Girls’ Body Image
The issue of girls’ body image is never far from my mind. After I published my somewhat controversial article on fat acceptance, which angered several “fat pride” people, who believe that it’s fine to be fat and that my post was a personal attack on them, I received plenty of what I considered as hate mail, but also a couple of emails from readers who earnestly challenged me to answer the following questions:
1. How can you admonish the media for filling women’s heads with unrealistic images of what a woman’s body should look like, saying that the media should include all shapes and sizes, then fret about an overweight teen making what YOU perceive as unhealthy food choices?
2. What about girls’ body image? How can you teach your own daughters to eat healthfully and watch their portions, without damaging their body image and triggering dangerous eating disorders?
Both are very good questions. I think that the answer to both is in HOW we talk about maintaining a healthy weight. To me, the key lies in having this conversation center around health rather than around appearance. In this respect, I completely agree with Michelle Obama, and fully support her controversial choice to discuss her own daughters’ BMI publicly. Mrs. Obama wasn’t talking about how her daughters need to be skinny, wear skintight jeans or fit into a size zero. She was talking about how they need to be fit and stay at a healthy weight. Those are very different things.
I often wonder how is it that it’s either “skinny” or “fat.” So when French Elle launches its first ever “plus size” issue, we have the skinny, size 0 or 2 models in the original Elle, and we have the plus size models in the “plus size” issue, but where are all the healthy sizes in-between? These are the women who are ignored, the women who eat healthfully and exercise regularly and watch their portion sizes – the women whose BMI is healthy, women who are not tiny nor big – these women are invisible in the media, and it worries me, becuase those are the women that should be our role models.
I can’t accept that “fat is fine” or that fighting the obesity epidemic and pointing to excess fat as unhealthy is bigotry. Yes, some fat people are healthy and some fat people are fat becuase of disease and not becuase of lifestyle choices – but statistically speaking, when you gain excess weight you make a choice, and when you do so, you increase your risk of serious disease. In contrast, being gay or a woman or an older person or belonging to a certain race are in no way choices – so the comparison is simply untrue.
Now, that “choice” to gain weight is not a full choice for some – if you don’t have easy access to healthy food, if you can’t afford healthy food, or if you’re not fully aware of how the food industry manipulates processed foods so that they taste better at the cost of making them far less healthy, then it’s true that you’re not truly making a choice to gain weight – and this is exactly why we need to have this conversation, without people trying to shut us up every time we do, yelling “bigotry” and “discrimination,” and why Mrs. Obama’s initiative is so important.
On the other hand, I also can’t accept that size zero or size 2 are the only acceptable sizes for women, becuase for most women these sizes are unattainable, and in terms of health, they are not necessarily healthy – if you’re not naturally skinny, forcing yourself into a size zero could mean being underweight and starving yourself.
I do believe that women should eat healthfully, avoid processed foods as much as possible, carefully read labels when they do buy processed foods and make an effort to avoid trans fats, high fructose corn syrup, preservatives and artificial food dyes, and too much sugar and sodium. I believe that women should watch their portion sizes, exercise regularly and go to annual preventative health exams.
I acknowledge that as the mother of two young girls, I am walking a fine line as I am trying to teach them to watch portions, eat well and exercise without sending them the message that they must be skinny to be attractive. I worry about this a lot, but in our culture of ever-present junk food, of huge portions and of a careless, uncaring food industry, I feel that ignoring the issue of weight management would be a mistake.
So I am doing my best, carefully walking that fine line, emphasizing the health aspect of our efforts as a family to eat well and to lead an active lifestyle rather than focusing on appearances.
As I said, the issue of girls’ body image is never far from my mind.
Photo credit: mikebaird
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Loved This Comment: “Back when bodies worked more physically, and most people’s weight just took care of itself, there was no reason to obsess over weight or portions. Our bodies just did what they did, as nature intended, gain a little, lose a little, no big deal. We should just stop obsessing, put our energies into other things, like hobbies, etc. Enjoying nature, walking in it.” Jannie Funster
Link of Interest: “Increasing public concern about the rise in obesity has led to societal confusion about what’s healthy and has created an unrealistic pressure to be thin.” Stop Obesity Alliance.
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Lori Hoeck responds:
Posted: March 30th, 2010 at 9:03 am →
Hi Vered,
You mention health over appearance, and I would add fitness to that. Fit people tend to be more confident, able, and aware of what their bodies can do.
As an EMT, I helped move a 500 lb patient from his house to the ambulance. It took several firefighters and a couple of sheriff’s deputies moving inches at a time. Just from the disaster, emergency, or self defense perspective, fit beats fat — or an unhealthy skinniness.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: March 30th, 2010 at 9:18 am →
Lori, I agree that “fit beats fat — or an unhealthy skinniness,” and thank you for adding the fitness aspect. I’ve read somewhere that young girls who regularly engage on sports have a higher self esteem than those who don’t. I also read, recently, that many teen girls are not eating enough calories and are not getting the nutrients their developing bodies need, becuase they try to fit into a size 0 or 2. So yes, focusing on fitness is important.
Tweets that mention Girls Body Image | Blogger For Hire -- Topsy.com responds:
Posted: March 30th, 2010 at 9:26 am →
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Vered DeLeeuw. Vered DeLeeuw said: How can we teach our daughters to eat healthfully and watch their portions without triggering eating disorders? [...]
Mike Goad responds:
Posted: March 30th, 2010 at 11:06 am →
Fitness is important as is proper diet. When the issues over fat versus skinny come up, I think back to what it was like when I was a kid in the 50s and 60s. Heavy kids were a noticeable minority and significantly overweight adults were very rare. I think the big differences today are portion sizes, advertising, processing and packaging to make them more appealing in taste and appearance and, last, but certainly not least, lack of activity and exercise. Today, heavy is more the norm for both kids and adults. Unfortunately, from what I understand, health issues due to weight are going the lead to a drop in life expectancy in the younger generations.
We have two daughters. One is very thin and the other takes more after me and could put on the weight quite easily. However, she has succeed in becoming more active and watching what she eats. I’m a little concerned about the thinner daughter as she really is not an active person and inactivity can be unhealthy even for the thin.
I am not thin. When I graduated from high school, I was 6 ft 3 inches and 150 lbs. Now I’m 125 lbs heavier. I struggle to watch what I eat and to get the exercise I need. I just wish there were some way to get or kids today to embrace a life style that would keep them active and keep them from gaining the weight.
Dr. J responds:
Posted: March 30th, 2010 at 2:07 pm →
I’m sure most parents wish children came with an instruction book on how to be successful in raising them! Setting a good example and teaching a child to think and make confident decisions for themselves seems like a reasonable approach to me. Everyone needs to find their own way, or somebody else’s way that works for them. If I knew THE ANSWERS I’d write the instruction book
As for body size. I believe that if a person eats a reasonable amount of a healthy diet and gets plenty of activity, whatever size they end up as will be alright.
I wish you the best with your wonderful family, Vered!
Lovelyn responds:
Posted: March 30th, 2010 at 3:50 pm →
Health should definitely be the emphasis when talking about body size, but so often it’s not. Being too thin or too fat are both unhealthy. I agree Vered that women who at a healthy weight are not the norm in media and it is a bit distressing. What message are we sending young girls about their bodies?
The issue which weight is the food these days. Most people eat a big pile of processed food-like substances. The long lists of unpronounceable ingredients on many boxes are food aren’t really even food and shouldn’t be eaten. When you eat these things your body has no idea what to do with them. This causes illness and weight gain. I know many people who say they are too poor to eat a healthy diet, but I can tell you that I’ve never been very well off financially and we’ve always eaten healthy food. We have a garbage car and only go to the movies once a year, but we’re healthy and that’s the most important thing to me.
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Posted: March 30th, 2010 at 5:31 pm →
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J.D. Meier responds:
Posted: March 30th, 2010 at 6:33 pm →
I like your distinction between health and appearance.
I think we’re in an age where we need to make better decisions for ourselves. It’s a shame that finding proven patterns and practices is tough among the sea of confusing and conflicting information.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: March 30th, 2010 at 7:48 pm →
Mike, “health issues due to weight are going the lead to a drop in life expectancy in the younger generations” – I read that too and it’s really scary. I agree that it’s better not to gain excess weight in the first place.
Dr. J, “I believe that if a person eats a reasonable amount of a healthy diet and gets plenty of activity, whatever size they end up as will be alright” – I agree. i do think that we need to be educated about what exactly “a reasonable amount” is.
Lovelyn, it sounds like you’ve got your priorities straights when it comes to how to spend your money.
J.D., and the powerful food industry doesn’t help – it provides consumers with a lot of misleading information.
Marelisa responds:
Posted: March 30th, 2010 at 9:32 pm →
Hi Vered: I’ve heard in several different places that the best way for girls to have a healthy body image is to get them involved in sports. That way they learn to respect their body’s strength and their ability to move, get plenty of exercise, and tend to want to eat healthier so that they’re in top shape to practice their sport.
Marelisa responds:
Posted: March 30th, 2010 at 9:34 pm →
Oh, look, I just read the comments and see that you’ve heard that too (about getting girls involved in sports). Great.
Michelle @ Find Your Balance responds:
Posted: March 31st, 2010 at 8:21 am →
My mom never gave me a complex about how I looked – but i got plenty of that from friends and especially boys at school. What about how we raise our boys?? It was brutal.
Nurit responds:
Posted: March 31st, 2010 at 9:16 am →
This is our culture, you can be “A” or “B”, “winner” or “loser”, democrat or republican, or in this discussion either “skinny” or “fat. All the shades of gray are indeed in the shade.
I see my two young kids. When I don’t interfere too much, they know how much food their body needs.
We all could listen more to what our body signals to us.
Also, I posted a long time ago this about portion control – it’s really eye opening:
Portion Control, Or How Can We Not Eat More Than We Really Need?
MomGrind responds:
Posted: March 31st, 2010 at 5:31 pm →
Marelisa, needless to say, I agree!
Michelle, that’s a very good question. Possibly a topic for a separate blog post!
Nurit, thank you for that link! Wow – truly eye opening.
Barbara Swafford responds:
Posted: March 31st, 2010 at 10:43 pm →
Hi Vered,
That’s true. We either see images of the super thin or the plus size and no images of the women in between.
I do like how we’re now seeing more shows on TV talking about healthy eating, etc. Two which I enjoy are Dr. Oz and The Biggest Loser. Having the facts makes a huge difference for making the right food choices.
janice responds:
Posted: April 1st, 2010 at 1:55 am →
Brilliant article, Vered; I’m always supportive of your bravery in tackling controversial issues.
I have a teenage daughter, and it’s terrifying how much peer pressure can do to self esteem and body image. She’s been told she isn’t fat enough, not that she’s too slim… that she isn’t fat enough. She does martial arts, eats fruit and veg, doesn’t drink fizzy drinks every day (they’re a killer cause of obesity, even the diet ones, as the body has no natural place to ‘store’ all the chemicals) and never snacks out of absent minded boredom, so she’s slim and healthy. However, many girls at her school are overweight because of our country’s awful diet and lifestyle. (We’re a nation of smokers, drinkers and lard eaters who don’t exercise enough.)
One of my daughter’s healthier attitudes – or maybe not – is that exercise isn’t just good for her; she reckons it means she can eat pizza on Fridays and have chocolate with movies at the weekend! So far, she isn’t scared of food, and will leave food on her plate if she’s had enough or ask for seconds if she hasn’t. She has no idea what she weighs, and has figured out already that each shop has a slightly different sizing system, so she hasn’t been able to label herself with a number either. Wish me luck with that one!
Jannie Funster responds:
Posted: April 1st, 2010 at 8:33 am →
When did we start to be so food and weight obsessed? In the 60s perhaps? Twiggy became the feminine ideal, I think that’s when models started becoming super-thin.
Back when bodies worked more physically, and most people’s weight just took care of itself, there was no reason to obsess over weight or portions. Our bodies just did what they did, as nature intended, gain a little, lose a little, no big deal. We should just stop obsessing, put our energies into other things, like hobbies, etc. Enjoying nature, walking in it.
I stopped obsessing over food after I had my child. Previously, I was always dieting to keep myself around 110 lbs, I was hungry most of the time. Now I’m about 10 lbs heavier, but not hungry. And for the most part — happy. I eat what I want. If my jeans start getting a bit tight, I cut back a bit on my fats. And beer.
So… I serve my kid good, usually unprocessed foods, knowing her body will do what it’s programmed to do. And we get on with living. She is very active. I think if a mom obsesses over food, a daughter has a good chance of picking up those worries too. If my girl ever gets to saying stuff like “I’m fat,” you know we’ll be talking about that pronto, and discussing the unrealistic ideals ads throw us. Parents are so influential in childrens’ lives, tho kids might pretend to not listen to us sometimes! Luckily, because of many of your past posts, Vered, I’ll be better informed on how to talk to her should body image issues arise.
xo
Davina responds:
Posted: April 1st, 2010 at 11:58 am →
When I was a teenager, I don’t recall this strong of a focus on weight in the media. Different weights are appropriate for different people and body frames. Even different forms of exercise are noted to be better for different folk. These days it seems to have become a trend to have everyone fit into the same mold; just as Nurit has noted about the either/or syndrome. Not to mention that diets, fitness and appearance-related topics have become a huge source of income for many folk. Money talks.
Patricia responds:
Posted: April 1st, 2010 at 4:31 pm →
Teaching how to be a whole person is important and communicating at deeper levels than just at AD speed and sound bites.
The physical body talks all the time to people, but they are not trained to listen.
Good for you Vered and these are good comments.
As a person who was called “bones” and “four eyes” as a child – and everyone working on filling me up…well, now I am there….exercising like crazy and eating with tremendous health ( I really don’t drink alcohol either) in mind, and my Doctor assumes that my liver is the way it is because I am closet drinking and eating bon bons all day…. I keep thinking maybe it was the results of the chemotherapy? along the way…
I cooked very healthy foods for my children and they seem to have great images…though #3 daughter still eats a ton of $1 fast food to get by….and she is a 00 in size….so she does not worry. I think she will diagnosed as diabetic soon….that is truly scary.
Lots of kids eat tiny portions of the wrong foods….too. thin and diabetic or strokes are very possible
I worked with a whole support group of girls who were not out of high school because they had had strokes….add birth control pills to the mix and well…..then there is the lack of calcium problems…
This is a good start discussion but it is truly a huge issue. Many many girls will not live as long as their parents the problem is so big.
MomGrind responds:
Posted: April 1st, 2010 at 8:17 pm →
Barbara, I like the clear, simple way Dr. Oz presents info that would otherwise be confusing and overwhelming.
janice, “she isn’t scared of food, and will leave food on her plate if she’s had enough or ask for seconds if she hasn’t” – this is just wonderful. What a healthy attitude towards food, including the occasional indulgence!
Jannie, I loved your comment and agree with every single word. I wish we could all stop worrying and obsessing, but unfortunately, surrounded with huge portions of junk food on one hand and ads telling us we should be a size zero on the other hand, I don’t think we can just allow our bodies to do what they’re supposed to do anymore and do believe that talking about portion control and being at a healthy weight are important. When we go to the movies, for example, and they ask if we want to supersize our order, I think it’s important to let the kids know why we refuse such a “great” deal. Or when we split desserts at restaurants, choose a small ice cream cone etc. Kids today need to understand that the portions they are offered are not normal – they are too big.
My 10 years old daughter has already asked me if she’s too fat after having a discussion with her friends on the topic, so doing the right thing at home will not necessarily shield kids from other influences, although the very fact that you don’t diet will probably make a huge positive difference in your daughter’s own body image.
Davina, no doubt money is a big part of this mess – the food industry makes money by making us fat and the diet industry makes money by promising to make us thin.
Patricia, high school girls starving themselves to be thin – I have read about it and it’s very scary indeed. Which is why it is so important to emphasize health and fitness – a strong, fit body – rather than appearance.
Sagan responds:
Posted: April 5th, 2010 at 5:52 pm →
A controversial topic indeed, but I think you’ve handled it extremely well. I agree with your sentiments. It’s wrong to hate someone for their size. At the same time, it’s also dangerous to be too far to any extreme, under or over weight.
Our choices in life dictate how we present ourselves to the world, and thus impact how others will perceive us in terms of being a role model. As little kids grow up, they’re going to see what the people around them are doing; if others are starving themselves, stuffing themselves, eating unhealthily or eating healthily, children are going to mimic that. We all have a responsibility to uphold to be honest, to be accepting of each other, but at the same time to present a healthy image so that younger generations will grow up with HEALTH in mind, without having any kind of eating disorder (including binge eating).
The best thing my mum ever did for me, I think, was to SHOW rather than TELL. We always had chocolate in our house- and we always had apples. Family trips were active with hiking and canoeing; a treat was a new book or getting out of school early on a Friday for a weekend skiing trip. I didn’t know what a calorie was until I hit junior high. Food was fuel, and nourishment, and associated with tradition and family- but it wasn’t something to be obsessed over.
Kelly@SHE-POWER responds:
Posted: April 8th, 2010 at 9:45 pm →
I think it’s also important to consider that weight can be about so much more than food. Many survivors of child abuse have eating disorders, including compulsive over-eating. Depression also affects weight, as does stress and anxiety. When you consider the growing prevalence of mental health issues in today’s world, it’s not that strange to see a growing proportion of the public overweight or obese. And that’s not even getting into the clear correlation between poverty and obesity or the change from a manual working society to one that sits and sits and sits. There are many reasons why people are overweight and yes it is a problem, but it will not be helped by pointing fingers at people and saying why don’t they change.
I also agree with jannie that our society has become weight obsessed and it sets our children up from a young age (often through observing their parents) to fall into a cycle of self loathing because we are not as thin or as beautiful as magazines and society tells us we should be. It’s so damaging. I’m 171cm and at my thinnest and fittest I can’t get my bottom half less than a US size 10. I wasted so many years worrying about this and wishing I could just be an 8 and now I look back and feel like it was a total waste of energy. I should have been enjoying my youthful body with its natural curves instead of scowling at it in the mirror and not believing the compliments of those around me. Now I’m a 12 and I’d give anything to go back to that 10! It’s just so stupid.
Fat Acceptance | Blogger For Hire responds:
Posted: April 9th, 2010 at 9:40 am →
[...] – Related Posts: Keeping My Daughters Healthy While Keeping Their Body Image Positive [...]
The Pink Lynx responds:
Posted: April 14th, 2010 at 9:40 pm →
I agree with your points and the way you are handling the issue with your girls. I just had a conversation today with my 15 year old daughter reiterating the same things you are saying to yours and I have tried to always present it that way. I can tell you so far it seems to have paid off and the right way to handle things, At least from what I can tell at this stage of her life. She does have it going on and together for a girl her age when it comes to interpeting weight in the real world against media focus. She seems to grasp in a positive way image verses substance.
Unfortunately, like her mom, she is cursed with not only loving food (and of course the worst kind…pasta and chocolate) but unfortunately has my slow metabolism. Plus she is 5′ and I am actually an inch shorter. So it is a double whammie….we can look at food and gain weight. I have struggled withweight my entire life and I was determined not to have her go through the same thing…..yet I have been careful to make it clear it is not because I can’t be happy at whatever size I am because happiness comes from within…..it is because I know I am treating my body like a temple and doing the best I can to keep it healthy so it will carry me through a long, healthy life.
So, as two fashionistas, It is an added bonus when the clothes we love to shop for feel so good on and naturally it does build the self esteem when they look so good too. And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with building up our own self esteem with a fabulous looking and fitting outfit. It is fun!
Michelle responds:
Posted: April 18th, 2010 at 7:49 pm →
We should think about all the positive things about ourselves and the people who loves. And most of all do not think about ugly stuff that can lower our self esteem. Remember that we should think about ourselves first.
Christina Hendricks Hourglass Figure | Blogger For Hire responds:
Posted: July 28th, 2010 at 5:02 am →
[...] And doesn’t this go back to the issue of extremes that I’ve discussed in the past – so we either have size zero, or Hendrick’s size 14, as coveted figures – but all the average, healthy, in-between sizes are completely ignored by the media. What does that do to women’s and girls’ body image? [...]