Ageism, Still Acceptable
Credit: madonna-pix
“Madonna’s hands (50) look older than her face!”
“Anna Wintour (59) looks OLD when you magnify her photos to the point of discomfort!”
“Brigitte Bardot (73) is not a bombshell anymore!”
The media is ridiculously obsessed with using the strength of today’s digital cameras to photograph aging female celebrities up close and show us that as you get older, the plumpness and smoothness you used to have in your twenties are gone.
Brigitte Bardot seems to be the worst offender, because while others are cosmetically enhancing their faces, leaving mostly their hands to disclose their real age, Bardot simply refuses plastic surgery. The nerve! “Gone was the trademark pout and cascading blond locks, to be replaced by sagging jowls covered in heavy make-up and a wiry, unkempt patch of graying hair.”
1968, age 34. Photo credit: Wikimedia Commons
2006, age 72. Photo credit: John W. Macdonald
Oh PLEASE. Brigitte Bardot is 73 years old. This is what aging looks like when you don’t have plastic surgery or dye your hair. Our notion of what aging looks like has become completely warped because of cosmetic surgery and Botox.
Have you seen Nicole Kidman lately? This is a photo of her from 2006. The actress, who was 39 years old when the photo was taken, looks at least ten years younger than her chronological age. She’s absolutely gorgeous, but people need to realize that a lot of money and effort has been poured into looking so smooth and plump when you’re almost 40. Of course, she’s often criticized for what seems to be her liberal use of Botox. You’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t.
Photo credit: mikegoat
Speaking of wrinkled skin and sagging jowls, Dustin Hoffman, 71, looks old too. Anyone care to write an article about HIS wrinkly appearance?
Photo credit: wvs
And look at Brad Pitt – he seems to have lost his youthful plumpness, maybe even gained a few pounds. Anyone feels like making fun of HIM?
Older Brad Pitt by wvs. Younger Brad Pitt by vstyds.
I didn’t think so.
The pure glee with which these articles are written confuses me, because WE ARE ALL AGING. Why would you make fun of someone for going through a completely natural process – one you’re going through as well?
Ageism, when directed at women, remains the last acceptable form of discrimination in our society. It’s no longer acceptable to criticize people because of their religion, their sexual preference, their weight or their race, but it’s fine – even fun – to berate a 73 years old woman for looking her age.
This photo of me was taken last year in Marseilles, France. Look at those hands! They sure weren’t so veiny when I was 20. Well guess what, I AM NOT TWENTY. I AM 37. I work out, as I should, I am strong and healthy, and since my hands are losing fat layers due to aging, my veins show, especially when it’s hot. What exactly am I supposed to do? Stop exercising? Cover myself with long sleeves regardless of the weather? (Vogue Magazine seems to think this is an acceptable solution).
And what should I do as my face progressively shows more signs of aging? Hide behind scarves and sunglasses? Resort to Botox injections and expensive, painful, risky plastic surgery? How do you think the media makes me feel about my own aging? How does it make YOU feel?
By allowing ageism, we have allowed aging to become something women are ashamed of. It makes absolutely no sense.
Brigitte Bardot is not a bombshell anymore, but she is a beautiful woman. She lives her life passionately, refuses to undergo plastic surgery, and when she announces a press conference, she can still pack a room.
If this is not aging gracefully, then I don’t know what is.
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Davina responds:
Posted: December 15th, 2008 at 12:00 am →
Hi Vered. You look terrific in that photo. Much younger than your years. I’ve managed to look younger than my 44 years but I think life is catching up with me; the wrinkles are showing and my hair is graying. It bothers me a little because I realize that when I was younger I took my youth for granted. I don’t fear aging, but I do worry about how I may be treated when I’m in my golden years and more dependent on other people. I fear losing my independence more than anything else.
Justin responds:
Posted: December 15th, 2008 at 12:05 am →
Vered you look great and that’s coming from a man 26 years old
. All fun aside I never thought about ageism as a form of discrimination but you are correct! People hold fast to the saying “out with the old and in with the new” too strongly. I promise I will never look down on anyone who is older. Thank s for the informative post 
.
veena responds:
Posted: December 15th, 2008 at 1:51 am →
hey you look great at 37…. my mom has never had plastic surgery or botox but she doesn’t look her age either and she’s 52… this is not such a problem in India. but the glossie culture is getting to us too… ten years down the line, we’ll be just as obsessed with looking young
Lance responds:
Posted: December 15th, 2008 at 3:52 am →
You look great for 37, Vered. And, veins in your hands – I don’t see that as a negative at all – and more a byproduct of the workouts you are doing – which are a good thing…
My hair is graying, my face feels a bit more wrinkled, and the top of my head is ‘thinning out’ (or so my kids tell me!). And yet, I don’t feel “old” because of this. And I think you’ve hit upon why – I’m male – and society doesn’t tend to judge aging in men the same way as aging in women.
Wrong? Absolutely! It shouldn’t matter, my gender – as to how people view me. And yet – society has placed a premium on ‘looks’ in women. Look at Nicole Kidman, above – first thought – she looks good. And why do I have that thought – because we are bombarded with the importance of youthful good looks for women. It becomes hard to avoid. Pick up a magazine – who will be on the cover? If it’s a woman, it will be someone who is young or appears young. Because that’s what sells – and that’s also what helps to fuel this notion that women have to look young to be beautiful.
Vered, thank you for this. For the reminder that we don’t treat everyone the same – that women, especially, are judged to a different standard than men. That this is wrong. That age is inevitable, and beautiful in it’s own right. That you don’t need surgery, or creams, or outside help to age gracefully…
Betsy Wuebker responds:
Posted: December 15th, 2008 at 5:29 am →
Hi Vered – I still feel inside like the 17 year old, or the 21 or 35 year old, me. It can be a shock to suddenly encounter oneself in the mirror or a photograph. There was a photo me taken last summer where I literally didn’t recognize myself. “Who is that old woman, ” I thought. I’m 54.
Why, overall, should it concern anyone but oneself what one looks like? It doesn’t really matter the source of one’s insecurity, only if it exists. We can lead societal change by example to an extent, but more realistically, we might better work on what we can easily control – and that is the priority we ourselves give to our look and appearance. Veiny hands? Check. Chicken neck? Check. Sagging and drooping? Check. Additional chin? Check. Joy and gratitude most days? Check.
Kelly@SHE-POWER responds:
Posted: December 15th, 2008 at 5:30 am →
Vered, this is probably your best post. So passionate, so well argued. Brilliant. I can’t believe Bridget Bardot is 73 years old – my time flies – and it is just so pathetic that they should ever think to compare her now to the young woman she was HALF a lifetime ago. Absurd. How do these copy editors come up with this crap?
I try not to let aging get to me, but I have become much more cautious about sun and moisturising in the past year, and there’s no denying exercise makes your skin AND body look better. I hope I don’t give into my vanity and get invasive treatments done to keep myself young, but I am a never say never kind of girl. But then, I am also a big big chicken…
Kelly
Al at 7P responds:
Posted: December 15th, 2008 at 6:23 am →
I kinda see the same controversy going on with Hillary Clinton. There was some buzz during the elections about how she was appearing younger in some recent pictures and speculations on whether she was using botox to look younger. At the same time, Obama seemed to have grey hairs sprout overnight on his head, giving him an older appearance.
The media’s double standard seemed obvious to me, but I don’t think it’s fair to just blame the media. I believe they reflect the general opinion of the public too. I honestly think there needs to be an active campaign to educate people of age discrimination, and Vered – I believe posts like this are exactly what’s needed in such a campaign. Thank you!
Dee Langdon - BloggerNewbie responds:
Posted: December 15th, 2008 at 7:43 am →
I have so much I would want to spend good money on rather then plastic surgery! Yeah, I’m 45, so? If you are lucky you may be 45 someday too. I have to many other things to concentrate on then my jowls. The media has that double standard between men and women in a variety of topics, careers, parenting, clothes, etc. I don’t know if it will ever change.
CK Lunchbox responds:
Posted: December 15th, 2008 at 8:07 am →
Of course there’s the obvious double standard involved in the expectations of men and women fostered by the media, but I wonder how much evolutionary science comes into play? What I’m referring to is the female’s natural attraction to older males because of the sense of safety and protection that rugged experience conveys. Conversely, men feel drawn to younger women due to the subconscious belief that younger more physically attractive females are are more fertile. It’s probably a long shot within the context of this aspect of beauty and image. However, I often am reminded of the idea when I see people like Jack Nicholson with a woman half his age.
Natural science or not, there’s still an unfair pressure that nags at women all their life to remain as beautiful and young as possible, or else run the risk of not being desired and accepted anymore. I can’t image the psychological damage done to younger celebrities like Miley Cyrus or Britney Spears who, even if they do recognize it as superficial, find themselves regularly bombarded by the concept to the point it will still influence their behaviors in some way shape or form.
Ironically, I have a huge movie poster of Brigitte Bardot hanging on my wall. It’s for decor purposes more so than my being a fan, but still, she’s not someone we hear of everyday. Maybe it’s her looks.
Tabitha (From Single to Married) responds:
Posted: December 15th, 2008 at 8:26 am →
Very timely post, Vera. At 37, I have recently begun to notice subtle differences in the texture of my skin and I continue to see new wrinkles appear. I try not to get discouraged, but it’s hard when I take a close look in the mirror. It’s nice to read your words and remember that it is a natural process and as long as I’m doing what I can to take care of myself, the rest should happen naturally.
Don Mills Diva responds:
Posted: December 15th, 2008 at 8:30 am →
AMEN!
I really think Bridgitte BArdot looks just beautiful in both photos and I think you look gorgeous too!
And you know what? I think I’m quite an attractive 39-yaer-old woman as well. Not attractive in the same way that I was when I was a 19-year-old woman, but that’s okay. It’s more than okay – at the risk of sounding cliche – I’ve earned a few wrinkles and I wear them with pride…:-)
zoe responds:
Posted: December 15th, 2008 at 8:33 am →
I don’t think there is anything wrong with looking your age, as a man or woman. In fact, I’d so much rather see someone look their age than have procedures done to make them appear younger, you can tell and it doesn’t look good.
That’s not to say that I’m enjoying looking older, but I’m trying to have a healthy attitude.
Dot responds:
Posted: December 15th, 2008 at 8:54 am →
THANK YOU! I have some friends who still think racism and homophobia are acceptable, but ageism is something that many still haven’t even acknowledged is a problem. Want to talk about veins? My grandmother had ropy blue veins under nearly transparent skin on her hands. And I’m getting them, too. Necks are a giveaway as well. This is why so many stars wear a scarf around the neck as they get older (even Burt Reynolds on one program).
Mark responds:
Posted: December 15th, 2008 at 9:29 am →
I think most people look better with age….is it because I am aging? Maybe? But I definitely believe men and women BOTH look better with age. I try to use my own opinions instead of what the media pushes.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: December 15th, 2008 at 9:45 am →
@ Davina: “when I was younger I took my youth for granted.” All young people do. I can guarantee that a 25 years old who reads this article would feel this is not their problem. They don’t realize the aging has already begun – they just won’t see the physical signs until they’re in their mid thirties.
@ Justin: “I promise I will never look down on anyone who is older.” This is really important. Sometimes I see old people, and my first reaction is to dismiss them, maybe feel a little sorry for them. But then I make myself imagine them as young – they were young once too – and I also remind myself that eventually, if I don’t die young, I will be old too.
@ veena: “obsessed with looking young” – that’s exactly what this is. An obsession.
@ Lance: Aging IS inevitable. It happens to everyone. That’s why it baffles me so much that aging has become a taboo. It simply doesn’t make sense.
@ Betsy Wuebker: “Veiny hands? Check. Chicken neck? Check. Sagging and drooping? Check. Additional chin? Check. Joy and gratitude most days? Check.” Loved this paragraph. It gives me hope.
@ Kelly: Thank you! I feel strongly about this issue so I guess it shows when I write about it. “it is just so pathetic that they should ever think to compare her now to the young woman she was HALF a lifetime ago. Absurd.” – It IS absurd. Especially since they were essentially making fun of her appearance.
@ Al at 7P: This is exactly why I wrote this post, and I intend to keep writing these articles and sharing my aging process with the world. Sure, I am not as powerful as the mainstream media, but I can put this out there so that whoever comes across this article sees a different side to the story of aging.
@ Dee Langdon: “Yeah, I’m 45, so? If you are lucky you may be 45 someday too.” This is another important point. The only real alternative to aging is dying at a young age.
@ CK Lunchbox: I’m sure evolution plays an important role here. But I also believe that humans are more than their biological urges. Women don’t need older men to take care of them anymore. They can take care of themselves. More and more men are realizing that a relationship with a smart, independent, equal partner is far more satisfying than being with someone half their age. We need to keep discussing these issues, we need to make aging something that women are not ashamed of. We CAN change societal perceptions. It’s not all about biology and primal urges.
“I can’t image the psychological damage done to younger celebrities” – the psychological damage is done to all women, including me.
@ Tabitha: It’s Vered.
“as long as I’m doing what I can to take care of myself, the rest should happen naturally.” – Exactly.
@ Don Mills Diva: I’ve seen your photos. You ARE attractive. I think what we’re both asking for is to get the treatment that men are receiving. As they age, they’re still considered attractive – but in a different way. Brad Pitt and George Clooney are excellent examples.
@ zoe: I agree that having “work done” is a problem, because even if it looks natural at first, people seem to almost always go too far and get to a point where it simply looks ridiculous and unnatural.
@ Dot: I just wish all these signs of aging weren’t considered as something to be ashamed of.
@ Mark: “I try to use my own opinions instead of what the media pushes.” This is admirable, but unfortunately, easier said than done.
Suzie responds:
Posted: December 15th, 2008 at 9:53 am →
I think that the fact that Madonna is a strong woman also makes he the topic of nasty comments. Shes a bitch because she runs her own career and is still doing well at 50. Shame on her. Bridget looks great. I hope i look that good in my 70′s.
Media Portrayal Of Women | responds:
Posted: December 15th, 2008 at 10:07 am →
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Women's Magazines | responds:
Posted: December 15th, 2008 at 10:11 am →
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Women Who Say No To Photoshopping | responds:
Posted: December 15th, 2008 at 10:11 am →
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Avital responds:
Posted: December 15th, 2008 at 10:12 am →
I couldn’t agree more. The standards of beauty has become downright abnormal. The poor celebrities are chased after with tele-lens and I can only guess how high are their psychologist’s bills… I wonder when will someone take the initiative to capture every bulge and wrinkle in the paparazzi’s bodies, publishing it on national magazine as a double spread.
I wouldn’t worry so much about the fragile soul of the celebrities if they were’nt serving as idols for gals all over the world, obsessing about their looks, without having the money to pour in…
You, VERED, by the way – look absolutely fantastic, I couldn’t guess your real age if you hadn’t disclosed it…
Squawkfox responds:
Posted: December 15th, 2008 at 10:56 am →
You are stunning.
I stumbled your stunning self.
STUNNING!
apricot tea. responds:
Posted: December 15th, 2008 at 11:26 am →
Brad Pitt could be 80 & I would still think he’s hot. I think the wrinkles make him MORE attractive. (swoons)
Nurit responds:
Posted: December 15th, 2008 at 11:35 am →
I’m not making millions of dollars from the way I look, so I’m not worried about aging. I’m getting closer to 40 and never felt better, my life is just getting better and better as I grow older.
As for Madonna, she is still running around half naked, actually more than half, so I’m not worried about her either.
As for all the others, yes, they are beautiful but I feel sorry for them. All the pressure they are under to look like you’re 20-30 when you’re closer to 40-50. I can only imagine how hard it is for them trying to fight nature’s course. But then again, they live in multi-millions mansions, so… it’s part of their job. A lifestyle that they chose.
Nurit responds:
Posted: December 15th, 2008 at 11:36 am →
also, I think for Madonna, her hands look like that probably from all the work out.
Cath Lawson responds:
Posted: December 15th, 2008 at 11:47 am →
Hi Vered – I know this deviates from the point a bit but seeing Bridgitte Bardot’s pic is really encouraging me to stop smoking and stay completely out of the sun forever. But I suppose she probably enjoyed herself on the way to looking like that.
But as you say – criticizing folk for ageing naturally is ridiculous. Nicole Kidman looks un-naturally enhanced for her age. And I’m sure the Huffington post have used lighting etc, to make Anna Wintour look her worst – can’t understand why they would do that to such a lovely woman
Surgery is dangerous to begin with. I would much rather face a bit of criticism for ageing naturally than resort to having it done for cosmetic reasons. The author of First Wives Club – Olivia Goldsmith died having cosmetic surgery. It’s so sad just to die for the sake of vanity.
RC Rambles... responds:
Posted: December 15th, 2008 at 12:01 pm →
Funny you should post about this… I was just mourning the loss of that young thing, that used to be much thinner (I know – I could work on that and do – just not as steadily as I should), and just looked perky. No, no – not those – although yes, they used to be much perkier, but just everything from my eyelids to the contour of my abdomen. Everything used to have more elasticity and be more forgiving.
Now, when I drop or gain pounds – it really affects me. It doesn’t just bounce back the way it all used to.
When I walk, I don’t have as much confidence about firm thighs or a bum.
I’ve always liked, and I strive to be, the type of woman who grows old gracefully. That being said, I’m still going to do the small things to improve my chances of aging gracefully (Oil of Olay is quite wonderful in many respects and I’m not above trying other beauty products), but fighting it completely is a losing battle. Look at Cher. Look at Melanie Griffith. If you try to hard to work against aging, it looks unnatural. And it starts to look scary.
I think I’m liking the current Brigette Bardot.
(Another thing should realize is that your lifestyle will catch up with you on how you age. I’m not talking about the weight factor here, but the use of drugs and alcohol or hanging out in the sun all of the time – these things all tend to make a person age much more quickly in appearance.)
Alison responds:
Posted: December 15th, 2008 at 12:19 pm →
The text that accompanies those photos of Anna Wintour is so bizzare. She looks gorgeous and healthy. Why are we concerned with the texture of her skin? And I agree with Cath about Brigitte Bardot.
Another aside about ageism – this past summer, I took a social work course where we had a lecture on ageism. My prof brought up John McCain, and how many were saying he was too old to run for president. So ageism affects men, too, but we question their competence, rather than their worth as dictated by their physical attractiveness.
Carla responds:
Posted: December 15th, 2008 at 12:21 pm →
As someone who just turned 30, I worry about what would happen when I get older. Though I prefer older men, and the looks and wisdom of women who are 5, 10, 20+ years my senior, I am still vain when it comes to myself. People still mistaken me for being 20-25 based on looks and I wonder how long that will last. I have experienced racism and discrimination based on my weight (when I was overweight) and I wonder when the ageism will come.
Vered, my hands and arms are pretty veiny like yours – it’s a fitness, thing, not from necessarily from aging.
Kim Woodbridge responds:
Posted: December 15th, 2008 at 12:40 pm →
Umm … 37 isn’t old.
Aging is difficult if your self has been defined by your physical appearance. Or even if you have always been called pretty. I still see myself as 20 and sometimes am very surprised by what I see in the mirror when I really stop to look.
The same focus on appearance and age doesn’t happen to men. I also rarely hear men discussing how to balance home, children and work either.
Stephanie - Home with the Kids responds:
Posted: December 15th, 2008 at 12:54 pm →
My hands have ALWAYS looked old and veiny. Just the way they are. They’ve never had smooth skin or any of that stuff. My older sister was shocked one time when we compared hands and she realized how much different our hands were.
But I’m stubborn about this whole “worrying about aging” thing. Maybe it helped that I spent years looking younger than I am, but I refuse to change my routine now that my age is showing. No hair dye, rarely use makeup, etc. And I can’t imagine criticizing another woman for looking her age.
I’ve seen some awfully beautiful heads of hair that were quite thoroughly gray too.
Barbara Swafford - Blogging Without A Blog responds:
Posted: December 15th, 2008 at 1:07 pm →
Hi Vered – I agree, the same “standards” are not placed on aging men. Instead of saying they’re looking old, it’s written they’re getting “distinguished looking”. Personally I think women get more beautiful with age, It’s then when their inner beauty really begins to show through (I’m guessing that’s due to an increase in their self confidence and learning it doesn’t matter what others think). Vered, you’re a gorgeous woman and I’m guessing as the years pass, you’ll become more beautiful than ever.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: December 15th, 2008 at 1:12 pm →
@ Suzie: I agree – Madonna is not a media favorite because she’s a “bitch.”
@ Avital: As you point out, my main concern is the effect the media has on us, not on celebrities.
@ Squawkfox: Thank you.
@ apricot tea: That’s exactly my point. While you don’t mind Brad’s wrinkles, he – and the media – would very much mind yours. As hard it is to imagine being older when you’re in your early twenties, trust me, it happens to everyone – it will happen to you too. No doubt part of your identity is that you’re considered attractive. How will you feel when you’re not attractive anymore, but your husband still is, simply because he’s a man in his forties (“distinctive-looking”) and you’re a woman (“old-looking”)?
@ Nurit: I’m not too worried about the psychological damage done to celebrities… I’m mainly worried about the damage done to non-celebrity women.
@ Cath Lawson: No doubt, one should take care of herself and this includes staying out of the sun, using sunscreen and avoiding smoking. But as much as you take care of yourself, there comes an age when you simply can’t look young anymore. I don’t think women should be punished for that. Re Anna Wintour, of course they have a reason for getting on her case. But the article still sends a terrible message to older women.
@ RC Rambles: Speaking of boobs, make no mistake, that dress has built-in padded bra (nothing like European fashion). I have nursed two children: I am NOT as perky, or as large, as that dress makes it look.
I absolutely agree that a healthy lifestyle can help you age better, and that celebrities like Cher, Melanie Griffith and others (Meg Ryan comes to mind) are good examples of plastic surgery gone wrong.
@ Alison: It’s true that ageism affects men too, and that the issue with them is their competence. I do think women are affected at a much earlier age – during their forties and fifties – while men are only affected once they reach their sixties.
@ Carla: Blatant ageism for women probably starts in their forties. I haven’t experienced it yet, but I’m sure I will. I agree that hands become veiny when you exercise, but I think it becomes more emphasized as you age.
@ Kim Woodbridge: 37 is not old in the sense that your body and mind are still young and capable and you still have many years to live. In that sense, 40 and 45 and 50 are not old as well. But it IS old in the sense that you begin to notice aging signs, and then you read this crap, and you realize that in a few short years, you will be ridiculed and pitied because you will have wrinkles on your face and veins on your hands. I completely agree that aging is more difficult for women who are accustomed to being praised for their good looks.
@ Stephanie: “I’ve seen some awfully beautiful heads of hair that were quite thoroughly gray too.” I agree. I also think the very choice not to dye your hair makes a wonderful statement about being who you are and disregarding the media’s pressures to look perpetually young.
@ Barbara Swafford: Looking at Brigitte’s eyes when she was younger and now, I can see what you mean about becoming MORE beautiful.
Chris responds:
Posted: December 15th, 2008 at 1:29 pm →
Of course there’s ageism in women because the world is controlled by middle aged men. No one will ever make fun of middle aged men because this is the point when they acquire their social and financial peak.
We should be better than this because we are suppose to be intelligent beings but unfortunately the beast in us still dominate.
Natural responds:
Posted: December 15th, 2008 at 1:34 pm →
at 37 you’re supposed to look great…that’s not old at all. i’m 37 and i don’t look 37, a few friends called me babyface in school.
of course, you know the press is going to be much harder on women than they are with men. if a man gets a beer belly, it’s okay. if a woman does it, she’s fat.
it doesn’t matter, hate to say it but we’re all going to pass on….if we’re wrinkle. so what.
Dr. J responds:
Posted: December 15th, 2008 at 1:37 pm →
Vered!
I agree that ageism is rampant, and very unfortunate. It’s not just with women, but I think it effects everyone. I was working the speed bag the other day and a college student came by and asked, “You are pretty good, were you a boxer in your day?” I politely replied, “Sorry, no offense intended, but I still think this is my day!”
Friar responds:
Posted: December 15th, 2008 at 1:45 pm →
@vered
I notice there’s a constant theme in your blog, about how women are discriminated against. Fair enough.
But I’d like to point out, that it’s not always just about women. For example, I can add another form of discrimination that’s still alive and well: making fun of overweight men.
As a “Big Guy”, I know this from first-hand experience. I’ve lost count at the hurtful comments I’ve had about my weight. Publicly, from co-workers, from immediate family members. I’ve been laughed at, criticized, and I’ve had people actually PAT my belly. Once, I even got lectured about my weight during my dad’s funeral (with him lying in the coffin, 20 feet away).
If these things were done to a 14-year old teenage girl or a woman, it’d be considered cruel harassment. But if it’s done to a 40-something male, nobody says anything. In fact it’s often considered FUNNY.
Yeah, I know, I should be able to take this abuse better than an insecure teen. But that dosen’t mean that its’ any less discriminatory or any less hurtful.
Ageism, or Overweight-Ism. All these “isms”….
Bottom line is, you can’t stop that fact that there will always be jerks. I guess the only thing we can truly control is how we allow ourselves to feel about their attacks.
CK Lunchbox responds:
Posted: December 15th, 2008 at 2:06 pm →
Totally agree with your response, to over-simplify the issue to just urges would be amiss on my part. I can certainly attest to the more satisfying relationship with an intelligent woman given my own happy marriage. Your poignant remark about the damage done to all women really hits home too when I look at it through the eyes of my children. With my two daughters it’s being aware of this and similar issues to reinforce healthy avenues in developing a positive self-image. And with my three boys it’s the same thing while ensuring they don’t perpetuate these mindsets. I’ve already outlawed their being in any frat houses when they go to college (joking). Thanks again for a provocative post.
Ian Peatey responds:
Posted: December 15th, 2008 at 3:27 pm →
Vered.
I’m curious, were those quotes written by men or by women and where they were published? Not that the answer would justify them in any way – they are outrageous! I’m just wondering where this kind of thinking comes from. It’s a mystery to me why only women should be targeted in this way.
Seems to be another case of turning women into objects – especially those ‘icons’ deemed beautiful by those in the media (who apparently claim to know what ‘beauty’ is). Human beings get old and change appearance … most objects don’t (or at least take a lot longer). These comments (and similar ones) can only have been written by those who have temporarily lost sight of the fact that these are flesh and blood people and not ‘things’. Hopefully posts such as yours will help them see again! If they read them! Ian
Mo responds:
Posted: December 15th, 2008 at 3:31 pm →
Thank you for writing this. I am 39 and and live in Southern California where it’s practically mandatory to have something nipped and tucked, like it’s a courtesy to those around you. Look good or go away. I know more women with fake boobs than without and it’s depressing. On one hand, I know I still look better than a lot of those women who’ve been pulled, peeled and poked, but I can’t help but look at myself with a little more scrutiny. I work out, I (mostly) stay out of the sun and I spend a small fortune on skin care. I wish my boobs and butt still sat where they used to, but I don’t think I can bring myself to go under the knife/needle. Check in with me in 10 years though.
As bad as it is for women, it’s also bad for men. My husband lost nearly 60 pounds this year (the loss of both parents and the stress of a son in trouble will add some weight) and he’s kept it off. Coincidentally, he got a long-overdue promotion soon after.
It’s too bad that we can’t age gracefully—instead we have to fight it tooth and nail.
Friar responds:
Posted: December 15th, 2008 at 3:48 pm →
On the other hand…I find it hard to feel sorry for some of these millionaire celebrities, who exploit their good looks to succeed.
If you’re going to base your success on your appearance, fine. But dont’ come crying to me if you’re no longer popular once your looks fade. You got to benefit from a free ride while it lasted, and you made more money in one year than I’ll make in several lifetimes.
Maybe if they had more talent in other areas, their careers wouldn’t fizzle as they got older.
If they were truly good actresses (like Glenn Close, or Jessica Tandy), it wouldn’t matter HOW old they were.
Or take Joni Mitchell, who’s been around for 40 years, (but who’s not exactly a cover-girl). Or Jan Arden (who’s beenover weight for years). Or Rita McNeill (a Canadian singer who’s downright obese!)
People come to hear them perform….because they’re talented musicians. Nobody cares what they look like. They dont’ need to re-invent their physical appearance every year or two to get attention .
MomGrind responds:
Posted: December 15th, 2008 at 4:03 pm →
@ Chris: Sadly, I have to agree with you.
@ Natural: “it doesn’t matter, hate to say it but we’re all going to pass on….if we’re wrinkle. so what.” This is actually a great way to put things in perspective.
@ Dr. J: That was offensive! I can’t believe he said that.
@ Friar: I’m sorry you are going through that. People are idiots. “Yeah, I know, I should be able to take this abuse better than an insecure teen.” – I disagree. Those remarks are really hurtful and people should know better than to do that.
The reason I’m focusing so much on women’s issue is that, well, I’m a woman and a feminist so it’s natural for me to write about these things. A friend actually asked me a few weeks ago if I’m not worried about losing my male readers, since I’m focusing more and more on “female” issues. I replied that I’d hate to lose readers, but I can only write about what truly sparks my interest. I do think it’s important to keep the dialogue open between the sexes, so obviously men are very welcome to read this blog and make comments.
I don’t really care about the celebrities. But these articles are damaging to the self-esteem of ordinary women who are going through aging. This is my concern, not the celebrities’ egos.
@ CK Lunchbox: Off topic here, but I didn’t realize you have five kids. Wow. I can hardly manage two.
@ Ian Peatey: The Madonna article was written by Peta Bee of the UK Daily Mail. I’m assuming she’s a woman. The Anna Wintour article was written by Katherine Thomson and was published in the Huffington Post, which was co-founded by Arianna Huffington. The article on Bardot was again published in the Daily Mail. The article doesn’t say who wrote it.
Yes, women can be very cruel towards other women, and when we blame the “media” for targeting women, unfortunately women take part of that too. Many women bloggers criticized the Huffington, saying the article was offensive to all women and anti-feminist: BlogHer Response
@ Mo: “Coincidentally, he got a long-overdue promotion soon after.” I read not too long ago that attractive people earn on average 15% more than non-attractive people (whatever that may be). Amazing.
Marelisa responds:
Posted: December 15th, 2008 at 4:43 pm →
Hi Vered: About two weeks ago I rented the last Indiana Jones movie. The movie plays up to the point where you actually see Harrison Ford for the first time. He’s getting out of the car and the theme music starts playing; then you see his hat falling out of the car; then you see his shadow on the ground; then you see him from the back; and then he finally turns around and you see his face . . . and I thought: “OMG, WHAT HAPPENED TO HARRISON FORD?” He looked so old and out of shape. But you know, as the movie progressed I fell in love with the Indiana Jones character all over again and forgot how old he looked.
MizFit responds:
Posted: December 15th, 2008 at 5:54 pm →
ok
Ive read this a few times and am gonna make the superficial comment I keep thinking. GOOD GOSH YOU ARE LOVELY.
I know it isnt important—but you are. and so calm looking. serene.
ANYWAY.
I cant comment on much else. Im not a make up wearer or ever gonna botox or do surgery and Im pretty dang confident I spent too many summers lifeguarding to look 20 when Im 40 (6 months from now
).
to me it just is what it is.
I dont stress about it.
I DO stress about ageism with regards to hiring practices.
but thats a different rant
thanks for the linkage!
Urban Panther responds:
Posted: December 15th, 2008 at 6:17 pm →
Funny, but my hands are the one part of my aging body that actually bother me. They are very wrinkled and the veins are sticking up. And yet, my hands deserve to show the most aging. They’ve worked hard over the years! So, as I did with my slightly rounded aging belly when I got a belly ring, I am celebrating my hands. For the first time in my life, I went and got a manicure, and intent on continuing this little ‘hand honouring’ on a regular basis.
This was a fantastic post, Vered Grey hair, wrinkles … bring it on! Becomes along with those comes wisdom and grace. And that entire package makes for very beautiful women.
Patricia responds:
Posted: December 15th, 2008 at 6:36 pm →
Vered you look beautiful in that picture and I just slowly worked my way through all your comments – what good ideas people have – those that hang around your blog…a nice community.
In 2009 I will be turning 60…I have never felt better in my life, and I feel like I am nearing the top of my game and I have something to offer and I want to be totally ready for when I reach the peak of creativity at about age 65 and on for women. My “Old guy” is still my honey and all our efforts are paying off with a lovely family to share life with and enjoy….what could be better than this…
I know how to fight and when to fight…life lessons well learned…I am getting better at laughing out loud and my smile lines are showing. I do lots of exercise and am working at not being put on lots of pills and medications ever…
I really don’t care what other’s say …well I do about my writing and my hopes of making income, but it is a different kind of caring…I look great to me and that’s really what counts (We all have bad hair days and frumpy days, but they just come and go) Movie stars are entertainment not reality…they are responding to what we will pay to see…one must ask who is on your payroll?
It’s good to start thinking about this stuff…and also I might add, I don’t think obesity is not discriminated against anymore…I think it is alive and well and big time at the Dr.’s office and with health care…the ins. companies are driving it home…and all the talk about obese children on the news…I think it is getting worse and worse…
Sara responds:
Posted: December 15th, 2008 at 7:58 pm →
When I see a wrinkly older woman I often think, “How liberating that must be.” At some point, everyone stops looking at you as someone who has to put effort into putting herself together. Poor Brigitte is constantly being compared to the vixen we can still see in film and photos. No one looks at their 73 year old grandma and thinks, “You should get a facelift. You’ve really let yourself go.” If they do they should be cut out of the will.
Mia responds:
Posted: December 15th, 2008 at 9:27 pm →
What media puts on us about aging is horrible. I don’t know what I’ll do when I really start showing my age. I do know that since I’ve started graying, I’m thinking of dying my hair; I’m not considering botox.
As for veiny hands, I think that’s a sign of being in such good shape. You’ll notice triathletes have veiny hands too.
Patricia responds:
Posted: December 15th, 2008 at 10:12 pm →
I want to add something….not one single woman have I met ( unless suffering from one of the dementias) does not want to look their best everyday of their lives. Everyday even with a broken back at one point my mum insisted on getting dressed and washing her face and putting on her lipstick – she did not wish to look sick or ill…one day she felt so miserable and the girls and I stayed in our pajamas all day to give her permission to stay in her pjs all day…everyone wanted to be of sound mind and looking their best that I met in her community of friends. Even at 101 my friend Jean got dressed and put on her “face”…
We just need to remember they all wanted to look their best…they didn’t care about the media’s best
Bamboo Forest responds:
Posted: December 15th, 2008 at 11:07 pm →
Not only do we age, but we die.
There are many facts of life, and not all pleasant.
Perhaps what’s most awry is giving people credit for being beautiful. Sure, you can admire them, but give them credit? Beauty is a result of age (superficial beauty) and genetic inheritance.
Character, on the other hand, is the result of work. Real work. Work that not only changes us, but more, the world.
Dominique responds:
Posted: December 16th, 2008 at 1:01 am →
Hi Vered,
you look great in that shot. I too feel that plastic surgery and all those cover up is really obsessive and unnecessary aging gracefully is the best
Juliet - LifeMadeGreat responds:
Posted: December 16th, 2008 at 9:10 am →
Hi Vered
I think that the important things is how old you feel. I’m 34, but I feel around 26. Some say I look it.
Whatever.
My boyfriend always asks someone on their Birthday: “How young are you today?”
Juliet
SpaceAgeSage -- Lori responds:
Posted: December 16th, 2008 at 9:14 am →
I’m a caregiver for my 80 year old mom and will turn 50 next year. I don’t mind how people look at me, but ageism like this can lead to disregard, marginalizing, and abuse:
Teens Charged In Nursing Home Abuse
I’m with Bamboo Forest, who commented, “Beauty is a result of age (superficial beauty) and genetic inheritance. Character, on the other hand, is the result of work. Real work. Work that not only changes us, but more, the world.”
RC Rambles... responds:
Posted: December 16th, 2008 at 10:17 am →
Vered – And of course, I just looked over my last comment and realized I had several typos! So sorry – I do know the difference between to, too, and two, to name one of them.
Oh, and built-in bra? I wish! I have yet to find one that works well enough to make me feel secure in a sundress or halter, but it is the price I pay for once bragging about being over-blessed. (Although my latest swimsuit is pretty sweet, I must admit. And, as I think I’ve mentioned before, I’m never comfortable with my upper arms – and believe it or not, it has nothing to do with what I’ve seen in magazines or on TV. It has to do with my own judgment on pictures I have seen of myself.)
This all being said, push-up, padded and underwire bras are wonderful things, aren’t they?
Jannie responds:
Posted: December 16th, 2008 at 11:46 am →
Vered, you look fabulous! Muscle on muscle!!! Hands? What’s wrong with your hands, they look fine to me.
I would suggest to anyone who wants to look better, cut down on sunning. It is the skin’s greatest ager.
Otherwise, exercise, eat well, LAUGH LOTS and pursue your passion. Beauty is in the spirit, anyway.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: December 16th, 2008 at 1:02 pm →
@ Marelisa: Harrison Ford is 66. Cate Blanchett is 39. I think this pretty much says it all. Can you imagine anyone casting a 66 years old woman opposite Harrison Ford? I guess we should be grateful they cast a 39 years old (who refuses botox, by the way and shows off her crow’s feet) and not some 25 years old.
@ MizFit: Looking good IS important (see Patricia’s comment below) – so thank you. I just want to know that I – we – can look good at any age – that “looking good” is looking our own personal best and taking care of ourselves, not fitting into an “ideal”. I think it’s great that you don’t stress over your looks and focus on a healthy lifestyle. Ageism in hiring practices worries me too.
@ Urban Panther: You probably know that you’re one of my role. Not that you’re that much older than I am, but the way you are celebrating your mid forties, the way you love yourself and accept yourself, is inspiring.
@ Patricia: It’s wonderful that you feel so good about yourself. I agree that women want to look THEIR best, which is very different than the media’s best. Looking at Bardot’s photo, she does look her best.
@ Sara: It IS liberating. I asked my mom how it was for her to transition from an attractive young woman into an older woman (she refuses plastic surgery too). She said just that: that it was a relief to not be a sexual object anymore. I asked her if she ever misses the days of being a sexual object (because all young women are to some degree), and she actually shuddered at the thought. She said it lifts a lot of stress away, once you stop trying so hard to please.
@ Mia: I guess exercising does have a lot to do with it. It’s weird that they tell us to exercise for our health but then when we get veiny hands they criticize us for having old-looking hands. As I said, you’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t.
@ Bamboo Forest: So true. We admire beauty so much, but beautiful people are not kinder, or smarter, or better. They’re just beautiful. People say we’re attracted to features that represent fertility and good genes, but as I said before, people are more than their biological urges.
@ Dominique: The trouble is, aging gracefully is easier said than done in today’s culture.
@ Juliet: “How young are you today?” – ha. I like that. I think I’m going to start saying it too.
@ Lori: WOW. This is so vile and ugly and heartbreaking. Thank you for sharing this link. It’s so sad to think that old people are abused by younger people, who will one day be old too! I’m still in shock over that article. I hope they rot in jail, and worry that because they’re young and pretty, they won’t do as many years as they deserve.
@ RC Rambles: Please don’t worry about typos – I leave them all over the internet when I write comments.
And I absolutely agree that a good bra is a must. Many feminists argue that we need to accept the changes that our breasts go through and not try to squeeze and push them “into place,” but this is one area where I guess I’m not much of a feminist. I like my underwire bras.
@ Jannie: It’s so true. Sun is the skin’s worst enemy. I believe Bardot said several times that sun exposure when she was young is responsible for her crepe-y skin. Unfortunately, like MizFit, I had many years of unprotected sun exposure in the past (growing up in sunny Israel, serving in the Israeli military). I only started being good about sun exposure in my twenties, which is a tad too late. But as MizFit said, it is what it is. We can only do our best with what we’ve got, and it would REALLY help if the media didn’t push ideals that are unattainable for most women.
Tara@Sticky Fingers responds:
Posted: December 16th, 2008 at 4:38 pm →
A bit late to the party here but I have to say this is something I absolutely hate – these women who botox themselves to within an inch of their lives and then lie about it like we’re all meant to go ‘wow, she must be just naturally that smooth skinned and ageless’.
Women seem to have really lost the ability to age gracefully.
I think an older woman who shows her life on her face is absolutely beautiful.
I love Lauren Bacall who is feisty AND wrinkled AND old and still manages to look amazing.
Stacey / Create a Balance responds:
Posted: December 16th, 2008 at 9:04 pm →
I am learning to embrace my new peculiar sags and my hanging-out-of-my-pants belly. They are the reflection of housing my children during pregnancy and breastfeeding my babes during precious sleepless years of my life.
Eric Hamm responds:
Posted: December 17th, 2008 at 6:03 am →
You make some great points, Vered. As a male it’s easy for me to disregard this form of discrimination. Also, I look MUCH younger than I am so if someone were to comment that I looked older, I would take it as a compliment. But reading this post helped remind me of the negative effects of this kind of ‘gossip’ and I will be more aware of it now. That might not really help ‘the cause’, but it can’t hurt. Eric.
Jamie | WiredParentPad responds:
Posted: December 17th, 2008 at 7:47 am →
Vered – you are spot on with this one. My wife is a perfect example of someone who is affected by this ageism. Like you, she’s 37 and things have started to change for her – her skin, her breasts, a wrinkle here, a vein there. However, she’s just as hot as the day I first laid eyes on her some 14 years ago, and she’s “aged well” by societies standards for women. Double standards among men and women still exist all over the place in our society, and aging is probably the poster child for this discussion.
Robin responds:
Posted: December 17th, 2008 at 5:03 pm →
People are so strange – I guess they write things like that because it will get them readers, or something. I think the older women look good, and Nicole looks weird. Most real people relate to the real person they see.
Here in Melbourne, there isn’t much plastic surgery or botox, and I don’t watch TV or read magazines, and I don’t mix with the kind of people who would do it, so I only see it occasionally. If it’s obvious, we have a laugh and feel sorry for them (their sense of themselves must be poor if they need to do it).
Miranda responds:
Posted: December 17th, 2008 at 7:53 pm →
Thanks for the nod to the double standard! Since women are expected to look pretty and men are expected to…do whatever they are doing, it is apparent that when a woman ages and no longer fulfills her purpose, ridicule is in order. It’s too bad, especially since women are so much more than pretty faces. Although I am starting to see the same thing start to plague men to a certain degree. Overall, we’ve become a rather superficial society.
Christina responds:
Posted: December 17th, 2008 at 7:59 pm →
You look amazing and beautiful!!!
Media makes it hard to have even one wrinkle or laugh line on a woman’s face, I say embrace aging despite what is portrayed on tv and magazines!
MomGrind responds:
Posted: December 17th, 2008 at 11:25 pm →
@ Tara: I agree, but I also think these women are under a lot of pressure to stay young-looking. So it’s not all their fault.
@ Stacey: The best way to deal with signs of aging is to wear them proudly instead of trying to erase them. Bit in today’s culture, it’s not always easy.
@ Eric Hamm: I think it’s really important to keep the dialogue between women and men open. Not all men care, but the ones who do need to be aware of this.
@ Jamie: “However, she’s just as hot as the day I first laid eyes on her some 14 years ago” – you sound just like my husband.
Women need to know they can still be considered attractive even if they’re not as taught as they used to be in their twenties.
@ Robin: “we have a laugh and feel sorry for them (their sense of themselves must be poor if they need to do it).” I agree. My main concern is that the media damages all women who are exposed to it, to some extent.
@ Miranda: I agree with your observation that there’s a general trend in our society to place too much value on youth and looks.
@ Christina: Thank you.
It’s true: women often talk about the “first fine line” or “first wrinkle”, which shows that even one is considered as a good reason for panic.
Lawyer Mom responds:
Posted: December 17th, 2008 at 11:28 pm →
I won’t say you look beautiful because it’s beside your point. And it would undermine your point. Nor will I throw us off-track by haranguing the media for its coverage of Hillary Clinton, though you may find it worthy of some double-standard-in-action scrutiny later. Well done. I totally concur.
Beth Partin responds:
Posted: December 18th, 2008 at 9:24 am →
I just saw a movie with Dustin Hoffman and Emma Thompson, and I was offended by the movie’s implication that the only thing a lonely 50-something woman can hope for is a 70-year-old man.
I also think Brigitte Bardot’s neck looks pretty bad–if it were my neck, I wouldn’t wear a shirt like that. I’d cover it up or have some kind of surgery.
Carojay responds:
Posted: December 18th, 2008 at 5:02 pm →
I agree with most of the comments here. However, I have a nit-picky point to make. I don’t agree with he title “Ageism is the Last Acceptable Form of Discrimination.” We obviously both know that sexism is alive and (sickeningly) well. Many of the comments on this post attest to the fact that ageism is often just a subset of sexism.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: December 18th, 2008 at 5:27 pm →
@ Lawyer Mom: The media coverage of Hillary Clinton was outrageously sexist. I still can’t believe some of the remarks that were made about her.
@ Beth Partin: “I was offended by the movie’s implication that the only thing a lonely 50-something woman can hope for is a 70-year-old man.” I agree!
@ Carojay: I agree! Ageism is indeed in most cases just a subset of sexism, since it’s mainly directed towards women.
Mrs. Micah responds:
Posted: December 20th, 2008 at 11:33 am →
I’ve only recently realized and accepted that I want to look sweet when I get older. Pretty if possible, but I can’t get one of my supervisor’s faces out of my head. I worked for her in college and she just had such a pleasant face that I couldn’t help liking her. I want to inspire that same reaction in people. I think my mother has done a great job of looking pleasant. Her face just resolved that way….and she’s never worn makeup in my life (except I think she wore lipstick to my wedding, which was CRAZY!).
Based on the two of them, I’ve decided that personality probably makes a different in how your face ends up looking 40-50 years down the road. I don’t want to look severe and pinched.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: December 20th, 2008 at 6:45 pm →
@ Mrs. Micah: While I don’t necessarily aim for “sweet”, I agree that “severe and pinched” is not the look one should strive for.
Wesley responds:
Posted: December 21st, 2008 at 2:42 am →
Ageism against the old is definitely a problem, but it’s not nearly as common as ageism against the young.
In my opinion, ageism is not acceptable.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: December 21st, 2008 at 12:14 pm →
@ Wesley: There IS ageism against the very young. I agree. I sometimes find myself dismissing someone in their early twenties just because of their age. But I’m working on it. My goal is to ignore age, just as I ignore skin color. I still think ageism against the old, or older, is far worse. And actually, as Carojay pointed out, the ageism I’m tackling here is just another form of sexism.
Pastabake responds:
Posted: December 22nd, 2008 at 6:53 am →
Yeah yeah yeah, what you seem to have failed to realise is that the majority of the so-called discrimination is aimed towards those that ‘live’ off their looks, and those that can’t come to terms with what aging means – that’s right as long as society and those within it think that its acceptable for a 50 year old to behave as if he/she were 20 you will never get a realistic view of aging … There are not many with the confidence of Bardot and its little surprise that she isn’t American.
To labour the point – the last acceptable form of dicrimination is against ugly people, and don’t take this the wrong way but the process of aging while it may result in ‘added interest’ it doesn’t result in anything that you’d really want to wake up in bed with, unless ‘perhaps’ you were the same age and loved them.
Also what you call discrimination is really little more than marketting! Millions are spent on getting people to buy anti-aging creams etc etc … if we all thought that the product of the natural process of aging was ‘sexy’ ans were prepared to live with the ‘consequences of our own’ these companies would go bankrupt.
You may as well bitch about those that discriminate on grounds of fashion … and what ever you may think the reality is that class discrimination (or if you are American you may want to misguidedly look upon it as wealth discrimination) is as strong as it has ever been … and indeed over the past decade we have not only seen a rise in the gap between the rich and poor but we have also seen a corresponding drop in the ‘opportunities’ for those from a ‘poor’ background to better themselves … and don’t get me started on the way the statistics are manipulated to make it seem the otherway.
I fear the whole point of your interest is that you yourself have come to the realisation that not only are you not as young looking as you once were but that the ‘opportunites’ that you once had are gone.
That said … you look pretty hot to me in that photo.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: December 23rd, 2008 at 10:32 am →
@ Pastabake: The more experienced I am with blogging, the harder it is for me to respond to comments that are made anonymously. If you don’t have the courage to say it to my face using your real name, it’s not valid. I’ll just say this: women are attacked for getting older even if they CAN come to terms with aging. It’s not just Bardot. Kathleen Turner is another good example. As for me, I used to be an attorney. I am now a writer. I don’t need my looks to get “opportunities”, and in fact, I never had an “opportunity” presented to me because of my looks. If anything, I had to fight hard to be taken seriously as a young lawyer.
Jim responds:
Posted: December 26th, 2008 at 6:02 pm →
I must join in saying that you look great in the photo, a little Audrey Hepburnish even. She came to mind because I just watched her in Roman Holiday, a great old movie. This is the first post I have read of yours, and it is very well done. I would like to read your thoughts about discrimination in the workplace too, but at 37, perhaps you have not seen a lot of it yet.
I will also say that as a (really) older man, I find “older women really interesting.
As an aside, after reading your TOS, I am not certain your recovery from lawyering is complete as of yet. This is meant in a constructive and (sort of) humorous way, incidentally.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: December 26th, 2008 at 9:08 pm →
@ Jim: While I had to deal with gender-based discrimination, mostly in the form of sexual harassment, in the workplace, I haven’t faced age-based discrimination – yet.
Re my legal page, you’re correct. One never fully recovers from being a lawyer.
Lola responds:
Posted: December 27th, 2008 at 3:06 pm →
“I’m sure evolution plays an important role here. But I also believe that humans are more than their biological urges. Women don’t need older men to take care of them anymore. They can take care of themselves. More and more men are realizing that a relationship with a smart, independent, equal partner is far more satisfying than being with someone half their age. We need to keep discussing these issues, we need to make aging something that women are not ashamed of. We CAN change societal perceptions. It’s not all about biology and primal urges.”
<3
Carla responds:
Posted: December 27th, 2008 at 6:18 pm →
…and though my partner is 21 years my senior, we are very much equals in our relationship despite what others on the outside may think just by looking at us and making snap judgments.
Lola responds:
Posted: December 27th, 2008 at 7:31 pm →
“Ageism against the old is definitely a problem, but it’s not nearly as common as ageism against the young.”
Being young is what is praised, ageism against the old (or not even old but not “young”), is extremely common.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: December 27th, 2008 at 8:35 pm →
@ Carla: People ARE very quick to jump into all kinds of conclusions and assumptions.
@ Lola: It’s true that our culture tells us that physical youth is what we should aspire to, while the wonderful personal development that comes with aging is deemed unimportant.
Girls Just Wanna…Get Approval From Men?? « responds:
Posted: January 25th, 2009 at 4:49 pm →
[...] Ageism Is The Last Acceptable Form Of Discrimination (@ Mom Grind) [...]
In Defense Of Plastic Surgery | responds:
Posted: January 26th, 2009 at 1:00 am →
[...] and virtual worlds in his blog Artiphys. In this post, Dan is responding to my recent post on Ageism. Dan thinks “aging gracefully” backfires in today’s culture and argues that [...]
Blake Austin responds:
Posted: March 12th, 2009 at 1:59 pm →
In the case of legal actions, our founding fathers supported the idea that the best judgement may only be obtained by a jury of one’s peers. Naturally the single most defining aspect of peerage is one’s age group. To reserve judgement and give people their day in court in a timely manner – letting the jury decide – not themselves – is essential to preserving individual liberty. As we suffer economic decline, it’s natural that we yearn for a return to the basics of what made this country great – it’s sense of justice and desire to preserve liberty for all.
Wanting To Look Young — Let's Live Forever! responds:
Posted: May 6th, 2009 at 6:57 am →
[...] to many of us. There are some interesting articles about aging and plastic surgery on Vered’s mommy blog and Urban Panther’s life muser [...]
10 Ways To Hate Yourself As A Woman | responds:
Posted: July 4th, 2009 at 1:57 pm →
[...] Be your own worst critic. Remind yourself every day that you are imperfect, ugly, fat and old. What a loser you are. You should listen to the Facebook ads that explain that while Julia Roberts [...]
Demi responds:
Posted: January 19th, 2010 at 8:31 am →
I read The Beauty Myth by Viriginia Woolf, and it really shed some light on the difference in age discrimination between men and women. It explains that while an aged man is seen as experienced and wise – positive traits for men therefore = attractiveness, women on the other hand are expected to be naive and innocent, and therefore youth for women = beauty. I don’t know if I put it right, but the book is a really interesting read. So the sexism toward smart, wise, experienced women is what causes an older woman to be judged on her looks.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: January 19th, 2010 at 12:23 pm →
Thank you for your comment, Demi. This is interesting.