Parenthood

Slipping Through My Fingers

by MomGrind

baby wearing redShe was 7 months old in this photo.

My oldest daughter is ten years old and I can already feel her slipping through my fingers. She’s still “mine,” thank god – she’s devoted and loving and seeks my guidance and my approval – but here and there I get these tiny, unsettling glimpses into what it would be like in 3-4 years, and I am filled with sadness.

They don’t call them pre-teens anymore. It is now “tweens,” which I hate, but I have to admit that – looking at my daughter – there’s good reason to give a name to those years right before the teen years, right before you lose them forever.

Because you do lose them forever, don’t you? Sure, not all teens have the same need to rebel and to separate themselves from their parents. And many young people eventually find their way back, relearning to respect and to admire their parents. But once the process starts, once the hormones surge and change her, it will never go back to the way it is now.

We love each other so much. We also have a lot of respect for each other. She is smart and beautiful and gentle and caring. In fact, she is one of the kindest people I know. I worry about her: is she too kind? Will people take advantage of her? But most of all, I worry about losing this special connection that we have. I know that the first time she will look at me, and I will see disapproval in those dark eyes, my heart will break.

These days, I am enjoying every single moment with my daughter, and the anticipation of her drifting away only enahnces the joy she brings me now. It’s like savoring the last few bites of a great dish or the last pages of an amazing book… you know it’s almost over, which makes you enjoy the experience even more.

There’s a lot of joy in raising children but there’s also a lot of pain. I guess you open yourself to the possibility of pain and loss whenever you love someone.

I am bracing myself for the inevitable pain of my daughters’ teenage years.

Genetic Testing for Children

by MomGrind

2561252071_0af988f93f_mI received an interesting email on Friday. At first it looked just like any other PR pitch, those pitches that never really bother to answer the very basic question of WIIFM, or “What’s In It For Me?”

But the email I received on Friday was different. It was from a company called My Gene Profile, who offers genetic testing for children. The PR pitch actually did try to answer the WIIFM question by claiming that by becoming their affiliate I would be able to earn some pretty decent money.

But what was especially interesting in that email was the suggestion that parents have their baby undergo genetic testing not just to find out about potential vulnerability to disease, but also to discover their talents and personal traits.

From the company’s website:

“The Inborn Talent Genetic Test reveals the inherited and endowed inborn talents of a child scientifically from the genetic makeup of his/her DNA. The test result will therefore help parents identify their children’s hidden talents that may not be obvious at young age. Furthermore, it also reveals some personality traits that the child may possess, judging from his/her genetic make-up.”

I found this to be more than a little disturbing. It seems to me like this type of genetic testing would cause parents and educators to label a child in the worst possible way. Research now shows that the lack of natural talent is irrelevant to great success and that the secret to success is painful and demanding practice and hard work.

Personally, I would never subject my child to genetic testing – at least not to this specific type of genetic “social” testing.

What do you think?

PS. I find it interesting that the company approached me to be their affiliate and here I am criticizing them. Will be interesting to see if they respond to this criticism or ignore it (they do have a Google Alert for their name, I assume!) and if they do respond – what will their response be. When companies decide to use social media marketing they need to accept that social media is about having a genuine conversation, and that they won’t always be in full control of that conversation.

Loved this Comment: “I would think that for a child, allowing them to interactively guide the parents with their own expressed interests would be the best way to go. After all, it’s the journey where the true pleasure lies, rather than just focusing on the imagined destination.” Dr. J for Calorie Lab.

Photo credit: peasap

Sexy, Belly-Baring, Glam: Inappropriate Halloween Costumes for Kids

by MomGrind

I don’t know about you, but I can’t stand these Halloween costumes for kids. Halloween or not, I don’t think there’s any need, or excuse, to sexualize little girls. Can’t we give them just a few more precious years of childhood?

Genie Child Costume for ages 4 and up:
genie-child-costume

 

“Diva Child Costume” for ages 4 and up:
diva costume

 

“Pop Star Child Costume” for ages 4 and up:
pop-star-child-costume

 

“Girls’ Wonder Woman Costume” for ages 4 and up:
wonder-woman-costume

 

Hannah Montana costume, ages 4 and up:
hanna-montana-costume

 

“Leopard Diva Costume” for ages 4 and up:
leopard-diva-child-costume1

Obama’s Speech to Kids

by MomGrind

barack-obamaA couple of parents I know in real life have decided not to send their kids to school today, so that they won’t be subjected to the radical, shady content of Obama’s speech to school children.

They were not alone in this decision: many conservative parents were enraged over the idea that the president would use the back to school speech to “press a partisan political agenda on impressionable young minds” and to “spread [his] socialist ideology.”

I’m carefully reading through Obama’s speech to kids right now, looking for the “socialist,” “partisan” content that scared parents so much, and I just don’t see it.

Perhaps I’m naive, or maybe I need to work on my ability to better read between the lines, but all I see are important, encouraging messages about the importance of education, of personal responsibility and hard work; about how you need to learn from your failures and not let them define you; about asking for help when you need it; never giving up on yourself; and about your individual success being part of the nation’s success – wait, is that the radical part of the speech?

Even if you worry about what the president might say, how about taking this as an opportunity to teach your kids about critical thinking and free speech? How about telling your children that the president will give a speech, and they may be required to listen to it at school, and they may agree or disagree with the things he says and should politely express their opinion once the speech is over and the teacher opens it for discussion?

From Obama’s speech to kids: “Where you are right now doesn’t have to determine where you’ll end up. No one’s written your destiny for you. Here in America, you write your own destiny. You make your own future.” And may I add, you are not afraid of other people’s opinions, because regardless of who they are and of who you are, you always get to form your own opinion and are entitled to freely express it.

Photo by marcn

Weird Toys: Pole Dancer Doll

by MomGrind

Reader and friend Dan Miller of Artiphys tipped me off this morning to a somewhat weird toy for little girls.

While the USB Pole Dancer is marketed as “the perfect gift for a friend in the office, a bachelor’s party gag or the gadget loving guy”:

usb-pole-dancer

 

The Pole Dancer Doll is apparently marketed to kids and, I must admit, is fairly innocent-looking:

pole-dancer-doll

 

Assuming this doll is for real, it raises some interesting questions. No doubt, pole dancing is no longer just a sleazy-strip-club thing. It is marketed more and more as a highly effective, and legitimate, exercise routine for women.

However, even when it’s promoted as a fitness program, the sexual aspects are still there: pole dancing is considered a “feminine,” “sexually empowering” workout.

How does all this fit into a toy for children? I’m not sure. But if this doll is for real, I can tell you right here and now that I have absolutely no plans of adding it to this year’s holiday shopping list.

Back To School Blues

by MomGrind

school-suppliesI should be happy that the kids are going back to school.

After two and a half months of chaos, I will finally get my alone time back. Six glorious daily hours of peace and quiet!

Plus, our family desperately needs structure, which seems to have dissolved in the summer heat. A structured school day, with a well-defined beginning and an end, and of course homework to occupy the kids when they’re home, sounds pretty good right now, with all the “I’m bored!” and “what should I do now?” whining going on.

But I’m not happy. You see, each year when the school year ends, I dread summer break. I dread the lack of “me” time and privacy, the lack of structure, the constant need to come up with activities for kids.

But then we comfortably settle into our summer break routine, or lack thereof, and when it’s time to go back to school, I really dread the rushed mornings, the tight schedule, and the lack of quality time with my kids.

Going back to school doesn’t have to be painful, though. Here are a few tips to make going back to school easier – on your kids and on yourself:

 

Plan in advance: ease the family into a school-year routine

It’s a good idea to re-establish the bedtime and mealtime routines at least a week before school starts. Your kids should go to bed on time, and wake up on time. You can do this gradually over the week, in half-hour increments. You should also go back to your regular meal routine: serve a healthy snack in the afternoon and, if possible, sit together for a family dinner.

It’s also a good idea to avoid morning television during this week. If your child reads, writes or does puzzles in the morning, it will be easier for him to go back to a routine of learning in the morning.

To make sure your kids cooperate, talk with them about the importance of these routines, and explain why it’s a good idea to re-establish them gradually.

 

Prevent crazy mornings

Once the kids are back to school, the best way to avoid rushed mornings is to wake up your child on time. Try to give her plenty of time to get up, eat breakfast, get dressed, and get to school.

Another helpful tip is to do as much as you can the night before. For example, setting up the breakfast table, packing lunchboxes, and laying out your kids’ clothes the night before should shave about fifteen minutes off your morning routine.

 

Buy school supplies early, but delay clothes shopping

Try to get school supplies as early as possible – aim to fill those backpacks at least two weeks before school resumes. However, you can probably delay buying fall clothes. School starts in August – you probably have several more weeks before your child really needs warmer clothes. Going back to school does not necessarily have to turn into a spend-fest.

 

Establish a streamlined afternoon routine right from the start

Serve a healthy snack as soon as the kids get back from school. This is a great time for you to sit down with your children and chat about their day.

Establish a firm rule of “homework first, play and television later.” Your kids should also be responsible for emptying their backpack and giving you any notices or info that was sent by their teachers. Each child should have a designated place to do homework.

Can you share any more tips for making going back to school easier?

Photo credit: Claudia Snell

No More “Mommy, I’m Bored!” – 43 Activities For Kids

by MomGrind

child-reading1Being prepared with a list of activities for kids is essential if you want to stay sane during the long summer break.

After all, it’s summer break for the kids, but not for us. I work from home, so for the next couple of weeks, until the kids go to summer camp, I will have to find a way to keep them busy at least a few hours each day while I work.

I do plan on getting out of the house and doing something fun every day, and I will definitely allow more screen time than usual, but I do want my kids to keep themselves busy for a few hours each day doing something creative.

I created this list of activities for kids with the help of my children. When the list was ready, I printed it out and placed it in the playroom. Whenever the kids complain that they’re bored and ask if they can watch more TV, I remind them to look at the list and find something they want to do. So far, it’s working quite well.

Activities For Kids That Do Not Involve TV

1. Read a book (shocking, I know.)

2. Play an instrument. The instrument can be a real one such as a piano or a guitar, or a homemade instrument such as an old pot used as a drum, or maracas made from sealed empty toilet paper rolls with dry rice.

3. Write a poem.

4. Write a short story and illustrate it.

5. Draw or paint a picture.

6. Practice hula-hoop.

7. Take photos around the house or in the yard.

8. Start a scrapbook with your thoughts and photos (we always end up with extra photos that the kids can use for these projects.)

9. Create a “joke book” filled with your own jokes and riddles, or with jokes and riddles that you like.

10. Make bracelets using string and beads.

11. Water plants around the house or in the yard.

12. Cut photos from a magazine and create a collage.

13. Create a dance or a gymnastics routine.

14. Play hide and seek.

15. Play tongue twisters.

16. Do a crossword puzzle or sudoku.

17. Make up a play, write it down, rehearse it and perform it to your parents.

18. Create with clay or play-dough.

19. Wash the dishes.

20. Help your parents cook or bake. Or look at recipes and cookbooks and select the recipes you would like to make together.

21. Go exploring in the backyard.

22. Find something to draw or paint around the house or in the yard and draw a still life.

23. Get active: do jumping jacks, sit-ups and push ups.

24. Draw a self-portrait.

25. Play a board game or a card game.

26. Play dress up.

27. Make paper airplanes in different sizes and from different types of paper, and see which one flies best.

28. Clean up your room. Find stuff you no longer need and make a pile for donation.

29. Write a letter to your grandparents or to your friends.

30. Invent your very own code language. Write the code down, then write sentences using the code.

31. Have a tea party with your dolls or stuffed animals.

32. Listen to music on your iPod.

33. Look at family photo albums.

34. Take a long, luxurious bath.

35. Give your dolls a long, luxurious bath.

36. Make your very own recipe book and fill it with creative recipes you have invented.

37. Do you have Hama Beads in the house? If you do, create with them.

38. Make an award, or a ribbon, for someone you admire. For example, make a “BFF award” for your very best friend.

39. Play hopscotch.

40. Practice skipping rope.

41. Do you own Heelys? If you do, practice them.

42. Draw with sidewalk chalk.

43. Go to the back yard and blow bubbles. See if you can string a few bubbles together.

Do you have any more ideas for activities for kids that they can do around the house while parents work? I’ll be more than happy to add to this list.

Photo credit: John-Morgan

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