Twitter: Where Do You Draw The Line of Privacy?
A woman tweets about her miscarriage as it happens, while she’s in a board meeting.
A mother tweets about her toddler drowning in their home’s pool, less than 30 minutes after she calls 911.
Mothers live-tweeting their birth.
Celebrity couples flirting with each other via Twitter.
A man tweets as he (supposedly) sits on the toilet.
Where do we place the limits? How much is too much? While the two first examples of tweets resulted in serious criticism and uproar, the next two are considered fairly acceptable, and the last tweet is -well – just plain ridiculous.
Do you use Twitter? How do you feel about Twitter overexposure? Does it bother you? How much do you share on your own Twitter account, or on any other social media platform?
Comment of the Day: “Here’s a way to think about twitter. It’s actually a very private medium.”
Penelope Trunk
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RC - Rambling Along... responds:
Posted: December 21st, 2009 at 10:05 am →
The abortion one has bothered me since it happened as, despite anyone’s beliefs on pro-life vs the right to choose, I thought it was in poor taste. Yes, I’m aware of the rate of miscarriages many women have prior to even knowing they are pregnancy, and that many of them are just a “fact of life,” but still, it was almost like she was proud that she planned to abort this child otherwise.
The second one, regarding her child’s death, breaks my heart. I think this poor mother was so grief-stricken she had no idea what to do or who to reach out to, for help.
As for the birth, I think it is humorous, for the most part – as I had friends do this on the “mommy boards” ages before Twitter and such were available. The one that you showed isn’t very graphic, and as a mom, I laugh because I recall many of the same emotions.
Flirting would be something I would prefer see left to a more private venue – Facebook, maybe – if a couple feels the need to be that obvious, but then I heard about this one, and it sounds like it was all a ploy at product placement for someone’s new perfume.
And truly, the toilet one? Do we really need to know? Yuck.
I guess I feel I’ve scaled back on Twitter, overall. I think it is still fun to share links, share small updates/frustrations, but at the same time, I try to keep it humorous and upbeat. As for Facebook, I’ve really increased my privacy settings there, so I can have more conversation-like updates with friends.
As far as what is too much? I think it depends on the personality of the user to draw the line. (And hopefully you do it before you start tweeting your bathroom usage.)
Tara@Sticky Fingers responds:
Posted: December 21st, 2009 at 10:15 am →
Hmmm. Where ever there is social media there will a line to cross. People will want to shock, to be ‘out there’ to be the ‘first’.
I’m a strong believer in write whatever you want but this does make me go all ‘aye aye aye’.
If I had previously read Ms Trunk’s tweets I would have unfollowed for sure after that. It’s just not what I want to read on Twitter. I guess should thought some people would want to see that kind of ‘raw’ honesty. It’s totally crossed a line in my eyes however.
The other stuff? I just don’t follow that kind of person, then it never clogs up my feed. Simple as.
Davina responds:
Posted: December 21st, 2009 at 12:19 pm →
I guess it’s like anything else: you can’t please everybody. Same as watching TV or reading the paper; not everything will appeal to everyone; thank god for the remote and the mute button. Twitter has become quite the mixture of random thoughts, link shares and conversation. I agree with Tara, “People will want to shock, to be ‘out there’ to be the ‘first’. I don’t believe people necessarily think others “need” to know or care about what they are tweeting sometimes — they’re just logging their thoughts online — without really realizing the impact it may be having on other people.
Ev`Yan || apricot tea. responds:
Posted: December 21st, 2009 at 12:29 pm →
Thank you for reiterating this, Vered.
Coincidentally, I did a post about this very recently that got a lot of people stirred up. I was talking about how so many people over-expose themselves on Twitter and how much it bothers me:
For the Love of God, Think Before you Tweet
While my post wasn’t received very well — a lot of people got upset; a few even called me a hypocrite — I certainly hope that the maturity of your audience will be able to take it with a grain of salt. People really need to think before they tweet.
Barbara Swafford responds:
Posted: December 21st, 2009 at 12:33 pm →
Hi Vered,
As you know, I’m on Twitter, and just as you’ve shown, some tweets do push the envelope. I wouldn’t tweet anything I wouldn’t want broadcast on the local news, but that’s just me.
Kim Woodbridge responds:
Posted: December 21st, 2009 at 12:37 pm →
I think some people cross the line and I don’t follow them – I wouldn’t want to follow Ms. Trunk. I have mixed emotions about the little boy who drowned. She may have been turning to her online friends for support as she had done in past situations and not really thinking about it. The backlash against it has disturbed me more than the original tweet.
I think many people don’t think about broadcasting so much personal stuff and what the future ramifications of those decisions may be. And my guess is the people are younger than me – they have grown up with a completly different level of openness that I did.
There was also the woman who was having her annual exam during a California earthquake and she broadcast that very personal tidbit of information.
Chase March responds:
Posted: December 21st, 2009 at 12:57 pm →
I sometimes wonder if I tweet too much. However, like my blog, I don’t put out a lot of personal information.
Somethings are just better left unsaid. The problem with Twitter is that it is a quick and easy tool where anyone can post whatever they are thinking about at the moment. That being said, it shouldn’t be a random and unsensored thoughts repository.
People really do need to think before they hit “update.”
Do you want this thought out there forever?
Is it appropriate to wear this tweet on a T-shirt?
I can see all sorts of PSA “Please think before you Tweet” Maybe we really do need such ads. People seem to have lost their common sense.
Carla responds:
Posted: December 21st, 2009 at 1:15 pm →
I have been reading Ms Trunk’s blog for several years and somehow, her Tweet did not surprise me. However, if I saw that Tweet in real time, I would have followed her. I am very pro-choice, but that Tweet was beyond tasteless and classless.
About the mother who lost her baby, I would not criticize for reaching out. My anger and disgust comes form the backlash that she got. No grieving parent should go through THAT. My heart aches for her.
Hayden Tompkins responds:
Posted: December 21st, 2009 at 1:56 pm →
The only Twitter TMI that bothers me is when people constantly spam everyone else. No thanks!
Blogger Dad/ David Wright responds:
Posted: December 21st, 2009 at 2:11 pm →
I don’t think there is a social norm here as the people who use Twitter are a diverse lot. What is in good taste to some is in poor taste to others. The best you can do is as you do in life, stick with the crowds you get along with and ignore the rest of the noise.
As for the woman who tweeted her child’s drowning, I was tempted to write about the matter, but ultimately decided against it. From my understanding, she tweeted before she knew her child was dead and was asking for prayers. For someone of faith, this might be a normal thing – hey, if I get hundreds or thousands of people praying, perhaps it will make a difference, I don’t know. I think that the backlash against her, before anyone knew the facts of the story is absolutely horrible and the people who engaged in it should be ashamed of themselves. This woman lost her child. People should have some compassion and save the stone throwing for when the facts are actually in, if they feel the need to still do so.
Dr. J responds:
Posted: December 21st, 2009 at 2:32 pm →
I don’t do the twitter thing. I’m still shocked by all the guys I see in the bathroom on cell phones while doing their business! Phone booths are a lost art
John W. Zimmer responds:
Posted: December 21st, 2009 at 2:45 pm →
I do not twitter only because of lack of interest and I need readers to see the screen so I do not generally text either.
I do understand the pull but if one thought that the computers were easy to bare your soul… now with twitter and lesser sense of decorum – folks twittering about anything is what we are left with now.
I’m glad I’m not a part of this. On a side note I have observed when I use public restrooms, people talking and doing their business at the same time. I even hear some of them talking to the opposite sex! Is nothing sacred? I am embarrassed for them.
Patricia responds:
Posted: December 21st, 2009 at 3:10 pm →
Vered,
I got shot down for saying I needed to get off twitter and go to bed!….my mother used to say don’t write or sign anything that you don’t want read and spread all over – you never know who might be reading or interpreting what you say.
I am the one who must be discriminating and honor my values. That is how I look at it. And now with the race to put everything out for the public to see – it is very telling.
It is a bit like the Paris Hilton sex tapes out on the internet a few years ago…I was not very shocked, because her family made 82 million that year off of pornography and particularly teen aged pornography. I attempt to not use their motel services if I can help it too. The previous generations just got to hide more….we needed investigative reporters to expose this stuff…
now it is just do it yourself…and more and more folks have lost their values
very few sign up for ethics classes in colleges any more….more importantly I firmly believe we need better parenting skills – and with this much freedom abounding, we need to share clearly with our children our values and our goals for them.
How do we build ourselves and our communities? How do we make choices? Big questions.
Stephanie - Home with the Kids responds:
Posted: December 21st, 2009 at 3:21 pm →
The drowning one was only disappointing in the reaction she got in certain quarters. Asking for prayers happens all the time in forums and such. Sometimes you just need the support.
But I tend to be more private in my tweets. It’s a big part of why I don’t tweet all that much. I’m rarely a chatterbox in real life either.
What you have to remember is that when you put it out there other people are going to use it or ignore it as they see fit. There’s no reasonable expectation of privacy when you do that. While it can be hard to think of that in a crisis when you just want to be comforted, it’s important to be ready to face the possible consequences. They can be painful and completely unfair but they’re also out of your control when you put that information out there.
Mike Goad responds:
Posted: December 21st, 2009 at 5:08 pm →
Nope. I joined twitter twice…. and quit it twice.
I just don’t know why I would want to post what I’m doing in such a short space or why I would want to read what others are doing.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: December 21st, 2009 at 5:56 pm →
Thanks everyone for your comments.
The discussion here made me wonder… what if Twitter added a “confirm” button, so that after you press “Update,” you get one more chance to change your mind? Not that they would ever do that, of course, because that would be cumbersome and slow things down and most users wouldn’t want that anyway.
I agree that the backlash against the mother who lost her son – the accusations that she was responsible for his death because she was spending too much time on Twitter and not enough time supervising him – were very cruel.
Lance responds:
Posted: December 21st, 2009 at 5:56 pm →
I do use Twitter, and personally I would not ever even think of doing any of these. Were it someone I knew, I would also not likely reply to that tweet publicly – instead, if I felt somehow compelled to reply back – do that either as a direct message or an email…or…a phone call. In a way, this is much like offline life, where some people will do things that would make me shake my head and wonder…
Bamboo Forest - PunIntended responds:
Posted: December 21st, 2009 at 6:07 pm →
If I saw a tweet that I found offensive, I’d likely stop following the person who made that tweet.
I don’t express personal stuff on twitter because I don’t feel a need to. I’m also not sure anyone cares. I just have fun on twitter… it’s a form of entertainment and occasionally you get exposed to good articles too.
Tracy responds:
Posted: December 21st, 2009 at 6:33 pm →
I think there have always been oversharers, with Twitter you can bump into oversharers from around the globe, but at the end of the day they are much easier to avoid than your neighbor who wants to tell you all about her husband’s vasectomy stitches or your office mate that talks schmoopy to her boyfriend on the phone all day.
My personal policy is I try not to embarrass my kids. I probably do a better job of that online than I do offline. It’s funny, as I grow older, it seems I’m far more relaxed about what other people do and how they spell and punctuate it. Probably too tired to care.
And I was outraged at some of the remarks made about that poor mother. I’ve seen it time and time again when tragedy strikes like this, people will try to find any way to find fault.
J.D. Meier responds:
Posted: December 21st, 2009 at 6:41 pm →
The beauty of the Web is you can find it all and you can choose your own channels to pay attention to.
I still haven’t jumped on the Twitter wagon … now I see I’m missing out, on the good and the bad
Nancy responds:
Posted: December 21st, 2009 at 6:53 pm →
I’m not a fan of TMI in tweets, but it’s easy enough to tune people out on Twitter, so I can’t say it “bothers” me really. I’d simply unfollow people who tweet offensive or overly strange things.
I don’t share much about my personal life on Twitter (or anywhere else). I don’t mind when others do, but I’m just not comfortable with it.
Dominique responds:
Posted: December 21st, 2009 at 8:32 pm →
I’m on twitter and normally switch it on to interact with the few tweets who are genuinely interested in conversing with me. Otherwise I see loads of blatant self promotions even of old and dated blog posts which doesn’t even appeal . Have unfollowed and even blocked quite a few who were Spamming me.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: December 21st, 2009 at 8:36 pm →
Tracy, it’s true – it’s easier to avoid over-sharers on Twitter than it is in real life!
Squawkfox responds:
Posted: December 21st, 2009 at 11:39 pm →
I only Tweet when I’m happy and have fun things to share. I generally prefer to be private though — it took me years to blog under my name.
Rowe responds:
Posted: December 22nd, 2009 at 3:18 am →
I don’t use Twitter, and I think that tweet from Penelope Trunk was rather insensitive, as if having a miscarriage was par for the course. She argued it was par for the course, and what some women routinely endure, as if it is no big deal. But hell, what a way to get the message across that miscarriage is a normal and natural thing a pregnant woman might experience. Methinks it was real tacky considering most women suffer emotionally and grieve after miscarriage and in that respect it is a very big deal. And, for most people, a private big deal. On my blog, I don’t mind sharing a bit about myself, though I keep in mind I am not having a private conversation with someone I trust.
Heather Villa responds:
Posted: December 22nd, 2009 at 4:12 am →
Obviously the tweets you have posted here are too much. I agree that some things should be kept private and I personally would never get that intimate in my tweets. However, I must say that I am not all that surprised. We have reality shows that allow people to air their personal, private lives, so why should we expect it be any different in the social media arena? When you have a platform where people can saying anything, the worse will come out in some way. Thankfully we have the right and choice to no longer follow someone who has draw the line.
Cath Lawson responds:
Posted: December 22nd, 2009 at 5:16 am →
Hi Vered – What are some of these people thinking? Tweeting about the joys of having a miscarriage in the boardroom, because you don’t have to wait for an abortion is gross and insensitive.
Walter responds:
Posted: December 22nd, 2009 at 5:31 am →
The downside of our current technological innovation in terms of communication is that we have no control over what can be expressed and what can’t be not. With majority of people expressing their thoughts how can we explain to them the necessity of privacy–let alone ethics.
Penelope Trunk responds:
Posted: December 22nd, 2009 at 8:21 am →
Here’s a way to think about twitter. It’s actually a very private medium. The only people who read my tweets are people who had to go through a process of three clicks in order to follow me. So people expressly ask for my updates before they receive them. And I expressly approve those people because I can block them from receiving updates if I want.
The only people who make twitter too public and too much information are people like you, who republish my tweets to people who did not ask to receive them. If you know your readers won’t want to receive the information, don’t publish it. That’s a basic rule of social media that I am following, but it appears that you are not.
Penelope
Michelle @ Find Your Balance responds:
Posted: December 22nd, 2009 at 8:43 am →
If I wouldn’t say it aloud to a room full of friends and family, I don’t say it on Twitter. That, I guess, means different things to different people but it’s approximately the rule of thumb I follow.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: December 22nd, 2009 at 10:29 am →
Penelope, I’m fascinated by your view of Twitter as “a very private medium.” I think the media coverage that followed your tweet proves otherwise. As for republishing your tweet, this post is not about you. It’s about how people use Twitter, and your tweet – like it or not – is very public, and very relevant to this discussion.
Michelle, that sounds like an excellent rule of thumb to follow.
Kelvin Kao responds:
Posted: December 22nd, 2009 at 12:32 pm →
I read this article in my RSS feeder. For a moment, I thought I was reading FailBlog (which I also subscribe to) but then I realized it wasn’t. For me, I think people are free to say what they want to say. You are not required to follow them. Even in real life, people make TMI comments (I know I sometimes do), but they’ll stop (hopefully) once you give them a disgusted look or ask them to stop. Or maybe it’s TMI for some people but not for you.
Either way, we establish two things:
1. Hearing TMI stuff every now and then is inevitable.
2. You don’t have to keep listening to it if you choose to walk away.
I think the same two things apply to Twitter.
Rita responds:
Posted: December 22nd, 2009 at 6:51 pm →
For every person that “tweets” about what is going on in their personal lives, there are hundreds, if not thousands who are experincing the exact same thing at the exact same moment who have choosen to keep their miscarriages, loss of loved ones or bodily functions to themselves. More power to them. IMHO, people who choose to share their most intimate moments private are to be applauded.
I was a member of Twitter for less than 24 hours. When I saw what people were “tweeing,” I made my own decision and cancelled my account. It’s not that I didn’t care; I simply didn’t want to know. Everybody has their own boundaries, but services like Twitter allow those who use it as a personal journal or for social networking set very few limits on what people can share. To those who use it for what I would consider legitimate reasons, there is little doubt that such services serve a useful purpose. Personally, I would prefer to entrust my husband or a few good friends about my most private matters. Bottom line: it is not the services themselves who cross my boundary lines, it is the users.
Lawyer Mom responds:
Posted: December 23rd, 2009 at 11:02 pm →
I’ll start at the end and say those celebrity couples “doth protest” a bit tellingly too much. When it’s that good, sane people have the good sense not to say it. “Get a room” has turned into “Got Skype?” and I’d wager a bet these reverse voyeurs have . . . not much.
As for the beginning of your post, re the Three Mile Island twitterers? All I can say is, well . . . there are no words.
Jannie Funster responds:
Posted: December 23rd, 2009 at 11:34 pm →
I continue to be a rather recalcitrant tweeter, due to current time constraints.
I do share quite a lot on my blog, but hope I keep it mostly in good taste over there.
I wonder if there is an “old school” and a “new-school” way of thinking,wherein the latter deems it fine to say anything to anyone at any time? I’d rather stay a bit old school.
John Hoff - WP Blog Host responds:
Posted: December 24th, 2009 at 9:23 am →
YIKES!
That’s some messed up shit there. I just can’t even fathom the way some people’s minds work.
I share a little of my private life through social media, but just a little. I don’t think the world outside of my friends truly care what goes on in John’s day to day life, unless it involves them making money LOL.
It’s a cold world we live in sometimes, isn’t it?
MomGrind responds:
Posted: December 24th, 2009 at 10:33 am →
Jannie, it could be an old school kind of thing, in which case, I’m definitely old school.
John, it’s even colder on the Internet than it is in real life because people can stay anonymous.
Tess The Bold Life responds:
Posted: December 26th, 2009 at 7:45 am →
Different strokes for different folks. I would never tweet any of these things. But then that’s just me;)
Marelisa responds:
Posted: December 26th, 2009 at 5:31 pm →
Hi Vered: About three days ago I was trying to make some changes to my blog, I did something wrong, and my blog went off line. I sent out a tweet asking for help, one of my followers answered (someone I had never had interaction with before), and less than five minutes later my blog was back online. I’ve also had several pleasant exchanges with some of my blog readers. So I’m glad that I’m on twitter. Sometimes I do “lose” chuncks of time on twitter, and I’ve unfollowed some people because I’ve found certain tweets rather tasteless. I think that people who use twitter just have to be aware that they’re on a public forum, and that they never know when they’re going to read something and afterwards really wish they hadn’t.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: December 28th, 2009 at 3:44 pm →
Marelisa, it’s interesting that Twitter can be so useful. I’ve never had an experience like yours, but it sounds wonderful.
Ari Herzog responds:
Posted: December 28th, 2009 at 8:54 pm →
You can partially blame Twitter itself for advertising its service — until recently — with the tagline, “What are you doing?”
I’m doing this, I’m doing that.
That’s why.
The newer tagline is “What’s happening?” which is not much better but ought to give more indication than what someone is doing.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: December 29th, 2009 at 6:51 pm →
Ari, you’re making a valid point. Still, one doesn’t have to answer “what are you doing” every single minute… some things are better left unsaid.
Shannon responds:
Posted: January 26th, 2010 at 11:55 am →
In my opinion, Twitter and Facebook are the modern day phone. Instead of calling one friend who tells another who tells another (and the story ends up getting changed accidentally through all the shuffling), you make one Tweet or Facebook update and they all know and can comment where others see. It’s a fast and easy way to converse with your friends and ask for prayers, support etc. Now I am not really for tweeted on the toilet, but I do know people who talk to their friends on the phone while on the throne. To each their own I guess
The End of Privacy | Social Media Marketing responds:
Posted: February 23rd, 2010 at 10:27 pm →
[...] The argument is that whether we like it or not, the world is moving towards less privacy and more sharing. People are starting websites, blogs and Twitter accounts, where they’re sharing in ways that they had never done before (some would say over-sharing). [...]