May 2011

Where Can I Find Sandals for Ugly Feet

by MomGrind

trying on shoesTo the woman who landed on my blog after searching for the phrase, “Where can I find sandals for ugly feet”:

No doubt, you were dismayed when your search had brought you to this blog post: The Ugliest Shoes I’ve Ever Seen. But I’m glad you found me (or maybe it is I who have found you – I doubt you stayed here more than a second once you’d realized how irrelevant to your search my blog post is), because I have something important to tell you.

Please stop doing this to yourself.

We all do it, of course – all women. We find something we hate about our body and focus on it to the point of self-loathing. In most cases, it is something only we notice, or something that while others MIGHT notice, they don’t really care, because they see us as a whole person, with an expressive face and eyes that reflect our personality and many different features and qualities – some might be considered attractive according to current beauty standards, others perhaps less so.

But the bottom line: You are an entire person and that’s what people see. Let me assure you, that when people look at you, they see YOU. No one looks at you and thinks, “Oh my, that woman certainly has ugly feet!”

This is true for a round tummy, for cellulite, and yes, even an entire collection of wobbly bits.

Mark Darcy: What on Earth are you doing?
Bridget Jones: Getting dressed.
Mark Darcy: Why are you dancing around in that tent business?
Bridget Jones: Because I don’t want you to see any of my wobbly bits.
Mark Darcy: Well now that’s a bit pointless, isn’t it? As I happen to have a very high regard for your wobbly bits. In all circumstances.
Bridget Jones: Really?
Mark Darcy: Absolutely. I think it’s high time we had another look.

One of my daughters recently asked me, “Mom, is my nose too big?” To which I promptly replied, “No. It’s the perfect nose for your face. But even if you had a big nose, it wouldn’t have mattered, because when people see you, they take in the entire you, not just one feature. So never focus on just one feature in yourself – good or bad – and allow it to take over. A beautiful person is a whole person. It is someone who takes good care of herself – eats well, exercises, respects her body. It’s also a person who is interesting to talk to, a well-read, intelligent person that radiates self confidence, loves herself and is kind to others.”

I won’t deny that ‘perfect’ external beauty is attractive. But it’s attractive only up to a point, and only if the personality behind it is not a turn-off. While the beauty, fashion and diet industries pour many advertising dollars into convincing us that external perfection should be our goal, we must learn to be very critical of these messages and work hard to avoid absorbing them.

In real life, outside the glossy pages of women’s magazines, external perfection, even if achievable (and in most cases it’s not) is not an indicator of happiness or success in life. Want to be “better?” Work hard to be the best person that you can all around – not to achieve pretty feet, a straight nose, or whatever else you think might be considered attractive according to today’s beauty standards.

Loved this comment: Thank you so much for posting this! The funny thing is, you could have written this to me… because I came across your blog literally by the search terms “sandals for ugly feet”! LOL I have horrible feet (both of my big toes look like huge cherry tomatoes… for real… and my toenails don’t grow well, so I have to keep them abnormally short)… anyway… I am working on just accepting them as they are and am trying very hard to not care what others might think. I felt like you wrote that blog directly to me, and it was so kind and truthful that it brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for encouraging women and girls to just accept themselves and refocusing everyone on what is truly important!! I am happy to say that I took a HUGE leap today and bought a pair of sandals! (ACK!)… because I have very short and wide feet, it is hard for me to find shoes that fit, so most of the time I have to buy “good” shoes (read… $$$) in order for me to not want to amputate my feet due to pain, so I bought a pair of “good” sandals, and am now committed to wearing them and getting more comfortable with myself! Thank you again!! Nikki Fekete

When You Eat Crap, You Feel Like Crap

by MomGrind

I used to be addicted to carbohydrates.

I always loved bread and baked goods and considered bread – the French, crusty variety – as pretty much a part of every meal. I am also a big fan of desserts and sweets. I never bothered with keeping my sugar intake in check – I figured there were enough things to worry about, such as unhealthy fats or weird, lab-made artificial sweeteners and food additives.

But on his last annual checkup, my husband was told he has a slightly elevated blood sugar level, and since doctors take it very seriously, we knew we had to make a few changes.

I still love white flour and sugar and fried stuff. I still enjoy baking more than I enjoy cooking. But I am learning to appreciate new, different flavors and textures. My diet is lower in simple carbohydrates than before, higher in veggies, fruit and whole grains, and after a few months of doing it, I can say for sure that I feel a positive impact.

These are the main things I have learned over the past few months:

1. Bread, or other starches, do NOT have to accompany every meal. A big salad, with lots of veggies, beans, a sliced hard boiled egg and a small amount of dressing made with olive oil and balsamic vinegar is considered a complete meal these days. In the past, I just had to accompany it with a thick, buttered slice of bread. Same goes for, say, serving a meat dish with two sides of veggies and no starches – it used to be unthinkable! Not anymore.

2. Whole grains are grainy, but in a good way. For years, I refused to get used to the texture of whole grain breads and brown rice. I considered the texture offensive. But since whole grains contain fiber, and fiber helps regulate blood sugar levels by slowing down glucose absorption, I am slowly learning to tolerate – even enjoy – the taste and texture of whole grains. I have come to believe many of these things are acquired taste – if you only eat white bread, whole grain bread will taste weird. But if you get used to whole grain bread, white bread will taste like unsubstantial fluff.

3. Oatmeal can be your friend, if you avoid the instant varieties. I discovered – and fell in love with – steel cut oats. Cooked in milk and dressed with just a little maple syrup, steel cut oats are chewy, creamy, fragrant, and very satisfying.

4. Less sugar can still taste good. Again, this is all about habits. I used to take my morning coffee with 2 teaspoons of sugar, but now I’ve cut down to one and it tastes fine. I agree with Nurit on this one – you can absolutely use less sugar than most cake or muffin recipes call for, and the baked goods still taste great. I’ve also learned to be very careful about buying sugary cereal and flavored yogurt – these often contain as much sugar as candy, but they don’t taste as good as candy – so it just doesn’t make sense to eat them.

5. Protein does help keep you satiated, for longer. I accept Michael Pollan’s basic rule of “Eat food, not too much, mostly plants.” This rule emphasizes veggies, fruit, and whole grains – not animal-based products. But I consider eggs, low fat milk, low fat cheese and lean meats to be natural, wholesome foods – and I find that when I consume them regularly, I feel much better in terms of energy levels and avoiding those terrible dips in blood sugar that used to leave me sluggish and miserable. It’s not that you need huge amounts of protein of course – but a little peanut butter with your apple, or low fat string cheese with your crackers, can make a big difference.

So, have I stopped indulging? Will I no longer publish sugary, fatty recipes here? The answer is no. I do enjoy discovering how very tasty healthy foods can be. I explore more and more healthy options these days, and am curious about using less sugar than recipes call for, substituting whole wheat flour for some of the white flour used in them (as I recently did when baking whole wheat pita bread), and in general “healthifying” recipes as much as I can.

But I haven’t given up flavor nor presentation. I still make and eat awesome food, and I expect the recipes I publish here to be just as awesome as they’ve always been.

Oh, and my husband’s blood sugar? After six months on the new diet: back to normal levels. So there. :)

Have you made any recent diet/lifestyle changes you’re happy with?

The One Request from School I Dread the Most

by MomGrind

Shoe Box

“Mom! I need an empty shoe box to bring to school tomorrow!”

Oops.

I’m not sure why schools expect us to have empty shoe boxes lying around. So, most people do? I can tell you that the average neat freak, super-organized person does NOT. When I buy new shoes, out of the shoe box they go and into their new home – a clear, labeled plastic box. The shoe box goes to the recycling bin.

Cupcakes for bake sale? No problem. We whip out our easy cupcakes recipe. Write a check for a teacher gift? Absolutely. They deserve it, they work so hard.

But an empty shoe box? Not in this household.

Photo from The Container Store, where any self-respecting neat freak feels like a kid in a candy store.

Loved this comment:”Vered, Vered, Vered, you were given a perfectly good excuse to go out and get yourself a new pair of shoes.” Marelisa, Abundance Blog.

Things My Mother Taught Me

by MomGrind

Starting at age 13, and until I had my first child at age 28, my number one priority in life was to make it very clear to everyone, including my mom, that I was not like her.

I don’t know what it is about the teenage years that makes us so desperate not just to establish our own identity, but also to separate ourselves from our parents. I guess separating from them is part of growing up, but I wish it wasn’t such a cruel process.

It took me fifteen years to accept that while my mother is not perfect, no one is, and that she has many qualities that I admire; that she loves me deeply – probably more than I realize; and that being like her would NOT be the end of the world.

Now 39 (almost 40!), I look at my 11 years old daughter, who loves me with all her heart and respects me immensely, and I wonder. Will she be like me as a teenager? Will she rebel against everything I stand for? Will I lose her for fifteen years or so? It’s difficult to imagine going through something like this, and part of me hopes I won’t have to. But another part prepares for the possibility that it will happen.

Older and wiser, I now look at my mom through very different eyes. I am in a place where I am able to forgive her mistakes, and ask her to forgive me for mine. I love her deeply, not just because she is my mother and I must, but because I think she’s an amazing person – smart, sharp, resourceful, and fiercely independent. Many of the qualities I like in myself I got from her, and – yes – some of those that I dislike too, such as the tendency to worry too much.

The things my mother taught me, she mostly taught by personal example. She never believed in “Do as I say, not as I do” parenting.

1. Be independent. Now retired, mom was a career woman – a banker – for many years. She always took care of herself, and never allowed herself to become dependent on anyone. In fact, at the age of 17.5 she finished high school and started working to support her own parents, who were struggling financially. Despite winning scholarships to several top notch colleges, higher education wasn’t in the cards for her. Her family was too poor and needed her help.

2. Do the right thing. For eight years, from the day mom started working and until she got married, she gave half her salary to her father, to help support him, her mother and her two younger sisters. It never occurred to her that she could have fun with that money… buy more clothes, enjoy her late teens and early twenties. Her parents needed her, and she was there for them, even if it meant giving up on her own dreams.

3. Be strong. Mom is the strongest person I know. She’s not just strong – she’s tough, and I mean that in a good way. I know she sometimes doubts it, and worries that if something truly bad happens she’ll collapse, but I am certain that whatever destiny throws her way, mom will deal with it beautifully. She always has.

4. Work hard. Mom worked full time from age 17.5 until she retired at age 62. She hardly ever took sick days, and except for 5 months of maternity leave after the birth of each of her two children, she basically worked nonstop. Mom was never afraid of hard work. She’s always been an early riser and was always the last one to go to bed at the end of the day. I’m happy for her that now she finally gets to sleep in and stay in bed a little later in the morning. She deserves the rest.

5. Marry a good man who respects you and stay away from “bad boys.” Mom always wanted me to get married and have kids – there was no question abut that, but she never wanted me to compromise. She issued stern warnings against “bad boys,” and apparently she had issued them early enough – while I was still young enough to listen to her – that they sunk in. I’m sure that the fact that she had married a kind, faithful man – my dad – helped too. I never wanted anything to do with bad guys, and except for a very brief period of dating a jerk, I always found smart, kind, and faithful men irresistible. I even married one. :)

6. Respect money and be financially responsible. Mom grew up poor. Really poor. A family of five in one bedroom (the living room was converted at night into a second bedroom), no heating, and food that was carefully portioned out. She worked hard to pull herself out of the working class, all the way into the upper middle class. Just like all people who grew up poor, she knows how important money is, and the hardship people suffer when they lack money. It’s not that she views money as a goal – but she appreciates financial security and financial independence in a way that someone who was born with a silver spoon in her mouth simply cannot.

Thank you for these important lessons, mom. I love you. Happy Mother’s Day.

In the photo: Mom and I, Jerusalem, 1972.

Unlike You Monsters, I Have A Heart! Herman Told The Nazis, And His Life Was Forever Changed

by MomGrind

“WHY have I hidden Jews in my home? WHY?? Because unlike you monsters, I have a heart!” yelled Herman Hellenbrand at the Nazi soldiers.

He paid a huge price for this. He was promptly taken to a concentration camp, where he suffered unspeakable torture. When the Second World War had ended and he returned home, he was a broken man, physically and mentally. He never fully recovered.

Herman & Petronella Hellenbrand, a young Christian Dutch couple, had lived in Heerlen, a quiet city in the southeastern Netherlands, in the province of Limburg. When the word started spreading about the atrocities the Nazis were performing against Dutch Jews, they knew they had to do SOMETHING about it. So they joined a Dutch resistance group that arranged for Jews to be hidden in Christian homes throughout the Netherlands.

My grandparents, Miep and Arie, and their baby daughter Elizabeth, were already fugitives by then, spending a few months in each hiding place, until it became too dangerous and it was time to move to a new location.

They arrived at the Hellenbrand household and stayed there, where the Hellenbrands, who had recently lost a daughter in an accident and had one other child, took care of all their needs.

But when one of the neighbors noticed that Nellie was buying too many groceries for a family of three, he reported them to the Nazis. The Nazis came, and took Miep and Arie with them. They didn’t take Elizabeth. Nellie had told them that Elizabeth was her own daughter, and since the death of her real child in an accident was never documented, the Nazis believed her.

“Why have you hidden Jews in your house?” Asked the Nazis. Herman could have said he was sorry. He could have told them he made a mistake and will never do it again. Instead, he retorted, trying to protect my grandparents with his own body, “Because I have a heart, unlike you, monsters!”

During the following months, his life was turned upside down by those monsters.

He survived, and in 1972, in an emotional ceremony held in Jerusalem, Nellie and Herman were honored by Yad Vashem, the Israeli Holocaust Martyrs and Heroes Remembrance Authority, and were recognized as “Righteous Among The Nations.”

To save the lives of my family, Herman and Nellie Hellenbrand had sacrificed theirs. They are no longer alive, but our families maintain regular contact. We will forever be grateful to them.

–
Today is Holocaust Memorial Day. As you give thanks for the death of one of history’s most evil men, Osama Bin Laden, please take a moment to remember the horrors done by another monster, Adolf Hitler. I find it symbolic, and so very fitting, that Osama Bin Laden was finally brought to justice on Holocaust Memorial Day.

In the photo (from left to right): Bridgette Hellenbrand (Nellie and Herman’s daughter), Nellie Hellenbrand, me at age 3, Herman Hellenbrand, and my mom, in our Jerusalem living room, summer 1974.