To the woman who landed on my blog after searching for the phrase, “Where can I find sandals for ugly feet”:
No doubt, you were dismayed when your search had brought you to this blog post: The Ugliest Shoes I’ve Ever Seen. But I’m glad you found me (or maybe it is I who have found you – I doubt you stayed here more than a second once you’d realized how irrelevant to your search my blog post is), because I have something important to tell you.
Please stop doing this to yourself.
We all do it, of course – all women. We find something we hate about our body and focus on it to the point of self-loathing. In most cases, it is something only we notice, or something that while others MIGHT notice, they don’t really care, because they see us as a whole person, with an expressive face and eyes that reflect our personality and many different features and qualities – some might be considered attractive according to current beauty standards, others perhaps less so.
But the bottom line: You are an entire person and that’s what people see. Let me assure you, that when people look at you, they see YOU. No one looks at you and thinks, “Oh my, that woman certainly has ugly feet!”
This is true for a round tummy, for cellulite, and yes, even an entire collection of wobbly bits.
Mark Darcy: What on Earth are you doing?
Bridget Jones: Getting dressed.
Mark Darcy: Why are you dancing around in that tent business?
Bridget Jones: Because I don’t want you to see any of my wobbly bits.
Mark Darcy: Well now that’s a bit pointless, isn’t it? As I happen to have a very high regard for your wobbly bits. In all circumstances.
Bridget Jones: Really?
Mark Darcy: Absolutely. I think it’s high time we had another look.
One of my daughters recently asked me, “Mom, is my nose too big?” To which I promptly replied, “No. It’s the perfect nose for your face. But even if you had a big nose, it wouldn’t have mattered, because when people see you, they take in the entire you, not just one feature. So never focus on just one feature in yourself – good or bad – and allow it to take over. A beautiful person is a whole person. It is someone who takes good care of herself – eats well, exercises, respects her body. It’s also a person who is interesting to talk to, a well-read, intelligent person that radiates self confidence, loves herself and is kind to others.”
I won’t deny that ‘perfect’ external beauty is attractive. But it’s attractive only up to a point, and only if the personality behind it is not a turn-off. While the beauty, fashion and diet industries pour many advertising dollars into convincing us that external perfection should be our goal, we must learn to be very critical of these messages and work hard to avoid absorbing them.
In real life, outside the glossy pages of women’s magazines, external perfection, even if achievable (and in most cases it’s not) is not an indicator of happiness or success in life. Want to be “better?” Work hard to be the best person that you can all around – not to achieve pretty feet, a straight nose, or whatever else you think might be considered attractive according to today’s beauty standards.