Cosmo Magazine
Cosmo magazine’s board of directors has recently voted to change the magazine’s name to a new name that would better reflect the true nature of its content:
“Cosmo Magazine – The Modern Woman’s Guide To:
1. Completely giving up your own personality and pretending to be someone you’re not because otherwise your man might leave you.
2. Being a whiny, insecure idiot who does everything in her power to get emotionally closer to her (presumably) reluctant man.
3. Giving men as much pleasure as you can in bed while ignoring your own needs.
4. In general, making men and their needs the center of your universe.”
A quick look at a few choice Cosmo Magazine covers from recent months yields the following brilliant pieces of advice:
1. Forget about being yourself. You need to give up your own personality and adopt whatever traits and behaviors will make him like you
“50 things that will make him worship you”
“The girlfriend habit that will deepen his love”
“Girlfriend traits guys find freaking awesome”
“Chick behavior that baffles the hell out of guys”
“The girlfriend habit that he’ll love you more for”
2. His pleasure comes before yours
Surprising advice, considering women are far more likely to have trouble climaxing than men.
“10 things guys crave in bed”
“The hottest things to do to a man”
“The moves a man craves in bed”
“Hot new trick to intensify everything he feels”
3. Be a clingy insecure idiot whose life’s mission is to “get closer to him”
“A kind of cuddling that can bring you closer to him”
4. Men cheat. Just accept it.
“Why guys cheat: fresh insight”
Please excuse me while I go vomit.
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