The issue of girls’ body image is never far from my mind. After I published my somewhat controversial article on fat acceptance, which angered several “fat pride” people, who believe that it’s fine to be fat and that my post was a personal attack on them, I received plenty of what I considered as hate mail, but also a couple of emails from readers who earnestly challenged me to answer the following questions:

1. How can you admonish the media for filling women’s heads with unrealistic images of what a woman’s body should look like, saying that the media should include all shapes and sizes, then fret about an overweight teen making what YOU perceive as unhealthy food choices?

2. What about girls’ body image? How can you teach your own daughters to eat healthfully and watch their portions, without damaging their body image and triggering dangerous eating disorders?

Both are very good questions. I think that the answer to both is in HOW we talk about maintaining a healthy weight. To me, the key lies in having this conversation center around health rather than around appearance. In this respect, I completely agree with Michelle Obama, and fully support her controversial choice to discuss her own daughters’ BMI publicly. Mrs. Obama wasn’t talking about how her daughters need to be skinny, wear skintight jeans or fit into a size zero. She was talking about how they need to be fit and stay at a healthy weight. Those are very different things.

I often wonder how is it that it’s either “skinny” or “fat.” So when French Elle launches its first ever “plus size” issue, we have the skinny, size 0 or 2 models in the original Elle, and we have the plus size models in the “plus size” issue, but where are all the healthy sizes in-between? These are the women who are ignored, the women who eat healthfully and exercise regularly and watch their portion sizes – the women whose BMI is healthy, women who are not tiny nor big – these women are invisible in the media, and it worries me, becuase those are the women that should be our role models.

I can’t accept that “fat is fine” or that fighting the obesity epidemic and pointing to excess fat as unhealthy is bigotry. Yes, some fat people are healthy and some fat people are fat becuase of disease and not becuase of lifestyle choices – but statistically speaking, when you gain excess weight you make a choice, and when you do so, you increase your risk of serious disease. In contrast, being gay or a woman or an older person or belonging to a certain race are in no way choices – so the comparison is simply untrue.

Now, that “choice” to gain weight is not a full choice for some – if you don’t have easy access to healthy food, if you can’t afford healthy food, or if you’re not fully aware of how the food industry manipulates processed foods so that they taste better at the cost of making them far less healthy, then it’s true that you’re not truly making a choice to gain weight – and this is exactly why we need to have this conversation, without people trying to shut us up every time we do, yelling “bigotry” and “discrimination,” and why Mrs. Obama’s initiative is so important.

On the other hand, I also can’t accept that size zero or size 2 are the only acceptable sizes for women, becuase for most women these sizes are unattainable, and in terms of health, they are not necessarily healthy – if you’re not naturally skinny, forcing yourself into a size zero could mean being underweight and starving yourself.

I do believe that women should eat healthfully, avoid processed foods as much as possible, carefully read labels when they do buy processed foods and make an effort to avoid trans fats, high fructose corn syrup, preservatives and artificial food dyes, and too much sugar and sodium. I believe that women should watch their portion sizes, exercise regularly and go to annual preventative health exams.

I acknowledge that as the mother of two young girls, I am walking a fine line as I am trying to teach them to watch portions, eat well and exercise without sending them the message that they must be skinny to be attractive. I worry about this a lot, but in our culture of ever-present junk food, of huge portions and of a careless, uncaring food industry, I feel that ignoring the issue of weight management would be a mistake.

So I am doing my best, carefully walking that fine line, emphasizing the health aspect of our efforts as a family to eat well and to lead an active lifestyle rather than focusing on appearances.

As I said, the issue of girls’ body image is never far from my mind.

Photo credit: mikebaird

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Loved This Comment: “Back when bodies worked more physically, and most people’s weight just took care of itself, there was no reason to obsess over weight or portions. Our bodies just did what they did, as nature intended, gain a little, lose a little, no big deal. We should just stop obsessing, put our energies into other things, like hobbies, etc. Enjoying nature, walking in it.” Jannie Funster

Link of Interest: “Increasing public concern about the rise in obesity has led to societal confusion about what’s healthy and has created an unrealistic pressure to be thin.” Stop Obesity Alliance.

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