Last week, I lost a potential client because I don’t own an iPhone. The company, a developer of an iPhone application for moms, wanted me to lead their social media and community outreach activities. I was intrigued, but had to tell them right away that I am probably not the best candidate for the job – because I don’t even own an iPhone, let alone use any iPhone applications.

Mobile is hot, they tell me, and mobile social media is even hotter. PCs and laptops are so last century. Now, it all happens on the tiny screens that you can take with you, those that make it possible for you have the Internet – the world – right there at the palm of your hand. When it comes to communication, everyone, it seems, wants constant connectivity.

The thing is, I don’t. I don’t want constant connectivity and I don’t want to take the Internet with me when I’m out and about. I am glued to my computer most of the day, sitting here typing tweets and emails and blog posts. When I leave the house, I actually breathe a sigh of relief, knowing that for a short while I won’t be typing or straining my eyes to look at a screen. I like to be free to look around and explore, to listen to music as I drive, to smile at people and talk with them. Sometimes, I even notice an interesting cloud in the sky.

Have you seen the movie WALL-E? It depicts a future human society where people do not interact with each other any more – not face to face, anyway. They chatter endlessly, but they do it into screens attached to their beds (beds they’re unable to get up from because they are too fat). Even when they’re right next to each other, they don’t communicate directly. They do it all via screens.

As someone who spends at least 6 hours each day firmly attached to my own screen, at home, the last thing I want is to have a screen to look at when I am out of the house. So no, I don’t own a smartphone and have no plans whatsoever to purchase one in the foreseeable future. Sure, it can be convenient – Internet access on the road is very convenient – but to me, the convenience is simply not worth the price.

Oh, and the couple in the photo above? Could somebody please tell them to put those stupid phones down and look into each other’s eyes?

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Why I Refuse to Own a Smartphone

The first U.S. rehab center for Internet addiction has opened its doors last month near Seattle, Washington. The 45-day treatment, which includes a forced break from Internet use in addition to re-enforcing social skills and other interventions, costs 14,000 dollars.

The question is, do we really need such a center? Does Internet addiction exist?

While Internet Addiction Disorder is not currently included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), many argue that addictions to the Web do exist.

Addicts describe symptoms that are very similar to other addictions, such as an overwhelming impulse to use the Internet, experiencing withdrawal symptoms when not using it, continually increasing the amount of Internet use while withdrawing from other activities, denying the harmful effects of the behavior and continuing it despite those harmful effects.

In severe cases, Internet addiction can lead tothe loss of a job or marriage, to car accidents for those who can’t stop texting while driving, or even to death – some people have died after playing video games for days without a break because of a blood clot associated with being sedentary.

Researchers have been warning us for a long time now that obsessive internet use poses risk of isolation and depression, so even if excessive Internet use does not become an addiction, it could still be harmful.

It’s interesting to note that the Chinese government recognizes Internet addiction and treats it harshly. I’m sure the posh American rehab center is heaven compared with China’s treatment centers for Internet addiction, although the harsh Chinese methods might prove to be far more effective long-term than the gentle American methods.

What do you think? Do you think Internet Addiction exists? Do you know anyone in real life who might be suffering from it? Do you think milder forms of excessive Internet use (which most us professional bloggers are probably guilty of!) can be harmful as well?

Update: A new study says that Internet addiction does exist and is linked to ADHD and depression in teens.

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Internet Addiction Rehab Center

Internet safety has been on my mind a lot ever since I started blogging.

That’s me, last week, in Park Guell, Barcelona.

I just spent three weeks visiting family in Israel, and taking advantage of Israel’s proximity to Europe for a short trip to Barcelona.

I never told you about my vacation. Instead, I said I was going to be busy for a while, and blog less.

I decided to keep my vacation a secret because of this post, that teaches internet safety and says that one should never disclose on the Internet that their house is going to be empty.

It was hard not to share my adventures with you. I do plan to publish a couple of short posts about my vacation – there were a few things that I saw and experienced that sparked some thoughts that I would like to share with you – but I really wanted to tell you about it while it was happening.

I especially wanted to tweet stuff, and held myself back with great difficulty.

What do you think? Was I being too careful?

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Internet Safety

The Google search terms that bring people to your blog can be very revealing. When you publish a personal blog, it’s easy to forget that it is on the internet and all kinds of people have access to it. I think many of us tend to write with our friends in mind – people that are like us, and think like us.

Looking at the Google search terms that bring people over to one’s blog is a sobering reminder that the world is full of all kinds of people, some of whom you would never welcome into your living room, yet they manage to find their way to your blog.

Here’s a look at some of the Google search terms that brought people over to MomGrind during the last few weeks.

These were funny

“A boring husband” – OK, this may be a little sad.
Where they (she?) ended up:
Sexist Vintage Ad: Heinz, 1950

“Can god protect you from lay-offs”
Where they ended up:
Protect Yourself Against a Recession

“Profanity blogs” – I didn’t realize such a blogging niche existed.
Where they ended up:
Profanity In Blogs

“Random things” – yup, I can see how that would bring you over to this blog.
Where they ended up:
Three Random Things

This was sweet

“I will always love you mom“.
Where they ended up:
A Mother’s Unconditional Love

These made me sad

“Make my curvy thighs straight” – oh, honey, I wish you could just be happy with your curvy thighs.
Where she ended up:
Best Swimsuits for Curvy Figures

“Search for love of a lifetime”
Not on Google!
Where they ended up:
Not Sure I Am Ready To Be 37

“How can I protect my family against the recession”
Where they ended up:
Protect Yourself Against a Recession

These made me SICK TO MY STOMACH

“Children sexy girls”
“Sexy girl child”
“Sexy children girl”
“Primaryschool sexy girls”

They all ended up in a post titled “Wealthy Men, Sexy Girls” that dealt with the issue of gold diggers and that I have since decided to delete from this website.

I realize deleting the post doesn’t solve the problem. Those creeps are still out there. Deeply sick, disturbed individuals are out there roaming the streets and living in our neighborhoods and walking next to our kids’ schools and pretending to be normal and we have no way of knowing who they are, unless they are registered sex offenders.

More on keeping our kids safe.

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Google Search Terms

Photo credit: pensiero

Are your online friends as important as your real-life friends?

I used to consider my real-life friends as “real friends,” while my online friends seemed more, well, virtual, and since they were less “real” to me, I didn’t consider them as important.

But this blog, and the relationships I am gradually forming through it, is making me rethink my initial attitude towards online friendships.

What other bloggers are saying about online friends

Anyone who ever doubted that an online community can be a real community and provide people with real support, should read Jenn’s BlogHer post about going through a stillbirth and a miscarriage.

Jenn says: “Today, there are amazing resources to help a Mom go through such a horrible time. Support groups. Online groups. Blogs. Friends you have met through blogging. You can say what you need to and find love and support. I wish I had that 16 years ago.”. Jenn makes an important point: sometimes, especially when you go through a trauma, you find that your real-life support system fails miserably. In a situation like this, finding online friends that have been through the same experience can be a lifesaver.

Zoe makes a similar observation about people who belong to a minority group. Zoe is a lesbian. She started blogging in an attempt to find others that are like her: “I started blogging to find me, and to find a place where I fit in. I started blogging to find other 30 something, long term coupled, RPG playing, video gaming lesbians, with less mainstream taste in movies and music, because in my town they don’t seem to exist.”

Suzie doesn’t feel alone anymore. She writes, “I had discovered that even though I live in a big city I had started to feel really alone… So I started blogging and I met people, all different types of people. I started feeling like I wasn’t so alone anymore.”

Denise values her online friends at least as much as she values local ones. She says: “The internet has helped with that whole friendship thing, for me and my older kids. And, I’ll just be really honest and admit that it’s been a long time since I formed really strong bonds with members of my local community.”

Barbara writes about the power of an online community to transform a life. “Something about that online communication began to “fill her”, not with food, but with a sense of belonging. A sense of value.”

Joel mentions the benefits of participating in an online community. “Becoming a part of the online community isn’t just great because you can ease the feelings of web-worker loneliness and have some laughs, it’s great because it leads to long-lasting relationships and even new opportunities as far as that work-from-home career goes.”

Robin says, “when I began this blogging adventure 3 months ago I didn’t anticipate the feeling of community that has come with it.”

Amy acknowledges the importance of her online community of moms. She says, “through blog posts, comments, emails and tweets, I’ve been fortunate enough to become part of a community of women who truly care about each other.”

Speaking of Twitter

I used to be a BIG skeptic, but Twitter is a great tool for networking and for keeping in touch. In fact, since none of my real-life friends uses Twitter, I sometimes feel more in touch with my Twitter friends than I do with my real-life friends, because my real-life friends and I get together probably once a month or so, and email weekly, but my Twitter friends have a constant presence in my life through their frequent tweets.

Bloggers who meet in real life

In July, I am planning to attend BlogHer Conference ’08 in San Francisco. I am excited to meet face to face with several bloggers whom I have really come to admire over the past few months. The BlogHer Conference illustrates the way in which my “online” life as a blogger for hire blends with “real-life.”

Some bloggers choose to hit the road and meet their readers in person. Bossy chose to do it on a large scale, others quietly find a way to meet online friends, then blog about it in their blogs.

When Robin and I jokingly talked, during a recent discussion, about my readers coming over for a dinner party at my house, I realized that it wasn’t really a joke. I would have been so happy to do that. Just imagine – a group of intelligent people that have strong opinions about anything and everything, yet know each other and share a common respect for each other. Wow. What a dinner party that would be.

The bad news

Since “online” and “real life” are becoming one, the other side of the realness of online support is that online meanness is also very real and has a way of affecting one’s real life. And, since online meanness tends to be unfiltered, it can be even more devastating and cruel than real-life unkindness.

A Final thought: should we ditch the dichotomy?

Maybe we should just stop using the term “real-life friends” as opposed to “online friends.” Isn’t online just as real? Isn’t it part of of our real life? Beth Blecherman points out: “I am a true believer in online social networking for social and career development. I feel that people who don’t have an online presence will miss out the ability to keep in touch with large networks of people online – as well as the “real life” events and invites that are outcomes of those networks.”

I completely agree.

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Related Reading: The Value of Social Networking

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Online Friends: Just as Good as Real-Life Friends?

Online social networking is a fairly new game. Its rules aren’t 100% clear yet. But if you are like me, you spend a significant chunk of your day surfing the web, reading blogs and visiting social networking sites such as Facebook and Twitter.

Instead of looking at time spent on those websites as wasted, you might want to view it as time well spent networking.

If you own a business, the connections that you are creating and maintaining through online social networking will help you generate traffic, sales if you are selling products, and links back to your website.

If you are in the market for a new job, or could be at some future point, these contacts could help you land your dream job.

The following are five tips for making the most out of time spent on online social networking:

1. Personalize. Post a picture and use your profile page to tell others about you and your interests. When you are a person, and not just a link or a generic thumbnail, it is easier for people to relate to you and make contact.

2. Join groups. Groups are a great way to meet new people. Once you have joined a group, be active on that group: post and answer questions, upload photos where appropriate, and in general make yourself a visible part of the group.

3. Visit daily. It is a good idea to maintain a regular presence at the social networking websites you choose to join. You don’t need to spend more than a few minutes each day on each website in order to maintain visibility.

4. Be an extrovert. Regardless of your real-life personality, online social networks are not the places to be shy. Actively look for friends and contacts; extend contact invitations to as many quality people as possible. The larger your network is, the more opportunities it will generate, especially if you don’t sacrifice quality for quantity.

5. Be helpful. If you want others to help you, you should make yourself useful to others. When someone is being helpful, by linking to your site for example, find a way to reciprocate by linking back, by making a comment on their blog or by bookmarking their website in a social bookmarking site such as Stumbleupon.

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Image credit: frankdasilva

Post was inspired by Rayven Perkins of Stay a Stay At Home Mom, where you can find a list of social networking sites that you may want to check out.

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Online Social Networking: How To Make It Work