I Suck At Personal Blogging
A friend recently commented that my writing on this blog seems “detached.” That I don’t really share myself and my life here but choose “safe” and write about general topics, news, etc.
Two years ago, when I just started blogging, I would have taken it as an insult, as a way of saying I’m not a good blogger (whatever that is). But my priorities have shifted over the last year, and whereas I used to proudly call myself a “mommyblogger,” I now (as many of you know) call myself a “blogger for hire.”
Blogging for my clients is easy. I get to do what I love (write) and what I know and excel at (SEO). I am never expected to share my own life, although I am expected to be personal and have a strong voice – even companies don’t want “dry.” I bring my clients results in the form of better search engine rankings and more qualified leads, and I get paid for my efforts. I love every minute of it.
Personal blogging is hard.
I still maintain this blog because I love it. After all these months, I still cherish the ability to sit down and write about whatever I want to and have it published, and – if properly optimized and linked to – viewed by hundreds, and sometimes thousands of people. I love blogging, breathe blogging, and believe it is here to stay.
What I let go of is the notion that I could write about my own life in a way that would make people want to read about it. Few people have that ability. Most of us lead fairly boring lives, and writing about our boring lives is, well, boring. Reading about it is even more boring.
But it’s not just that. It’s also that despite having a blog, which is obviously a very public forum, I’m a very private person. There are things going on in my life, I am going through life stages and making some important decisions and none of it is unique of course, it’s the stuff we all go through, but when I find myself wondering if I should write about it here, my overwhelming reaction is “No way! This stuff is private!” I guess I just don’t have it in me – the ability to do this deep personal sharing that people expect when they read a personal blog.
Of course, there’s also the issue of SEO. I love SEO and enjoy the challenge of optimizing a blog post and getting it to rank well in search engines. Naturally, posts such as “Watching My Children” or “I Suck at Personal Blogging” are harder to optimize (in fact, I don’t optimize them at all) than posts such as “Worst Christmas Gifts.” So when writing a deeply personal post, a big part of the fun and satisfaction that I get from blogging is just not there.
So I share thoughts and observations, and it’s all done in a tone that’s a little detached and maybe a little dry, and I’m losing some readers who loved reading more personal stuff in the past, when I still forced myself to share, and I’m gaining other readers who like the thoughts and observations and the general tone of this blog, and probably a few who are curious about my writing career and want to follow it, and the thing is, it doesn’t really matter, because I have no choice.
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Lisis responds:
Posted: December 8th, 2009 at 2:01 pm →
You know, just because you don’t use your blog as a confessional does not mean you suck at blogging. You, my dear, are an awesome blogger in any genre.
I tend to come across as fairly open and personal in my posts, mostly because the only writing I’ve ever done is in my diaries! But still, as open as I am, there are areas I do NOT blog about. I never blog about my marriage because the really juicy helpful stuff is stuff that’s difficult and painful for me… and it’s not just MY story; it’s HIS too. There are stories of my depression I won’t go into for fear that they will be misinterpreted and someone will call the dept. of children’s services on me. You know what I’m saying?
I think you can be open and honest and real (flesh and blood-ish) without confessing every juicy detail or sharing every story from your personal life. And, from what I’ve read, you do a really great job of coming across as a real person… which is a rare treat these days.
You keep doing what you are happy doing and your readers will filter themselves.
Blogger Dad/ David Wright responds:
Posted: December 8th, 2009 at 2:07 pm →
I know the feeling you talk about. There are times I feel detached from what I’m writing and would LOVE to write more openly about things that would be more interesting, or maybe funnier, but I can’t, because too many people I know read the blog and I would surely offend people or make life more difficult.
Sometimes I think I ought to just launch a completely anonymous blog and say what I want, no self-censoring. Of course, it would be hard to build a new audience from scratch and I’d likely miss some of the accolades in not being able to claim my own words as mine.
And no, you don’t suck at personal blogging.
RC - Rambling Along... responds:
Posted: December 8th, 2009 at 2:20 pm →
I like your blog because it is diverse, and many times your writing style entertains me, even when the subject matter is serious. I enjoy writing about my life and my experiences, but that is just me and the way I like to write. (And I know my life is not that interesting, so I still write just for me.)
What is important to me when reading a blog, is that the writer’s passion for their subject (be it their life, their career, shopping, political topics, cultural issues, etc…) shines through. Your passion for the topics you pick does that. Maybe not on every post, but on the vast majority of them.
That is what brings me back.
Also, I don’t like just reading mom blogs, despite the fact that my blog is just that. As you’ve said in the past, we are all much more than just moms. Your blog helps me remember that – and I love the different opinions that pop-up on your posts and in your comments!
Lori Hoeck responds:
Posted: December 8th, 2009 at 2:33 pm →
LOL. I’m always amazed that something like blogging, which has been around as microscopic blip in time, has so many rules, egos, and expectations. I like your “detached” perspectives. I know they are from a sincere person who likes to start a conversation among friends and values the input. That’s real enough, human enough, and personal enough for me.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: December 8th, 2009 at 2:43 pm →
Lisis, I know exactly what you mean. There are things in our life that people – strangers – could easily misinterpret and take the wrong way.
David, I think almost any blogger who blogs openly using their real name fantasizes at some point about blogging anonymously.
RC, but you are one of those rare people who make me want to read about their everyday! I guess it’s true what you say – when someone is passionate about their topic, it shines through and makes their writing interesting.
Lori, your comment makes it obvious that you know me quite well! But you’re such an insightful person, I shouldn’t be surprised.
Davina responds:
Posted: December 8th, 2009 at 2:47 pm →
Hi Vered. “…when I find myself wondering if I should write about it here.” Should vs want to. You ARE a private person and don’t choose to share it; bottom line. SEO is something you’ve clearly said yes to; so why would you want to blog any differently? That is what you enjoy and are good at. I don’t expect “deep personal sharing” at every personal blog I visit. In fact, I wouldn’t want to see that. It would be too much. Personal to me means “connecting” whether it’s through learning, laughing… or sharing in other ways.
Sagan responds:
Posted: December 8th, 2009 at 3:17 pm →
I think it’s very important to figure out what you excel at and what works for you. Personal blogging can work on multiple levels- my blog originally was going to be a way to share health information, and it transformed into something much more personal than I expected. That’s what happens! You just have to roll with it and do what feels comfortable
Hayden Tompkins responds:
Posted: December 8th, 2009 at 3:50 pm →
I have a theory about successful blogging…either you’re so insanely useful (like Timothy Ferris) or you’re so insanely personal (like The Bloggess) that people can’t ignore you. You’re either providing entertainment or information.
It’s one reason why I don’t suspect TTi will ever get really big. I straddle both of those and my ‘informative’ posts are not typically the step-by-step stuff that people like and my ‘personal’ stuff is not so crazy-insane-awesome that people absolutely HAVE to share it with their friends after they’ve laughed so hard they’ve snorted their drink up their nose.
I’ve also noticed that women (except for maybe you and Marelisa) tend to go the ‘personal’ route while men tend to go the information route. The information route seems to garner the biggest success every time.
ANYWAY, I guess that’s a really long way to say that your slightly impersonal blogging is probably an indicator of the ability of your success. Go on with your bad self!
Dr. J responds:
Posted: December 8th, 2009 at 5:58 pm →
This is pretty interesting and thought provoking for me as I write a column on a blog. I draw some lines with personal stuff, but not too much. I just trust and try to find my way, no agenda, fair, balanced, honest, and do no harm, maybe some good.
As I said to the crazy inmates of the psych. hospital one day, “I don’t know if this place is helping you, but I find being here very therapeutic!”
Marelisa responds:
Posted: December 8th, 2009 at 5:58 pm →
Hi Vered: My blog isn’t personal at all either, but I try to sprinkle some of my personality into my blog posts. Some people still hold on to the notion that blogs are basically online diaries, and maybe your friend is one of those people and is surprised that your blog isn’t really about you, but about things that catch your attention and that you want to “talk about” online.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: December 8th, 2009 at 6:35 pm →
Davina, I have to agree that “personal” can mean many different things. The aspect of forming connections is definitely there!
Sagan, blogs have many life stages – and often evolve into something completely different than what you had planned.
Hayden, I think your observations are right on.
Dr. J, I think you have managed to find a good balance on your column. You definitely give info, but also spice things up with stories from your own life, and your vibrant personality most definitely shines through.
Marelisa, this might certainly be the case – that friend knows very little about blogs and generally doesn’t read them, so perhaps her basic assumptions were incorrect.
Kelvin Kao responds:
Posted: December 8th, 2009 at 7:44 pm →
For some reason, some people think that bloggers should be authentic and being authentic means leaving it all hang out, but that’s simply not true. If you are a private person, and yet you are forcing yourself to be public about everything in your life, then you are being someone else. How is that authentic? I don’t see the logic in there.
I am definitely private and what I post on my blog would be stuff that I wouldn’t mind telling everyone about. The rest I will just keep to myself.
Mike Goad responds:
Posted: December 8th, 2009 at 8:49 pm →
I, for one, will be keeping your blog in my reader.
John W. Zimmer responds:
Posted: December 8th, 2009 at 10:14 pm →
I read your blog because you talk about interesting issues and don’t pull your punches. Agree or disagree it is fun to see the civil but unvarnished opinion.
byebyebigguy responds:
Posted: December 8th, 2009 at 10:35 pm →
I think blogger should have many different styles. I for one visit many blogs and I enjoy all types of styles. I think the only way to be a personal blogger is to have a story. I blog about weight-loss and my readers seem happy….could be my personal perception though.
Michelle @ Find Your Balance responds:
Posted: December 9th, 2009 at 7:50 am →
Nothing’s worse than a Dear Diary blog. I am always so surprised how many comments someone can get on a blog that chronicles their daily mundane activities. Keep doing what you’re doing, however you feel best doing it.
Els WIthers responds:
Posted: December 9th, 2009 at 7:50 am →
I respect someone who (like me) clings to the apparently outmoded concept of privacy. It’s all too easy to attract readers with sordid and salacious personal stories. But your “intellectual” personality comes through clearly.
John Hoff - WP Blog Host responds:
Posted: December 9th, 2009 at 9:40 am →
Ahh…it’s your blog, you blog however you feel and in whatever tone you want. There are no rules. Blog as you feel and your voice will come through just fine. I know you know that.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: December 9th, 2009 at 9:42 am →
Kelvin, I feel the same about putting limits on what I share.
Mike, thank you!
John, thanks!
byebyebigguy, I agree that there’s a place for many different types of blogs and blogging styles.
Michelle, I will.. thanks!
Els, I think we have more in common than we had originally thought.
John, yes, I know that – was a little taken aback by what my friend had said, but comments here are very encouraging and help me to see that I need to keep doing what feels right to me.
Carla responds:
Posted: December 9th, 2009 at 10:25 am →
I love your blog, Vered! If you were a typical “mommy blogger” I would not be as interested (not having children myself is one reason). I think you write about topics that most people wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole and I love that about you and your writing. You a blunt and to the point.
On my personal blog, I am pretty personal, but there are topics I wont write about there either. I think I’ve already shot myself in the foot with some of the things I write about. For instance, I may go back into the workforce sometime in 2010 and if a potential employer finds out about my MS though my personal blog, I’m screwed. God knows what they would think about Green and Chic.
When it comes to blogging and being online in general, you cant unring a bell.
Patricia responds:
Posted: December 9th, 2009 at 12:41 pm →
I think I love your blog and your concise practices and wish I could be more like you….I just feel like I have tucked my life so neatly into family and professional expectations for so long…the personal – heartfelt writing is just pouring out of me….I have about 50 posts I could not ever post because they are way to intimate and personal…and I write those in my private journal…
and if I can assist someone in their life by what I write, or inspire someone to live their best life…then I am happy.
but I would like a SEO wonderful post someday….I will probably need to hire someone to do that…like Vered!
Love your blog and who you are….change things only as they meet your needs and wants
I am going to put family first for the rest of December and cut back on posting schedule…following you good lead
Lovelyn responds:
Posted: December 9th, 2009 at 12:44 pm →
Personal blogging is hard for a lot of people. I love personal blogging and would much rather write a personal blog than another blog. That’s just my writing style. We all have our strengths. Personally, I love your blog and don’t find it to be detached and dry at all.
Barbara Swafford responds:
Posted: December 9th, 2009 at 1:07 pm →
Hi Vered,
I don’t publish much about my private life either (Trust me, it would be b-o-r-i-n-g). I feel I have two lives, my private life and my online life. Although sometimes they intertwine, as Carla reminded us, “…online…you can’t unring the bell”.
I respect the fact you don’t share your private life, Vered. For one, it’s none of my business, and secondly, we can make blogs what ever we want them to be. That said, I do think your blogging skills are outstanding.
Dot responds:
Posted: December 9th, 2009 at 2:08 pm →
I think it’s still early enough to define a blog as what you write. I read both your blogs (unless you have more than two). I think your friend wasn’t very supportive. And I don’t think the popularity of MomGrind came from your personal stories, or at least, not only from that. Your hilarious summaries of style and of sexism in ads come to mind. Just write — it’s entertainment enough. We like you.
I chose to expose parts of my own deeply personal story once I found I had a readership I could trust, but that was partly because I felt a pressure to let it out. Other parts of my story have not been written about and probably never will be because they’re too private.
Diana responds:
Posted: December 9th, 2009 at 3:01 pm →
I don’t find you detached or dry! Your posts are funny and/or interesting to me and I am not a mommy any more (I am a grandmommy but they live in another country!)
Your blog is what it is. And I like it just the way it is.
Heather Villa responds:
Posted: December 9th, 2009 at 5:04 pm →
There is only so much I want to share about myself. We have a personal life because it’s…. personal. Keeping writing as you are. I don’t find you boring at all.
Rowe responds:
Posted: December 10th, 2009 at 3:02 am →
Oh Vered, you do not suck at blogging. I agree with what you say, most of our lives are relatively boring. I’m interested in reading about other people’s lives, however I also don’t expect them to be telling me deeply personal stuff about themselves, either. What’s great about blogging though is at the end of the day, everyone’s blog is their own, to write about whatever they please, hopefully nothing that is damaging to others.
janice responds:
Posted: December 10th, 2009 at 7:40 am →
It takes all kinds of intricate and unique pieces to make a quilt or a mosaic. I enjoy your blog and it balances other blogs, like mine, that do include overly long posts and very personal stuff. But I tend to share personal stuff only if it points to the universal or has insights and something to offer. If folk are bored by what I write or not engaged, they’ll simply walk away. Like Dave, I’m considering an anonymous blog where I can write more freely.
You don’t just write well; you write intelligently, provocatively and with compassion and you support a lot of folk in the community. When folk comment around the blogosphere as you do, a mosaic presence forms, and you’d be surprised what a comprehensive online picture it creates if folk take the time to read between the lines.
Kim Woodbridge responds:
Posted: December 10th, 2009 at 12:12 pm →
I guess that person has a different definition of a blog … it doesn’t have to be personal at all. I read a lot of tech and WordPress stuff and there is nothing personal there at all – it’s just a different way to present information.
Sometimes I feel like my blog is moody – one day it will have a completely dry how to article and the next will be something goofy and personal. I may put too much personal on there but that’s just me. And I think I have a good sense of humor and am trying to develop my ability to write in a comical way.
If you wanted to write a personal blog Vered – you definitely wouldn’t suck at it
MomGrind responds:
Posted: December 10th, 2009 at 12:18 pm →
Carla, if you’re worried about the content in your personal blog, you can still do damage control by deleting it – or deleting the “problem” posts.
Patricia, you’re a great example of beautiful personal writing. I’ll never forget “I Do Not Know Anything different!” If you decide to experiment and write a less-personal post about a specific keyword and would like me to optimize it… I’ll be happy too. Just one! And then you’ll need to learn it yourself.
Lovelyn, you’re obviously comfortable writing personal stuff and I never thought you shared “too much,” which is great.
Barbara, “we can make blogs what ever we want them to be” – this is very true, and there are many ways to blog.
Dot, I always thought it must have been so therapeutic for you to write about your personal life, especially your tough childhood and strained family relationships. I’m not sure if the friend was not supportive, or if their expectations were off as far as blogging goes.
Diana, thank you!
Heather, I agree – and I think that each person has their own limits when it comes to what they feel comfortable sharing.
Rowe, “hopefully nothing that is damaging to others” – I agree – this is extremely important.
janice, I don’t think your posts are too long! I see you as on eof those who can write really well about personal stuff. I’ve been told before that I reveal more about myself when commenting on other blogs than over here.
Kim, I think your blog is a very good mix of technical and personal!
Shevonne responds:
Posted: December 11th, 2009 at 6:24 am →
I know what you mean. The more blogs that I write for; the harder it is getting for me to write in my blogs.
Starrlife responds:
Posted: December 11th, 2009 at 3:35 pm →
Phooey on the blog Nazi’s! I think most of them are in our head though….. I enjoy reading your posts anyway. What I love is there are so many different kinds of blogs and writing styles- it’s all rather fascinating!
Friar responds:
Posted: December 11th, 2009 at 4:00 pm →
Awww…who SEZ you’re distant? The Blogging Police?
I just don’t get these Bloggers who want to be BFF just because we visit each other on our blogs. And who expect that we’ll become involved in each other’s personal issues.
Because that level of close friendship and trust takes years to nurture, with lots of face-to-face time. You don’t instantly get there by tapping on a keyboard to someone.
Don’t get me wrong. I really appreciate my readers, and I try to be as genuine and open as possible.
But on the other hand, I don’t feel obliged to share my most inner, darkest secrets with with people I’ve never met, either. (Despite having been criticized for being this way).
There’s nothing wrong with keeping a healthy distance. Because face it…for the most part, we’re just pen-pals.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: December 11th, 2009 at 5:41 pm →
Shevonne, I’m not sure it’s because I do corporate blogging – but more that I feel the need not to over share.
Starrlife, I guess I should do what feels right to me.
Friar, “that level of close friendship and trust takes years to nurture, with lots of face-to-face time” – I agree. While online friendships can be very meaningful, it’s just not the same as face-to-face.
Daphne @ Joyful Days responds:
Posted: December 11th, 2009 at 10:36 pm →
Vered,
I too resist writing about me personal life, so thank you for openly writing about this and giving the rest of us permission to do the same – write what we want and not what others want or what we think others want.
Starrlife responds:
Posted: December 12th, 2009 at 6:24 am →
You totally should- and we will enjoy reading it!
Bamboo Forest - PunIntended responds:
Posted: December 12th, 2009 at 1:56 pm →
The whole share your personal life mantra that is sometimes heard in blogging advice just isn’t true in my opinion.
There’s really only one factor that determines the success and command for attention: How entertaining is your blog? Many ways to accomplish that as is proven with many different kinds of blogs.
Friar responds:
Posted: December 12th, 2009 at 3:20 pm →
@Vered
Agreed…I have, in fact, generated some very meaningful friendships on-line.
Just not necessarily with EVERYONE.
In fact, over the years, I’ve met a few people who wanted to get TOO close. To the point that I felt uncomfortable. It was getting intimidating and I almost had to be forceful and rude to get them to back off.
Of course, most bloggers aren’t like this. I’m sure that 99% are okay.
But there is that 1% out there that we have to watch out for. Especially for women living alone, who are potentially more vulnerable targets than big strong guys like me.
It’s just something to be aware of….before we tell everyone our Life Story.
Jannie Funster responds:
Posted: December 13th, 2009 at 11:31 am →
testing…
Jannie Funster responds:
Posted: December 13th, 2009 at 11:54 am →
Yay — it posted! I’m not sure what I did wrong last time so my comment did not post. Then my computer up and hibernated — just now Weird! Memory getting full I think.
Anyway, If I can recall what I said earlier…
As Barbara says, “we can make our blogs as we want them to be.” There are so many different kinds of blogs and bloggers — cookie cutters ones would be the ultimate in boring for me.
I admire your blogging and how you are making money from it. That inspires me. I think I could maybe make a bit of money on book reviews. I’ve done 5 reviews “for free” now so that seems like a nice little portfolio for me.
Your blog is useful. We can learn about just how fattening restaurant salads can be, how to make the perfect latkes, cupcakes, chewy chocolate chip cookies. Find out about the tricks Lagerfeld may be up to. Learn legal stuff about blogging.
It is very interesting here at MomGrind.
And funny too – your take on “modern art” toilets, nutty ads and trends from the past — the current ad for that gunky-looking tree shaped dip, case in point. And the “gay” party — lol.
You do come of as personal the more I get to know you. And that works for me!
Jannie Funster responds:
Posted: December 13th, 2009 at 11:55 am →
Yay, that one posted too!
My life is now complete and I think I can go do my dishes. Well, after a little more blog hopping that is.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: December 14th, 2009 at 11:27 am →
Friar, I know what you mean. It’s really important to place boundaries.
Jannie, oh my, you do actually read my posts.
Kelly@SHE-POWER responds:
Posted: December 14th, 2009 at 4:40 pm →
Ha ha, I think I’m the exact opposite. Everything I have ever tried to write has turned personal and I have zero, or maybe less than zero interest in freelance blogging and SEO. I’d rather earn my money from editing and copy writing.
Regardless of whether you get personal or not, Vered, you have a blogging style and voice that is all your own. I commend you for managing to keep up this blog considering you are busy with paid clients and I understand your resistance to displaying too much of your personal life. I have had a really difficult year in 2009. So difficult and some events so tragic that I find myself unable to write about them. It feels like a trivialization or maybe I fear the act of writing about these experiences will make them more real and therefore make me feel even more vulnerable. My strength as a blogger may lie with my personal voice and take on life, but I guess there are some things which I may not be able to write about. I don’t blog very much at the moment, but I think about it a lot and have no intention of shutting down my site, I really don’t know when the urge to publicly bare my soul will return, but it will at some point and hopefully some people will still want to read.
Merry Christmas Vered and all the best for the new year.
Kelly x
J.D. Meier responds:
Posted: December 14th, 2009 at 6:29 pm →
You have lots of choice and I think you’ve done a great job getting your priorities right, playing to your strengths, and doing what makes you happy over doing what you might think is just expected.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: December 14th, 2009 at 8:10 pm →
Kel, I can totally relate to “there are some things which I may not be able to write about.” Merry christmas and Happy New Year and STAY IN TOUCH!!!
J.D. – playing to one’s strengths… you know I love this idea and have first read it on your blog.
Walter responds:
Posted: December 16th, 2009 at 10:02 pm →
One important element of a successful blogger is being able to allow one’s own uniqueness. And you have manifested it here. We don’t have to abide by the common opinions, if we do we will be common just like them.
Keep up the good work.
Squawkfox responds:
Posted: December 18th, 2009 at 2:53 pm →
I suck at personal blogging too.