If you read my previous post on how to love yourself as a woman, you can probably skip this one.
It is pretty much the opposite of following the advice on my last post, and if you follow the steps here, you are guaranteed to end up hating yourself.
1. Invest in a bathroom scale that also measures body fat, and weigh yourself at least once a day, and especially the morning after a large salty meal.
2. Every few months, declare you’re going on a diet. Count calories religiously, refusing to see food as a source of pleasure and seeing it as numbers, as something bad, as something that makes you feel guilty and out of control. To help you achieve this step, you can find a lot of inspiration in various women’s magazines and in fashion spreads and ads.
3. Go through extreme cycles of being a complete couch potato, then guilting yourself into paying for a gym membership, hating every minute you spend there and ending up back as a couch potato.
4. When you look in the mirror, always focus on your “bad” parts: the round belly, the wide thighs, the cellulite. Instead of reminding yourself that this is the shape of an adult woman, tell yourself you’re fat and disgusting and why can’t you look more like that gorgeous, “perfect” 14 year old model.
Photo credit: Art Comments
5. Be your own worst critic. Remind yourself every day that you are imperfect, ugly, fat and old. What a loser you are. You should listen to the Facebook ads that explain that while Julia Roberts looks remarkably young for her age, you can achieve the same results if you only buy a specific product. WHY DON’T YOU?
And while you’re at it, maybe it’s time to whiten those disgusting yellow teeth of yours:
6. Subscribe to at least five women’s magazines and read every issue cover to cover, focusing on fashion spreads and ads, on diet advice, and on articles covering celebrity culture.
7. Remember that when a woman is raped, it’s no big deal and she probably brought it on herself. After all, that’s why we have a vagina. Why was she dressed like that, anyway? And what was she doing in his apartment??
8. Devour ads in magazines. They are a great source of reliable info. Trust advertisers: after all, there are laws about truth in advertising. Accept that women are portrayed by the media as pieces of meat because that’s exactly what we are: our main value lies in how we look and in how fresh (er young) we are. A woman who is not sexually attractive to men is worthless.
9. Accept that a woman must suffer for beauty and attempt to look as close as possible to the current “beauty ideal.” Become a fashion victim, a cosmetics junkie, and a sucker for any new beauty treatment on the market. Unhappy with your looks? That’s what plastic surgery is for. Go ahead, it will make you feel so much better about yourself.
10. Bicker at, undermine and criticize other women, especially successful, powerful women in business and politics. After all, deep in your heart you know that men are better. Plus, if she works so many hours, who is going to take care of her poor kids?
Photo credit: Pink Sherbet Photography