Aging |

Aging: May I Please Get Off This Path Now?

Posted August 24th, 2008 by MomGrind

When I said, a few weeks ago, that aging scares me, Tim Brownson of The Discomfort Zone commented that age is just a state of mind.

I disagree.

Aging
Photo credit: nixArt

In fact, a growing number of researchers are treating aging as a disease.

When I read Tim’s comment, I promised myself that I would write another post in which I would try to explain why aging scares me so much. So here goes.

A few weeks ago, I had an email exchange with a reader. We discussed aging. I saved that email exchange because what I told her pretty much sums up my feelings about aging and I knew right away that I would want to publish it in a post later on.

This is what I said:

“Sometimes I look at very old people, with their wrinkles and their illnesses and with those bodies that betray them more and more with each passing year, and I feel a terrible despair. Like I’m on a path that leads to a horrible place and I have no control over that, and I just want to get off that path, but I can’t. There’s no way out.”

We all walk on that path, together. We must continue, regardless of what gradually happens to us along the way.

We start here:

Cute Baby
Photo credit: almoko

And, if we’re lucky enough to survive and reach our 70s and 80s, many of us end up here:

Photo credit: Ed Yourdon

And yes, I KNOW that the only real alternative is death and that a lot of this is up to me (healthy lifestyle state of mind etc). I should probably just accept that this is the way things are. Still, the fact that all living things must age and shrivel and die is one of the cruelest, most incomprehensible facts of life.

Over to you now. How do YOU feel about aging? Calm and resigned? Desperate and panicky? None of the above? Are you taking any active steps - such as a special diet or vitamins, or maybe spiritual steps - in an attempt to slow down aging?

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84 Responses to: “Aging: May I Please Get Off This Path Now?”

Robin responds:
Posted: August 24th, 2008 at 8:23 pm →

Hiya Vered - thanks for the link!

I’m too busy tearing my hair out and giving myself wrinkles because of dealing with a work “situation”, to write a properly thoughtful comment (and my post is going to be late this week).

I really think it’s great you bring these things up

Robin x

Robin’s last blog post..Reincarnation… A Scenario
Marelisa responds:
Posted: August 24th, 2008 at 8:46 pm →

Hi Vered: You begin by saying that researchers are treating aging as a disease. If it’s a disease, then it means that it’s something that is unnatural, an indication that something went wrong. I think that if we lead a healthy lifestyle (exercise, proper nutrition, relaxation, proper sleep, not smoking or over-drinking, and so on), if we lead a life full of meaning, engagement, purpose, and love, and if we have the right attitude, many of the “symptoms of aging” can be avoided. I feel happier and more at peace with myself with every year that goes by, so I’d say time is treating me well.

Marelisa’s last blog post..Five Simple Ways to Create Passive Income
Hunter Nuttall responds:
Posted: August 24th, 2008 at 8:57 pm →

You know, the year I turned 30, King Tut turned 3,300. As I approached the big three oh, I had images of that decayed corpse in my mind, and associated that with turning 30. But that was three years ago, and I’m still doing much better than King Tut, so apparently a lot of it was in my mind.

I’ve noticed that as I get older, the age that I’d like to stay at forever keeps going up. I used to want to stay at 18 and 21 and 25 and 28, but that all seems ridiculous now. 28 is a baby. Since I hit 30, I’ve come to dread each passing year less, but I figure that has to change at some point.

I’m not really taking any anti-aging measures, and I’m not sure I’d want to. I don’t want to overstay my welcome on this planet, I just want to have fun while I can and die a bit ahead of schedule.

Hunter Nuttall’s last blog post..The Abraham Simpson Guide To Being Miserable
Scott McIntyre responds:
Posted: August 24th, 2008 at 9:01 pm →

Oh, the ‘joys’ of growing older, Vered!

The passing of the years has two effects- on our experience of life and on our physical bodies.

All of us want the wisdom old age brings. Very few desire the degeneration which naturally occurs.

Would you consider cosmetic surgery to stop the outer effects, Vered?

It would be very interesting if you were to write about the ‘Nip/ Tuck’ approach to anti-aging.

Personally, I aim to follow the principles of a ‘healthy lifestyle’ according to the wisdom of today. Doing so might or might not help my body to age better. It could give me a longer stay around the place.

But who knows? And why worry about it?

I’d much rather make the most of this day, than worry too much about tomorrow (and don’t they say worrying can cause wrinkles anyway?!
Kelly@SHE-POWER responds:
Posted: August 24th, 2008 at 9:11 pm →

Hi Vered, thanks for the link.

I have two responses to this. One, my rational mind knows that aging is a natural part of the cycle of life and I have seen many living examples that how you age is very much up to you. People used to think that 50 was old, but now it’s middle aged and my mum at 56 is still a very attractive woman who is, I am embarrassed to say, fitter than I am (I’ve been really half hearted with my boxing/running routine since I got back from Europe and hit the Sydney winter). Every yoga instructor I have ever had was over 40 and all were amazingly youthful, and my last personal trainer was 62 with the body of a 22 year old. She did have aches in knees etc but I have those, so all this shows me that age really is lessened by how you think and behave.

But that’s my head. My emotions are on another track altogether at the moment. I am about to turn 37 and I feel like I am past my prime, and I don’t like it. Some of my husband’s friends recently said to him I have improved with age, but I don’t feel that way. I look in the mirror and I see lines where before there were none and I wonder how my girlish looks will age. I hope that my freckles, full cheeks and big smile will be a blessing with the years, but I am also cursing my stupid sunbathing fixation and my lust for good food and wine over hard exercise. I hope this feeling will fade because I don’t think it serves us to think this way. We’re still going to age anyway.

But believe me, I do know how you feel.

Kel x
MomGrind responds:
Posted: August 24th, 2008 at 9:46 pm →

@ Robin: Sorry about the work situation! I hope it gets resolved soon.

@ Marelisa: It’s true that if it’s a disease, then it means that something went wrong – but it’s a disease that affects 100% of the population.

“I feel happier and more at peace with myself with every year that goes by” – this is absolutely wonderful. Although my life is fuller and I am happier than ever, I can’t say that I’m at peace.

@ Hunter: That’s funny about King Tut. Funny in a sad and dark sort of way… because WE ARE HEADED THERE TOO!

“I just want to have fun while I can and die a bit ahead of schedule.” Sounds like an excellent plan. I think I’ll adopt it.

@ Scott: I’m sure I’ll write about plastic surgery sooner or later. It’s a fascinating subject. While it doesn’t solve the deterioration – it just masks it – I’m sure it helps people feel better about themselves. I wish I could say “no way, I’m never doing THAT”, but I can’t. I’ll be better able to answer this question in about five years. I’m guessing that’s when I’ll start feeling I need it.

@ Kelly: We are about the same age. I think that you only really “get it” after a certain age – perhaps 30, or 35. Maybe for some it’s 40. But midlife crisis is very natural. Whenever Five For Fighting sing “chasing the years of my life” and “another blink of an eye… 67 is gone” I’m thinking “YES. EXACTLY. You blink, and you’re old. Another blink, and it’s over. SCARY”.
Robin responds:
Posted: August 24th, 2008 at 10:06 pm →

Hi Vered - back again (problems dealt with - and been for a walk in the park)

I think that age is a state of mind, and also that some people can be healthy into old age.

But I don’t think humans were ever designed to age and die. And I think people are really, truly, deluding themselves if they think that aging is OK.

Robin’s last blog post..Reincarnation… A Scenario
Davina responds:
Posted: August 24th, 2008 at 10:21 pm →

I don’t worry too much about aging, despite having noticed a few more wrinkles and grey hairs. I don’t follow any special exercise or diet regime to prevent aging, but rather to improve how I feel about myself now. Recently, I’ve fallen off the wagon in both cases and can sure see the difference in the quality of my life. I have always felt and looked younger than my years and perhaps that helps my attitude towards aging.

Davina’s last blog post..My Turn To Be Seen
Mike Goad responds:
Posted: August 24th, 2008 at 10:35 pm →

A while back you told me, “After reading this post… I don’t think two people could possibly be any more different than you and I are. ” [Can you guess who I’m voting for?]

Then you said, “You are an interesting person and certainly full of surprises. I guess we are not that different after all.” [The answer, my friend, is b…. ]

I’m throwing that back at ya! You are an interesting person and have a lot of life and surprises left in you. If you keep it interesting, sometimes it seems like forever ago that some things happened.

For example, what do all of the following things have in common?

Perestroika, Vice President George Bush, the Seoul Olympics, Labtec mouse, the Calgary Olympics, Justice Anthony Kennedy, Iran-Contra, Mordechai Vanunu, The Last Emperor, Mayor Sonny Bono, Abu Jihad, Ivan Demjanjuk, Iran Air Flight 655, Michael Dukakis, Benazir Bhutto, Pan Am Flight 103

The answer…. 1988.

That’s when I was about the age you are now…, and it seems forever ago.

Don’t worry about aging. Take care of yourself as best you as you can and stay interesting and keep the surprises coming…, then aging will be part of the surprise.

Looking forward to many more interesting years.

Mike

Mike Goad’s last blog post..A Solitary Walk on the Beach
Cath Lawson responds:
Posted: August 24th, 2008 at 10:58 pm →

Hi Vered - I had to go ahead and think about this, then come back again. We went out for a drink the other night with a friend and we were all agreeing that we didn’t mind getting older so much. But, when I saw your pictures and what you’d written, I began to wonder if I was being honest with myself.

I must admit - I don’t like the physical aspects of ageing and I’m definitely suffering them already. I used to be quite vain and always said that I’d definitely have surgery. Then I got this scar on my face when I was 24. It can’t be improved and it can’t be covered with make-up as it’s kind of sunken.

Since then, the way I look has become far less important because no matter what I do to improve my appearance that scar is always there spoiling everything. It would probably show up a whole heap less if I had wrinkles beneath my eyes. But I would hate to be as wrinkly as the woman in the first pic - that has definitely made me even more determined to give up smoking.

Cath Lawson’s last blog post..What Sort Of Freelance Writer Are You?
Miranda responds:
Posted: August 24th, 2008 at 11:15 pm →

I confess that sometimes I get a little bit nervous about aging when I think about losing my faculties and losing control of my body and my bodily functions. It’s not the thought of wrinkles and what-not that worries me, but what happens when my mind finally goes and I lose control. At any rate, I think that the key, as has been expressed so often here, is doing one’s best to lead a healthy lifestyle. When I am eating (mostly) right and exercising, I feel much less concerned about aging than when I am out of practice with healthy habits.

Miranda’s last blog post..Yielding Wealth Poll: Which Presidential Candidate Will Be Better For Your Personal Finances?
Barbara Swafford responds:
Posted: August 24th, 2008 at 11:45 pm →

Hi Vered,

I don’t think much about getting older. I realize it’s a fact of life, and even though I’ve lost the cuteness of youth, I’m o.k. with how I’ve aged. I’m young at heart and as far back as I can remember, have never felt my calender years. Personally, I love old people. Wrinkles, lines, gray hair and all. They’re so wise and such a pleasure to talk to. When they talk and I listen, I realize all of those lines, gray hairs and wrinkles tell a story. If we have enough time to spend with them, we’ll know the story of each one.

Although many settle for cosmetic surgery, if the aging problem is in their head, no amount of surgery will erase that mentality.
:::::::::::: wife mom maniac :::::::::::: responds:
Posted: August 25th, 2008 at 12:26 am →

I have always looked forward to being an old lady for some reason. I really hope that I am comfortably healthy for most of my old age, but I plan on being eccentric and wacky and to me anyways, it’s fun to think about what kind of old lady I want to grow up to be. Seems aging means different things in different places geographically, everyone I know from stylish hubs like LA and New York dread agin, but in the rural places I like to be in no one seems to have that dread.

:::::::::::: wife mom maniac ::::::::::::’s last blog post..Be Nice! A Reflection
Max Forlani responds:
Posted: August 25th, 2008 at 1:09 am →

Hi Vered,

getting old scares me for the same reasons you’re scared, getting trapped in a body that is no longer capable of carrying out the wishes of the brain. Or maybe worse, the other way around: a very fit body, but a brain that is not working optimal.

And just as you said, there is no way out! Death is the only thing we’re sure of when we arrive here.

I have difficulties on the other hand with all these vitamins, eating healthy, exercise, etc. Sure these will help, but ultimately it’s a bigger force that decides who will go when and how. How can you otherwise explain the (now 10 years ago) death of a 21-year old friend from blood cancer? He was way to young to be able to deteriorate his body! Or the fact that Keith Richards, though not looking like a model, is still hopping around in front of 150.000 people, while he did everything that is bad for your body in an excessive way?

This is what puzzles me most about getting older I guess.

Cheers,
Max

Max Forlani’s last blog post..Getting Involved
Christina responds:
Posted: August 25th, 2008 at 1:31 am →

Hi Vered!
Yes!! I think aging is a disease. I’m 23 years old, I’m I already worry about wrinkles. But then I stop and think of all the things that an aged woman/man has. A WHOLE LIFE’S worth of experience. I look forward to growing old with a loved one and having grandchildren, and telling them about how “it used to be.”

Christina’s last blog post..Keep Trying - Quote from Cybill Shepherd
Natural responds:
Posted: August 25th, 2008 at 2:49 am →

I think about aging and I too look at old people and think, how did that happen. I know how, but unfortunately there isn’t much else we can do about it.

I wont be like those people who try to avoid aging…some people use botox, creams and operations. I think it makes them look worse. It’s going to happen, the good thing is that it’s gradual.
Jens Dalsgaard responds:
Posted: August 25th, 2008 at 3:23 am →

I’m getting older and am surprised every time I am not the young guy.

I saw this young man mowing a lawn at 45 degree angle, and sitting on the side of the mower in order not to tilt sideways. He was going fast, really fast. I met him later same day and commented on his impressive mowing. He just looked at me as if I was from Mars and did not utter a word. Then my wife said: “He sees you as a crazy old man - you know - the type that strikes up a conversation about the weather on the bus”.

Just make sure that any age you are, is your best age!

Jens Dalsgaard’s last blog post..Three Things You Wish You’d Known at 20
Lance responds:
Posted: August 25th, 2008 at 3:30 am →

Age is a real number. I’m getting close to 40, and I think more often, how fast time is flying by. I ask myself if I’m doing everything I want to in order to have a great life. And sometimes I think, how can I get it all in. I need to this or that while I’m still young. And then, I also remember that age is a state of mind too. It’s how I feel, and how I act. Do I still enjoy life? Do I try new things? Do I lead an active and healthy life? When I look at it this way, I really feel younger now than I did five years ago.

So, for me age is a number and we can’t stop it at all from going up. But it’s also a state of mind. And I try to concentrate on that one - it’s the one I can affect.

But that doesn’t stop me from thing about the number every once in a while…

Lance’s last blog post..Sunday Thought For The Day
Writer Dad responds:
Posted: August 25th, 2008 at 6:01 am →

Aging is BOTH a fact, and a state of mind. We’re all going to age no matter what, but our outlook will slow it down. The most amazing man I ever met was my grandfather. He just passed about two months ago. He was ninety-nine. The only thing that killed him was my grandma going first. He worked every day until his retirement at ninety-two (he was really social) and had the best years of his life after sixty. He is single-handedly responsible for making me look forward to getting older.

Writer Dad’s last blog post..Red Furry Monster Vs. High School Musical
Lin responds:
Posted: August 25th, 2008 at 6:11 am →

HI Vered, I’m definitely not liking the aging process one bit. The fine lines that are beginning to make their appearance on my forehead are unwelcome, and I sometimes “cover” them up by wearing my bangs down.

One thing that really gets to me is how it becomes harder to lose a few pounds that used to come off in no time at all when I was younger. Weight is a constant struggle but I’m determined to maintain as much control over it as possible, for as long as I can.

I don’t actually feel old quite yet, but I do think having a positive attitude about getting older and the physical changes we will all experience at some point is a key factor. It’s also wonderful to get to the point where you just don’t care anymore what others think of you, and you really speak your mind and don’t hold back your thoughts and feelings like many women are/were taught to do while growing up.

Lin’s last blog post..101 Best Children’s Books - Classic Children’s Books
Evelyn Lim responds:
Posted: August 25th, 2008 at 6:27 am →

The fear of aging is really the fear of death itself. The Buddha said “Life is uncertain - Death is certain”. Much suffering also springs when we become attached to our physical body. We have to accept what will surely come to pass. We prepare for the moment when we breathe our last breath by knowing that we have lived our best and fullest. There are no doubts, no worry or regret in that one moment but every peace.

The point about death is to let our physical selves be aware of a destiny that no matter how much material pursuits we have gotten, we will meet with the same end. Yet consciousness is eternal. We never really die.

Pierre Theilhard de Chardin wrote in the first half of the 20th century, “We are not human beings have a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience”. Perhaps if you share the same belief, you can reduce your fears.

Evelyn Lim’s last blog post..Guest Post: 7 Tips On How To Handle Rejection In Life
Suzie responds:
Posted: August 25th, 2008 at 6:32 am →

Im ok with it as long as I remain gorgeous and healthy and spry. And my hubby is with me too,

Suzie’s last blog post..Why I hate Class Trips
SpaceAgeSage responds:
Posted: August 25th, 2008 at 6:48 am →

I have seen so many people run screaming from the aging process as if from a monster in a horror movie. Yes, our culture glorifies youth and marginalizes older or elderly adults. This doesn’t mean I have to. My husband is in his fifties and in the best shape of his life mentally, physically, and emotionally. I earned my 3rd degree black belt, my EMT certification, and spent two years as a volunteer firefighter in my forties. I’ll be 50 in two years, and I know it will be the best, most centered, and most amazing decade of my life. I relish the learning, the growing, the insights. I am certain I will realize one of my greatest dreams by writing a NY Times best-seller in the next few years. Life is good.

SpaceAgeSage’s last blog post..Writing down to the heart of creativity
Kmommy @ The Poopie Patrol responds:
Posted: August 25th, 2008 at 7:26 am →

Great topic. Aging is so not a disease… I think my husband is more worried about aging than I am but we are both fortunate and have some *young* genes. I feel that aging is a natural unavoidable process and I don’t do anything to combat it. Although as I write this, I am thinking about finally using that hair color I bought 6mos ago to cover my grays
Jill responds:
Posted: August 25th, 2008 at 7:54 am →

This is tough. I agree with Cath - there’s denial. It’s hard to face what’s happening the way you do here. I admire anyone here who says that they are OK with aging, but I still think it’s denial.
Kim Woodbridge responds:
Posted: August 25th, 2008 at 8:03 am →

I don’t worry that much about aging - I think I’m too concerned about what’s going on now That being said, I turned 40 this summer. I was dreading it and it turned out to be fine. I’m fortunate in that I don’t look like my age and people are surprised when they find out how old I am. I notice the gray hairs and the wrinkles but it doesn’t bother me very much. I do hope that I’m fairly healthy when I’m old but like I said I don’t worry about it. I actually am more concerned about my parents - they are in their early to mid-60’s and I don’t know if they had made many plans for their old age.

I don’t think aging is a disease - I think our culture it SO youth-oriented that we don’t respect the wisdom of experience and instead place value on physical appeareance.

Death and illness are frightening but would life be as precious if it lasted forever? I don’t think it would.

Kim Woodbridge’s last blog post..(Anti) Social-Lists 8/24/08
Virginia responds:
Posted: August 25th, 2008 at 8:09 am →

I just read a couple of books by Nancy Thayer, one about a group of 5 women in their 60s who call themselves the hot flash club. These women pay meticulous attention to aging. (Or Nancy Thayer does.) I’ve never seen such detailed coverage of how an aging body changes—what skin feels like, how bones and muscles beneath the skin feel, the fatigue, the self-disgust.

I think we are lucky to grow old. I think old people are beautiful and full of wonderful surprises. My almost 80 year old neighbor takes a van full of animals from the zoo around to elementary schools all year. Everybody loves her. Who cares if she has wrinkles?

Virginia’s last blog post..Review: Mastering CSS with Dreamweaver CS3
Dot H. responds:
Posted: August 25th, 2008 at 8:57 am →

“Like I’m on a path that leads to a horrible place and I have no control over that, and I just want to get off that path, but I can’t. There’s no way out.”

My feelings exactly, I’m just surprised that you’re feeling it so early. I don’t want to dismiss other’s comments, but I have to say when I was in my 30’s and 40’s, I had no idea what aging would be like. You can plan all you want — it won’t turn out that way. I didn’t know that heredity would kick in when I was 44 and I”d suddenly have two serious chronic illnesses, and that I would continue to get new ones for several years after. If you want a good example of eating right and exercising all your life, take a look at Jack LaLanne. He’s in his 90’s, but he sure doesn’t look young. He’s still very active and strong, but he’s getting senile. Yes, he lived a long time and enjoyed it, but he’s not pretty. And in that great photo on this post, they left out the pale, clouded eye color, the eyelashes falling out (along with leg hair, armpit hair, and lower down hair) and the lovely lips thinned to a slit.

You may plan to stay active, but arthritis will put a halt to that for many. You may eat right and still get a fatal illness. There are no promises, and as far as I can tell from the age of 61 (and I contend that age alone doesn’t bring wisdom), it’s all a crap shoot.

And for those who want to die early and leave a pretty corpse — wait until you’re actually facing death, and then you’ll see how you really feel. Sometimes, that’s just drama talking.
Dot H. responds:
Posted: August 25th, 2008 at 9:09 am →

PS — Sorry to sound so negative, but once I had my palm read and was told that my “fate” line, surprisingly, ran completely through my life from start to finish, and that has proved to be the case. Almost nothing that I planned well ahead for has turned out the way I expected.

Also, Vered, I’ve been thinking of writing about aging, too, though not from this perspective. It must be in the air. Ooo, look, lots of new links to read on aging, and I’m almost positive none of them will be writing what I’m planning on writing. Should be interesting!
Stacey / CreateaBalance responds:
Posted: August 25th, 2008 at 9:23 am →

For so many years I thought the concept of getting old was for “those other people”. Now I’m realizing I am part of those other people. When I met with my financial planner last week, when referring to my retirement he said “the good thing is you’re still young.” I was shocked and thrilled when I heard that he considers me to “still be young”. Since then I’ve been wondering when will I NOT still be young?

One of the hardest and scariest parts of the aging process for me if my lack of memory.

Stacey / CreateaBalance’s last blog post..The Power of Accountability
Lion de Leeuw responds:
Posted: August 25th, 2008 at 9:27 am →

Hi Vered and all the bloggers/ readers,

I’m Vered’s dad at the age of 61, but I have always felt much younger than my age. I have some wrinkles and also grey hair. Believe me, don’t let aging scares you!!! I have a great time after years of hard working. I enjoy not only each day….but every minute of it, with a lot of time for my wife, children, grandchildren, friends and all my hobbies.
My mother and Vered’s grandmother is 93 years old!!! healthy and looks very good at her age. She walks, rides the bus, does shopping all by herself. So Vered there is hope for the future.
Take care, don’t worry about aging, stop smoking and the most important thing is to be HAPPY.

Lion de Leeuw
zoe responds:
Posted: August 25th, 2008 at 9:53 am →

You and I have so many of the same thoughts about a lot of things that I sometimes think we were twins seperated at birth.

I am scared to death of getting old. I don’t want to lose my youth and beauty, such as it is. I don’t want to lose my mobility and independance. I don’t want to lose my health. I don’t want to lose my relevance in society. Yet, I don’t want to die either. Seems strange that I fear getting old, and at the same time I also fear dying young.

zoe’s last blog post..Don’t Quote Me On That, #2
Al at 7P responds:
Posted: August 25th, 2008 at 10:04 am →

Hi Vered, thanks for the thought-provoking post. I have to admit I never gave it as much thought until now.

I think there is two things going on here - aging physically, and aging mentally. I believe that Tim (and many of your other readers) are saying that the mental aspect of youth (vitality, optimism) don’t necessarily have to go away with age. However like you said, the physical aspect of aging is not a matter of opinion but of medical fact.

It sounds like the physical aspect of aging is the issue you’re trying to deal with here. The only thing I can hope for myself is that I follow the physical path towards aging gracefully. We don’t have a choice on whether or not we’ll physically age, but we do have control of how well we age.

Al at 7P’s last blog post..Why Should I Help You?
Al at 7P responds:
Posted: August 25th, 2008 at 10:07 am →

Ugh, I just proofread my comment and my grammar was pretty shot (”there is two things”, “Tim … are saying”). Maybe I am aging mentally?
Al at 7P’s last blog post..Why Should I Help You?
Mrs. Micah responds:
Posted: August 25th, 2008 at 10:21 am →

The only thing I’m really scared of when it comes to aging is dementia/Alzheimer’s. And cancer, but that’s at any age. After seeing my grandfather literally lose his mind over a few years, I know that I never want to die that way.

But I’m actually looking forward to being 30 for some reason. I plan to enjoy my 20s, but 30 suddenly seems cozy and inviting instead of scary. I’ve also decided that it’s probably ok to grow up to look like my mom. My mom may not be supermodel material, but she has a very friendly, cute, pleasant face.
Ellen Wilson responds:
Posted: August 25th, 2008 at 10:34 am →

Vered,

The essential YOU never gets old. It’s an illusion. Don’t worry, YOU won’t die.

On the other hand, if you told that to me on a plane at 38,000 feet I don’t know how I would feel/react.

I guess you have to practice feeling the YOU underneath all through the layered bullshit. That’s what I do anyway.

Society expects women to always look wonderful beautiful sexy and all that other crap. I was just telling my husband last night, what if there was a 80 year old woman with a smoking jacket surrounded by a bunch of young guys age 18-25? Of course, making the comparison to Hugh Hefner.

Ellen Wilson’s last blog post..Freelance Business Burnout
Ellen Wilson responds:
Posted: August 25th, 2008 at 10:36 am →

Whoops. I forgot to edit the last line in the first paragraph. It doesn’t look to bad though. Kinda reinforces it all. E

Ellen Wilson’s last blog post..Freelance Business Burnout
San Diego Momma responds:
Posted: August 25th, 2008 at 11:31 am →

Hi Vered:

Thanks for including my link here. You’re always so supportive.

And I’m having similar feelings on aging. In a few short months, I turn 40, and like you said so well, I’m on a path where there’s no turning back. It’s been difficult to reconcile my inside (which feels like I’m 10) with my outside (which is 10 times 4).

I guess what it comes down to is state of mind. I’ve seen it in action with my father, who will be 71 this month. His outlook on life keeps him young, and I’d like to take after him in that way.

That said, I do think I’m going to get Botox for the first time soon.
San Diego Momma’s last blog post..Many Rivers to Thank
Scott McIntyre responds:
Posted: August 25th, 2008 at 11:38 am →

A big hello to Lion- Vered’s dad!

It’s great to see you around… Your daughter’s got a chatty crowd about this place

Thank you for sharing your philsophy of life.
Bamboo Forest responds:
Posted: August 25th, 2008 at 12:01 pm →

Two things:

Firstly, we can contribute to how we age. The healthier our lifestyle the more comfortable aging will be. And truth is, if you’re healthy now - rejoice. Many don’t even have good health while they are young!

Secondly, if you fear aging than it has power over you. I prefer and try not to fear it - because then I become its servant. Acceptance is a far better approach. Furthermore, work on your mind and spirit now while you’re young - so that when you get older you will be able to handle it gracefully. Even joyously.

Look at aging as more of a test than a death sentence.

We can still be healthy as we get older! But we will not look as young, true. But, there is more to life than looking young and beautiful. And even in our old age, we can still contribute to making this world a better place. And that’s worth living for no matter what our age.

Bamboo Forest’s last blog post..Why Having to Say Hello Twice can Be So Awkward
Bamboo Forest responds:
Posted: August 25th, 2008 at 12:03 pm →

Also, this is worth mentioning. Look at the Dalai Lama for example. I think I heard him on tv once say that he is happier now than he used to be because he has more mastery over his mind and emotions than he used to be.

He always has a pleasant mood and yet he is an old man.

Bamboo Forest’s last blog post..Why Having to Say Hello Twice can Be So Awkward
Chris responds:
Posted: August 25th, 2008 at 12:52 pm →

The only thing that worries me about aging is not being able to see my children when I’m dead. Aside from the obvious physical drawbacks, I like being old. I love all the experience and wisdom that comes with it. Now, if given the chance to have wisdom and accumulated knowledge without the side effect of physically aging, then I would certainly be all over it.

I honestly think that this pre-occupation with aging has something to do with the baby boomers angst. They lived in era of free love, conspicous consumption, and material wealth, and now that they are in nearing the twilight of their years, they are still trying to hold on to all the great times that they had.

Chris’s last blog post..5 Movies That Make Me Cry
MomGrind responds:
Posted: August 25th, 2008 at 1:20 pm →

@ Robin: Glad your work problem has been solved!
“I don’t think humans were ever designed to age and die” – well, we talked about this in your own blog… I look around and see that there’s a circle of life: all things must age and die in order to make space for the next generation. This is true for plants and animals, not just for humans.

@ Davina: “I have always felt and looked younger than my years and perhaps that helps my attitude towards aging.” I’m sure it helps!

@ Mike: Thank you!
1988 does seem like it was forever ago. Sigh.
I do take good care of myself and I definitely plan on staying interesting, so I’m good.

@ Cath: “But, when I saw your pictures and what you’d written, I began to wonder if I was being honest with myself.” This is exactly what I’m saying here. When people say they are OK with aging, when they are even positive about it, I always wonder – how much of this is denial? I mean, how can anyone say that the gradual deterioration and eventual death is anything but horrible? Sure, we should take care of ourselves and make the best that we can out of our situation. But objectively, how can anyone say that aging is anything but awful?

That’s an interesting story about how your scar made you lose interest in appearances. As for smoking, if this photo will finally make you quit, then I am a hero. Smoking IS very damaging to skin and accelerates the aging process.

@ Miranda: I agree that while it’s sad and scary to lose one’s looks, what scares me most about aging is the possible loss of control over mind and body.

@ Barbara: It’s very true that cosmetic surgery is not a very good solution. It takes care of the outward signs of aging, but doesn’t stop the process itself and doesn’t give peace of mind to anyone who is troubled by getting older.

@ wife mom maniac: I’m sure in fashionable cities it’s a lot about losing one’s looks. I do agree that for many people, growing old means freeing oneself from worrying too much about what others think about you. That’s definitely a positive.

@ Max: I think a lot of it is determined by your genes.

@ Christina: 23 is very young. When I was 23, I didn’t worry about aging. I think that many people start thinking about it only when they begin to see physical signs of aging, and this normally happens after 35 or so. No doubt, growing old surrounded by loved ones is better than alone, but if I had a choice, I would choose being forever young and surrounded by loved ones.

@ Natural: “I too look at old people and think, how did that happen.” Yeah, I do that a lot. I look a a very old person, and I try to imagine them when they were young. We sometimes tend to be dismissive towards old people, and it’s a way for me to remind myself that they were once young and vibrant to, and that whatever happened to them, will happen to me too.

@ Jens: That’s a funny story! When I meet people that are significantly younger, or older, than I am, I am often curious to know if they factor our age difference into our interaction.

@ Lance: “I try to concentrate on that one - it’s the one I can affect.” I think this is very true, and very smart. I admire your honesty: you ARE worried about aging, but you’re doing the best that you can. This is what I’m aiming for.

@ Writer Dad: This is an inspiring story. My grandma, at 93, is still healthy, sharp and functioning, but there’s still an obvious gradual deterioration. She’s not walking as well as in the past, she seems more tired, and she’s slowly shrinking in size. So, while I’m grateful that I likely have at least some of her genes, it still pains me to see her going through the process. I guess I just suffer from really bad attitude if even my 93 years old fully functioning grandma makes me sad.

@ Lin: “It’s also wonderful to get to the point where you just don’t care anymore what others think of you, and you really speak your mind and don’t hold back your thoughts and feelings” – I agree. This IS a positive side of aging.

@ Evelyn: You say “Yet consciousness is eternal. We never really die.” And then “Perhaps if you share the same belief, you can reduce your fears.” And you are right. I’m sure that if I could bring myself to believe that death is not the end of everything, and that life is just one of the many journeys that my soul will take, I would feel differently. But I can’t. I don’t believe in any of it. I think that it’s all theories that people made up to make themselves feel better about aging and death.

@ Suzie: “as long as I remain gorgeous and healthy and spry” – do you think you will be all these things when you’re 65? 75? 90?

@ SpaceAgeSage: I love your attitude. Is it just our culture, though? Isn’t the process of aging inherently sad and scary? Maybe not for everyone.

@ Kmommy: “I am thinking about finally using that hair color I bought 6mos ago to cover my grays”: be sure to post before and after pictures if you do.

@ Jill: It could be denial, or plain positive thinking which you and I lack.

@ Kim: “Death and illness are frightening but would life be as precious if it lasted forever? I don’t think it would.” True, but if it could just be a tad longer, or if we could stay physically young until the very end and then just climb into bed at night and die peacefully, that would be better.

@ Virginia: I agree that old people, as individuals, can be fascinating, and that they can lead a very happy life. It’s the concept of growing old that bothers me. The fact that there are processes that take place that are indeed very much disease-like. Cells die, stop renewing themselves, or become sick and start multiplying like crazy. I look at the baby, then at the old lady, and I am appalled that we have to put up with this.

@ Dot H.: I admire your honesty. I feel this way at a young age because I look around and I see old people and I see my loved ones aging and even if I’m too young to fully experience it, I see it in other people and I know that I’m walking the same path. I can’t wait for your own post on aging. Should be an interesting read.

@ Stacey: I guess for financial planners, you’re young as long as you have at least 10 years until retirement age, so even in your forties and fifties, you are still considered young.

@ Dad: “Take care, don’t worry about aging, stop smoking and the most important thing is to be HAPPY.” You are a smart man. I love you.

@ zoe: That’s the beauty of blogging. You and I, we are so similar in so many ways. Yet, if it weren’t for blogging, we would never have known about each other’s existence.

“I don’t want to lose my relevance in society.” This is definitely a big part of the fear. In modern society, old people are pushed to the sideline regardless of what they have to offer.

“Seems strange that I fear getting old, and at the same time I also fear dying young.” I feel the same. If you showed me a future photo of myself, at age 80, in a hospital and wearing a diaper (PLEASE don’t ever let it happen), then told me “OK, you can choose to die NOW and avoid that horrific end”, it would still be VERY hard for me to die now and give it all up. There’s so much pleasure in life. And my kids. How could I ever leave them when they still need me?

@ Al: “the physical aspect of aging is not a matter of opinion but of medical fact.” You are right. This is what bothers me. I guess it’s a control thing. Something is happening to me that’s out of my control, and no matter what I do, even if I take care of myself, even if I am able to be positive, it will end badly (illness and death). This is very hard to accept. But I like your approach. And don’t worry about typos in a comment… I make them all the time, because I always want to leave so many comments on so many blogs yet have so little time!

@ Mrs. Micah: “The only thing I’m really scared of when it comes to aging is dementia/Alzheimer’s.” I agree that this is the scariest. I know someone who has Alzheimer’s. She’s in a wheelchair, in diapers, and does not recognize he own children. Just as with many other old people that I meet, I often remind myself that she was once 30-something too. She was young and active and hard working. It breaks my heart to think about the person that she used to be.

@ Ellen: I fixed it for you.
Hugh Hefner makes me gag. They are with him because they want something and it’s not his personality. I am sad for him that he doesn’t have a real, loving, equal relationship. But I know that many men think he’s got it made.
But Ellen, it’s not just about looks. Aging is much more than that. Even if you don’t care about losing your beauty, you still deteriorate physically. It really scares me.

@ San Diego Momma: If you do Botox, you will HAVE to post before and after pictures on your blog!

@ Scott: My dad is awesome. I wish I could be more like him.

@ Bamboo Forest: That’s an amazing attitude. It’s definitely healthier than mine. Maybe if I read it over and over again, I’ll start feeling the same!

@ Chris: “I honestly think that this pre-occupation with aging has something to do with the baby boomers angst. They lived in era of free love, conspicuous consumption, and material wealth, and now that they are in nearing the twilight of their years, they are still trying to hold on to all the great times that they had.” This is a very interesting observation. I think it makes a lot of sense.
Don Mills Diva responds:
Posted: August 25th, 2008 at 1:56 pm →

I have to say I’m kinda looking forward to it. I mean, I can only imagine that the physical deterioration is extremely difficult but I can’t wait to have the perspective. I also look forward to knowing that I can stop building my career, that my children are raised, that I can stop wondering what my life will be and just …be. I might add I started saving for retirement in my 20s so I look forwrad to being financially set in my golden years…

Don Mills Diva’s last blog post..Diva’s guide to fall fashion must-haves part 2
Ellen Wilson responds:
Posted: August 25th, 2008 at 2:33 pm →

Hi Vered again,

You’re more altruistic than I am. I don’t feel in the least sorry for Hugh Hefner.

Well, there is really nothing I can say to allay your fears. You will have to figure it out yourself. I’m not saying this to be mean, but we are all in the same boat. We don’t know what will happen in the future, so why waste energy worrying about it? I know this is easier said than done. But it can become a practice to not worry about the future.

I actually like getting older and obtaining more knowledge. Becoming a crone! Then I can benefit others.

Ellen Wilson’s last blog post..Freelance Business Burnout
Cath Lawson responds:
Posted: August 25th, 2008 at 2:56 pm →

Hi Vered - it certainly does put me off smoking. I’ve been quite lucky so far - I deserve far more wrinkles than I have. But I can’t expect my luck to last forever. You should also show that pic to the person you want to stop smoking.

Cath Lawson’s last blog post..What Sort Of Freelance Writer Are You?
Tim Brownson responds:
Posted: August 25th, 2008 at 3:25 pm →

Maybe people aren’t in denial Vered, but in the moment.

Of course we could worry about something that may or may not happen and lose the only thing we have, that of the now. Or we could concentrate on keeping ourselves centered and get the most out of life.

I’d still like to be able to party like I could 20 years ago though!

Tim Brownson’s last blog post..Method To The Madness
hyrcan responds:
Posted: August 25th, 2008 at 3:42 pm →

Hrm… that’s what freaky picture…

You’ve touched on something that’s been on my mind recently. I’ve not cared about my age in the past, but recently it’s starting to really bother me. Probably due to my recent singleness, and the weird situation of only having friends under 26… (I don’t know how… I just do) couple that with going out and only ever meeting more of these twenty somethings… and I start to think about age.

I’ve always been a “age is a state of mind” kinda person, but that’s changing. I’ve always wanted to make an impact on the world, but fear I’ll end up as part of the faceless masses of history. And although I don’t think that’s a healthy outlook, it’s still there. After all, when all is said and done, I’m won’t be able to care. Of course following this thought leads down quite a deep rabbit hole… so back to age.

I think I’ll be taking healthy steps to try and slow it down. Until I’ve no other choice…

And then cryogenicly freeze myself till they cure age.

hyrcan’s last blog post..Healthcare Security in the U.S. (Wordless Wednesday)
MomGrind responds:
Posted: August 25th, 2008 at 4:01 pm →

@ Don Mills Diva: I have to agree about gaining perspective, and inner peace. Although I imagine this only works if you’re relatively healthy.

@ Ellen: I don’t think you’re being mean. “why waste energy worrying about it?” – that’s a very valid question.

@ Cath: It IS a powerful image.

@ Tim: “Maybe people aren’t in denial Vered, but in the moment.” True. It’s what Ellen said. It doesn’t really make sense to worry about something that’s out of our control.

@ hyrcan: “And then cryogenicly freeze myself till they cure age.” Well, at least you managed to make me laugh, amid all these dark thoughts. Thanks.
Becky responds:
Posted: August 25th, 2008 at 5:25 pm →

It’s funny, really it is (well, it is in my OWN mind) that I used to be terrified of getting older. Well, more accurately, I was afraid of dying. Now, with many years as a healthcare professional under my belt and after seeing some of the really crazy….stuff….that happens when you get older. NOW, I’m less afraid. I don’t understand it, but it’s the truth.

So no, I’m not really afraid of it. Not yet.
SpaceAgeSage responds:
Posted: August 25th, 2008 at 6:14 pm →

Vered, you asked me, “Is it just our culture, though? Isn’t the process of aging inherently sad and scary?”

No, it is not inherently sad and scary. Many cultures — African and Asian — honor their parents and grandparents, sometimes with reverence. They understand that aging is simply a part of life, not a scary, wasting disease. I know it is tough to face, and as a caregiver for my mother, who suffers major memory loss from Alzheimer’s and stroke, I can say the process of aging for ourselves, for our parents, and for our society must be faced with courage, love, and humor. Doing so gives a society depth and wisdom. Otherwise fear of the process will leave us focused on aging or trying to recapture youth instead of living.

SpaceAgeSage’s last blog post..Is ingratitude like anti-matter?
MomGrind responds:
Posted: August 25th, 2008 at 8:16 pm →

@ Becky: I find it amazing that after seeing the crazy stuff that happens, you are less afraid.

@ SpaceAgeSage: I really admire your attitude. I wish I could feel like you.
Sarah responds:
Posted: August 25th, 2008 at 8:36 pm →

Hi Vered,

I used to have the same fear!

I have accepted that regardless of anything I can do, I will still get older and die one day.

However, I realized that my biggest fear about aging was the “common” diseases and ailments that come with it. And I have increasing faith that a healthy lifestyle (for me, a fruitarian diet, with enough exercise, sunshine, rest, sleep, happiness and all the good things in life) will help me proactively take a stand against diseases that people think are inevitable with time, and hopefully grow old gracefully and joyously instead.

I honestly no longer fear things like alzheimers, arthritis, dementia, incontinence, etc. Those were the things that fed my fear about aging. I don’t think I have a 100% guarantee against those things but I think I have a great shot if I keep taking steps to improve my lifestyle and health.

I know a small handful of fruitarian folks who are in the range of 45-60 and they are really doing incredibly well, and those of them who have done this for a decade or more look much younger than their age, and very healthy.

Thought provoking post!

Sarah’s last blog post..Psst Need Some Inspiration?
hank responds:
Posted: August 25th, 2008 at 9:03 pm →

I figure it’ll happen and I’ll deal with it when it comes. My brother is always complaining about balding, and is even getting in on some treatment for it. I don’t mind it so much - as long as I’ve got someone else next to me with the same wrinkles willing to stick it out with me…
hank’s last blog post..Are Stay-At-Home Parents Setting Themselves Up For A Big Fall These Days?
Evelyn Lim responds:
Posted: August 25th, 2008 at 9:40 pm →

Vered, I don’t usually go back to read further comments after posting my first response to a post. But I was interested enough to know what you thought and came back here.

You said “I’m sure that if I could bring myself to believe that death is not the end of everything, and that life is just one of the many journeys that my soul will take, I would feel differently. But I can’t. I don’t believe in any of it. I think that’s it’s all theories that people made up to make themselves feel better about aging and death.”

Aha…I know how it feels like not believing for I was there before. Hence I don’t choose to convince you. What I can only add is that whatever I’ve written way up on this page in my comments may appear to come from some book, some theory but in actual fact, it is not. Not to me at least. I achieved the understanding during a few of my meditation sessions. Perhaps one day, I’d share about the insights I’ve gained with respect to death. Once again, the sharing is not to convince anyone, including yourself, but to urge all those who wish to seek the truth to find out for themselves way before death.

Also, kudos to your dad for being so encouraging!! His comments added a nice touch to this post!

Evelyn Lim’s last blog post..Planet Of Dreams
Shilpan | successsoul.com responds:
Posted: August 26th, 2008 at 7:30 am →

Vered - I agree with TIm that aging is a state of mind. Numerous researchers have proven that what we desire intently in our mind becomes a reality — aging is also an intense desire of mind. If we expect ourselves in youthfulness, biological age markers will not show their ugly head.
Dot H. responds:
Posted: August 26th, 2008 at 7:47 am →

“I’m sure that if I could bring myself to believe that death is not the end of everything, and that life is just one of the many journeys that my soul will take, I would feel differently. But I can’t. I don’t believe in any of it. I think that’s it’s all theories that people made up to make themselves feel better about aging and death.”

This is one of the toughest issues humans have to face, and I’ve been smack up against it with the deaths of my two beloved dogs recently. An old friend of mine once said that it is nearly impossible to deal with death and tragedy without having some kind of spiritual beliefs. I don’t believe in any of it either, but I need to have some way to have hope. Why strive for progress if it all ends up in a void? Why learn, only to disappear? There are two systems that work for me, both involving that at least some part of us has to survive. One is that we move on to some other type of life, not heaven or hell, but something ongoing. The other is reincarnation, and that’s the one I’ve chosen to try to have faith in. There is some evidence for this, though on a bad day I don’t accept it.

Hang in there and try to ride this out. It’s only temporary, I bet. I’ve found that I hit these issues every time I hit a “7″ year (like yourself) — 37, 47, 57 so far. It’s really an anticipation of the Big ___-Oh (40, 50, 60). There’s an old book called Passages by Gail Sheehy which I’ve found helpful, except she doesn’t go past 50. She describes similar feelings that we go through at different stages (passages) in our lives — such as the midlife crisis. It helps to know that a lot of others will feel similar things at similar times.

Getting through it, for me, involves grieving my losses and eventually realizing I haven’t changed all that much and the important things are still there.
Jade responds:
Posted: August 26th, 2008 at 10:24 am →

Hi Vered,
I haven’t really paid attention in my face and body care till now. I also am getting scared now of what old age can bring that’s why I know try to put anti aging cream on my face as rigid as possible. I hope to preserve whatever is left coz once the wrinkles are there- they are there to stay.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: August 26th, 2008 at 11:38 am →

@ Sarah: It’s wonderful that the changes you made to your life make you feel less afraid of aging. I think that taking positive steps to improve our health is the best thing we can do.

@ hank: “I don’t mind it so much - as long as I’ve got someone else next to me with the same wrinkles willing to stick it out with me” – This is very true. I would rather stay young together, but I must admit there’s something romantic about growing old together.

@ Evelyn: You are very wise, you know? It’s probably the best thing to let people discover things for themselves. But you know that I am intrigued by your blog and by your spiritual journey. I will continue to follow you. Oh, and my dad is amazing. He is the happiest, most positive person I know.

@ Shilpan: “Numerous researchers have proven that what we desire intently in our mind becomes a reality”. I’m not sure it’s been proven. I think people really REALLY want this to be true. And a positive attitude can sure improve one’s quality of life. But wanting something isn’t enough to make it happen.

@ Dot H.: “Hang in there and try to ride this out. It’s only temporary, I bet.” Thank you. I needed to hear that.

@ Jade: Good luck with preserving your youth.
vw bug responds:
Posted: August 26th, 2008 at 12:29 pm →

Funny, I posted about how being in my 40s made me feel old… particularly this year… kidney stones, bifocals, and the like. Still… I love getting older. I tell my kids that I have earned every wrinkle and greying hair. It is a part of life, a new experience, and while I could do with more sleep and less stress… I find it to be just as fun as when I was in my 20s. Now if I just had a body of a 20 year old. GRIN

vw bug’s last blog post..The Airport Stop…
Dave Fowler responds:
Posted: August 26th, 2008 at 1:40 pm →

Hi Vered,

It was brilliant to see your Dad commenting. I strive to be the sort of Dad that yours clearly is.

Anyway, I’ve glanced death a few times. I haven’t quite got close to catch a slap in the face, but close enough to make me flinch.

The near misses made me think about what I might miss out on, but what I really got from it was a bit of an unexpected shock. I was able to find a moment of relief. A feeling of peace and happiness. It wasn’t a spiritual moment either; it was just like the feeling you get as you’re dropping off to sleep.

I’m in no rush to repeat the experiences, but at least now I don’t fear death.

I think your concern just goes to show how much you enjoy your life.

Dave
Rita responds:
Posted: August 26th, 2008 at 2:08 pm →

Vered,
OUTSTANDING! What incredible food for thought. Aging doesn’t particularly scare me. Nor do the physical aspecs of aging. What DOES terrify me:

1. A disease like Alzheimer’s or dementia of any sort;
2. I do NOT like to sound like a broken record, but I don’t care how long I live, how old I am when I die, or what my physcial state is…just DON’T let me die after my children! For that matter, I’d rather die than watch either of my children suffer terribly - whether I’m 50 or 150!
MomGrind responds:
Posted: August 26th, 2008 at 5:12 pm →

@ vw bug: “I find it to be just as fun as when I was in my 20s.” I agree – life is different but it’s still so much fun and so good to be ALIVE. But I can’t say that I love growing old!

@ Dave: “I strive to be the sort of Dad that yours clearly is.” – If you can be like him, your kids will be SO LUCKY. I am very lucky to have such a positive influence in my life.

“I’ve glanced death a few times.” Now you’ve made me insanely curious. Will you ever share what happened? I would love to hear your stories. You write really well – I can tell just by reading your comments.

It’s comforting to think that dying is a lot like drifting into sleep. I’m sure the moment of dying IS peaceful – but what preceded it is often painful and violent and humiliating. That’s what I’m afraid of.

It’s true that I enjoy life. I enjoy it tremendously. I hate to think that it’s slowly slipping away.

@ Rita: “just DON’T let me die after my children!” - It’s true. The worst thing for a parent is to watch their children suffer or die before them. I read this post today, written by Her Bad Mother. It made me cry. It’s about a 16 year old who got Meningitis and is fighting for his life. When I think about what his parents are going through, about what he’s going through, I feel physical pain.
Alex Fayle | Someday Syndrome responds:
Posted: August 26th, 2008 at 9:33 pm →

I have no problem aging. Every year of my life is better than the previous one.

And I personally believe that seeing aging as a disease is a really egotistical idea - everything in the universe has a lifecycle - how could that be a disease?

I think this fear of aging thing comes from babyboomers finally seeing death coming to them and they’re freaking out because they’ve never accepted their own mortality.

My initial response was actually quite harsh: We all age. We all die. Get over it. Enjoy the time you have.

Of course, when you see images of Madonna photochopped to look 20something when in reality she looks about 70 (instead of her actual 50), you can’t help but think you can do something to avoid aging.

Besides if aging is a disease, does that mean immortality is the other option? How selfish is that? With 6 billion people on the planet already, why would we want to increase the pressure on the planet with immortality? That way lies stagnation.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: August 26th, 2008 at 10:11 pm →

@ Alex: “We all age. We all die. Get over it. Enjoy the time you have.” That’s actually not a harsh response. I like it. It puts things in perspective and shifts the focus from “me” to “us”.
Rita responds:
Posted: August 26th, 2008 at 10:28 pm →

Vered,
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Rita

Rita’s last blog post..Love Letters…
artiphys (dbm) responds:
Posted: August 27th, 2008 at 2:09 am →

Vered, are you familiar with Transhumanist and Extropian philosophy and practice?

Transhumanist

There are people who seriously believe, with some justification, that we will eventually ‘beat’ aging, and even death. These are some very smart people (though admittedly some of them are also quite eccentric).

The quid-pro-quo is, we will no longer strictly be what we now know as human. Most people recoil in horror at this idea, but the trade-off is potentially very real. The debate about stem cells is an early sign of much more to come. Soon we will be arguing over designer babies, cloning, organ farms, and eventually (according to deep thinkers such as Ray Kurzweil) we will face the possibility of moving human consciousness from mortal bodies into something more permanent, such as a supercomputer.

People generally laugh it off when I bring up these ideas, thinking it’s all so far-fetched as to be irrelevant to us. But even if the optimists who say we’re looking at these changes within 25 years are wrong, keep in mind that our grandchildren will probably be alive in the year 2108. Think back to 1908, and ask yourself how much of what has happened since would have been believable then.

-dan

artiphys (dbm)’s last blog post..Lies, Damn Lies, and parenting
One Happy Dog Speaks » Humor for Dreaded Wednesday responds:
Posted: August 27th, 2008 at 2:19 am →

[…] I found it funny that I knew was going to post this today and found a serious question about aging HERE. Hope this helps everyone enjoy aging another […]
Rita responds:
Posted: August 27th, 2008 at 8:00 am →

@artiphys,
I am very familiar with the concept(s) of Tanshumanist and Extropian Philosophy. As a teacher who teaches a course in “Ethics,” the concept is introduced every year. Your explanation - and citation - were wonderful, however, this is a VERY controversial ethical issue - occasionally more so than the entire debate on human cloning.

Though Vered’s blog is not the place to go into detail, there is a VERY strong movement amongst ethicists as to whether such concepts should even be pursued - outside of the academic discussion arena.

I recently spoke of parthenogenesis in a blog I wrote. Though I did NOT define it (I asked people to consult a dictionary, as it was a minor point in my blog), that, too, is a similar issue that many believe should stay within the realm of academic thought, and procede no further. Of course, with parthenogenesis, men would no longer exist - but there are some philosophers - both male and female - who have NO problem with that concept. Do you? The question is NOT a challenge, just a curiosity on my part.

Thank you,
Rita
MomGrind responds:
Posted: August 27th, 2008 at 2:46 pm →

@ artiphys @ Rita:

I wasn’t familiar with the term but I am now.

I do believe it could happen, but this is not necessarily comforting. It would likely take many years and possibly cause us to stop being human beings in the sense that we know now. It could also mean that humans are eventually destroyed. We won’t be the first species to become extinct, but I think we would be the first species to cause its own extinction.

Re the argument that this should “stay within the realm of academic thought, and proceed no further”: that’s impossible. Human nature, curiosity and ambition will make sure that these things do NOT stay in the academia.
revenant responds:
Posted: August 27th, 2008 at 5:30 pm →

I’ve always thought it’s more how you feel yourself - and besides, with plastic surgery these days, 40 year old men can look 19, 50 year old women can look 30. Heck, my mom’s 40-something (45?) and she looks early thirties, due to her care and use of anti-aging creams and moisturizers…
MomGrind responds:
Posted: August 27th, 2008 at 5:54 pm →

@ revenant: It’s true that taking good care of yourself is important, and helpful. It’s great, and encouraging, that your mom looks so young. As for plastic surgery, I said here before: I wish I could say “I’ll never do THAT”, but I can’t. Time will tell. However, even with plastic surgery, you still age. You just LOOK younger. I’m scared of the aging process itself - not just the loss of looks (which is scary too, of course).
Rita responds:
Posted: August 27th, 2008 at 7:47 pm →

Vered,
What you said is SO true. We know what happened to Pandora once she opened that box! And THAT is terrifying, to lock all hope away.

In terms of areas like aging, so many steps, both positive and negative, have been taken to find that Fountain that Ponce de Leon sought - before he DIED. When people get offended at the distinctions between the “soft sciences” (like philosophy and ethics) and the “hard sciences,” (like mathematics and biology), they should read what you wrote. All we need to do is go bak a few years, when things like “cloning” were confined to academia (and the concept has been around for longer than one might imagine!) All it takes is one person in the “hard sciences” to go from critical thought and debate to actual production - the consequences be damned. And such people will ALWAYS exist, not necessarily working to solve a “problem” but to be the first.

Hello, Dolly!

Thanks,

Rita

Rita’s last blog post..Love Letters…
MomGrind responds:
Posted: August 27th, 2008 at 9:15 pm →

@Rita: “And such people will ALWAYS exist, not necessarily working to solve a “problem” but to be the first.”
This is exactly what I’m worried about. Nothing can stop it, in my opinion. Not even laws.
Trisha responds:
Posted: August 28th, 2008 at 6:37 pm →

I’m so happy to see people talking about this!

Aging is the gradual degradation of our bodies resulting in the loss of control of our bodily functions, our minds and eventually death. If aging isn’t a disease, its certainly a medical condition because its most definitely not healthy!

In fact, 100,000 people die each day due to aging.

There is an increasing amount of research into stopping aging. The more people speak and talk about the outrage of aging the better chance of more funding.

There’s nothing magical or mystical about our bodies - I have no doubt that eventually the mechanisms involved with aging will be understood and the ability to stop and/or reverse aging will be possible. I don’t know if it will happen before I die, but it will happen.

A good book about the topic is ‘Ending Aging’ by Aubrey de Grey and the blog Fight Aging is also a very good resource.

Trisha’s last blog post..One World, One Dream
MomGrind responds:
Posted: August 28th, 2008 at 7:37 pm →

@ Trisha: “There’s nothing magical or mystical about our bodies - I have no doubt that eventually the mechanisms involved with aging will be understood and the ability to stop and/or reverse aging will be possible. I don’t know if it will happen before I die, but it will happen.”

Part of me would love for that to happen. This also relates to Artiphys’s comment above. But there’s another part that wonders: isn’t the circle of life NECESSARY? If the old doesn’t die and make room for the new, what would happen? Think of young plants. Also, the problem of overpopulation. There are so many factors at play here.

Sometimes I think that, as painful as it is, aging and death ARE part of the natural order of things, and tinkering with them will result in our own destruction.
J.D. Meier responds:
Posted: August 30th, 2008 at 12:44 pm →

You have a great point. I see less peole age gracefully these days. I see way too much diabetes, heart disease, cancer .. etc. Aging is one thing, but being tortured along the way is another. I see less people enjoy their golden years.

I’m not a health nut but, I do think your body is a key part of your Life Frame. I’m actively researching patterns and practices for improving your body. I’m looking for pragmatic appraoches that make dramatic impact. There’s a lot of bad information and conflicting advice so it’s quite the journey!

At the end of the day, you get what you focus on, so I focus on living. One of my favorite quotes is “don’t be afraid of dying, be afraid of having never lived.”

Another of my favorite quotes is “… in your younger years you trade health for wealth, and in your later years you trade your wealth for health.” I don’t think it has to be this way.

JD
MomGrind responds:
Posted: August 30th, 2008 at 2:35 pm →

@ J.D. Meier: “At the end of the day, you get what you focus on, so I focus on living. ” I love this attitude.
Anne Alexander responds:
Posted: September 18th, 2008 at 4:09 am →

I have just been sitting crying, trying to will myself back to the sixties as I listen to “Let’s go to San Francisco”. I try to picture myself then, to see and hear the young girl I was. It’s horrible, I’m 57 and moving towards inevitable death. I can never go back and be that young girl again, do al the things I should have done, appreciate myself with the knowledge I have now. I will never see my children as they live their lives in a world where I no longer am. Because I will be dead. I can’t bear these feelings. Whoever made us has the weirdest wsense of humour. does anyone else feel like this?
MomGrind responds:
Posted: September 18th, 2008 at 7:21 am →

@ Anne: I completely understand. And I wish I could say something that would make you feel better. It does often seem to me like some kind of a cruel joke. HOWEVER, we still need to do our best with what we’re given, right? And the best we can do is take care of ourselves, stay as healthy as we can, and enjoy life - as long as it lasts - to the fullest. Please email me if you ever need to talk. vered@momgrind.com
dishthehappyfish responds:
Posted: September 22nd, 2008 at 6:37 am →

Aging is terrifying. My youth wasn’t all that pretty either. To me is getting old is adding aches and pains, failing eyesight, moles, wrinkles, sagging skin, liver spots, additional female problems….to an already unattractive body with lots of female problems…wow. It just gets worse and worse. More fears, less confidence, less ability, less time, less money. less energy.

Weird part is, though my post sounds miserable, I don’t feel all that miserable here this morning. I just typed what came to mind.

Maybe we shouldn’t overthink old age too much.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: September 22nd, 2008 at 1:34 pm →

@ dishthehappyfish: Hi there! SO NICE to have a comment from you. We haven’t “talked” in a long time.
You know? I think “Maybe we shouldn’t overthink old age too much” really is the best strategy. The very best approach is probably taking care of ourselves as best as we can, and enjoying the here and now. Not easy for over-thinkers like us to do, but certainly this needs to be the goal.
dishthehappyfish responds:
Posted: September 22nd, 2008 at 5:13 pm →

Two verb sentences, interchangeable commas and periods….yep. Its me. Typos and all.
But hey. There are so many delicious topics here. Its tough to know where to start and to get the time. I had more to say about aging, but was interupted, and am short of time now as well. (Four kids…interuptions???? Nah.)

At any rate, my first thoughts about old age was fear and horror. But after reading the other posts, I felt something abhorrant about too much time and emphasis on anti aging products and routines, as well. Sort of a sense of shame and silliness combined.

When I was young I was afraid of my grandparents and my older relatives. I always sensed fear and worry and emotional pain. Indeed, they complained a lot about everything. And they were scared… scared of crime living in a relatively crime free neighborhood, afraid of sickness, worried over money, terrified of change. God forbid they (whoever they are) invent something new and tomorrow might be different. They bickered with each other a lot. It seemed they were sad even in their reminescing. They would always make a few funnies for sis and me, then they would retire to a corner and talk about the obituary column. Someone was always dying.

And they were ugly and they smelled bad. And the weird part about that is that they were so vain, always fussing on their curls, turning away the camera till they could tidy up, and they still looked awful.

As long as I could remember, my mom’s family told me she was pretty, but I saw her as she aged as silly and flirtatous, desperate for attention. She stopped dressing well, her hair thinned and she left it too long and stringy. She constantly talked about looks, but she had lost hers ages ago, and she didn’t quite have the mind, or the grace to have any sort of pleasant presence at all. (Still doesn’t…just a silly old foof.) And yet it still seems she is trying, and failing to look her best every day….and worse, to justify her life.

I spend more time listening to both my parents say “I would have done such and such a thing, but your mom/dad wouldn’t let me.” So it seems they both wasted their lives, living as marginally and fearfully as my grandparents….and trying to hang on to the physical appearance of youth, which, if you haven’t lived, is a rather ridiculous priority. Who are you looking good for and why, if you aren’t out in the mix?

Old people sometimes get credit for being wise, or graceful, but I didn’t get to see that much growing up. I think our earlier impressions kinda stick with us, so even though I have tried to change my attitude toward old folks, I just haven’t managed to do so.

(And don’t forget those last few years in the nursing home….please let me die quickly and peacefully at home. I am not afraid of death. It is the time before death that seems a dreadful thing.)

I am dishthehappyfish because I live on a lake and I love to swim more than anything else. I have aged faster than my sister who has a more pampered life to be sure. She is seven years older, but I look older, having had the harder life emotionally, and physically….and taking almost all my pleasure out of doors, on the water. Not lying about catching rays, but moving. I love moevement. Movement through water, on the ice…oh but the wind and sun and water…and the four huge baby boys who stretched out my little size 4 belly to a size 6 with saggy skin…and now cause me endless worry and stress….how many pounds and dollars worth of anti aging treatment will it take to wipe my life off my face and body? How many hours of obsession with youth would it have taken me ten years ago or twenty years ago, to look five years younger now?

I feel embarassed for folks who try to hang on to youth and I feel sorry for those of us who cannot eek out a few more years and I abhor the very old.

But the nice thing about writing about what you don’t like, is that it is much easier to see what you do like. Not clear at the moment, but for a moment, I had a glimpse of the 47 year old I would like to be next birthday.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: September 22nd, 2008 at 8:50 pm →

@ dishthehappyfish : I told you this before: you write beautifully. I really enjoyed reading your comment. You gave me so much to think about.

For a moment, I had a glimpse of the 38 year old I would like to be next birthday. Thank you.

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Aging: May I Please Get Off This Path Now?

Aging: May I Please Get Off This Path Now?

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Mommy Blogger Aging: May I Please Get Off This Path Now?

Aging: May I Please Get Off This Path Now?

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Aging: May I Please Get Off This Path Now?