:
Posted: November 16th, 2008 at 3:47 pm →
[…] post on Lawyerness over at MomGrind reminded me of this beautiful (rhymed!) poem by Robert Graves: Flying […]
Erin Peck responds:
Posted: January 4th, 2009 at 2:21 pm →
Hi,
I am at my wits end being a lawyer. I have been a New York Lawyer for about 8 years- private practice, in the DA’s office, New York City Housing Authority- I am no good at it. Well I am good at the lawyering bit, just not the political part of it. I always end up pissing the wrong people off and end up on permanent probation. I can keep a job for years, thats the sad part of it. But its always the same. I even left the US, married a Brit and became a lawyer/ Solicitor in England. I have had the same job for a local Council for two years over in UK but now I have started to piss my bosses off over here. I hate administration, get bored very quickly and often wear my heart on my sleeve. I am a middle age attractive Korean girl and sometimes my bosses harass me and of course, I report it. Everytime I have a problem like this, I end up reporting it to the senior managers and its always the same. They sympathise then start to demote me. I am not an idiot but I have seen idiots rise faster than I have in this profession. In England its different- you have to be an idiot and an aristocrat to be considered a star in this profession.
I am so tired of it, that I need a big change but i don’t have any ideas of my own.
Any help out there?
Maybe I need someone to teach me how to be a ruthless bitch.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: January 4th, 2009 at 5:29 pm →
Hi Erin,
I wish I could help. The only way for me was to leave the profession. I really do think you need to be a “ruthless bitch”, as you so eloquently put it, in order to make it as an attorney.
Re harassment, that’s another tricky topic. Penelope Trunk, for example, recommends NOT reporting sexual harassment, and says “There is plenty to do in this world that does not require you to work in companies that enable a boys’ club atmosphere. There are a lot of men who feel alienated in this atmosphere too. Find those men and work with them. Then get a lot of power in your career and create a workplace culture you believe in.”