What Do Women Want?
What do women want? Justice. Equality. Respect.
Think we have those? Think again.
Women throughout the world are abused, harassed, raped, kidnapped, maimed, burned, stoned, trafficked, molested, exploited, and abducted on a daily basis. These crimes happen every single day, and in many cases, the criminals are never prosecuted, let alone spend jail time or otherwise pay for their crime.
We may have come a long way, but the following are ten sobering examples of how far we still have to go. So please don’t be afraid to call yourself a feminist. While you might feel feminism is radical, it is in fact nothing more than the radical notion that women are human beings.
1. United States: Clearly, Not Ready For A Female President
As soon as Hilary Clinton announced she was running for the United States Presidency in 2008, misogyny raised its very ugly head. It’s all been said about Hilary Clinton. Her tears are fake, she’s a hag, she’s had a face lift, she is bottom-heavy and poorly dressed. She’s a bitch, a witch, a monster. She should make sandwiches and iron shirts instead of running for Presidency. She looks like everyone’s first wife: men won’t vote for her because she reminds them of their nagging wives. And my favorite: if she becomes President, America will have to deal with PMS and mood swings.
Photo Credit: Ian Ransley
2. Western World: Women In Ads Are Still Heavily Objectified
Sex sells, and in ads, women are almost always the ones to provide the sexual pleasure. They are shown ready and willing regardless of the circumstances. Their body position is often passive, sometimes even date-rape-passive:
They are looking coyly to the side or down, their fingers in their mouth, helpless and passive like little girls:
Photo Credit: Tammy Manet
Men, on the other hand, often look straight at the camera. They are shown as strong and powerful, or doing something active such as engaging in sports.
In addition, Women are often “pieced up” in ads. Instead of seeing the woman, we see her legs, her breasts or her behind. These women are not human beings. They are, literally, pieces of meat.
Photo Credit: Tammy Manet
3. United States: The Scary Statistics Of Rape
One out of every six American women have been the victims of an attempted or completed rape in their lifetime. 9 of every 10 rape victims are female. Rape is a serious problem in the United States today: the United States has the highest rape rate among countries which report such statistics.
Only 16% of rapes and sexual assaults are reported to the police. Less than half of those arrested for rape are convicted. 21% of convicted rapists are never sentenced to jail or prison time, and 24% spend an average of less than 11 months behind bars.
4. Africa: Three Quarters Of Young Africans Who Are HIV-Positive Are Women
Photo credit: khym54
Three-quarters of Africans between the ages of 15 and 24 who are HIV-positive are women. Part of the explanation for the staggering rates is biological: because of their reproductive systems, women’s bodies are more susceptible to infection by the human immunodeficiency virus than men’s bodies. Rural women living with HIV in circumstances of poverty in Africa face discrimination in relationships and in their communities because of their gender, HIV status and economic marginalization.
The woman in the photo above contracted HIV from her husband, who also indulges in beating her. Many African women report that they can’t ask their unfaithful husbands to use condoms because that kind of request often results in violence.
5. United States: Income Gap Won’t Budge
According to the U.S. Census Bureau, women make only 75.5 cents for every dollar men earn, even accounting for factors such as occupation, industry, race, marital status and job tenure. This pay gap has persisted for the past two decades.
A young woman graduating from college today into a $30,000 starting salary will make $1.2 million less, over her lifetime, than the young man getting his diploma right behind her.
6. Pakistan (and other places): No End In Sight To “Honor” Killings
Photo credit: tinou
Every day, at least three Pakistani women are murdered by their families in the name of family “honor.” Honor killings are perpetrated for a wide range of offenses. Reported cases include marital infidelity, premarital sex, flirting, seeking a divorce, refusing an arranged marriage, and even failing to serve a meal on time. Being a rape victim can also lead to an honor killing.
7. United States: Women Are Paying More For The Same Health Care Coverage
Women pay much more than men of the same age for individual insurance policies providing identical coverage. As a result, a woman’s insurance can cost hundreds of dollars a year more than a man’s.
8. Kenya (and other places): Female Genital Mutilation
Female Genital Mutilation is the removal of part, or all, of the female genitalia. It is practiced throughout the world, but mostly in Africa. Despite being outlawed in 2001 in Kenya, the practice is still widely carried out there.
Female Genital Mutilation is done to control female sexuality. By reducing sexual desire through making the act painful or removing pleasure, society ensures that its women remain faithful to their partners.
9. United States: Women Athletes Are Ignored Unless They Are Used As Sex Objects
Photo credit: David Bunting
Women athletes are underrepresented in all forms of media coverage of sports. Numerous studies have found that female sports are routinely ignored, or given only a fraction of the coverage given to male sports. In some cases, women athletes are presented by the media not as athletes, but as objects of heterosexual desire. The most blatant examples are the Sports Illustrated annual swimsuit issue and the media coverage of women’s beach volleyball.
10. Worldwide: The Feminization Of Poverty
Despite the efforts of feminist movements, women still suffer disproportionately, including in Western countries, leading to what sociologist refer to as the “feminization of poverty,” where two out of every three poor adults are women.
Men often ask, “what do women want?” I don’t get this question. We want exactly what men want. We want justice, equality and respect. Think we have those? Think again. These are just a few examples, but obviously there are many more. Sure, we’ve made progress, but we still have a long way to go.
—
Posted for International Women’s Day, 2009.
Sources: World Health Organization, Rainn , UN , US Government Info, The WAGE Project, Vancouver Island University , New York Times , National Geographic News, Global Issues , BlogHer , New York Magazine, Amnesty International, NPR, Women’s eNews, IRIN News.
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Lance responds:
Posted: March 8th, 2009 at 3:12 am →
And is it any wonder there are so many women who have body image issues? In addition to these all being derogatory toward women – they also create an image that in reality is something near impossible to live up to. Men and women are different in many ways – and yet – in the end – we are all the same – we are all humans. And should be treated with respect and dignity.
How much of all this is just “accepted” in our society today? And by just “accepting” are we not saying it’s okay? Why do we allow that to continue? There are a lot of unanswered questions out there yet.
This is a topic that deserves attention. For our mothers and grandmothers. For our friends, wives, girlfriends. For our daughters and all little girls. Every one of them has the right to a life of dignity and equality…
Jelveh responds:
Posted: March 8th, 2009 at 3:20 am →
Hi,
Well where can I start, I so agree with all of this…if you look through out history and through out any culture you can see that where there is a problem in the world, the women of that culture are not treated equal to the men…
I was born in Iran and moved to American during the revolution in 1978 at the age of 14, fortunately for me and so many other Iranian women of that time, I never had to cover or be governed under muslim law, or Sharia Law (which is mostly about how to treat women in the Muslim religion)
Since the change of government in Iran 30 years ago, women have gone from dressing as they wished working high level jobs from being cabinet members like my aunt used to be, to Doctors and Lawyers, who did not have to cover unless personally they chose to:
to now being covered from head to toe, to not being able to drive,
to not being able to be in a car with a man unless the man is their husband, brother or father,
to having their face slashed with a razor if they have make up on,
if raped they have to prove by way of producing 3 well respected men who stand up on their behalf in court that they have been raped before justice takes place,
to losing their children in divorce as a matter of law, no women is allowed to keep her kids should she decided to divorce from her husband, unless she knows someone in a higher place in the justice system who can help out,
to losing their inheritance, after my grandfather died in Iran about 20 years ago, my grandmother was left with nothing under the new law, everything was going to the male kids, but my mother and my dad, they stepped in and made the local justice system split the money between her and the kids including the women kids in a equal way…she did not get everything as she should have but at least they saved her house and enough to live until she passed away…and many more injustices as you mentioned above…
One particularly bad law is that girls are said to be of age to marry at the age of 9 in Sharia Law and this is now a regular practice in Saudi Arabia and many other places in the world that live under Sharia Law…
last year the government of Iran tried to push a new law, where women could only walk only on one side of any road, never mind you may need to go to the Bakery that might be on the other side…this law was proposed to happen in the capital of Iran which has over population of 20 million & is filled with sky scrapers & modern life. It like proposing to do this in New York or London. And who knows the way things are going we may still see that happen one day…
Cell phone usage is restricted by women…
Women are not allowed to be a Dr. to men and female Dr.s are in short supply, so women get a worse health care than the men.
Last year I met my cousin in Turkey who is only 23 years old, so I had never known her, she grew up in this new world of Iran, she is very smart, I asked her what she was studying in school, she said with a sad smile, I am studying Theoretical Physics, which means in Iran, I will theoretically be a physicist but not in reality…my heart broke for her…
I think it is worth noting all of this about Iran and now about Iraq which has gone to the same place due to our change of government there, yes its true that Saddam was a bad leader but women had more rights under him than they do today under the new muslim system installed by the American government.
Sharia Law is now being allowed in many African countries due to the overwhelming violent preasure from the people who wanted it to be the law of the land, so many governments have given in. Here in England just last year the courts allowed a portion of Sharia Law to be used as a way of justice for the muslim population here, last week a new banking system has started working in Michigan which is run under Sharia Law. Sharia Law allows for honor killing of women for many reasons. I mention all of this because if you look at any place that it’s women are treated badly the country is not doing well…
Here in America as you mentioned, we are taking away or have never gotten equal rights in many cases for women…and if the supreme court’s conservatives get their way, we may even lose choice which is yet another way to control women.
And as it is understood in many circles, if you control the women you control the world…and that is what male dominated worlds have done always….my very cool husband agrees with all of this…
Evelyn Lim responds:
Posted: March 8th, 2009 at 6:29 am →
I am shocked to read the stats in the U.S. about rape cases. I never knew!! I’d have thought that such stats would come from a less than developed country with no jurisdiction and all.
Putting the two images that came from the ads on Tom Ford For Men clearly shows the stark contrast between how men and women are being portrayed. It’s appalling!
I have two girls. I hope that they grow up to be confident women and not see themselves as degrading sex objects.
Evelyn Lim responds:
Posted: March 8th, 2009 at 6:44 am →
Oops….I forgot to wish you a Happy International Women’s Day!!
Have a great day
Evelyn
RightGirl responds:
Posted: March 8th, 2009 at 7:30 am →
In your discussion of the presidential election debacle, I would like to add the way Sarah Palin was treated. She was constantly spoken down to, her clothes and hair were maligned in the press, and worst of all was the idea that she couldn’t be VP while raising her children. Excuse me? Imagine a man being referred to the same way.
RG
Nurit responds:
Posted: March 8th, 2009 at 9:06 am →
And there’s so much more than 10.
For instance, I read somewhere that C-section and hysterectomy are #1 and #2 top surgeries in the U.S.
This is not by chance, I believe. Probably also got something to do with the way it’s just so easy to cut women up, think they are hysterical and illogical human beings, that their body parts don’t function right or they are unneeded (for an elderly women who had children and is advised to go through a hysterectomy surgery)…
All this can really make a woman mad.
apricot tea. responds:
Posted: March 8th, 2009 at 9:58 am →
Amazing post, Vered. I wish I could say more, but I’m just speechless. Thank you for sharing this. :]
Bamboo Forest - PunIntended responds:
Posted: March 8th, 2009 at 11:51 am →
What stood out for me is the African women who’s husbands cheat and then spread their diseases to the wife. That’s disgraceful.
The mercy killings… really disgusting. This is done in the guise of doing the right thing. It’s disturbing that things such as these can survive in cultures, without the necessary outcry to stop it. If a society largely accepts something (or remains quiet), it can then flourish and it shouldn’t.
More should be done about these kinds of problems. Funny how we sit in our comfy little worlds and forget about these tragedies. We should all work together to contribute to stopping them. And I think bringing these problems to our attention is one huge and helpful step in that objective.
Dr. J responds:
Posted: March 8th, 2009 at 2:59 pm →
I was just watching a program on the International Women’s Day! I really like how they are stressing education and sending their female children to schools in areas where women did not have this opportunity before. Inequality and cruelty among people has always seemed so foreign to me. i don’t understand it but I am very aware of it. In some ways, I guess I’m amazed that we do as well as we do with civilization, or our lack of it.
kathy responds:
Posted: March 8th, 2009 at 3:05 pm →
I just commented on another friend’s blog about this subject. We have come so far when I compare my life to my mom’s and her mom’s. I have raised my daughters to be independent, strong women. I have reinforced the idea that they can do and be anything their hearts and imagination can conjure. And yet…
Some days I don’t think it is really possible – it will be – I hope I see it before I leave this earth for the next adventure. I look around and see the kind of things you’ve posted here and my heart sinks. I have taught my daughters to keep pressing forward – go over, around, and through the obstacles – stand firm and strong. Change the world one small action at a time. Sometimes momentous changes happen with just a flick of a movement – like when you struggle to open a jar and then your child comes along and pops it right open. Even though the work we have done seems to have made little progress – it is ripe for that tipping point.
Friar responds:
Posted: March 8th, 2009 at 3:13 pm →
There’s one thing that isnt’ being mentionned here, one of the root causes of this whole problem.
Religion. Or the misinterpreation thereof.
Think of how much grief it’s caused women over the centuries (and still continues to do so). Especially in the Middle East today.
Did you know there was actually an honor killing in Toronto just over a year ago? The father didnt’ like how his teenage daughter was behaving. She didnt want to wear a hijab. So he killed her.
It’s bad enough that they do this in other countries. But it’s unbelievable that this can happen in North America in the 21st century.
RC - Rambling Along... responds:
Posted: March 8th, 2009 at 4:31 pm →
Yes, there is still a long way to go, but at the same time, I’m thankful to be living in a country where where the distance between equality isn’t as far as in other places. I’m grateful to have witnessed the number of changes I have in my lifetime, relating to equality, in my relatively short time here on earth.
I’m also glad to be raising a young man, who will hopefully be compassionate to all people – no matter what gender, race or religion. This gives me hope. When I see the next generation, I’m extremely hopeful, despite all of the horrible things happening in this world.
Hayden Tompkins responds:
Posted: March 8th, 2009 at 5:28 pm →
Good god, I NEVER noticed “piecing” but – holy cow – it’s everywhere!
Beth Partin responds:
Posted: March 8th, 2009 at 9:55 pm →
Vered, thanks for all the stats, especially the ones about rape. I had heard that around 1/3 of rapes were reported–I wonder why it has gone down?
The sexism during the campaign was just terrible, and it was depressing around inauguration time to see Michelle Obama reduced to a fashion plate. The way the press talked about her, you’d never know a woman had almost been nominated for the presidency. Nevertheless, the Hillary Nutcracker makes me laugh. It makes me feel proud that she got to them THAT much. I’m still tempted to buy one.
Regarding the pictures of women, dressed and undressed–they’re mirror images of each other. In one culture women are too exposed, and in another they’re too covered and restricted.
@Friar, there was just some talk in the news recently about an “honor killing.” I think it was in the Northeast, so I guess it’s not the same as the one you mention.
veena responds:
Posted: March 8th, 2009 at 9:56 pm →
nice post. looking at the newspaper stories in India yesterday, it felt like it was only “happy rich and famous women’s day”
Lindsay responds:
Posted: March 8th, 2009 at 11:19 pm →
Wow. Once again, I am absolutely stunned by your post. I’m curious about where you do your research. It must be so hard to find all these stats and line them all up… It’s hard for me to read them, and these must be the “condensed version” of all the statistics and facts out there, so I can’t imagine the difficulty. I can barely get past that idea to consider the percentages, which is a very good thing, or I would be ripping my hair out for sure. I read parts of this post, especially the stats on sexual abuse, to my mother, and she could only shake her head. Being aware is the first step. Now what to do about it…
Barbara Ling, Virtual Coach responds:
Posted: March 9th, 2009 at 2:51 am →
Incredible post, Vered, never knew bunches of those stats.
Tyler @ Building Camelot responds:
Posted: March 9th, 2009 at 4:27 am →
Wow – what a great and informative post.
We have 2 daughters and after reading this I realize that raising them to be cofident and strong women might be harder than I realized.
Suzie responds:
Posted: March 9th, 2009 at 7:09 am →
Sometimes it so easy to just close your eyes and pretend its ok the 70s won women rights were all equals now. Thank you for your post it reminds us we still have so much work to do
Cath Lawson responds:
Posted: March 9th, 2009 at 7:15 am →
Hi Vered – these figures are shocking and sickening. I had no idea that rape was such a huge problem in the United States. And the fact that such a huge percentage of women in Africa have Aids is terrifying. Their children don’t stand a chance.
We should be calling for some of these ads to be banned. They banned smoking ones eventually (I’m assuming they’re also banned in the States), so why not ban these ones – they’re just as harmful.
I’m making a point of not buying the products of those companies who use offensive ads now. A while ago I was going to buy a BMW but since that awful BMW ad was released last year, I definitely won’t be buying one in this lifetime.
The Lawyer Mom responds:
Posted: March 9th, 2009 at 8:40 am →
For shame, for shame.
The media coverage of Hillary Clinton in the primary was particularly disturbing. We may have come a long way, but we’re only half the way there, baby.
I Read A Vogue Article And Now My Brain Hurts | responds:
Posted: March 9th, 2009 at 8:41 am →
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Posted: March 9th, 2009 at 8:43 am →
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Posted: March 9th, 2009 at 8:46 am →
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Posted: March 9th, 2009 at 8:48 am →
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Michelle @ What Does Your Body Good? responds:
Posted: March 9th, 2009 at 8:53 am →
Funny, I was just speaking about sexism and oppression this weekend. I think both men and women deal with society’s views on how we should be, should look, should act. My husband as an example–the man is incapable of allowing himself to cry! For me, I was jolted into a feminist mindset on Friday evening: after a long bus ride down to NYC, I was happy it was warm enough to take a short walk outside without a coat. Seems like seeing a woman in jeans and a sweater was enough to generate stares and catcalls, so much so I turned around and went back into my hotel. It just wasn’t worth it.
Don Mills Diva responds:
Posted: March 9th, 2009 at 9:25 am →
And THIS is why you are a must read.
Thanks for the reminder that there is still so much work to be done.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: March 9th, 2009 at 10:00 am →
@ Lance: One of my biggest motivators is my daughters. I want it to get better for them, but for the past 30 years or so, it’s not getting better.
@ Jelveh: Thank you so much for all this information. I am so glad you managed to escape Iran in time to prevent a life of misery.
I will never understand why men feel the need (to varying degrees) to control women. I know they do, but I don’t know why.
@ Evelyn Lim: The Tom Ford ads make me sick.
@ RightGirl: I agree. The media’s treatment of Sarah Pain was just as sexist as the media treatment of Hilary Clinton.
@ Nurit: I agree that doctors are not listening to women as much as they listen to men. Especially male doctors, but sadly I think female doctors are also guilty of that.
@ apricot tea: It’s sad and scary. I just want it to keep getting better, but it’s not. The first and second waves of feminism have achieved so much. The third? Not soi much I’m afraid and I especially worry about young women’s refusal to identify as feminists and about a possible backlash.
@ Bamboo Forest: “Family honor” killings are about control. I’m not sure what we can do here to stop it, but I agree that talking about it is an important first step.
@ Dr. J: We’re doing relatively well, but it could be better. Women in the United States were given important human rights, but they are still disrespected and are not equal to men.
@ kathy: One of the things that scares me the most is that many young women today are taking things for granted and are not identifying themselves as feminists.
@ Friar: Religion, or as you say the misinterpretation of religion, has been responsible for a lot of pain and suffering throughout history. But I think it’s more than religion. Horrific things have been done that had no religious motivation behind them. It can be about land, about race (holocaust and other cases of genocide), and about gender, even if religion is not involved.
I agree that the way the Sharia Law is interpreted and practiced in Islamic countries (and as you say by Islamic immigrants in Western countries) is an example of using religion as a means to brutally and forcefully control women while denying them basic human rights.
@ RC: I wish I could be hopeful looking at the next generation. But when I look at young women, I am not hopeful, because I worry that they take everything for granted. They shouldn’t. They should keep fighting, because we haven’t yet achieved full equality.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: March 9th, 2009 at 10:03 am →
@ Hayden Tompkins: It’s everywhere, and it’s almost exclusively done to women.
@ Beth Partin: “Regarding the pictures of women, dressed and undressed–they’re mirror images of each other. In one culture women are too exposed, and in another they’re too covered and restricted.” This is an interesting observation. Obviously, women are better off in the overexposed culture, but it really demonstrates that neither culture is able to view women as full human beings. Either way, we are objects – of men’s control, or of their desire.
@ veena: It’s important not to allow the media to gloss over these issues.
@ Lindsay: I included my sources at the bottom of the post. “Being aware is the first step. Now what to do about it…” – women need to keep trying, to run for office, to work their way to the top, to write complaint letters (or tweet) when they see sexist ads, to boycott companies and products. They need to be assertive, to demand raises just like men do. I’m sure there’s much more, but this would be a good start.
Throughout history, minority groups (women are treated as a minority even though they’re not) secured more rights when they kept fighting and kicking and screaming and raising awareness. Rights are not achieved by being “nice.”
Most of all, we need to support each other at least as much as we “stand by our men,” which for some reason we don’t seem to be genetically inclined to do.
@ Barbara Ling: I never knew many of them either until I researched for this post.
@ Tyler: You will need to overcome very strong media influences.
@ Suzie: I am immensely grateful for the first and second waves of feminism. But we still have a lot of work to do, and I’m not sure we are being militant enough. The third wave of feminism is not achieving as much as it could.
@ Cath Lawson: “We should be calling for some of these ads to be banned. They banned smoking ones eventually (I’m assuming they’re also banned in the States), so why not ban these ones – they’re just as harmful.” I agree! Whenever I talk about banning this type of ads, someone always talks about freedom of speech, but freedom of speech can and has been limited.
@ The Lawyer Mom: “we’re only half the way there” – I think this is a pretty accurate estimate.
@ Michelle: That’s a sad example of how women’s lives are limited by men’s disrespect.
@ Don Mills Diva: There’s still so much more work to do, but fpr some reason many women seem very comfortable with the way things are now. They shouldn’t be.
Dot responds:
Posted: March 9th, 2009 at 11:52 am →
Late to the show again. Thanks for this. In the 1970’s, it was the writers who began the women’s movement. The statistics and quotations they spread throughout the country and world inflamed women, who began to demand better. Now, you and others are doing the same. I hope it will lead to something new and better. Even if you try to teach your daughters (and sons) that women can be strong, Hollywood and Madison Avenue will undermine you at every turn. There needs to be real change, so that someday we can look at those awful ads and say, “How could they STAND it back then?”
“Women own less than 15 percent of land worldwide.” From the Habitat for Humanity website, today.
@Jelveh – Wow! I didn’t know some of those things. I would think the women would be really angry about all this, but how can they protest and risk their lives?
Dot responds:
Posted: March 9th, 2009 at 11:53 am →
PS – About the antibiotic soap. I know it’s hard to find plain soap outside the home. Inside the home, cheap shampoo (or baby shampoo) works really well, for those who don’t want to use the much cheaper and longer lasting bar soap.
Maya responds:
Posted: March 9th, 2009 at 1:03 pm →
Hi Vered,
This article is great, but how many younger girls are reading material like this? I wonder, I really wonder. I think I became who I am because of what I went through – I think it is so important to educate the younger girls about these situations and statistics. I think most girls grow up thinking the world is a wonderful place fpr everyone until they grow up and face some things themselves ….
I hope I am able to develop that sensitivity in my girls.
Marelisa responds:
Posted: March 9th, 2009 at 2:10 pm →
Hi Vered: When I was in law school I was researching a paper on Margaret Sanger who fought for women’s right to use birth control. During my research I found newspapers in the Library of Congress written by women who were against giving women the vote. It´s not just that they weren’t interested in helping to make sure that women got the vote, it´s that they organized themselves to fight against women getting the right to vote. A lot of the time I feel like women help perpetuate a lot of the conditions you describe above. And you’re absolutely right, we still have a long way to go.
Noble Savage » Blog Archive » Be the change you wish to see responds:
Posted: March 9th, 2009 at 3:14 pm →
[...] Ask a woman who has lost her job when her boss found out she was pregnant or when she had to take off work to pick up a sick child; ask a woman who has been beaten by her husband repeatedly for not making him feel like enough of a man; ask the little girl who was raped by soldiers when her country was at war; ask the shy teenager with large breasts how many unsolicited and rude remarks she gets about her body; ask the schoolgirl who is given a Bratz doll for Christmas instead of the soccer ball or lab set she really wanted — they will all tell you why feminism matters, and why women matter. Even if they aren’t aware of the wider implications, their stories remind us. And if you need more examples, there are plenty. [...]
Patricia responds:
Posted: March 9th, 2009 at 3:35 pm →
Excellent work and writing Vered…thank you for keeping this in the public eye and doing it so well.
One other reason AIDs infections continue in parts of Africa is because many men believe that if you have sex with uninfected female children the disease will leave you clean…so they try to find even girls as young as 5 years old to have sex and remove the disease from their bodies.
Trying to explain morality and moral decision making to my youngest daughter was so difficult as the media paraded all this sexual stimulation such as Paris Hilton and then the religious right was have promise ring parties for absence….and both groups went after her all the time…trying to recruit her…it cost us $1000 of dollars for private detectives and investigations….before she matured enough to begin understanding what all of this was about…
Then when you add that the middle of the road/average girls didn’t want to associate with with her…or be a friend….You really are at ground zero with what a big problem this is…
The pressure is horrendous….
I have never felt that we have come a long way….I always see the distance as so much greater…
I believe education is the key…
Cath Lawson responds:
Posted: March 9th, 2009 at 4:42 pm →
Hi Vered – I agree totally. Although I do believe in Freedom of Speech, I honestly don’t think these ads should be protected by it, as they’re promoting hatred. Folk who promote hatred and violence shouldn’t be able to hide behind the veil of Freedom of Speech.
When the author, Salman Rushdie wrote the Satanic Verses, our government didn’t ban it. But they did condemn it in public – and I bet not one single one of them even read the whole damn thing. Yet I don’t think they even arrested, or condemned any of the haters who actually burned a symbol of Rushdie in the streets. It was appalling. And these ads are just as bad as that death symbol.
Michael responds:
Posted: March 9th, 2009 at 7:21 pm →
Vered, thank you for the information. I understand the outrage. Now please help me understand (as a son, brother, husband, and father) what I can do to help make a positive difference. Thank you.
Tracy responds:
Posted: March 9th, 2009 at 8:50 pm →
Bravo, Vered! I’m not afraid to call myself a feminist because I know when women are treated equally, everyone will benefit. I have all boys and I feel that it’s vitally important that I set a good example for them.
Tired, so I’ll just leave it at that, but thanks again for the great post.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: March 9th, 2009 at 9:27 pm →
@ Dot: “There needs to be real change, so that someday we can look at those awful ads and say, “How could they STAND it back then?”” Sigh. I hope so. The best I can do is write about it, and vote for the candidates I believe in.
I never thought to use shampoo as soap. Interesting.
@ Maya: “I think most girls grow up thinking the world is a wonderful place for everyone until they grow up and face some things themselves” – I agree, and I worry about it. The best I can do is write about it and put it out there. The occasional teen does find this blog through a Google search.
@ Marelisa: “A lot of the time I feel like women help perpetuate a lot of the conditions you describe above.” Sadly, it’s true. There’s something about women’s psyche that makes them stand by their men but not so much by other women. Perhaps it’s the result of years of evolution and of being dependent on men for our survival while competing with other women. It doesn’t have to be this way though. Women can and do help each other – and one way to achieve this is to openly discuss this issue.
@ Patricia: I agree that education is the key. It saddens me to think about young girls rolling their eyes at the concept of feminism, thinking they don’t need it anymore. We still have so much work to do – how can they not see it??
@ Cath Lawson: “I honestly don’t think these ads should be protected by it, as they’re promoting hatred.” I never thought about it, but it’s true. These ads absolutely promote hatred towards women. Thank, Cath. You really made me see this issue more clearly. I’m going to use this in future posts!
@ Michael: THANK YOU.
A blogger that I deeply admire, Noble Savage, said it perfectly, so I will borrow her words: “Most of all, we need men sympathetic to women’s struggle for equality and acknowledgement to stop blustering about how evolved and modern they are and start doing and saying. Until they start calling out sexist colleagues for discrimination in the boardroom, asking for more paternity leave, telling their friends to knock it off when they bother strange women or tell stupid jokes and complaining to advertising agencies for pigeonholing them all as breast-obsessed idiots who can’t run a vacuum cleaner or look after a child, our struggle will always be uphill and the power we seek pried from resentful fingers instead of shared with open hands.”
Check out her blog. She’s awesome.
@ Tracy: It’s great that you’re raising your boys on these values.
giovanna garcia responds:
Posted: March 9th, 2009 at 11:46 pm →
In China, outside of the main cities the men said openly say, ““Getting a wife is like buying a horse; I can ride it and beat it whenever I want. I paid money for it!”
Giovanna Garcia
Imperfect Action is better than No Action
Barbara Swafford responds:
Posted: March 10th, 2009 at 1:05 am →
Oh Vered – Your title says it all. We do still have a LONG way to go. It’s sad to think our daughters, and granddaughters will continue to fight this battle.
Beth Partin responds:
Posted: March 10th, 2009 at 7:55 am →
Vered,
you said in one reply that things haven’t gotten better in 30 years, which would be 1979. As someone who grew up in the 1970s, I can unequivocally say that things have gotten better for women. There are a lot more women in positions of power than there were then. Women make up more than half of medical school and law school classes. There are a lot of women running for state government.
Maybe the backlash of the 1980s made it seem like there was no progress, but that’s not true. What we need is a revitalized feminist movement that’s appropriate to this time–the attitudes of slogans of the 1960s and 1970s are no longer appropriate, but that doesn’t mean that all the problems have been solved, as some young women tell themselves. It just means that a women’s movement that’s been around for 40 years has to keep evolving.
Some men dominate women because they’re taught that’s how you become a man–by controlling other people.
Kim Woodbridge responds:
Posted: March 10th, 2009 at 8:33 am →
Rape is under reported, not considered much of a crime and there is an attitude that the woman did something to deserve it. You will probably get a lot more jail time for possession of marijuana in this country than you will for rape.
Thank you for this article Vered – it’s so important. And it’s a shame that feminist has become a “bad” word. Maybe younger people don’t realize that a lot of things we take for granted were not so in the 70’s. A woman could rarely get a credit card in her own name …
MomGrind responds:
Posted: March 10th, 2009 at 8:47 am →
@ giovanna garcia: That’s disgusting.
@ Barbara Swafford: It IS sad. You would think by now women would be truly, fully, equal to men.
@ Beth Partin: Thank you for clarifying. You’re right of course: things have improved. I’m frustrated because I feel they haven’t improved enough; because I want women to be truly equal to men and I’m amazed and enraged that after all these years, we’re not; and because so many young women refuse to identify themselves as feminists, which does not bode well for the feminist movement in particular and for women in general.
@ Kim Woodbridge: I think young women do take things for granted. I also think many young women feel men’s desire and confuse it with having a place and importance in society. They couldn’t be more wrong.
Beth Partin responds:
Posted: March 10th, 2009 at 12:10 pm →
Vered,
I definitely share your frustration. The different nowadays, I think, is that the Internet has fostered a truly global women’s movement, and that will help us move things along.
Michael - Love to Spare responds:
Posted: March 10th, 2009 at 2:20 pm →
Vered, thanks for the advice. I will do my best to put it to good use.
Carla responds:
Posted: March 10th, 2009 at 4:13 pm →
Thank you so much for posting this. Though we have come a long way, we still have a LONG way to go. The statistics about rape is chilling and sickening. Rape and domestic violence is so common, its almost that you haven’t lived until you have experienced at least one of those in your life – even as a young woman.
Kelly@SHE-POWER responds:
Posted: March 10th, 2009 at 9:48 pm →
Firstly, those Tom Ford ads make me want to throw a brick through his store window. Disgusting pig of a man. The woman in his ad is sexualised and chopped to the pint of being a blow up doll.
The rape statistics you mentioned are very similar to the ones reported last year in Australia. I was shocked then when I read that rape is still so under reported. But when you find out how few rapists will go to trial, be convicted or punished at all, it makes sense. Why put yourself through the agony and the humiliation? And when you consider the number of our famous footballers who get away with sexual assault allegations, and the message in society is loud and clear: WOMEN ARE SEX TOYS YOU CAN USE AS YOU WISH. It enrages me.
Beth Partin is right of course; things have improved. But this post is still vitally important because young women today, and even many women of my generation, see feminism as something unrelated to them. They don’t question the many ways they don’t have equality, and like Marelisa said, they may in push to keep themselves down. Anything that keeps them in line with their man. Too often, we learn at a young age that we’re all competing to get the boys and other girls are our enemy. So, we rip each other to shreds, diss our girlfriends for some new guy who won’t last out the month, and everyone acts liek that’s normal.
And the young women I really struggle to understand because they think they are already equal, yet they can’t see the irony in dressing like a whore, with PORN STAR scribbled across their breasts and JUICY on their butts. They think it’s empowering to be sexy, yet they have no concept of their own pleasure or who they are beyond that outside package. It’s all about what the boys want, what the boys like. When I watch teenage girls at the beach, strutting like peacocks trying to get the attention of the surfer boy who’s more interested in the waves, I wonder if female/male relationships ahve changed in the 20 years since I was a teenager.
I could go on and on, but basically you’re right. Women still need to push for a better deal, a chance to be truly equal, and we need the help of every decent man out there to fight along side of us.
Kelly@SHE-POWER
MomGrind responds:
Posted: March 11th, 2009 at 8:40 am →
@ Beth Partin: I hope so.
@ Michael: Thank you!
@ Carla: I read yesterday that one in five British men believe domestic violence is justified.
One In Five
@ Kelly: I agree about Tom Ford. I never bought anything by him, and I never will.
“They think it’s empowering to be sexy, yet they have no concept of their own pleasure or who they are beyond that outside package. It’s all about what the boys want, what the boys like.” I agree, and it saddens me to see it, especially because these women think they have “power” and so don’t need feminism. But their sense of power is all wrong. They don’t have power and they certainly don’t have equality or respect. Getting a man to ogle you is not that hard. Being viewed as a piece of meat – what’s so powerful about that?
Robin responds:
Posted: March 12th, 2009 at 9:21 pm →
This is so sad – we still have a long way to go.
Natural responds:
Posted: March 13th, 2009 at 1:16 pm →
oh gosh, this makes me want to fight. i get so upset. there is so much injustice when it comes to the treatment of women, it’s disgusting. in some people’s eyes, we have little to no value. i won’t get all biblical, but woman was made from a man’s rib – his side. she shouldn’t have to walk behind him and he shouldn’t feel the need to walk in front of her like he’s better. justice will come soon for those who mistreat women or people in general.
(Anti) Social-Lists 3/15/09 | (Anti) Social Development responds:
Posted: March 14th, 2009 at 9:03 pm →
[...] Facts About Women – I somehow missed the memo that last Sunday was International Women’s Day. How nice that we get one whole day on a Sunday. Vered at MomGrind wrote an awesome post about 10 disturbing issues still facing women around the world. [...]
Ribbon responds:
Posted: March 17th, 2009 at 10:47 pm →
I have read that there are more recorded acts of violence against men in any one day than there are against woman.
I guess we could say that humans are often more than unkind to one another.
Woman educate men…
best wishes Ribbon
MomGrind responds:
Posted: March 18th, 2009 at 9:42 am →
@ Robin: I agree.
@ Natural: “justice will come soon for those who mistreat women or people in general.” I wish I could believe that!
@ Ribbon: Even if this is true, violence against men is almost always inflicted by other men, and so is violence against women. Speaking of things we’ve read, I have read that while a woman’s biggest fear of a man is that he would physically hurt her, a man’s biggest fear of a woman is that she would laugh at him.
If You Want To Sell Something To Women, You’d Better Make It Pink | responds:
Posted: April 30th, 2009 at 1:55 pm →
[...] posts: Sex Sells? Cosmo Magazine Not Ready For A Female President Hire Me As A [...]
Ten Ways To Love Yourself As A Woman - Blogger For Hire responds:
Posted: July 21st, 2009 at 5:05 pm →
[...] women. When you support other women, you are supporting yourself. So, when a woman announces she is running for office, try not to shred her to pieces right away. There’s nothing wrong with supporting a candidate [...]
Rhiesa responds:
Posted: November 9th, 2009 at 5:25 pm →
My comment may be somewhat controversial but I hope I can raise a few interesting points.
Most of the things listed here are obviously very serious problems that need to be fixed, but a few of them either have a (loose) justification or a male comparison.
Number 5 – the income gap. Lets think of it this way, the average female is 5′4 140 pounds, the average male is around 5′10 180 pounds. I need to eat at least 20 cents on the dollar more than you do. Now that’s considering the rest of an individuals expenditure is identical just scaled differently. Society still expects women to ‘beautify’ themselves on their dollar among many other things so an equal wage is still something to strive for.
Number 7 – health care. Women statistically use health care more frequently than men do and also live longer. If you use something more than someone else you should pay for a higher percentage of it. Though this is related strongly to number 5 and because of that gap charging more isn’t socially responsible. Is being a women a pre-existing condition? Yes, just like how different races have different predispositions through evolution. Yet the overlap with each individual is so strong to render those differences meaningless.
Number 8 – genital mutilation. I’m going to sound defensive here but please forgive me. If anyone who reads this prefers circumcised males to an unmutilated penis you lose the right to state your opinion. How about we all just agree to stop cutting parts off babies.
International Women’s Day 2010 | Blogger For Hire responds:
Posted: March 8th, 2010 at 11:10 am →
[...] We’re not there yet, and while some of my readers argue that my focus on media portrayal of women is wrong – that we have the choice to simply not consume those images, that the media doesn’t really have that much influence over us, I beg to differ. [...]
yohami responds:
Posted: March 13th, 2010 at 1:37 pm →
Men dont want justice, equality and respect. Men want competition, power and sex. And we want those things we go for them, instead of complaining to the opposite sex and society about it. Thats the main gap there.
So you point to the injustices here, whos suppoused to do anything about them?