Ten Ways To Hate Yourself As A Woman
If you read my previous post on how to love yourself as a woman, you can probably skip this one.
It is pretty much the opposite of following the advice on my last post, and if you follow the steps here, you are guaranteed to end up hating yourself.
1. Invest in a bathroom scale that also measures body fat, and weigh yourself at least once a day, and especially the morning after a large salty meal.
2. Every few months, declare you’re going on a diet. Count calories religiously, refusing to see food as a source of pleasure and seeing it as numbers, as something bad, as something that makes you feel guilty and out of control. To help you achieve this step, you can find a lot of inspiration in various women’s magazines and in fashion spreads and ads.
3. Go through extreme cycles of being a complete couch potato, then guilting yourself into paying for a gym membership, hating every minute you spend there and ending up back as a couch potato.
4. When you look in the mirror, always focus on your “bad” parts: the round belly, the wide thighs, the cellulite. Instead of reminding yourself that this is the shape of an adult woman, tell yourself you’re fat and disgusting and why can’t you look more like that gorgeous, “perfect” 14 year old model.
Photo credit: Art Comments
5. Be your own worst critic. Remind yourself every day that you are imperfect, ugly, fat and old. What a loser you are. You should listen to the Facebook ads that explain that while Julia Roberts looks remarkably young for her age, you can achieve the same results if you only buy a specific product. WHY DON’T YOU?
And while you’re at it, maybe it’s time to whiten those disgusting yellow teeth of yours:
6. Subscribe to at least five women’s magazines and read every issue cover to cover, focusing on fashion spreads and ads, on diet advice, and on articles covering celebrity culture.
7. Remember that when a woman is raped, it’s no big deal and she probably brought it on herself. After all, that’s why we have a vagina. Why was she dressed like that, anyway? And what was she doing in his apartment??
8. Devour ads in magazines. They are a great source of reliable info. Trust advertisers: after all, there are laws about truth in advertising. Accept that women are portrayed by the media as pieces of meat because that’s exactly what we are: our main value lies in how we look and in how fresh (er young) we are. A woman who is not sexually attractive to men is worthless.
9. Accept that a woman must suffer for beauty and attempt to look as close as possible to the current “beauty ideal.” Become a fashion victim, a cosmetics junkie, and a sucker for any new beauty treatment on the market. Unhappy with your looks? That’s what plastic surgery is for. Go ahead, it will make you feel so much better about yourself.
10. Bicker at, undermine and criticize other women, especially successful, powerful women in business and politics. After all, deep in your heart you know that men are better. Plus, if she works so many hours, who is going to take care of her poor kids?
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Photo credit: Pink Sherbet Photography
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RC - Rambling Along responds:
Posted: June 7th, 2009 at 8:45 pm →
Okay, that cologne ad just made me vomit a little. Yuck. Talk about tasteless and taking the “slab of meat” advertising to the extreme.
Hunter Nuttall responds:
Posted: June 7th, 2009 at 8:51 pm →
You know, a “10 Ways To Hate Yourself As A Man” post wouldn’t be all that different. It’s all about valuing society’s acceptance over self acceptance. Logically, it makes no sense, but it’s such a deadly trap.
When enough people say that enough is enough, they’ll finally have the courage to like themselves the way they are.
Women And Body Image: Ten Disturbing Facts | responds:
Posted: June 7th, 2009 at 8:59 pm →
[...] — Related Reading: Ten Ways To Love Yourself As A Woman Ten Ways To Hate Yourself As A Woman [...]
MomGrind responds:
Posted: June 7th, 2009 at 9:00 pm →
@ RC: I agree. I find it highly disturbing.
@ Hunter Nuttall: Generally agree, but I do think the media devalues women far more than it does men.
Chris Edgar | Purpose Power Coaching responds:
Posted: June 7th, 2009 at 9:54 pm →
For #5, we mustn’t forget “the first rule of a flat stomach: obey.” Even though it apparently has to do with a seemingly innocuous thing like acai berries, it is probably the most chilling of this genre of ads because it reminds me of that ’80s horror movie “They Live,” where aliens take over the Earth by putting subliminal messages in TV and magazines that say “Obey.”
I think the second rule is “resistance is futile.”
Mike Goad responds:
Posted: June 7th, 2009 at 10:31 pm →
I guess making people feel bad about themselves is one way for companies to sell products that are otherwise unwanted and unnecessary. Then, when reality sets in, so does depression or even worse.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: June 7th, 2009 at 11:09 pm →
@ Chris Edgar: I agree! I’ve been putting those ads in my Ad filter. They are horrifying.
@ Mike Goad: Exactly.
Dominique responds:
Posted: June 7th, 2009 at 11:37 pm →
It is horrid the way the media disregard the feelings and dignity of women. You are your best judge and should not be swayed by the cleverness of these devious marketing personals.
Davina responds:
Posted: June 8th, 2009 at 1:14 am →
Hi Vered. You know, I was just reading Mike’s comment and found myself agreeing. Then, I thought about how this really works. They can make us feel badly about ourselves, and they can also make us feel good; we can become addicted to products that make us feel good about ourselves. It’s a vicious cycle. Unless we feel good about ourselves to begin with, we’ll be their little puppets.
Kelvin Kao responds:
Posted: June 8th, 2009 at 2:32 am →
I can’t help but notice that 8 out of 10 of these are about looks (6 of which about diet/weight).
Yeah, this is how to make money: provide a solution to a problem. And if there’s no problem, invent one or point out one problem that people aren’t currently paying attention to.
Evelyn Lim responds:
Posted: June 8th, 2009 at 4:47 am →
I have a number of clients who practice point #5 – being their own worst critic! They beat themselves up very badly and believe that they can never be able to attract a member of the opposite sex.
Lori Hoeck responds:
Posted: June 8th, 2009 at 5:37 am →
Sometimes we need skills similar to self defense just to keep the bombarding BS out. I find personal growth and improvement comes when we pick up other things to fill our minds — books like those of Wayne Dyer (his new PBS special is out now), Louise Hay, Drs. Cloud and Townsend, the Tao te Ching, books on understanding our personalities and how to improve upon them, blogs that question us like this one, and study into things like Bach Flower remedies, which can tell us a lot about what is holding us back. Developing a peaceful, beautiful inner life often comes to making choices.
janice responds:
Posted: June 8th, 2009 at 5:46 am →
Power to you, Vered – I loved this as much as its positive twin. You’re very smart to do it this way and cover all the bases. I’m going to let my daughter read this post and the last one. Thank you.
The ad you’ve used is a perfect illustration of the kind of disgusting, demeaning thing that should simply be banned, or at the very least should stop us from even considering buying the product.
George responds:
Posted: June 8th, 2009 at 6:29 am →
I really like the general gist of this post, very amusing and also insightful. But I disagree with part of your #9 statement. I mean, Women shouldn’t think they need to suffer for beauty or put themselves through hell just because of artificial reasons.
However, I am totally a self-described beauty junkie and cosmetic addict. I know that I am beautiful without any of these products, however I still love the products for the outlet of creativity and style they give me.
Overall a wonderful post, though, I definitely agree on practically all counts =) Keep up the good work!
Dot responds:
Posted: June 8th, 2009 at 6:53 am →
Woman’s Day must be supported fully by its extensive advertising, because even though I haven’t renewed my last subscription, after reading your posts about women’s magazines, they’re still sending it, month after month. I couldn’t find one photo in it that looked like me — over 60, graying and overweight.
As for criticism of women, I’ve found that whenever I discuss women in leadership positions with other women, one of the comments I always get is “women are so competitive, they’re always attacking each other.” Actually, I think their saying that is the attack. It hasn’t generally been my experience that women attack each other, but the reverse.
Chania Girl responds:
Posted: June 8th, 2009 at 7:15 am →
Oh, holy crap! I consistently do about 5 things on this list. What a wake-up call!
Well done, Vered.
J.D. Meier responds:
Posted: June 8th, 2009 at 7:31 am →
You always have a way with words and I love the twists and turns you take us through as you expose another angles on everyday things.
Cath Lawson responds:
Posted: June 8th, 2009 at 9:03 am →
Vered – you rock. Just when I was seriously contemplating Botox, you brought me crashing back to earth. Thank you.
Paisley responds:
Posted: June 8th, 2009 at 9:05 am →
Vered – number 7 is just repulsive. Hard to believe how many people have this belief. Rape, including child rape is a particularly painful subject as it is so prevalent in SA. Enought to make you sick. It’s a national shame. Disgusting. Vile. There are some excellent women’s organisations offering help and assistance – bless them.
Jannie responds:
Posted: June 8th, 2009 at 9:11 am →
And the Vered hit posts just keep on coming!
And that boob / perfume ad is just ridiculously stupid and degrading to men and women alike.
Mrs. Micah responds:
Posted: June 8th, 2009 at 9:17 am →
Ads are the worst–especially ads for things that are supposed to make you look better. Because for the most part I’m satisfied with my face/body (except some scarring I’d like to get rid of…but even that isn’t too bad) but when I see those ads, I start wondering “what if?”.
Kim Woodbridge responds:
Posted: June 8th, 2009 at 9:18 am →
Hi Vered – You response to Hunter about the media devaluing women more made me think of this article I read today. It seems world-wide women have less value so that there are 100,000,000 LESS women there should be. How did 100,000,000 women disappear?
Avani responds:
Posted: June 8th, 2009 at 9:19 am →
It’s good to know I don’t follow most of these things. (Apart from the diet one
)
I think one more which should be a part of this list is to put yourself last in your list of priorities (not on list for some). De-valuing yourself is a big no no.
Carla responds:
Posted: June 8th, 2009 at 9:29 am →
I am definitely guilty of number 4. Cameras (turned on myself) and mirrors have to place in my life. Its so hard to get out of the habit of self-criticism when it comes to my appearance. Reading your blog is definitely inspiration for me.
Bamboo Forest - PunIntended responds:
Posted: June 8th, 2009 at 10:14 am →
Pretty heavy hitting stuff. Yeah, I agree, if you’re a woman don’t engage in these practices.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: June 8th, 2009 at 10:17 am →
@ Dominique: I agree!
@ Davina: Exactly, which is why we should try to feel good about ourselves regardless of products.
@ Kelvin Kao: “And if there’s no problem, invent one” – EXACTLY.
@ Evelyn Lim: I think almost every woman is guilty of occasionally being her own worst critic.
@ Lori Hoeck: “Developing a peaceful, beautiful inner life” – this should definitely take priority over focusing on one’s looks and perceived “flaws.”
@ janice: That add is horrific. I can’t believe it was ever published.
@ George: If you don’t use these products as a way to feel better about yourself, then I guess that’s OK. There’s still the issue of spending too much money on cosmetics. Women make less than men, yet spend more on cosmetics and fashion. This doesn’t make sense. They should be building their nest egg.
@ Dot: “women are so competitive” – it makes me sick when women say that. They also sometimes say “women stab each other in the back.” It has been my experience that HUMANS are competitive and sometimes stab each other in the back. Women who are suspicious of other women yet trust men are making a mistake.
@ Chania Girl: Glad I helped.
@ J.D. Meier: Thanks!
@ Cath Lawson: Hehe the allure of Botox. Trust me, I’m not immune to any of this. I’m writing these posts for me just as much as I write them for others.
@ Paisley: Many people do believe this. It’s scary.
@ Jannie: That ad is horrible. It’s unbelievably degrading and hateful.
@ Mrs. Micah: I agree. These ads work. They work on me to. I have to be extremely aware to avoid being influenced.
@ Kim Woodbridge: This is sad and scary and, sadly, not surprising.
@ Avani: I agree! Moms often do that, but I think women in general tend to put others first.
@ Carla: I’ve seen your photos. You are definitely your own worst critic.
@ Bamboo Forest: Exactly.
Tyler - Building Camelot responds:
Posted: June 8th, 2009 at 11:31 am →
Another great article Vered…this is pretty heavy stuff but it gives us guys a glimpse into some of the things that (some) women struggle with on a regular basis. Luckily my wife doesn’t subscribe to women’s magazines and for the most part avoids those shity print ads but that’s not to say that she’ not bombarded with ads elsewhere. But, she’s definitely hard on herself and is her own worst critic and she always puts her self last…well, at least behind the kids.
Michelle @ Find Your Balance responds:
Posted: June 8th, 2009 at 12:11 pm →
“Devour ads in magazines. They are a great source of reliable info.” haha i liked your last post but i really like how you wrote it differently here
Patricia responds:
Posted: June 8th, 2009 at 12:17 pm →
Yes! Vered, this is just great and made me laugh. I think I have encountered at least 10 ways to hate myself as a woman every day in my life….though I invested in a great scale to help myself heal and I am driven to be healthy, and I had plastic surgery to remove the tumor off my face – I think I am getting very immune to the negative…
I was just contemplating how beautiful I am – like a rose: as my body heals my breath in the middle of the night smells like cinnamon toast, my healthy sweat smells like vanilla, I started out as a tight bud and now I am blossoming out into my fullness with petals cascading out to touch all the light and warmth of living…
and I just bring so much beauty into the world as I relax and just enjoy my surroundings and the fullness of life.
Dr. J responds:
Posted: June 8th, 2009 at 1:53 pm →
Even though I read your former post, I had to look! LOL!
I like Hunter’s idea for men! Unfortunately, I can be very hard on myself. I believe I have accomplished a lot because of that, but I know balance is important in my life and I continue to work on that. Thank you for an important reminder!
Marelisa responds:
Posted: June 8th, 2009 at 3:18 pm →
I think it’s important to keep tabs on your weight and body fat for health reasons; although you shouldn’t weigh yourself obsessively. Last week I was weighing myself at the gym–the weight is in the women’s locker room–and a woman whom I don’t even know walked up to me and said: “If you cut down on the sugar and drink lots of water you’ll be really thin in no time.” First of all, my weight is fine; second of all, why is this woman I don’t even know giving me advice on how to be “really thin”? I completely ignored her, which resulted in her coming over and asking me if I was on a diet. I answered “no” and walked away. Unbelievable.
Tracy responds:
Posted: June 8th, 2009 at 6:42 pm →
Number 10 drives me up the wall. How can we feel good and secure about ourselves when we indulge in catty remarks about other women? I’ll add a number 11 – surround yourself with negative, critical unhappy people. It’s amazing how much better I feel about myself since I decided to spend my time with people who try to be positive, understanding and encouraging. I am so much more confident now that I have the expectation that people are to be built up, not torn down.
Natural responds:
Posted: June 9th, 2009 at 2:48 am →
i certainly don’t hate myself, at least i hope that’s now how it’s viewed, but i do try to maintain a healthy body. i’m not very fond of fat, especially around my midsection. i also eat what i want because i have no more self control. when i look in the mirror i do see the “bad” spots, but i also glance around for what’s improved. i think if,no matter if you’re a woman or a man, you are happy with your appearance, you have MORE confidence in your abilities and sometimes self esteem.
The Lawyer Mom responds:
Posted: June 9th, 2009 at 1:45 pm →
Every word is so true. I long gave up a bathroom scale. Liberation!
MomGrind responds:
Posted: June 9th, 2009 at 7:42 pm →
@ Tyler: You’re one of the good ones, because you obviously care.
@ Michelle: Thanks.
@ Patricia: “I was just contemplating how beautiful I am” – I LOVE this sentence.
@ Dr. J: A fellow perfectionist, obviously.
@ Marelisa: I agree: unbelievable. I would have been speechless.
@ Tracy: I agree. Toxic friendships are very destructive.
@ Natural: It’s true that our self esteem is tied at least partially to our appearance, but I wish it wasn’t.
@ The Lawyer Mom: Good for you!
caroline responds:
Posted: June 10th, 2009 at 10:24 pm →
Yep! These 10 things will make you hate yourself. I should know…because I have done 1, 4 & 5 repeatably (especially getting on the scale after a high sodium meal…usually pizza or pasta…lol). Your blog is great!
Arswino responds:
Posted: June 11th, 2009 at 8:55 am →
Hi Vered,
Your post is right to the point, I think the points above are more about men’s point of view about women, which are the beauty and the body of women.
Great post, Vered. Stumbled.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: June 11th, 2009 at 1:42 pm →
@ caroline: Countless women are doing the same. Hopefully we can stop!
@ Arswino: Yes, it’s about trying to shift the focus from looks to other aspects.
Stephanie responds:
Posted: June 11th, 2009 at 3:27 pm →
Great points. I have long been happy without a bathroom scale, even if I do currently grumble about my 4 months postpartum tummy. But then I also know just why it looks as it does right now.
I’ve always promised myself to never do diets as such. I’d rather focus on generally eating reasonably healthy and not excessively. It may not keep me model thin, but I don’t want that anyhow.
Nurit responds:
Posted: June 12th, 2009 at 10:10 am →
That Tom Ford ad is SO SO SO disgusting.
Sagan responds:
Posted: June 12th, 2009 at 10:30 am →
Ugh, so true. *shudder* WHY do we do these things to ourselves?!
MomGrind responds:
Posted: June 12th, 2009 at 9:25 pm →
@ Stephanie: “It may not keep me model thin, but I don’t want that anyhow.” Your attitude is so healthy. It’s wonderful!
@ Nurit: I agree. It’s beyond gross and extremely degrading.
@ Sagan: Maybe if we talk about it and become more aware, we can stop?
Cricket-Tammy responds:
Posted: June 13th, 2009 at 10:42 am →
Oh…I love it. Slowly, all the above are falling off my my list.
Lucia responds:
Posted: June 16th, 2009 at 6:58 pm →
@paisley– yes, as a victim of childhood molestation (by a woman) i completely agree. its disgusting and twisted.
Anyways….. women need to stop hating themselves!!
Ive always wondered, how come men dont wear makeup, or dress really fashionable (well not all men) and they still manage to LOOK GOOD?
is it just that were so used to seeing these fake-bake magazine ads, or botoxed-surgically enhanced living barbie doll walking the earth?
Whatever happened to the notion that women should be soft and curvy?
that the face nature gave us is the one thats going to win our husband’s hearts?
Im 18 and just quit makeup 3 days ago. somedays it looks cute, but i know deep down im doing it because i feel like im ugly without it. Well you know what?
my mom is 46 and shes never worn makeup a day in her life. quite honorable, really.
Nothing wrong with it if you like it, but PLEASE dont do it because you think youre too ugly or something. i guarantee youre not
MomGrind responds:
Posted: June 16th, 2009 at 8:04 pm →
@ Cricket-Tammy: Good for you!
@ Lucia: I am so sorry about what happened to you, Lucia.
“women need to stop hating themselves!” – I completely agree.
John Hoff - WpBlogHost responds:
Posted: June 27th, 2009 at 4:52 pm →
I don’t know why, but the title of this article made me click on it. I was wondering how I might hate myself as a woman. Thankfully, I didn’t notice any mention of back or lip hair hehe
You know, going back to what Mike said above, much of this all comes down to money. It’s almost like companies try to make us all feel depressed so we spend money.