Comments on: Sleepless Night http://momgrind.com/2009/02/03/sleepless/ Hire a Blogger Tue, 16 Mar 2010 13:16:40 -0600 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.5 hourly 1 By: MomGrind http://momgrind.com/2009/02/03/sleepless/#comment-10512 MomGrind Thu, 26 Feb 2009 17:16:51 +0000 http://momgrind.com/?p=1341#comment-10512 @ MommyNamedApril: DRIVE! I don’t even want to think about that. Completely agree that “every new stage may bring something terrifying, but it also brings wonderful things too.” @ Robin: I’m not a very trusting person... you’re making a good point. @ MommyNamedApril: DRIVE! I don’t even want to think about that. Completely agree that “every new stage may bring something terrifying, but it also brings wonderful things too.”

@ Robin: I’m not a very trusting person… you’re making a good point.

]]> By: Robin http://momgrind.com/2009/02/03/sleepless/#comment-10310 Robin Fri, 20 Feb 2009 04:05:18 +0000 http://momgrind.com/?p=1341#comment-10310 Hi Vered - you really are a very good writer. Maybe, as far as the fear goes, it's something to do with trusting life and where it takes us? - I know trust has been one of the things I have had to work on. love, R Hi Vered – you really are a very good writer. Maybe, as far as the fear goes, it’s something to do with trusting life and where it takes us? – I know trust has been one of the things I have had to work on.
love, R

]]> By: The One Hundred: A Guide to Pieces Every Happy and Balanced Soul Must Embrace: LETTING GO | think maya http://momgrind.com/2009/02/03/sleepless/#comment-10297 The One Hundred: A Guide to Pieces Every Happy and Balanced Soul Must Embrace: LETTING GO | think maya Thu, 19 Feb 2009 20:39:36 +0000 http://momgrind.com/?p=1341#comment-10297 [...] started thinking about it recently when I read this post on MomGrind. It is a beautiful post about something we all experience - a sense of fear at times of greatest [...] [...] started thinking about it recently when I read this post on MomGrind. It is a beautiful post about something we all experience – a sense of fear at times of greatest [...]

]]> By: MommyNamedApril http://momgrind.com/2009/02/03/sleepless/#comment-9921 MommyNamedApril Mon, 09 Feb 2009 15:19:04 +0000 http://momgrind.com/?p=1341#comment-9921 I am petrified. I too, have late night anxiety attacks... I don't ever want them to grow out of their cribs, to be let loose into the school system, or *god forbid* drive!!! Petrified. But, life is marching forward, and it's better than the alternative, right? ;-) Plus, every new stage may bring something terrifying, but it also brings wonderful things too. I am petrified. I too, have late night anxiety attacks… I don’t ever want them to grow out of their cribs, to be let loose into the school system, or *god forbid* drive!!! Petrified. But, life is marching forward, and it’s better than the alternative, right? ;-) Plus, every new stage may bring something terrifying, but it also brings wonderful things too.

]]> By: MomGrind http://momgrind.com/2009/02/03/sleepless/#comment-9902 MomGrind Mon, 09 Feb 2009 04:18:07 +0000 http://momgrind.com/?p=1341#comment-9902 @ Madeleine Fitzpatrick: Reminding myself that I'll feel better in the morning IS a great strategy. Your husband sounds like a wise man. :) @ Madeleine Fitzpatrick: Reminding myself that I’ll feel better in the morning IS a great strategy. Your husband sounds like a wise man. :)

]]> By: Madeleine Fitzpatrick http://momgrind.com/2009/02/03/sleepless/#comment-9897 Madeleine Fitzpatrick Mon, 09 Feb 2009 03:17:11 +0000 http://momgrind.com/?p=1341#comment-9897 WOW. I know exactly what you mean - I already feel like I want to freeze the picture, and my daughter is only 16 months old!! My husband, who is 14 years older than me and laughs at my existentialist doom about getting older (I'm 29), has this expression about "riding the river" of life. I've had a hard time letting go of things in the past, and he reminds me that you've gotta keep moving in order to enjoy the ride. Wanting to freeze the picture is like grabbing on to a rock or some long grass in an attempt to fight the current. You won't stop the river but if you resist it, you also won't enjoy the ride. ;) Even when our children DO leave home, that isn't the end of the story. They will be as close to us as they have become over the years they spent growing up under our roof. My husband's elder daughter is 21 and she texted her daddy recently from a Sydney music festival (we're in Hong Kong), going "Love you, Daddy! Riding the river with you always!" It's true that life has to change. But there's so much more cool stuff to see downstream - so just let go! PS I also get the heebie jeebies late at night (could be a woman thing ;)). When that happens, I remind myself that I'll feel better when the sun comes up. :) WOW. I know exactly what you mean – I already feel like I want to freeze the picture, and my daughter is only 16 months old!! My husband, who is 14 years older than me and laughs at my existentialist doom about getting older (I’m 29), has this expression about “riding the river” of life. I’ve had a hard time letting go of things in the past, and he reminds me that you’ve gotta keep moving in order to enjoy the ride. Wanting to freeze the picture is like grabbing on to a rock or some long grass in an attempt to fight the current. You won’t stop the river but if you resist it, you also won’t enjoy the ride. ;)
Even when our children DO leave home, that isn’t the end of the story. They will be as close to us as they have become over the years they spent growing up under our roof. My husband’s elder daughter is 21 and she texted her daddy recently from a Sydney music festival (we’re in Hong Kong), going “Love you, Daddy! Riding the river with you always!”
It’s true that life has to change. But there’s so much more cool stuff to see downstream – so just let go!
PS I also get the heebie jeebies late at night (could be a woman thing ;) ). When that happens, I remind myself that I’ll feel better when the sun comes up. :)

]]> By: MomGrind http://momgrind.com/2009/02/03/sleepless/#comment-9893 MomGrind Sun, 08 Feb 2009 18:39:39 +0000 http://momgrind.com/?p=1341#comment-9893 @ artiphys (dan miller): Thank you so much for what you said about my writing. Ever since I started blogging I’ve been insisting that I’m not really a writer – that blogging to me is about sharing thoughts and ideas and not about quality writing. But I am slowly recognizing the importance of good, clear writing when trying to convey those thoughts and ideas. While my writing in English will never be as good as that of someone whose English is her first language, blogging has definitely made me a better writer. I’m proud of that. I love your observations. I can think of several people I know who live in the present, including my husband and my dad. I can also think of others who are “planners” and always look into the future. I am certainly one of them. There’s one person I know who’s stuck in the past. This is certainly the most miserable way to live one’s life. I agree that being in the moment is the best way to live – certainly the happiest. I’m not sure if people like us can fundamentally change, although I suspect we can teach ourselves to focus more on today and less on tomorrow. @ Kelly: “I try to relish every second he is here with me, holding my hand, looking to me for answers, and thinking I am all powerful. One day he will know better, as I do.” This was beautiful, Kel. I try to do the same. I don’t think I can ever become someone who’s completely present. I will always look into the future. But I do believe I can teach myself to enjoy the present to the maximum. @ Tess: “Grandchildren are bliss, something you can’t explain to people who don’t experience them.” I know, because I see the pure joy my parents are experiencing around my daughters. They often talk about how one enjoys her grandchildren even more than one enjoys her own children. @ artiphys (dan miller): Thank you so much for what you said about my writing. Ever since I started blogging I’ve been insisting that I’m not really a writer – that blogging to me is about sharing thoughts and ideas and not about quality writing. But I am slowly recognizing the importance of good, clear writing when trying to convey those thoughts and ideas. While my writing in English will never be as good as that of someone whose English is her first language, blogging has definitely made me a better writer. I’m proud of that.

I love your observations. I can think of several people I know who live in the present, including my husband and my dad. I can also think of others who are “planners” and always look into the future. I am certainly one of them. There’s one person I know who’s stuck in the past. This is certainly the most miserable way to live one’s life.

I agree that being in the moment is the best way to live – certainly the happiest. I’m not sure if people like us can fundamentally change, although I suspect we can teach ourselves to focus more on today and less on tomorrow.

@ Kelly: “I try to relish every second he is here with me, holding my hand, looking to me for answers, and thinking I am all powerful. One day he will know better, as I do.” This was beautiful, Kel. I try to do the same. I don’t think I can ever become someone who’s completely present. I will always look into the future. But I do believe I can teach myself to enjoy the present to the maximum.

@ Tess: “Grandchildren are bliss, something you can’t explain to people who don’t experience them.” I know, because I see the pure joy my parents are experiencing around my daughters. They often talk about how one enjoys her grandchildren even more than one enjoys her own children.

]]> By: Tess The Bold Life http://momgrind.com/2009/02/03/sleepless/#comment-9888 Tess The Bold Life Sun, 08 Feb 2009 13:00:22 +0000 http://momgrind.com/?p=1341#comment-9888 Vared, I was married at 17 and pregnant and am still married to my former boyfriend. (37 years). I understand exactly what you're saying. Our daughters are 32 (twins), 34, and 36. It was sooo much fun while they were growing up especially during the difficult teen years. Partly because they were girls and I could relate and partly becuase I was so young and had so much energy! We had so much fun. The empty nest stage was very difficult because I was never alone! Now my granddaughter is nearly 15 and grandson 12. Mac especially is close to moving on. And I fear losing her. I really won't but our relationship will change due to her college years etc. A new gift in December arrived-a new grandson! So life does move on and you're right it will never be the same. In some ways even better. Grandchildren are bliss, something you can't explain to people who don't experience them. Also because you have daughters they will remain involved in your life. My friend who has four boys says it's true, When they take a wife everything changes and they see her so much less. My duaghters call all the time for help and advice and fun. So there you have it. And yes about the worry as well. I like Julie's advice. I also have a line that helps me when I'm worried,, "I don't have to make this mean so much." Lovely post! Vared,
I was married at 17 and pregnant and am still married to my former boyfriend. (37 years). I understand exactly what you’re saying. Our daughters are 32 (twins), 34, and 36. It was sooo much fun while they were growing up especially during the difficult teen years. Partly because they were girls and I could relate and partly becuase I was so young and had so much energy! We had so much fun. The empty nest stage was very difficult because I was never alone!

Now my granddaughter is nearly 15 and grandson 12. Mac especially is close to moving on. And I fear losing her. I really won’t but our relationship will change due to her college years etc.

A new gift in December arrived-a new grandson! So life does move on and you’re right it will never be the same. In some ways even better. Grandchildren are bliss, something you can’t explain to people who don’t experience them.

Also because you have daughters they will remain involved in your life. My friend who has four boys says it’s true, When they take a wife everything changes and they see her so much less. My duaghters call all the time for help and advice and fun.

So there you have it. And yes about the worry as well. I like Julie’s advice. I also have a line that helps me when I’m worried,, “I don’t have to make this mean so much.” Lovely post!

]]> By: Kelly@SHE-POWER http://momgrind.com/2009/02/03/sleepless/#comment-9869 Kelly@SHE-POWER Sun, 08 Feb 2009 05:49:05 +0000 http://momgrind.com/?p=1341#comment-9869 I always used to be a futurist, but not anymore. Right now I am not really sure what I even want for tomorrow. I am all about today. But I know exactly what that fear you describe feels like. In my first few years of motherhood I was often overwhelmed with my depth of feeling for my son. I could never have imagined that one person could so completely become my sun, my moon, my universe. And it terrified me. I have known great loss in my life. My family is without one child, so I know better than some that life not only changes, but is unpredictable and sometimes devastating. As much as I may want to keep Bunny safe, and ensure his world is only full of love, joy and wonder, I cannot guarantee this. I can only love him and guide him and pray that he has a long and wonderful life. So, now I try to see the sun as following him wherever he goes, and I try to relish every second he is here with me, holding my hand, looking to me for answers, and thinking I am all powerful. One day he will know better, as I do. Kelly I always used to be a futurist, but not anymore. Right now I am not really sure what I even want for tomorrow. I am all about today. But I know exactly what that fear you describe feels like. In my first few years of motherhood I was often overwhelmed with my depth of feeling for my son. I could never have imagined that one person could so completely become my sun, my moon, my universe. And it terrified me. I have known great loss in my life. My family is without one child, so I know better than some that life not only changes, but is unpredictable and sometimes devastating. As much as I may want to keep Bunny safe, and ensure his world is only full of love, joy and wonder, I cannot guarantee this. I can only love him and guide him and pray that he has a long and wonderful life. So, now I try to see the sun as following him wherever he goes, and I try to relish every second he is here with me, holding my hand, looking to me for answers, and thinking I am all powerful. One day he will know better, as I do.

Kelly

]]> By: artiphys (dan miller) http://momgrind.com/2009/02/03/sleepless/#comment-9866 artiphys (dan miller) Sun, 08 Feb 2009 05:21:43 +0000 http://momgrind.com/?p=1341#comment-9866 Before I comment on the substance of your post, let me just say your writing is beautiful. You've become very accomplished at making your point concisely, with passion and clarity. It's quite a gift. I think people tend to one of three types: those who live in the past; those who live in the future; and those who live in the present. I am a futurist. Whether optimistic or pessimistic, my thoughts are almost always on tomorrow. What will go wrong? What can I do to make things better? How can I live up to my full potential? The only thoughts I have about the past are vague regrets, things I wish I could do over. But I don't tend to dwell on those, because obviously I can't do anything about it other than do better next time. My ex-wife was strictly stuck in the past. Every relationship in her life was a disappointment, and she constantly focused on how things used to be good but went bad, usually because someone or some situation failed to live up to her expectations. She would go on and on about how so-and-so should have, could have, might have done X Y or Z. I found that to be an extremely depressing way to live (she was definitely clinically depressed much of the time). We were complete opposites in that respect. My wife (the new one:) is a "present" -- she is in the moment, for better or worse. It' s hard for her to plan ahead with any consistency, and she doesn't dwell on past mistakes. It can be frustrating at times (like when you really need a plan), but there's something very engaging about thinking that way, especially when things are going well. It's like living your life as one big roller-coaster ride, or downhill slalom. My mother is like that as well. I think it might be the most rewarding way to live your life. Sometimes I have to struggle to remind myself to enjoy today, rather than fret about what I need to do tomorrow. -dan Before I comment on the substance of your post, let me just say your writing is beautiful. You’ve become very accomplished at making your point concisely, with passion and clarity. It’s quite a gift.

I think people tend to one of three types: those who live in the past; those who live in the future; and those who live in the present.

I am a futurist. Whether optimistic or pessimistic, my thoughts are almost always on tomorrow. What will go wrong? What can I do to make things better? How can I live up to my full potential? The only thoughts I have about the past are vague regrets, things I wish I could do over. But I don’t tend to dwell on those, because obviously I can’t do anything about it other than do better next time.

My ex-wife was strictly stuck in the past. Every relationship in her life was a disappointment, and she constantly focused on how things used to be good but went bad, usually because someone or some situation failed to live up to her expectations. She would go on and on about how so-and-so should have, could have, might have done X Y or Z. I found that to be an extremely depressing way to live (she was definitely clinically depressed much of the time). We were complete opposites in that respect.

My wife (the new one:) is a “present” — she is in the moment, for better or worse. It’ s hard for her to plan ahead with any consistency, and she doesn’t dwell on past mistakes. It can be frustrating at times (like when you really need a plan), but there’s something very engaging about thinking that way, especially when things are going well. It’s like living your life as one big roller-coaster ride, or downhill slalom. My mother is like that as well. I think it might be the most rewarding way to live your life. Sometimes I have to struggle to remind myself to enjoy today, rather than fret about what I need to do tomorrow.

-dan

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