Being Your Mother
You were tiny here – not even a year old – but those bright eyes? You’ve still got them.
(To my youngest daughter)
“Resilient.” That’s the first adjective that comes to mind when I want to describe you. When I told you, a few weeks ago, that you’re resilient, you weren’t sure what it meant, and when I explained, you remained indifferent. You were far more interested in “smart,” “beautiful” and “fashionable.”
You are of course smart, beautiful and very fashionable, but resilience, defined as the positive capacity of people to cope with stress and to bounce back from adversity, is an amazing gift and is one of the main reasons I don’t just love you, but admire you.
You have a way of not allowing setbacks to hold you back, of shrugging off negativity and focusing on the positive. You have the gift, at the tender age of 8, of filtering out toxic friends from your social circle and only hanging out with supportive, loving friends. And you have the amazing ability to face adversity and challenge with courage and determination and to keep going, even when the going gets rough.
I’m under no illusion of course that your life is anything other than pampered and sheltered, so your inherent resilience never had to withstand serious tests so far. I hope it continues this way, and in the meantime, I look at you and at how you cope with daily stresses and I’m in awe.
The second major adjective that comes to mind is “happy,” which is probably tied to “resilient.” By “happy” I mean positive, energetic, focuses on the positive in every situation rather than dwelling on the negative, and has an amazing appetite for life. You came here eight years ago, and so far you’ve made sure to use every second to the fullest. You’re really enjoying the journey and for someone like me, who tends to reflect and worry and stress, it’s an amazing experience to watch someone having so much fun.
I love you more than you can imagine, and even though you say you love me just as much as I love you, rest assured that this is not the case, and that’s OK – parents are supposed to love their children with an intensity that no other love can rival.
But I don’t just love you. I also admire you. Before I became a parent, I never realized that one learns from their kids just as much as one teaches their kids. Now I know.
So far, being your mother has been one of the most intense experiences of my life. Thank you for this gift.
Love,
Mom
–
Loved this comment: “I learn from my children far more than they learn from me. They are the ones who truly make me want to be the best person I can be.” Nurit, Family Friendly Food.
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Patricia responds:
Posted: March 15th, 2010 at 4:56 pm →
Vered
This is lovely and so well expressed – how fortunate your child can read these words and receive them while they bless your lips and the pen to paper.
Thank you for sharing. I can feel the love shining forth – and those happy eyes…Ahh
Belinda Munoz responds:
Posted: March 15th, 2010 at 5:51 pm →
Lovely post. I, too, am amazed by how much my son is teaching me. It’s like rejuvenating parts of me that have slowly started dying, like being carefree, being silly, prioritizing play, etc. It’s funny how we think we raise them, but really they enhance our lives in many ways nothing else can.
Lance responds:
Posted: March 15th, 2010 at 6:07 pm →
What a wonderful message for your daughter, Vered. She is blessed to have you as her mother. What you see in her…that will give her wings to soar! And that comes from what you have been doing since she was that little baby…to today at eight years old…loving her with all your heart. And written down here…this is a beautiful gift for her.
Marelisa responds:
Posted: March 15th, 2010 at 6:29 pm →
Hi Vered: She does have beautiful eyes. And resilence is one of the most important qualities to have in life. It’s a good idea to write letters to your children when they’re young so that they can read them when they’re grown up and know what was going through their mother’s mind at the time.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: March 15th, 2010 at 8:08 pm →
Patricia, thank you. This is my favorite photo of her. It really captures her personality.
Belinda, it’s one of the greatest gifts of parenting. You learn so much.
Lance, thank you! I am still amazed at the depth of love one feels towards one’s children.
Marelisa, I do hope my children will read my letters one day and realize how much I love them and how very special they are.
Sagan responds:
Posted: March 15th, 2010 at 8:31 pm →
“resilience, defined as the positive capacity of people to cope with stress and to bounce back from adversity, is an amazing gift”
This is so beautiful, and I agree. Resilience is rare to see in a person… True resilience, that is. And I think it often IS children who tend to be more resilient than adults. It’s interesting that in some ways we become more insecure as we get older.
Resilience is definitely admirable and something that I now intend to emulate.
Davina responds:
Posted: March 15th, 2010 at 11:39 pm →
And is that her loving sister with her arms around her? Wow, Vered… I can feel how much you love your daughter; the admiration and appreciation you feel. I’m surprised you’ve even been able TO put it into words. This is something special that you both can read again in a few years. And for the first time I have a glimpse of what I’ve missed by not having children.
Daphne @ Joyful Days responds:
Posted: March 16th, 2010 at 2:41 am →
Vered,
This is beautiful and I just want to say that when you get personal like this, you’re writing at your best because I was really moved when I read this, and I’m not even a mother!
Heather Villa responds:
Posted: March 16th, 2010 at 3:19 am →
What a beautiful post for your daughter. It truly is amazing watching your children grow up. Thanks for sharing. You have a very beautiful child.
Judith D.L. responds:
Posted: March 16th, 2010 at 4:04 am →
Dear Vered, Both your daughters, my granddaughters, are the apple of my eye and the love of my life.
The oldest is serious, exceptionally smart, clever and talented. She reminds me of you at her age, always
the best in her class, but stressed and worried over everything. And not to forget her beautiful face and figure.
The youngest was beautifully portrayed by you and her photo shows her as she is, always smiling and looking at the world with those wonderful warm eyes , eager to discover what lies ahead. And this smile of her, she always makes me happy just to look at her.
Dad and I are very proud and blessed to have such granddaughters.
Love
Mom
Betsy Wuebker responds:
Posted: March 16th, 2010 at 5:48 am →
A treasure! What a little bright eyes! She’s darling, and she will hold this message in her heart long after you’re gone. Beautiful, Vered. I am officially verklempt.
Dot responds:
Posted: March 16th, 2010 at 6:16 am →
Really heartfelt and sincere. And I love those two little teeth!
Dr. J responds:
Posted: March 16th, 2010 at 6:38 am →
Thank you Vered for your beautiful, poignant, message! Nothing can ever replace the selfless, unconditional love that a mother gives her child.
Lori Hoeck responds:
Posted: March 16th, 2010 at 8:50 am →
What a wonderful way to express a mother’s love and admiration for the bountiful love, energy, and perspective kids can show us! I can see her re-reading it in later years and gaining strength from your words and love.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: March 16th, 2010 at 8:55 am →
Sagan, I wonder if resilience can be acquired? I always assumed you either have it or you don’t.
Davina, yes, that’s her sister hugging her.
Yes, I put it to words, but the words don’t really manage to convey the depth of my feelings.
Daphne, thank you! I generally prefer not to get too personal, but when writing about or to my kids, something changes and I can’t be anything but personal.
Thank you, Heather!
Mom, I love you.
Having kids definitely makes you appreciate your own parents so much more – it’s cliche but it’s true.
Besty, I had to Google “verklempt”… thank you!
Dot, ha, yes, those teeth finally erupted after what seemed like an eternity of sleepless nights.
Dr. J, it’s true, a mother’s love really is unconditional.
Lori, I hope so!
J.D. Meier responds:
Posted: March 16th, 2010 at 8:56 am →
I like how you describe it as one of the most intense experiences of your life. It sounds like a wild, non-stop adventure.
Stephanie - Home with the Kids responds:
Posted: March 16th, 2010 at 1:38 pm →
Just beautiful. It really is amazing watching children grow up. I see so much of me in mine plus a lot of “where did that come from?” It’s wonderful.
Barb Hartsook responds:
Posted: March 16th, 2010 at 2:10 pm →
Hi Vered.
When my youngest had her first child 15 years ago, she turned to me and said, ‘Now I know how much you love me, Mom.’ We’ve talked about it often over the years. She still tells me she loves me lots!!! and now when I say back to her, ‘I love you more,’ she just smiles. ‘Cause she knows.
Your post is beautiful. Thank you, from one mom to another, for loving your child so very much. There’s no better gift…
Nurit responds:
Posted: March 16th, 2010 at 10:48 pm →
“parents are supposed to love their children with an intensity that no other love can rival. ” – that should be the case in every family but sadly it’s not.
And I agree, I think I learn from my children far more than they learn from me. They are the ones who truly make me want to be the best person I can be.
Barbara Swafford responds:
Posted: March 17th, 2010 at 12:47 am →
Hi Vered,
Just like your words, your daughter is beautiful. As I was reading your this, I was thinking how rewarding it will be for you daughter to read these words when she gets older.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: March 17th, 2010 at 8:36 am →
J.D., ha. It Is. Sometimes it’s good, sometimes not so good, but parenthood is definitely an intense experience, emotionally and physically.
Stephanie, the “where did that come from” is really fun.
Barb, it’s must be amazing when your own child finally gets it.
Nurit, having followed your own personal story on your blog, I agree – I wish all parents loved so deeply but I do know that not all do.
Barbara, thank you!
janice | Sharing the Journey responds:
Posted: March 18th, 2010 at 5:44 am →
What a beautiful legacy to leave your treasured daughter. Thank you for sharing this with us. I hope she reads the comments on your blog some day too, so she can also see how loved and apreciated you were as she was growing up.
Jannie Funster responds:
Posted: March 19th, 2010 at 8:03 pm →
Eight years old, wow. They do grow so fast.
Sweet post! She will love reading this when she is older.
And resilience is a major factor to life happiness. And longevity. I do believe it’s innate. I like how she already knows how to weed out toxic relationships. I see my child doing that too and it makes my heart very very happy.
xo
Tess The Bold Life responds:
Posted: March 21st, 2010 at 11:11 am →
Vered,
I find you wonderful in all ways, in all of your writings. I’m sure your daughter is everything you say she is and more. I enjoy each time your write about them because you bring back memories of my daughters at those ages. How blessed we are! Thank you!
MomGrind responds:
Posted: March 22nd, 2010 at 1:42 pm →
Thank you, Janice!
Jannie, yes, it does go by really fast and I don’t care anymore that it’s such a cliche to say that – it’s true.
Tess, thank you! She’s everything I say she is and so much more. It’s really hard to capture in words as I’m sure you know.
MommyNamedApril responds:
Posted: March 25th, 2010 at 2:33 am →
aha! you ARE a mommy blogger! this was a really sweet post.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: March 26th, 2010 at 4:35 pm →
Of course I am. And proud of it.
Kelly@SHE-POWER responds:
Posted: March 28th, 2010 at 4:17 pm →
This is lovely Vered, and your daughter was such a cutie (and I’m sure she still is). I write so much, but this makes me realise I rarely write down how I feel about Bunny. I should do it more often. Even if it’s just letters I can keep and he can read later. And I couldn’t agree more with this line – “parents are supposed to love their children with an intensity that no other love can rival.” It’s so true. This is no comparison, nor will there ever be.
Kelly