Worst Holiday Gifts
It’s that time of year again. Everyone has a story about the “worst Christmas gifts ever” they’ve received. When choosing holiday gifts, you might want to avoid these common pitfalls.
Insulting Gifts
Giving a Weight Watchers certificate, a “healthy cooking” book or a digital bathroom scale to an overweight friend may seem helpful and caring, but it can really devastate her. Chances are, she knows she needs to lose weight and doesn’t need any reminders from you. On the other hand, scroll down to “thoughtless gifts” and you’ll see that you’re not supposed to give her cookies either. Try to pick something neutral that has nothing to do with one’s weight.
Inappropriate gifts
Giving lacy thong underwear to your girlfriend can be fun, but if she will open the gift when her extended family is there, you may want to stick with something a bit more conservative. Same goes for any “sexy” gifts actually. If you really want to give your husband a naughty gift, make sure he opens it when it’s just the two of you.
Useless Gadgets
Fancy paper weights, leather tie cases, personalized desk clocks, singing golf balls (I invented the last one) – those are just a few examples of what men are “supposed” to like. Those “Gifts for Men” stores? I say ignore them. They mostly carry useless gadgets that no one really needs. This is exactly the type of gift that would be forever re-gifted.
Noisy or Messy Gifts for Kids
Unless you truly can’t stand the parents and see the holidays as a great time to get back at them, avoid giving kids anything that has the potential to be seriously noisy (such as a set of drums) or very messy (such as a pottery kit).
Thoughtless Gifts
A couple of years ago I gave a Starbucks card to a colleague. Much later, I woke up one night realizing that he once told me he hates coffee and never ever drinks it – the smell alone makes him ill. Sure, Starbucks sells more than just coffee, but I think this gift qualifies as one of the least thoughtful gifts I have ever given to anyone.
So what DO you buy? How do you avoid the “worst Christmas gifts” syndrome? The basic rules of gift giving apply to holiday gifts too: take notes throughout the year in case the recipient drops a hint; give a gift that expresses your relationship with the recipient rather than a generic gift; give something they would never get for themselves; and give something you would be happy to receive too (but not something that ONLY you would be happy to receive).
Comment of the Day: “One good thing about these “lame” gifts is that they’re perfect for re-gifting AND recycling… for the environment. If you buy a really good quality lame-ass gift, it could last forever.”
Life coach Davina Haisell.
Photos by Thinking Tree, Bare Necessities, makelessnoise, sudhamshu, and Michael Hedrick Photography.
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Kim Woodbridge responds:
Posted: December 1st, 2009 at 10:38 am →
Before my husband’s sister-in-law had kids she used to give us the most annoying kid’s gifts. I was convinced she hated us. We were tempted to “return the favor” when she had a child but we took the high road
I also had a boyfriend give me weights and workout videos for one birthday. I wanted them and I wasn’t insulted but was kind of hoping for something more romantic.
And I guess giving that Starbucks gift card was kind of like giving a vegetarian a gift card to a steak house
Carla responds:
Posted: December 1st, 2009 at 10:50 am →
I try to be very careful what I give to friends and family. I try to give them something I know they will use and like without being insulting or cluttering up their lives. I take mental notes too in terms of that I think they may gravitate towards. I find gifts for men to be the hardest actually,
Davina responds:
Posted: December 1st, 2009 at 11:10 am →
I guess ONE good thing about these “lame” gifts is that they’re perfect for re-gifting AND recycling… for the environment. If you buy a really good quality lame-ass gift, it could last forever. The worst thing about opening one of these is responding to the awkward moment when you realize you hate it! I prefer gift cards, especially since most of my family lives across the country and they’re easier to ship. With my last boyfriend (who was sooo hard to buy for), I’d listen and learn about what he was into that year and get him that.
Jannie Funster responds:
Posted: December 1st, 2009 at 11:29 am →
I agree on the messy gifts for kids. I have bought my 3-year-old nephew a “bathtub crayons” + sponge kit, so I hope I found a perfect thing for him to release his creative messy side, but in the safe confines of the tub (a place he does not much like to be.)
Eeek — Christmas is coming, and soon. I think I’ll just be giving cash in cards to a lot of peeps, original I know!
Heather Villa responds:
Posted: December 1st, 2009 at 12:22 pm →
I really like to take the time to pick out personal gifts, whether it be for family, friends, or clients. This requires some thought and shopping on my part, but it’s all worth it when you see the surprise and appreciation on their faces.
Barbara Swafford responds:
Posted: December 1st, 2009 at 12:41 pm →
Hi Vered,
This is always a tough one for my friends who are older and already have everything, and what they don’t have they just go out and buy. Thus, many of us have stopped exchanging gifts and instead do a cookie exchange luncheon, or for faraway friends, we pick a time to have a relaxing phone conversation when we reminisce about good times from the past.
For the kids and grandkids, we’ve reverted back to “Christmas lists”. They list a half dozen things they’d like to receive and we pick and choose from the list. That way they get what they want and we’re not stressing if we’re buying them the right thing.
Michelle @ Find Your Balance responds:
Posted: December 1st, 2009 at 12:43 pm →
My husband and I have agreed to forgo gifts and instead get a house cleaning service for 2010. I can’t wait! As for others on our list, I hate just buying something to buy something. We actually only exchange gifts with a small number of people. Heifer.org is a nice organization for thoughtful gifts that really give back.
Mike Goad responds:
Posted: December 1st, 2009 at 12:54 pm →
Last year we went with gift cards for the adults and presents for the grandkids. This year we’re just doing cash. The grandkids are saving for a new game system, so their cash will go towards that (or whatever else they want). Their parents are saving for an electric start snow blower — he’s got a back problem that shoveling aggravates and our daughter is a tiny thing that would not be able to start a manual start blower when her hubby is away on business. (That’ll teach them to move to the north when they could have come back home where we don’t even own a snow shovel.) The other daughter and her hubby will get cash plus a couple of small items that we know they will use. She is in management in department store retail and the holidays are meaning less and less for her each year after dealing with holiday sales and customers.
Patricia responds:
Posted: December 1st, 2009 at 1:36 pm →
Oh what a fun post Vered and thoughtful too. My hobby is giving gifts – rarely at holiday time, because they just are not as meaningful then. I made a donation to UNICEF for all my in-laws this year and helped them download a copy of the eBook. I also do not do holiday cards – rather I reply to cards with Valentine Letters – this has worked out well and I am less harried.
All who are together on Christmas morning – play Santa Claus and bring something for everyone’s stockings. Our idea is to make a bit of “magic” happen through these gifts.
We made a list of what was meaningful and we honor these words: Christmas Tree and lights, Stockings, Peace Dancing, Hanukkah Candles, Advent Candles, cross country skiing, playing games, reading favorite stories and watching special movies, music, good conversation, and Blackberry pie….. there are lots of ways to meet those values
I am working on finding the best housewarming gifts for two friends – one who is 30 and just bought the house across the street, the other 60+ who has just build a sustainable co-housing unit for 13 families/ making a dream come true….I am studying and listening and watching them…because I want my gift to be just right for them…and their hopes. I think good gifting is an art form…
another grand post and idea sharing – Thank you….
Jeffrey Levine responds:
Posted: December 1st, 2009 at 1:38 pm →
As an ongoing joke each year, my sister and I have been regifting to each other a “soap on a rope” that i received about 20 years ago. The fun of it is surprising each other how its going to be wrapped. Was soap on a rope ever a good gift?
Computer Addict responds:
Posted: December 1st, 2009 at 1:47 pm →
A couple of years ago I gave my wife a Roomba Robot Vacuum cleaner as a gift – which could be considered as insulting as a bathroom scale – in my defense there were numerous hints and explicit requests for something like that.
On the flip side, I was on the receiving end of a leather tie case, so I guess we’re even.
Memarie Lane responds:
Posted: December 1st, 2009 at 2:40 pm →
My MIL gave me this little thing that enables girls to pee standing up. I kid you not. Why she thought I’d want such a thing is beyond me.
My husband is a real problem. He tries too hard with gifts and ends up spending too much money on things I don’t need while things I do actually need go unfulfilled. My car is in dire need of work and I lost a tooth filling. My husband said we didn’t have money to take car of those things, then he surprised me with a new mattress. I can’t eat or drive, but at least I’m sleeping on a Sealy Posture-pedic!
He also gets excited and drops hints, spoiling surprises for me. He told me my SIL bought something for me I’ve wanted for a long time. Without any encouragement he then left no doubt that she bought the annual zoo passes I’ve wanted. I’m glad to get them, but I’m really disappointed that he ruined his sister’s surprise.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: December 1st, 2009 at 5:50 pm →
Thanks everyone for your comments! I am sitting here, eating jelly beans (a small gift for myself from my last trip to the grocery store) and thoroughly enjoying your stories and observations. Gift giving really is an art, and a challenge, and rare are the people who can truly handle the pressure – I know I can’t! Still, giving and receiving gifts is such a beautiful ritual and there’s so much emotion involved – even if some of it is frustration and disappointment.
Cath Lawson responds:
Posted: December 1st, 2009 at 8:29 pm →
Hi Vered – I have given up buying for adults, as I always seem to manage to get the thing they don’t like, or are allergic to. So this year, I’m just buying for kids. I have two children, three step children, plus nephews and nieces, so it is so time consuming and expensive buying just for them.
I have been an embarrassed recipient of the frilly underwear before. When I was 17, my grandma bought me a lovely lacy basque. It was very nice – trouble was, I opened it in front of the whole family, including grandparents and two younger brothers.Ca
Mike Goad responds:
Posted: December 1st, 2009 at 9:10 pm →
Funny: We just found out that the other grandparents are refusing to send cash to help the grandkids get their game system, so our daughter and son-in-law are suggesting that they look for sales on games that can be played on it. Of course, we probably won’t just send cash.
RC - RC Rambling responds:
Posted: December 1st, 2009 at 10:05 pm →
Every Christmas, I attempt to get one item for the Hubby, which brings out the kid in him. A video game. Remote-control cars. Telescope (which he always dreamed of owning). A board game. Something fun. Something not needed, but something that will help build happy memories.
I laugh about inappropriate gifts, however, as I did have a past boyfriend buy me a fishing pole. He claimed did it because he wanted me involved in his hobbies. However, he took me fishing only once, after I purchased a license, and every other time he had an excuse about why I shouldn’t go with him. Not the best of gifts and definitely rubbed salt into the wound.
Since then, my advice to friends is it is great to share a hobby, but be genuine in wanting to share a hobby, if you give a gift related to that activity.
Marelisa responds:
Posted: December 1st, 2009 at 10:20 pm →
Hi Vered: If you pay attention people always let you know the things they enjoy, evenif they’re not dropping hints on purpose. It can be a book by an author they love, a fragrance they always wear, or it can be a gift from a store that they frequent. I’m very good at giving gifts because I have a good memory for what people like.
My mother, however, gives me the wrong gift every year without fail. It’s like she doesn’t even know me. Oh well.
Kelvin Kao responds:
Posted: December 2nd, 2009 at 1:37 am →
I think I am more into watching Christmas specials and just the overall atmosphere. I am not particularly into buying and receiving gifts. Will be doing an White Elephant with friends though but the stuff has to be use items. I wonder what I’ll end up doing. Got to dig around. Personally, I don’t really care for a gift. I think I might actually enjoy getting a card in snail mail more.
Dominique responds:
Posted: December 2nd, 2009 at 6:58 am →
I gave up preparing individual gifts for xmas. I now do christmas bakes for the whole family so everyone can enjoy and have fun eating together. Less hassle and it is something that all can enjoy. For those who are overseas I will send e-cards to them with pictures of the kids.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: December 2nd, 2009 at 9:38 am →
Thanks again for your comments everyone!
I know many people would disagree, but I think that cash + a hand written card actually makes a wonderful gift.
Dot responds:
Posted: December 2nd, 2009 at 9:53 am →
This was funny and helpful, too. Your point about paying attention to what the person says during the year is one that I’ve always gone by, but I’m stumped with giving gifts to people I don’t know well but still would like to give something. I don’t want to go the cookies route, with everyone so health-conscious these days. Someone I know stocks a closet shelf with some small generic gifts for unexpected visits, such as from neighbors — coloring books and crayons for little kids, covered clothes hangers for women, etc. My ex-husband, a narcissist, could not manage to give me a gift that wasn’t for himself — even the sexy underwear was for him, and certainly the gourmet knife sharpener was for him, as I hate to cook. One year I gave him a list of ten possibilities and asked him to choose one. He didn’t. He bought something that wasn’t on the list, and it was something I didn’t want, but he did. Hopeless.
Computer Addict responds:
Posted: December 2nd, 2009 at 12:07 pm →
@MomGrind:
Elaine: You got me cash?
Jerry: Well this way I figure you can go out and get yourself whatever you want. No good?
Elaine: Who are you, my uncle?
Kramer: Cash? You gotta be kidding. What kind of gift is that? That’s like something her uncle would get her.
This Seinfeld episode is on the mark.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: December 2nd, 2009 at 6:42 pm →
Computer Addict, that episode was so funny. I guess cash works in parent/child, grandparent/grandchild and uncle or aunt/niece or nephew relationships, not so much in a romantic relationship or even with friends.
I stand corrected.
seong responds:
Posted: December 4th, 2009 at 7:46 pm →
I think cash is good as a gift in modern days. I once handed over cash to my lady friend (not girlfriend) as a birthday gift and she seemed quite happy about that. I live in Japan, by the way. Maybe cultural differences?
J.D. Meier responds:
Posted: December 7th, 2009 at 2:30 am →
I tend to buy things to help people either feel good, or feel less pain. A lot of times, this means giving people experiences. Life’s a short ride, so the more good experiences, the better.
Friar responds:
Posted: December 8th, 2009 at 5:33 am →
My old boss once told me:
“Never buy a woman anything that you can plug in”.
(Meaning vacuum cleaners, kitchen appliances, etc.)
Good advice, that.
CinnamonBobka responds:
Posted: December 8th, 2009 at 9:05 am →
My ultimate favorite was when my MIL gave me a stocking full of STALE, OUTDATED, nuts. Packs and packs of nuts. All old. She is a cashier at a gas station. So, I’m sure when the inventory was about to hit the trash, she dug these nuts out and BOOM!….there’s my gift!
MomGrind responds:
Posted: December 8th, 2009 at 9:39 am →
Friar, that IS good advice.
CinnamonBobka, that’s just so so wrong!
Personal Blogging responds:
Posted: December 8th, 2009 at 10:01 am →
[...] are harder to optimize (in fact, I don’t optimize them at all) than posts such as “Worst Christmas Gifts.” So when writing a deeply personal post, a big part of the fun and satisfaction that I get [...]
Phil Tevlin responds:
Posted: December 8th, 2009 at 10:05 pm →
My family has stopped the gift-giving; instead we give to charity. This year the Foster Children of Mason County are going to receive gift cards from me: either to select something for themselves or allow them to purchase something for one of their loved ones. I’ve been doing this for 4 years.
A Few Hints On Choosing Business Gifts : Big Promotions Blog responds:
Posted: December 16th, 2009 at 7:52 am →
[...] some careful planning you can keep your business gifts (personal ones too) from being one of the worst holiday gifts ever. And we all want that, [...]
Lisa responds:
Posted: December 27th, 2009 at 5:06 pm →
This year my Grandmother’s neighbor died, so my grandmother
gave me one of her cracked plates for Chistmas, and was upset when I said
so this is from your dead neighbor. I have since thrown out the ugly cracked
plate, so I am not reminded of it for the rest of my life.
How to Avoid Giving the Wrong Birthday Gift responds:
Posted: February 1st, 2010 at 2:36 am →
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CutieGirlDiva responds:
Posted: July 30th, 2010 at 9:51 pm →
I once got 5 friends together to celebrate my birthday, and as as a little party favor I bought some miniature gumball machines. Later, I remembered my friend saying gum tastes like toothpaste to her. Oops.