Watching My Children
I am watching you.
You are running around on the beach, having the time of your life. Your eyes are sparkling. Your cheeks are flushed. You are happy and carefree and strong and capable.
I am sitting on the warm sand, watching you.
My heart fills to the brim with happiness that only watching you can bring me. The heart is just a muscle? A pump? Watching you, feeling my heart expand with pride and joy, I don’t believe that for a second. The heart is where you FEEL things, and right now, my heart feels love. It almost explodes with love that is so powerful, it brings tears to my eyes.
My children, I love you so much that it hurts.
With love comes fear. The fear of something happening to you. The fear of losing you. But I don’t want to think about that right now. I am too happy.
Watching you brings me more joy, more sense of pride and accomplishment than anything else. My own accomplishments are nothing compared to yours. The military career, the law degrees, the writing, nothing is as fulfilling as watching you take your first step, say your first word, swim your first lap, write your first sentence.
I would give my life for you. If we ever find ourselves in a situation where I have to sacrifice my own life to save yours, I would do it in a heartbeat. There is no question in my mind that your life is more important than mine. I am the past. You are the future. I would do whatever it takes to make sure you survive.
I am watching you, thinking about how much I love you, thinking that I love you more than I love myself, and I suddenly realize that my own parents feel the same way about me. And my heart fills with love and gratitude to them.
If everything was taken away from me, if I had to stop all my activities and choose just one thing to do for the rest of my life, it would be what I am doing right now: sit back and watch you grow.
In the photo: my children.
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Scott McIntyre responds:
Posted: August 11th, 2008 at 4:08 am →
This is a beautiful tribute to your children, Vered.
When they grow up and they’ve taken their paths in life, keep this article to show them. They are sure to appreciate it.
To have their mother’s love expressed so publicly will give them strength to face whatever comes their way.
You sound as if you’ve got the ‘mother magic’ just perfect…
Robin responds:
Posted: August 11th, 2008 at 4:08 am →
Oh Vered – you have made me cry – honestly.
Robin’s last blog post..Letting Creativity Just Slip In
suburbancorrespondent responds:
Posted: August 11th, 2008 at 5:27 am →
Exactly. Although, sometimes, with my teen daughter, I might just hesitate a fraction of a second before I risk my life pushing her out of the path of the speeding train.
suburbancorrespondent’s last blog post..Teenager Management
Writer Dad responds:
Posted: August 11th, 2008 at 5:48 am →
“I am the past. You are the future. I would do whatever it takes to make sure you survive.”
Beautiful. Your girls are lucky that they’ll have this to read someday. Happy monday, Vered.
Writer Dad’s last blog post..The Great Equalizer
Chase March responds:
Posted: August 11th, 2008 at 6:55 am →
It certainly is one of the best things on Earth to watch. You’ve captured this feeling perfectly. Any parent should be able to see themselves in it. Any non-parent can now begin to understand this feeling now as well.
Excellent post!
Chase March’s last blog post..4 Things to Keep in Your Wallet
Suzie responds:
Posted: August 11th, 2008 at 7:07 am →
That is very very sweet
Suzie’s last blog post..My First Giveaway!!!!
David "CrazyKinux" Perry responds:
Posted: August 11th, 2008 at 7:33 am →
Oh how very true this is and how beautifully you’ve written it. Made my day!
SpaceAgeSage responds:
Posted: August 11th, 2008 at 7:44 am →
Your children are very loved and lucky to have such a strong, caring, and sharing mom.
SpaceAgeSage’s last blog post..Leadership skills — seasoned or dinosaur-like?
Al at 7P responds:
Posted: August 11th, 2008 at 7:44 am →
Wow Vered, you really blew me away with this post. One of the most sincere and moving articles I’ve read in a long time. You are an awesome mother.
Al at 7P’s last blog post..The Hero with a Thousand Jobs
Stacey responds:
Posted: August 11th, 2008 at 7:44 am →
Oh how I feel your happiness, joy, fear, and pride. Just yesterday I was telling anyone who would listen how it feels to have my heart expand and overflow by watching my children play, grow, explore and laugh.
Stacey’s last blog post..I Love You….Your Turn
Dot H. responds:
Posted: August 11th, 2008 at 7:56 am →
You’ve really captured the powerful emotions of unselfish love, the joy we can feel seeing the joy in them, the terrible fear of losing them, and the knowledge of how precious they are. (And darned cute, too!)
Max Forlani responds:
Posted: August 11th, 2008 at 8:21 am →
It’s difficult to express feelings with words, but you seem to have found a nice way!
Marelisa responds:
Posted: August 11th, 2008 at 8:38 am →
That’s beautiful Vered. Have you read the poem “When You Thought I Wasn’t Looking”? Basically it’s a grown child telling her mother all of the things she learned from her when the mother thought that the child was not looking (When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator, and I wanted to paint another one./ When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw you feed a stray cat, and I thought it was good to be kind to animals./ and so on). A child knows when they’re truly loved by their parents, and that’s something that stays with them and gives them strength throughout their entire lives.
Mike Goad responds:
Posted: August 11th, 2008 at 8:54 am →
Between work and trying to get my degree, I missed too much of watching/seeing my kids as they grew up. And, now, the two grandkids are too far away to watch on a regular basis.
Mike Goad’s last blog post..Why the change from the same old, same old?
MomGrind responds:
Posted: August 11th, 2008 at 9:27 am →
@ Scott: Thank you! I have publicly announced that I don’t consider myself a mommy blogger, but whenever mommy bloggers are attacked for “exploiting” their children as materials for their blog, they respond that their entire blogs are a tribute to their children and to their deep love to them. I completely agree.
@ Robin: I think my kids are the only people that can make me this emotional.
@ suburbancorrespondent: Thanks for the laugh… we had brunch yesterday at a friend’s house – she has a teenager – I can definitely see what you mean.
@ Writer Dad: Thank you! You know that I admire you as a writer. When you say I wrote something beautiful – that really means a lot.
@ Chase March: “Any non-parent can now begin to understand this feeling now as well.” Whenever I write about my kids, I wonder if it leaves non-parents cold and indifferent. Maybe that’s why I don’t write about them too often. But this post… I HAD to write it. I had to say these things.
@ Suzie, @ David “CrazyKinux” Perry: Thank you!
@ SpaceAgeSage: I hope they are. Children take parents for granted, don’t they? It’s the way life works. I try not to take my own parents for granted now, but I’m not always successful. I sure took their love for granted when I was a kid.
@ Al: Thank you! And many thanks for the stumble.
@ Stacey: “how it feels to have my heart expand and overflow” – YES, exactly. That’s what it feels like.
@ Dot H.: Thank you.
I still wonder how unselfish it really is… after all, we are caring for and protecting our own DNA when we care for our children. I think they’re cute too! 
@ Max: Thank you!
@ Marelisa: I do know that poem and it makes my eyes tear up every single time. I think it’s true that a child knows when she’s loved. Although on a daily basis, parenting feels like a thankless job – most of the time.
@ Mike: I am so sorry. It’s very common, isn’t it? Especially for fathers. On the other hand, you did provide for your family, which is important too.
Emily responds:
Posted: August 11th, 2008 at 9:55 am →
Really lovely, Vered!
Emily’s last blog post..Simple. Frugal. Fabulous.
RC responds:
Posted: August 11th, 2008 at 11:18 am →
Nicely said… I haven’t figured out the way to word how I feel about my Little Dude yet, but you have done that about your girls very eloquently.
RC’s last blog post..Ants
Jen responds:
Posted: August 11th, 2008 at 11:19 am →
Oh, that is a beautiful post.
Jen’s last blog post..Best Shot Monday- Mama’s White Skirt
Emsxiety responds:
Posted: August 11th, 2008 at 11:40 am →
Absolutely beautiful.
Emsxiety’s last blog post..Day 3 of vacation..
Tanya responds:
Posted: August 11th, 2008 at 11:48 am →
Beautiful words for an equally beautiful shot
magpie responds:
Posted: August 11th, 2008 at 12:04 pm →
Beautiful post.
magpie’s last blog post..Dining Out with Small Fry
Barbara Swafford responds:
Posted: August 11th, 2008 at 12:06 pm →
Hi Vered,
I love how you show “love” goes full circle. Just as your parents love you, you love your children. Just as your parents would give their life for you, you would do the same for your children. The ties that bind parents and children is often said to be indescribable. You have beautifully put it into words, complimenting it with a gorgeous photo.
Barbara Swafford’s last blog post..Psssst! Your Blog Is Showing
Bamboo Forest responds:
Posted: August 11th, 2008 at 12:07 pm →
Wow. Really beautiful piece. Not only is it a beautiful piece of poetry, it has depths of wisdom and life practicality. It allows one to see the bond between parent and child clearly, without any impediment. That’s important. Will help me to put forth more effort in honoring my parents. Well done.
Bamboo Forest’s last blog post..The Frightening Truth about Bloggers
Kmommy @ The Poopie Patrol responds:
Posted: August 11th, 2008 at 12:09 pm →
Just beautiful. Beautiful post and adorable picture!
Kmommy @ The Poopie Patrol’s last blog post..Thinking About Going Out to Dinner with a Colicky Baby?
Ann at One Bag Nation responds:
Posted: August 11th, 2008 at 12:22 pm →
Hi Vered: sometimes just catching my daughter at a certain angle or with a certain expression is overwhelming! Right now she’s losing her teeth and it’s so charming and sweet, yet sad (for me anyway), since it means she’s really growing up. I was hoping to avoid that
Ann
Ann at One Bag Nation’s last blog post..When “Busy Work” is Productive & Satisfying
hank responds:
Posted: August 11th, 2008 at 12:39 pm →
Absolutely – a new tidbit you may not know about me – I think we have daughters that are about the same age – mine are almost 3 and 4 and I fall in the same boat. They’re pretty darn amazing!
Ellen Wilson responds:
Posted: August 11th, 2008 at 12:49 pm →
That is beautiful Vered! It amazes me that you say you don’t care about the writing, just the communicating. I had to think about that for awhile. Aren’t they the same thing? And if you communicate well, well…I guess you write well!
I know how you feel. I think these thoughts sometimes and a bottomless pit of emptiness opens up.
And then I feel horrible for the people who do lose their children.
Talk to ya soon. E
Ellen Wilson’s last blog post..Don’t Cut the Horizon in Two
Shilpan | successsoul.com responds:
Posted: August 11th, 2008 at 1:04 pm →
Vered – You’re the best mom on the net. A hands down winner in my opinion.
-Shilpan
Shilpan | successsoul.com’s last blog post..Johnny Carson’s 7 Techniques for Effective Public Speaking
Lance responds:
Posted: August 11th, 2008 at 1:21 pm →
Kids change you. Kids changed me in a most wonderful way.
What you have written is beautiful, and your mother should be proud watching her daughter.
Lance’s last blog post..5K Race Report – Hills Edition
Lion de Leeuw responds:
Posted: August 11th, 2008 at 1:28 pm →
Beautiful words!!!
Yes Vered, your parents feel the same about you.
As written in your article “I would give my life for you.
Your life is more important than mine. I am the past.
You’re the future. I would do whatever it takes to
make sure you survive”.
I LOVE YOU, your dad.
vw bug responds:
Posted: August 11th, 2008 at 1:33 pm →
Those are great pictures. And a wonderful sentiment.
vw bug’s last blog post..My Swimmer
Don Mills Diva responds:
Posted: August 11th, 2008 at 1:49 pm →
Absolutely beautiful Vered.
Rita responds:
Posted: August 11th, 2008 at 3:23 pm →
Just beautiful, and a pick-me-up for my mood today. I’ve always told my chidren that I’d die for their father, but I’d kill for them
Don’t blink. It just goes too darn fast. One day, I don’t know when, I blinked. And my two beautiful little girls were lovely young ladies. And I wouldn’t have given up a second.
I think your father would understand. How lucky you all are.
Rita
Rita’s last blog post..I’m Not Happy
Natural responds:
Posted: August 11th, 2008 at 3:50 pm →
Great post Vered, you’re making me tear up here…especially since my daughter is away this week. I miss my hugs and kisses, but she’s fine… okay… ♥
They sure do grow fast, don’t blink cause on day they will drive right by you.
Melissa responds:
Posted: August 11th, 2008 at 3:56 pm →
Lovely shot, lovely words. I really enjoyed reading this.
Melissa’s last blog post..Crafty Mamas – Best Shot Monday
Urban Panther responds:
Posted: August 11th, 2008 at 3:58 pm →
That’s moving, and absolutely accurate. This weekend I was watching my beautiful young adult daughter move amongst her friends, play with their babies, spontaneously tell her boyfriend that she loved him, laugh, dance, take her stunning photographs, and talk with excitement and contentment about all the plans for her wedding (no date yet!), and my heart felt just as you described.
That’s a beautiful picture of your children! Thanks for sharing.
Urban Panther’s last blog post..A night at Navarra
Urbane Lion responds:
Posted: August 11th, 2008 at 4:22 pm →
Yes, being a parent truly changes your outlook on life. Before I used to be daring and ready to try anything. Now, even flying makes me nervous! Nothing beats the sound of your child’s laughter and I just don’t want to lose that. Great post!
Avani-Mehta responds:
Posted: August 11th, 2008 at 5:31 pm →
Wow, that’s touching. Your article made me remember my parents and be thankful again for having them.
Avani-Mehta’s last blog post..Living Life Child Like
Evelyn Lim responds:
Posted: August 11th, 2008 at 6:22 pm →
What a nice post! Hopefully your girls will get to read it some day. I didn’t realise that you have two girls…looks like we have one more thing in common
Evelyn Lim’s last blog post..7 Wise Confucius Sayings
Maggie responds:
Posted: August 11th, 2008 at 6:45 pm →
What a beautiful post — and the perfect shot to go with it!
Maggie’s last blog post..Best Shot Monday – Making a Splash!
phyllis responds:
Posted: August 11th, 2008 at 8:03 pm →
lovely, vered. simply lovely.
phyllis’s last blog post..Who needs a car wash? We’ve got Legos!
MomGrind responds:
Posted: August 11th, 2008 at 10:13 pm →
I’m really glad you all like this post. It is EMOTIONAL and I usually don’t like too much emotion, but this just had to be written after this weekend.
@ Barbara: “Just as your parents love you, you love your children.” And I had to become a parent myself to realize how much they love me!
@ Bamboo Forest: “Will help me to put forth more effort in honoring my parents.” Good! It really is hard to understand their sacrifice, until you become a parent yourself.
@ Ann: Watching them grow is, no doubt, a bittersweet experience.
@ hank: This is an old photo… I wanted one that doesn’t show their faces.
Mine are almost 7 and almost 9 (!) but it’s great to know more about you and now I know that we have at least two things in common: a passion for investing and two daughters. 
@ Ellen: I consider my writing good, not great. I consider my ideas great. That about sums it up.
People who lose their children – I have no idea how they keep going.
@ Shilpan: Hey, thanks! I’m a good mom, but probably not the best.
@ Lance: Kids do change you. Thank you so much for your kind words!
@ Dad: I love you dad. Thanks for visiting.
@ Rita: “I’ve always told my chidren that I’d die for their father, but I’d kill for them”. That’s beautiful!
@ natural: They do grow up fast. It’s scary sometimes.
@ Urban Panther: I love your description of how you proudly watch your adult daughter. I’m sure I’ll feel the same when my kids are older.
@ Urbane Lion: I agree that being a parent makes you more careful, less prone to taking risks.
@ Avani-Mehta: I’m glad. They do deserve that.
@ Evelyn: Yay, one moe thing in common!
You are way more spiritual than I am, though, and I am so much more cynical than you are. But I read your blog regularly… we’ll see how it will affect me!
Kelly@SHE-POWER responds:
Posted: August 11th, 2008 at 11:51 pm →
So beautiful, Vered and a lovely shot of your girls. Being a mom is so uplifting but so terrifying as well. I never imagined I could love anyone the way I love my son. So completely. He is Me. I am Him. But the intensity of that love freaks me out. I wonder how I could survive if I lost Bunny. I am sure that I could not.
Yet life is fragile and I know this very well. My son was born on the exact same date as my deceased step-brother. Bunny is the only grandchild and represents hope, love and the future for our family, but on his birthday every year I wonder how his grandmother gets through the day. She says Bunny reminds her of D in a god way. He fills her heart. But I find it so unimaginable to put myself in her shoes.
Motherhood really is one of those that you can never prepare someone for by talking about it. You have to go there to understand. It changes everything.
Kelly
MizFit responds:
Posted: August 12th, 2008 at 3:20 am →
Ive nothing additional to add.
so true.
Ill oft say to my daughter I COULD EAT YOUR FACE OFF.
same sentiments—-more crass
MizFit’s last blog post..Tues Trends: MeMeMe? It’s time for TheeTheeThee.
Cath Lawson responds:
Posted: August 12th, 2008 at 2:59 pm →
Hi Vered – what a lovely post. I spent a lot of time apart from my children when they were younger, due to business and i truly regret not taking more time to watch them grow. Childhood doesn’t last nearly long enough.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: August 12th, 2008 at 3:56 pm →
@ Kelly: I am sorry about your step brother. That must have been terrible for the entire family. I can’t even begin to imagine.
@ MizFit: I happen to like your crassness.
@ Cath: I think this happens to many people. It’s unfair that we need to build our careers and our businesses while our children are still young.
Christina responds:
Posted: August 12th, 2008 at 5:30 pm →
Thank you for sharing that love you have for your children. It’s beautiful.
zoe responds:
Posted: August 12th, 2008 at 6:06 pm →
What wonderfully sweet post. Your daughters are lucky to have you for their mom.
zoe’s last blog post..Don’t Quote Me On That, #1
Sara at On Simplicity responds:
Posted: August 12th, 2008 at 7:06 pm →
Please please please, write this out in your own handwriting, hide it somewhere the kids won’t find until they’re grown, and let them have the incredible pleasure of knowing how much you’ve loved them.
Absolutely beautiful, and it’s just radiating with honesty.
Sara at On Simplicity’s last blog post..Teaching Tweens Simplicity
MomGrind responds:
Posted: August 12th, 2008 at 9:42 pm →
@ Sara: I can’t read my own handwriting anymore… I doubt if they could.
But it’s a great idea. I might just do it!
Linda Abbit responds:
Posted: August 13th, 2008 at 9:41 am →
Vered,
This is one of the most beautiful posts I’ve ever read. You made me cry, too!
I didn’t appreciate all my parents did for me until I became a Mom myself. Along with the circle of life, I call it the circle of love.
Thank you for sharing these very personal sentiments out loud! Your daughters are very lucky.
Sarah responds:
Posted: August 13th, 2008 at 5:07 pm →
This one made me tear up! :’( It’s so true though. Sometimes I feel so much love for my children that I’m afraid to voice it (not to them, but to the public). Why? Not sure. I just feel like life is perfect right now and I want to freeze these moments and not tempt anything to happen, I guess. You sound like a fabulous Mom!
Sarah’s last blog post..I Can’t Keep Up Anymore!
MomGrind responds:
Posted: August 13th, 2008 at 8:12 pm →
@ Linda: Thank you so much!
“I didn’t appreciate all my parents did for me until I became a Mom myself. Along with the circle of life, I call it the circle of love.” – This is beautiful too!
@ Sarah: It IS scary. There’s a lot of fear when you love someone so much. Sometimes I’m afraid for Ido too. And sometimes I watch my parents get older and I’m afraid for them. But the fear is the most intense, the most paralyzing, when it comes to your kids.
crunchy domestic goddess responds:
Posted: August 13th, 2008 at 8:43 pm →
what a great photo and a touching and very moving tribute to your girls.
crunchy domestic goddess’s last blog post..Our MI vacation: the good, the bad & the ugly
Check It Out Department – A Talent Explosion! at Deeper Issues responds:
Posted: August 16th, 2008 at 4:58 pm →
[...] has poured her feelings into I Am Watching You and brought tears to my eyes with her thoughts on her daughters, on [...]
Mozi Esme's Mommy responds:
Posted: August 17th, 2008 at 6:56 am →
This is beautiful! And yet so often in the little things, I find myself being selfish rather than choosing the best route for my child. Life-and-death situations, I know what I’d do. But the little things?
Mozi Esme’s Mommy’s last blog post..More Busyness
roberta responds:
Posted: August 17th, 2008 at 9:53 am →
Thanks for sharing, this is very special for us that are trying to get pregnant.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: August 17th, 2008 at 9:00 pm →
@ Mozi Esme’s Mommy: But are you REALLY selfish? Remember that it’s OK to take care of your own needs. Moms should not become martyrs… it’s not good for us, and it’s not good for our kids.
ClassyMommy responds:
Posted: August 21st, 2008 at 5:20 pm →
thank you for this beautiful post and picture. just came across your blog for the first time. i LOVE it. i will be back….you rock!
MomGrind responds:
Posted: August 21st, 2008 at 8:33 pm →
@ ClassyMommy: Thank you!
Deeper Issues » Blog Archive » Check It Out Department – A Talent Explosion! responds:
Posted: September 5th, 2008 at 10:46 am →
[...] has poured her feelings into I Am Watching You and brought tears to my eyes with her thoughts on her daughters, on [...]
Am I A Bad Mom? | MomGrind responds:
Posted: September 19th, 2008 at 1:45 pm →
[...] Of course I love my children. [...]
How To Get More Blog Subscribers | responds:
Posted: November 4th, 2008 at 8:38 pm →
[...] is that I refuse to limit myself to a niche. I have no doubt that if I were a “real” mommy blogger, or if I wrote exclusively on, say, feminism, I would have more subscribers. In my case it’s [...]
Gratitude and Giving Thanks | Heal Pain Naturally responds:
Posted: November 26th, 2008 at 7:16 am →
[...] of humor and way of looking at life. I love her post that is a tribute to her children, “I Am Watching You“. Up To Us is the other blog Vered writes for and it is a very informative social networking [...]
Worst. Mom. Ever. | responds:
Posted: December 6th, 2008 at 9:47 pm →
[...] Watching My Children [...]
Alicia responds:
Posted: December 9th, 2008 at 7:49 pm →
I don’t know you at all either. In fact, I just happened to stumble upon your blog tonight, and have been thoroughly enjoying the great writing. The second post I happened upon was the one in which you described watching your children grow, and how if you could have only one thing in life, that would be it. Doesn’t sound like a horrible mom to me!
I was just sitting here half an hour ago, feeling like a horrible Mom, as I’ve been fighting with my teenager… we all have our moments, but I believe that our love overrides those moments with no trouble at all. Hang in there… there are strangers who won’t like what ya write, but there are also strangers, like myself, who see a lot of talent, and a very thoughtful person.
20 Ways To Help Your Child Develop A Positive Self Image | responds:
Posted: January 13th, 2009 at 8:22 am →
[...] Reading: Worst Mom EVER Watching My Children Subscribe: Email Or Feed [...]
Sleepless | responds:
Posted: February 3rd, 2009 at 8:52 pm →
[...] because I crept out of my bed to check on them, to revel in how beautiful they are in their sleep. My precious daughters whom I love more than I love myself. I smile happily because I know exactly where they are. They [...]
Parenting Tips: How To Be More Patient | responds:
Posted: June 20th, 2009 at 1:40 pm →
[...] — More parenting articles from MomGrind: Worst Mom Ever 20 Ways To Help Your Child Develop A Positive Self Image Parenthood Has Turned Me Into A Better Person Watching My Children [...]
Personal Blogging responds:
Posted: December 8th, 2009 at 9:55 pm →
[...] a blog post and getting it to rank well in search engines. Naturally, posts such as “Watching My Children” or “I Suck at Personal Blogging” are harder to optimize (in fact, I don’t [...]
MomGrind: Best of 2008 responds:
Posted: December 22nd, 2009 at 4:28 pm →
[...] Watching My Children is one of my favorite posts. I am rarely able to get really personal on this blog, but in this post [...]
Wow Factor | Blogger For Hire responds:
Posted: April 6th, 2010 at 9:06 pm →
[...] and it goes viral on Stumbleupon and gets 100,000 page views in one day, and then I write something deep and meaningful and it gets 1,000 page views, which piece is more important? Which made a bigger [...]