May 2010

Sex And The City: I Hate It Too

by MomGrind

sex and the city
These women are repulsive? I’m sorry but I just don’t see it.

I read with great interest a recent article in the Daily Mail (yes, I regularly read a British tabloid, I have my vices) titled “Why We Men Just Hate Sex & The City.” The article, written by James Delingpole, is extremely misogynist, and shows a deep fear of female sexuality and deep contempt towards older women. The author is “disgusted” by “middle-aged women having embarrassing sex” and would much rather watch young, plump, fertile women such as Scarlett Johansson.

It’s not an easy article to read, becuase the author is obviously being honest, and no doubt his point of view is shared by many men. As you read the article you can’t help but thinking that as men age, they do not lose their sex appeal, their power or their social status, but aging women are often deemed as unattractive and are expected to do the right thing, which is to stop being sexual beings, dress “appropriately” and quietly disappear into the background.

I hated the article, but I also hate Sex and the City, however I hate it for very different reasons than Mr. Delingpole.

Sex and the City, to me, represents an entire generation of women who have become slaves to consumerism. When Mr. Delingpole says, “Oh, and Manolo Blahniks: we don’t understand and we never will,” this is something I can actually relate to. While I don’t think that middle aged women are gross, I do think that spending your entire paycheck, month after month, on ridiculously overpriced designer shoes, handbags and clothing is disgusting.

There’s nothing wrong with loving fashion and admiring great style, but young women should have their priorities straight. Women need to save enough money so that some day they’ll be able to pay the down payment on their own apartment or house; they absolutely must have an emergency fund that would carry them through periods of unemployment; and they should stop wearing 5-inch heels on a daily basis. It shows disrespect towards one’s body.

As controversial as my next point might be, I also think that being sexually promiscuous, whether you’re a woman or a man, is not liberating or empowering. I think it is extremely risky and, in the long run, very unsatisfying.

So yes, I hate Sex and the City too.
–
Link of Interest: “The characters of ‘Sex and the City 2′ are flyweight bubbleheads living in a world which rarely requires three sentences in a row. Their defining quality is consuming things… This sequence is an exercise in obscenely conspicuous consumption…” Roger Ebert. Thank you Ruth of Being Ruth for sending me the link. :)

Do You Believe That “Retail Is For Suckers?”

by MomGrind

woman shoppingI know several people who take great pride in never ever paying full price for anything. They shop discount stores such as Walmart and off-price retailers such as T.J. Maxx or Marshalls. Even when they visit full-price retailers such as Bloomingdale’s, they are always armed with coupons and gift cards and they only shop items on sale.

I’m not one of those people. I usually shop at Bloomingdale’s, and while I realize that I’m paying hefty markups when I shop there, the shopping experience there is so pleasant that I keep coming back. I do try to shop items on sale when possible, and I occasionally get gift certificates becuase I’m a card holder, but I still buy many full-price items and boy do these get expensive.

When I got the email that asked me if I would be interested in joining an event hosted by T.J.Maxx at the San Francisco store, I was intrigued. They had me fill this little questionnaire where I basically told them that I am going to come becuase they are driving me there and back and giving me breakfast and a $100 gift card to spend at the store (how’s that for an FTC disclosure), but that they shouldn’t expect to be able to convert me from a full-price to an off-price shopper.

A New Image for the T.J. Maxx Brand

Anyone who watches TV has probably seen the recent TV ads for T.J. Maxx and knows that the company is working hard to change its image. This blogger outreach is obviously a part of this campaign. According to the new messaging, women who shop at T.J. Maxx are not frumpy housewives looking for deals but rather “Maxxinistas” – fashion conscious, trendy women who insist on buying designer clothes for less. So the “Maxxinista” wants the same quality but refuses to pay the high markups she would pay at a department store.

How Do They Do It?

TJMaxx1

Assuming this is true, and you can find the same designer clothing at T.J. Maxx that you would find in a department store but at T.J. Maxx you pay half the price, how is that possible? How can they sell at such low prices? The T.J. Maxx people explained during their presentation (hey, I had to work for that gift card) that their secret is “opportunistic buying.” Their buyers buy merchandise continually and not seasonally, which enables them to negotiate a better price and to scoop leftover merchandise at low prices. In addition, they keep their store layout simple and basic, so you don’t have to pay for that either.

TJMaxx2

My Conclusion

After spending my gift card at T.J.Maxx on several fabulous items, my conclusion is that you can definitely find great stuff there for half the department store price. I don’t completely agree with their claim that “over 95% of the merchandise is the same first quality items that you would find at a department store at the same time.” My impression was that it was less than that. The quality merchandise is there, but you need to look for it, or as our hostess said, “it’s all about the thrill of hunting.”

If you enjoy scouring merchandise for that one fabulous designer item at a great price, then T.J. Maxx is worth a try. If you prefer a shopping experience of “get in, get out, get on with your life,” you may want to keep paying full price – and in this case, even the sales rack at a department store is likely not for you. As our hostess said, you don’t go into T.J. Maxx saying “I need a black dress today,” but rather you’re saying “what fabulous dress can I find here today?”

Coping With Motherhood

by MomGrind

motherhood

I became a mother in December of 1999. Ten years later, I am still struggling to cope with the wide range of emotions that comes with motherhood. I truly had no idea.

Motherhood has taught me love that I never knew before. Of course I loved my husband, my parents, my brother and a couple of close friends, but with motherhood came the kind of burning love that places the other person at the center of your universe, an all-consuming love that makes you realize that if the need ever arose, you would gladly give your life for the other person. The kind of love that makes you physically experience pain when they feel pain, that makes you wish you could take the pain – physical or emotional – away from them and experience it yourself so that they don’t have to.

I have never loved as deeply or as fully as I love my children.

Motherhood also taught me fear. When you love so deeply, when every fiber of your existence fervently wishes that another person would grow and flourish and survive, you sometimes feel deep, uncontrollable fear. What if something horrible happened to that person? You can’t even imagine that. The thought sends shivers down your spine. And with each case of a kidnapped or molested child you keep them closer to you, and you read about how bad helicopter parenting is and how you should set your kids free, roaming the streets and riding subways, and you don’t care – they are the most important thing in your life and bad things can happen to them becuase they are small and helpless and so help you God, you are going to keep them as safe as you can even if it means you are a bad, overprotective parent.

And when you do let them roam, reluctantly, the worry is so intense, it is almost unbearable.

Motherhood has taught me that you can love someone with all your might, you can love them as you have never loved before, and they would love you back with all their heart, but the relationship would still be stressful and draining and tiring, so much so that sometimes you would be left with nothing more to give. I once read a forum where a woman talked about a mother she had seen at the supermarket – her child was nagging “mom mom mom MOM!” and the mother just ignored him. The woman was upset that the mother had ignored her child and was quick to label her as a “bad mom.” I wouldn’t be so quick to label her. As a seasoned mom I know that you sometimes get to a place where you feel so tired, so drained, that you simply cannot give anymore, you must distance yourself emotionally – even just for a few minutes – or you would risk burning out.

Motherhood makes me feel deeply and fully, in ways that I never knew existed, every single day. It’s a wild ride, and one of the most intense experiences of my life. Ten years after becoming a mother, I am still struggling to make sense of the wide range of emotions that comes with motherhood.

For an amazing post on motherhood, and on the complexity of mother-daughter relationships, head over to Davina’s blog, Shades of Crimson, and read her post Beyond the Dysfunctional Family.

Happy Mother’s Day.

In the photo: holding my firstborn, winter 2000.

Loved this Comment: “Being a mother is so ordinary and extraordinary at the same time.” (How true). Michelle, Find Your Balance Health Counseling and Yoga

Work-Life Balance

by MomGrind

I found this Twitter account today when searching for accounts to follow for a client. Loved it. What a smart guy.

work life balance

 

Why I Refuse to Own a Smartphone

by MomGrind

couple with iPhone

Last week, I lost a potential client because I don’t own an iPhone. The company, a developer of an iPhone application for moms, wanted me to lead their social media and community outreach activities. I was intrigued, but had to tell them right away that I am probably not the best candidate for the job – because I don’t even own an iPhone, let alone use any iPhone applications.

Mobile is hot, they tell me, and mobile social media is even hotter. PCs and laptops are so last century. Now, it all happens on the tiny screens that you can take with you, those that make it possible for you have the Internet – the world – right there at the palm of your hand. When it comes to communication, everyone, it seems, wants constant connectivity.

The thing is, I don’t. I don’t want constant connectivity and I don’t want to take the Internet with me when I’m out and about. I am glued to my computer most of the day, sitting here typing tweets and emails and blog posts. When I leave the house, I actually breathe a sigh of relief, knowing that for a short while I won’t be typing or straining my eyes to look at a screen. I like to be free to look around and explore, to listen to music as I drive, to smile at people and talk with them. Sometimes, I even notice an interesting cloud in the sky.

Have you seen the movie WALL-E? It depicts a future human society where people do not interact with each other any more – not face to face, anyway. They chatter endlessly, but they do it into screens attached to their beds (beds they’re unable to get up from because they are too fat). Even when they’re right next to each other, they don’t communicate directly. They do it all via screens.

As someone who spends at least 6 hours each day firmly attached to my own screen, at home, the last thing I want is to have a screen to look at when I am out of the house. So no, I don’t own a smartphone and have no plans whatsoever to purchase one in the foreseeable future. Sure, it can be convenient – Internet access on the road is very convenient – but to me, the convenience is simply not worth the price.

Oh, and the couple in the photo above? Could somebody please tell them to put those stupid phones down and look into each other’s eyes?