Back To School Blues
I should be happy that the kids are going back to school.
After two and a half months of chaos, I will finally get my alone time back. Six glorious daily hours of peace and quiet!
Plus, our family desperately needs structure, which seems to have dissolved in the summer heat. A structured school day, with a well-defined beginning and an end, and of course homework to occupy the kids when they’re home, sounds pretty good right now, with all the “I’m bored!” and “what should I do now?” whining going on.
But I’m not happy. You see, each year when the school year ends, I dread summer break. I dread the lack of “me” time and privacy, the lack of structure, the constant need to come up with activities for kids.
But then we comfortably settle into our summer break routine, or lack thereof, and when it’s time to go back to school, I really dread the rushed mornings, the tight schedule, and the lack of quality time with my kids.
Going back to school doesn’t have to be painful, though. Here are a few tips to make going back to school easier – on your kids and on yourself:
Plan in advance: ease the family into a school-year routine
It’s a good idea to re-establish the bedtime and mealtime routines at least a week before school starts. Your kids should go to bed on time, and wake up on time. You can do this gradually over the week, in half-hour increments. You should also go back to your regular meal routine: serve a healthy snack in the afternoon and, if possible, sit together for a family dinner.
It’s also a good idea to avoid morning television during this week. If your child reads, writes or does puzzles in the morning, it will be easier for him to go back to a routine of learning in the morning.
To make sure your kids cooperate, talk with them about the importance of these routines, and explain why it’s a good idea to re-establish them gradually.
Prevent crazy mornings
Once the kids are back to school, the best way to avoid rushed mornings is to wake up your child on time. Try to give her plenty of time to get up, eat breakfast, get dressed, and get to school.
Another helpful tip is to do as much as you can the night before. For example, setting up the breakfast table, packing lunchboxes, and laying out your kids’ clothes the night before should shave about fifteen minutes off your morning routine.
Buy school supplies early, but delay clothes shopping
Try to get school supplies as early as possible – aim to fill those backpacks at least two weeks before school resumes. However, you can probably delay buying fall clothes. School starts in August – you probably have several more weeks before your child really needs warmer clothes. Going back to school does not necessarily have to turn into a spend-fest.
Establish a streamlined afternoon routine right from the start
Serve a healthy snack as soon as the kids get back from school. This is a great time for you to sit down with your children and chat about their day.
Establish a firm rule of “homework first, play and television later.” Your kids should also be responsible for emptying their backpack and giving you any notices or info that was sent by their teachers. Each child should have a designated place to do homework.
Can you share any more tips for making going back to school easier?
Photo credit: Claudia Snell
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mom responds:
Posted: August 16th, 2009 at 5:51 pm →
Well, if it’s any comfort, we’ve been talking to other families now for 14 years (9 years of school), and it’s common for all of us to feel this way. I know many a mom (myself included) that for the first few YEARs still had a little cry the first day back to school.
My only contribution to your great outline, might be to remember to have an on-going dialogue with your son/daughter about all the fun and new things they’ll be seeing when they’re allowed back to school (emphasis on allowed). Talk about friends from school, fun new classes, their favorite teachers, etc… Our experience is that building some anticipation has always helped give them the motivation to start getting ready, and on the first day of school, a student smiling and ready to get started!
MomGrind responds:
Posted: August 16th, 2009 at 5:57 pm →
ALLOWED to go back to school – I love that! Thanks.
Bad Driver responds:
Posted: August 16th, 2009 at 8:48 pm →
[...] was picking my kids up from school today, as I do every day. Today however was a tad more exciting than usual when I saw THIS in the [...]
Barbara Swafford responds:
Posted: August 16th, 2009 at 9:16 pm →
Hi Vered,
I like your idea, “Serve a healthy snack as soon as the kids get back from school. This is a great time for you to sit down with your children and chat about their day”. What a wonderful way to make memories.
Marelisa responds:
Posted: August 16th, 2009 at 10:47 pm →
Seriously . . . they’re going back to school . . . it feels like it was just yesterday when you posted about the activities you had come up with to keep your kids occupied during summer break. Wow. I always loved the first day of school.
J.D. Meier responds:
Posted: August 17th, 2009 at 1:21 am →
It sounds like you use a lot of structure and routine. The surprise for me has always been how structure and routine tend to add more freedom, than take it away.
Natural responds:
Posted: August 17th, 2009 at 2:18 am →
i agree with the structure thing. i love it when we around doing things by the clock.
Natural responds:
Posted: August 17th, 2009 at 2:19 am →
i love it when we are doing things around the clock. i meant to say. coffee is coming.
Robin responds:
Posted: August 17th, 2009 at 3:22 am →
Hi Vered – I enjoyed reading this – which is rather strange as I haven’t had kids, much less had to get any to school. I think it’s a great message that preparing for things seems to be extra work, but actually makes thing EASIER.
Lance responds:
Posted: August 17th, 2009 at 3:47 am →
Hi Vered,
Back to school…yes, the rushed mornings and structure are something that falls by the wayside during the summer months. This school year will be the one year where we have all three of our kids at different schools. And I’m guessing that this could pose it’s own set of logistical “moments”. So for us, that means making sure the kids know ahead of time how getting to/from school will look like – will it involve the bus, will it be someone (my wife…typically) picking them up? Good things to reinforce with them to give them some level of expectation.
Getting into a routine is good. And it really helps to get the kids back in the mindset of what school will be like.
A great list you have, Vered! So many take-aways for me….
Kelly@SHE-POWER responds:
Posted: August 17th, 2009 at 6:30 am →
Getting Bunny to pre school/day care can be such a chaotic affair, god help me next year when I he starts school and there’s that much less flexibility. Yikes!
Anyone got ideas on how to handle a child who eats so slowly and daydreams so much it can easily take 2 hours to get dressed and finish breakfast. This is even without tv. He’s unbelievable. I know I can send him hungry if he doesn’t get organised with the theory he’ll get quicker, but this is not exactly how I’d like him to start his school day. Little brains need a nutritious breakfast.
Kelly
Davina responds:
Posted: August 17th, 2009 at 6:51 am →
Vered, “sit together for a family dinner” — that is special time in my books. Your daughters are fortunate to have such an organized mom. Going back to school can be nerve-wracking enough, without having to worry about all these details.
Dot responds:
Posted: August 17th, 2009 at 7:37 am →
I enjoyed this, too, despite having no children. I agree with J.D., it is amazing how structure and routines save time and energy. I’ve been working on building structures into my life, because unlike your children, I grew up with no structure or routines. I was lucky if my mother was even up when I left for school. I would add to this, when the daylight starts growing shorter, let the kids play first in the daylight, then do homework when it gets dark. Soon enough, the daylight will be gone and it won’t matter.
janice responds:
Posted: August 17th, 2009 at 7:56 am →
We deliberately dumped structure for the whole holiday and have had the laziest, loveliest holiday ever. We’ve all slept as much as we’e needed to. But mine are older than yours so they create their own structure in the vaccum and can walk to the library, the park or friends’ houses and make their own entertainment. I reckon mine are both creative because I’ve never over-organised them in the summer. Borderline boredom seems to bring out the best in them.
They go back in a few days (it’s my boy’s first day at high school) and do you know what I’ve been doing to encourage them to get up early and go to bed early after our lax summer? We watch the very early screening of Veronica Mars on TV every morning together as an incentive! Shameful, I know, but it’s been working.
They’re going to get such a shock to the system when they go back, though. My daughter’s started her exam subjects and will have extra curricular events four days a week and my boy’s making the switch from dinosaurs and a sweet teacher every day to rotating grumpbags at high school and two days a week of after school events. After my first day of sniffling and missing them, I plan to spring clean and streamline my house and my blog with a passion! That way, I can be fully available for them when they come home. I know in my heart that my t(w)eenagers need that more than any money I’d bring in if I were working outside of the home. There’s no substitute for engaged listening and presence and as you say, healthy meals and snacks when they most need and appreciate them.
Nice post, Vered. Enjoy your last moments together before they go back!
MomGrind responds:
Posted: August 17th, 2009 at 8:05 am →
@ Barbara Swafford: I sometimes have to force myself to sit down with them – my natural tendency is to unpack lunchboxes and do the dishes while they are eating.
@ Marelisa: For me the first day of school was always a mix of excitement and nervousness.
@ J.D. Meier: Exactly! Especially with kids but it’s true for adults too.
@ Natural: Totally agree.
@ Robin: It does make things easier.
@ Lance: “the one year where we have all three of our kids at different schools” – wow, that’s tough.
@ Kelly: Sounds frustrating! Maybe let him have breakfast on the way to school – a granola bar and a small container of milk, or a banana?
@ Davina: Except that sometimes I am TOO organized.
@ Dot: Thanks for the extra tip!
@ janice: Wow, first day of high school! I’m excited and nervous for him.
Michelle @ Find Your Balance responds:
Posted: August 17th, 2009 at 8:24 am →
Oh goodness, I remember those back-to-school shopping trips. When I turned 16 my mom put my name on her store credit cards so she could just drop me off. She hated shopping. I think it taught me responsibility with credit cards really young because she may not have wanted to go shopping but she DEFINITELY gave me a spending limit!
cindy platt responds:
Posted: August 17th, 2009 at 9:07 am →
Back to school, back to you. It takes 9 months to make a baby and that is exactly how much time our teachers have with our babies… so they can build on the greatness we have embraced and celebrated all summer. Your tips are handy, quick and to the point. Loved it. We have bumped all of our morning park adventures, tennis, write and sketch time on the beach, to an earlier departure time. The time we would normally leave for school. The children have loved this because they are motivated to go to their favorite park before anyone else is there and we eat breakfast picnic. Their bodies are adjusted to the new time schedule, but the incentive to get going is flawless and when school starts on 9/9/09 the are already in the groove physically. The second schedule change is getting their stomachs back on a school schedule and everything that happens on the inside of the body. My son starts kindergarten this year and my daughter is 7 years old, but they are always concerned about…what happens if I need to eliminate waste at recess or lunch time and everyone is back in the classroom before I am finished? I realize, maybe this is too much information, but I am happy they communicated that this is a concern so I can reassure them that their body is on a schedule. I love the evolution of our youth and Back to School is my happy new year. I realized since I have been a teacher for 20 years, I have been on an academic calendar my whole life and anything else would feel unnatural.
Bonnie | FaithBarista responds:
Posted: August 17th, 2009 at 10:28 am →
My little guy is just three, so I’m soaking in all the tips you and other commenters are giving. I particularly like the last one you listed about estabishing an afternoon routine from the get go. I’m gonna benefit from that, for sure. I imagine the tip to get as much ready the night before will be a challenge. I’m usually so pooped by the time the day is over!
The Stiletto Mom responds:
Posted: August 17th, 2009 at 10:51 am →
I’m approaching this with mixed emotions. This is my sons last year in elementary school and I am determined to make the most of it. You are spot on with all your tips….we go back next week, need to get that schedule going!
RC - Rambling Along... responds:
Posted: August 17th, 2009 at 12:05 pm →
Even though my little guy isn’t in real school yet (although he does day care twice a week and they have established learning and play times), I do have a friend that uses a different after-school routine. She gives the kids a half an hour after school (and after snack), as free time.
She thinks they do better when they buckle-down to do their homework, because they have had a little time to either watch a cartoon, read a book, play a video game or run around outside. It is like a late afternoon recess for them – but one where they have more choices of what they would like to do.
I think it is about knowing your kid and what works for that child for a routine.
Patricia responds:
Posted: August 17th, 2009 at 1:40 pm →
When my kids went to school we started at least a week before getting the timing set and our schedules worked out. I had so much homeschooling in our schedule of surgeries for my youngest, and my oldest had a gun pulled on her in middle school – I just skipped middle school all together. I worked at having a sport, an art, and a creative activity for each one of them as they went through school. I also worked to plan foreign travel and global awareness and thinking in them. I went to High School everyday with my youngest to make sure she was not persuaded to ditch class and go to fast food places or fail school. I did my work in the car and walked the track for my exercise in between classes.
I had them help with the food preparation, garden and dishes – along with cleaning the house because we all lived there and ate there ( our Saturday morning blitz was always rewarded with an adventure or eating out) School was not challenging enough for my oldest but she needed social time, which she found acceptance and friendship during her year in Denmark.
I never bought school clothes before the kids had been in school for awhile ( though we start here the Wednesday after Labor Day) By middle school my kids were purchasing their own clothing except for basic shoe needs on their own. We used The Money Doesn’t Grow on Trees by Neale Godfrey system. One of my kids learned to design and sew her own clothing and enjoyed this activity – she now quilts with original designs. She made the costumes for her sister’s theater activities too!
I think it has to be an individual thing – yes I never had free time and I worked lots of odd jobs or taught just one class at a time to pay for their activities and needs. Now I have tremendous free time and am working on the health to enjoy it – empty nest comes all too soon.
My kids and my blogging friends are just my favorite folks to spend time with and bring so much joy.
Looks like I will need to go back to work to get us some retirement and pay off our health bills…
I don’t want to work with at risk children any more, social work, and I am being written out of the licensing process by my State – I need to go get another degree. I am not wishing to go back to school and retrain yet again. I know I will figure out something; I am watching how my kiddos are taking on this new ordering of life.
You are wise to get the routines up and running ahead of time, and I am sure you have chosen your schools wisely.
I learned in a counseling class about anger – that boredom is a form of anger at the self…I used that information to assist my children in learning about learning, curiosity, self – motivation and depression.
These lessons have really paid off in the long run. So many of our teenagers don’t learn about depression during those confusing years and how to use it to their advantage…add strength – I used Dr. Marshall Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communications – Compassionate Communications material. I even saw a stack of his workbooks at a Goddess Conference in Gastonbury, England!
This post makes me think of the push me – pull me creature in Dr. Doolittle!
Thanks another good one.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: August 17th, 2009 at 4:26 pm →
@ Michelle: “I think it taught me responsibility with credit cards really young” – This is really important!
@ cindy platt: Not too much information at all – I think it’s great they are able to communicate their worries to you.
@ Bonnie: I’m tired too at night, but I am far more tired and frumpy in the morning.
@ The Stiletto Mom: Mixed emotions – exactly.
@ RC: Not a bad idea at all. One of my kids sometimes asks to “rest a little” after she has her snack and before doing her homework. I always say “yes.” The other one likes to do all her homework right away. As you say, it depends on the kid.
@ Patricia: “my oldest had a gun pulled on her in middle school” – wow.
Patricia, you are such a good mother. Your children are lucky. I hope they realize they are.
Dr. J responds:
Posted: August 17th, 2009 at 6:13 pm →
We see lots of changes this time of year also! Being a relatively small college city, the population has a large percentage increase and it makes things much more crowded. Being close to the teacher side of it all does give an interesting opposite view. They like it when mom and dad have the kids 24/7
Evelyn Lim responds:
Posted: August 17th, 2009 at 6:48 pm →
I used to get the “I am bored” and “what should I do now”. Now that my kids are old enough, I tell them that for each time they whine and complain, I am going to give them some work to do. I also point out that they have enough toys, games and books to keep themselves occupied, if they wish to. I don’t think it is too much to ask for, since we usually spend some hours of the day on outdoor activities during their school holidays.
I like the afternoon routine idea. The schedule for my kids appears to be working much better than before. I have that too: my kids are responsible for their own school bags and telling me what homework they have each day. It is not my responsibility to go through their bags!
Raag@ All Things Great and Small responds:
Posted: August 17th, 2009 at 8:49 pm →
Vered, We still have two more weeks of easy life on E Coast— so to say.
But I cannot wait for them to begin, though I know I will be rushing against time all the time.
Also, the kids are so tied up with umpteen activities, once the schools begin that there is no time for ease and fun and frolic. I am waiting for the day when I will not be responsible for homework.
Which is a long time away.
The Lawyer Mom responds:
Posted: August 17th, 2009 at 9:27 pm →
Laying out school clothes the night before, and waiting until after school has started before buying fall clothes are two of your best tips.
Now then. What to do when we are all waking up so many hours earlier? What to do when we disgruntled moms are sloshing oatmeal to and fro’, having lost our precious beauty sleep? What then, say ye, oh mighty Vered?
Jannie Funster responds:
Posted: August 18th, 2009 at 12:00 pm →
We go back in, or I should say, SHE does in 2 weeks. Luckily our Canadian break gets her on an early schedule already due to the time change. Cool!
MomGrind responds:
Posted: August 18th, 2009 at 2:59 pm →
@ Dr. J: I’m sure they do.
@ Evelyn Lim: “for each time they whine and complain, I am going to give them some work to do.” I love it! Should do it too.
@ Raag: Yup, I hate supervising homework. Theoretically they’re supposed to do it on their own, but we all know SOME supervision is usually required.
@ The Lawyer Mom: Heh. What ca I say. I hate waking up early too.
@ Jannie Funster: THEY do, but the whole family is involved!
Karl Staib - Work Happy Now responds:
Posted: August 18th, 2009 at 7:59 pm →
I’m a proud new Papa and my kid won’t be going off to school any time soon, but I will remember these ideas. My favorite is creating the routine that mimics the school routine so going back to school is not a shock.
I bookmarked it, so I can come back to visit and apply these ideas.
Dominique responds:
Posted: August 19th, 2009 at 1:43 am →
We don’t have long 3months holidays like what you have in America. Holidays are broken up into 1week (after term 1) 4 weeks after (term 2 ) 1 week (after term 3) and 6 weeks (after term 4) . The kids have school uniforms so no need to fuss over what to wear to school.. I guess they are not out of school as long to forget their daily routine -LOL
MomGrind responds:
Posted: August 19th, 2009 at 12:40 pm →
@ Karl Staib: Congrats on becoming a dad!
@ Dominique: I like the way your school year is broken into four terms.
Patricia responds:
Posted: August 19th, 2009 at 2:26 pm →
I like how Dominique’s school year is divided up also – kids would not lose so much information and
Congratulations to Karl on the new dad status…
Thank you for your kind words Vered.
John Hoff - WpBlogHost responds:
Posted: August 19th, 2009 at 11:41 pm →
That first part of the post had me laughing. At first the summer break starts wearing on you with all the “I’m bored” talk, then just as you get use to it you’re hit with rushed mornings. It’s a big circle, isn’t it?
My kids are still young so I don’t have much experience with getting the kids off to school; however, my 3 year old is excited because next week he starts his first week of “school”. That will be cool to see and video tape. Too bad he doesn’t get embarrassed yet.
Kathy | Virtual Impax responds:
Posted: August 20th, 2009 at 5:31 am →
The transition from school to vacation is always stressful at our house too. My kids are as bad as I am at wanting to maintain the “status quo” no matter what that happens to be. Right now, my oldest is packing to head back to college… and that’s the worst. I love having her here – and I hate making the adjustment to her being gone. Ah – I too dread change.
While I dread making the changes involved in her transition into adulthood – the alternative would be worse. I’m not talking death- I’m talking about the alternative of a overweight 40+ year old adult living in my basement and playing video games day and night!! ACK!
That thought will help me to dry my eyes and wave enthusiastically as she heads off to school!
Kim Woodbridge responds:
Posted: August 20th, 2009 at 8:16 am →
I don’t think I’m as organized as you Vered but I am very structured and everything is scheduled. My daughter went to camp most of the summer so the schedule was almost the same – she just didn’t have to get up quite as early and she was allowed to watch tv in the evening.
I am a morning person so I don’t have much trouble getting ready – I prefer doing the lunches and clothes in the morning. The only real problem is getting my daughter up – she loves to sleep.
We had to buy new clothes because she outgrew her ones from last year and her school has a dress code – she can’t wear what she’s been wearing all summer. We were really careful about our purchases and did really well on everything.
I also usually let her play before homework – we go to the park after school and then she works on her homework while I am making dinner. I don’t allow any television on school nights.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: August 20th, 2009 at 9:19 pm →
@ John Hoff: Enjoy it! The not getting embarrassed. I hate my growing ability to embarrass my kids.
@ Kathy: You’re right – they are SUPPOSED to leave and be on their own. Sigh.
@ Kim: I like your afternoon schedule very much! I could tell you’re organized too. I think freelancers have to be organized.
Barbara Ling, Virtual Coach responds:
Posted: August 21st, 2009 at 2:27 am →
I love back to school – the kids did great this summer but by now, they’re missing their friends and also the challenges that school provides. Countdown – 20 days!
Evita responds:
Posted: August 21st, 2009 at 12:57 pm →
Great tips, I particularly like the one about not making this a spendfest.
I see parents doing that each year and think, how did we ever buy into this as a culture???
And as a former high school teacher, I cannot tell you how many good binders and school supplies are thrown out at the end of the year, sometimes even in the middle of the year.
In many ways I think kids have come to expect today that they get new stuff every September, but with many people’s wallets being the way they are and the way of the environment being the way it is, I think it is time that we bring back some more sustainable living.
As for rushing and such, you said it best when you said to plan ahead and I would add too, to be conscious. We can prevent a lot of craziness if we act consciously about what and how we want things to go.